Do you ever feel like it all couldn’t really have happened?
I look at my sleeping 2 and almost 5 year olds and I can’t rewind the time in my mind and picture them as tiny, screaming newborns.
I know it happened…
- The stretched pregnant belly, the insanely painful delivery and the first terrifying few days…
- The nipple confusion — not the baby’s, but yours — as you tried to figure out how to get your baby’s tiny mouth suctioned on to your enormous lumpy breast…
- Being left on your own for the first time with your baby.
All of it… the crazy-hard, sleep-starved life with a newborn.
Did it really happen? I can’t remember it… I try to pull out memories, put myself back there, feel the experience again… but I can’t.
I watched The Office tonight and laughed as Pam and Jim spent their first night with a newborn. It made me think about my hospital stays after giving birth to Julia and Sophia. But the memories felt so old and like they belonged to a character in a novel that I read 5 years ago.
I’m so happy my girls and I survived their infants days and that life is far easier with preschoolers than newborns. But I crave to remember the sweet smell of my babies and remember the warmth of wearing my tiny infant snuggly wrapped around me.
I guess it’s good that I remember just enough to know I couldn’t do it again. LOL. I can’t believe I survived it twice. Well, I know that “I” did not survive it… My life then was a series of mini-miracles that got me through.
But I worry I didn’t take enough photos. I didn’t record enough videos. I didn’t write down the dates when they first smiled and first sat up.
And I wonder if other mothers can remember more than I do?
Tell me… do you remember it all???
Susan, co-founder of 5 Minutes for Mom.