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*** Monthly Feature Column ***
Positively Speaking
Building Assets in your Kids
Taking Care of Yourself
by Kelly Curtis, M.S. from Pass the Torch
It seems like every spring – as our long Wisconsin winter finally draws to a close – our family gets cranky. We celebrate December, play in January and February, hold our breath through March and then pray for warm weather. So the “almost spring” months are often less than blissful.
When I read the books Parenting Preschoolers with a Purpose
and Parenting Preteens with a Purpose
(giveaways here and here) I discovered all sorts of valuable tips for raising kids. Each book lists dozens of proactive and doable strategies for addressing common issues in children. But perhaps the most important lessons I learned were those related to taking care of myself as a parent.
Research shows that the more Developmental Assets children have, the more likely they’ll resist risky behaviors in the future. A parent demonstrating how to take care of himself or herself, and manage stress and a chaotic family life in a healthy way, can work toward building several assets, particularly Adult Role Models.
Often, in our noble efforts to parent well, we forget to “feed the machine” and that can inevitably lead to breakdown. Authors for both books – Jolene Roehlkepartain and Kate Thomsen – write at length about the importance of caring for yourself as a parent, before caring for your child.
Thomsen writes, “Putting children’s needs first usually makes parents feel good. But when you stop feeling good and start feeling burdened or resentful, there’s a problem. Minimizing care for yourself is not always good for kids.”
Here are a few suggestions:
• Focus on your health – what you consume, how you exercise
• Find sources of support – your spouse, friends, family, counselors, or clergy
• Address what stresses you – communicate and make a plan for change
• Have fun – take breaks, go out for dinner, laugh, or discover joy in a new interest
While you might intuitively know that these practices are healthy, you may not be giving yourself permission to focus your attention inward. But children learn the most by watching you, so if they watch you take care of yourself, they’ll learn how to take care of themselves as well.
Perhaps it’s time we give ourselves that gift. We’ll all be better parents for it. What will you do for yourself today?
Thanks for joining in to build assets in your kids! I look forward to seeing you again next month for Positively Speaking.
Kelly Curtis is a Wisconsin school counselor and author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things. To read more about Kelly, please visit her Weblog, Pass the Torch.
Genny says
Great tips! Thanks!
Merry Mom says
Great tips for mom’s to make some extra cash from home … http://freedollars.wordpress.com/
Merry
Jenny says
great post! You did a great job writing it.
Holly Schwendiman says
You can’t give what you don’t have and if we run out of all the good things inside ourselves by running ragged we’re really doing no favors for anyone. Great post!
Hugs,
Holly
Stephanie says
I absolutely agree! As moms, we need to be sure to take care of ourselves too – to put some time and energy into our marriages, our hobbies, our goals, and our passions. I know that when I take a little extra time and energy for myself – to go for a run or on a date with my husband or out with a friend – I come back feeling relaxed and bring much more to the table as a mom.
Thanks for this great reminder!
Susan (5 Minutes for Mom) says
This is such an issue for me and Janice… we both feel sooooo guilty if we ever take time to relax or do something fun. I’m trying very hard to change this because logically I know that I need to take care of myself.
One thing I have started doing is trying to go swimming at least once a week. I find that swimming is the ideal way for me to exercise as I find it so soothing and relaxing as well as invigorating.
Jennifer, Snapshot says
Great as always, Kelly.
I have to admit that I’m awfully selfish with “my” time. It’s one way that I take care of me so that I can take care of them better.
Alyson says
As a mom who struggles with this constantly, I know just how true this is. For some like me, it takes a real concerted effort to rise above the needs at home and be *~GASP~* selfish, even for a little while. I know my kids and my hubby thank me in the long run but while having to tear myself away, they really do not make it easy. Thank heavens for places like this that remind me of the importance and that support and even encourage it. Thank you!!
nfmn79 says
I couldn’t agree more! As a new mom, I’m finding it’s so hard to balance caring for myself with caring for my family but I’m learning that if I don’t take care of me, I can’t take care of them. That’s one of the reasons I created Notes From My Nest…to provide refreshment, encouragement and resources for other new moms. I’ll be hosting my first “giveaway” within a week or so and currently have a great offer from Bubble & Bee for new moms who need some pampering. Visit me at http://notesfrommynest.blogspot.com