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Okay – I messed up! And I know that most of you moms probably wouldn’t have made this mistake. But I am a wimp. A softie. A fool!
So this is what I did. (Please don’t judge me too strongly!)
At our neighborhood video store, they are selling off their old VHS cassettes for a couple dollars each. They usually rent them for a dollar, but now they are just clearing them all out.
So the other day, for a reward for good behavior, I let Jackson buy their last few Spiderman cartoon movies. I thought it couldn’t do too much harm. I remember watching Spiderman on TV when I was a kid.
But these are the “new” animated series, complete with barely dressed girls in tight midriff t-shirts, tons of guns, bad attitudes and they even say “da– -it!” (And I don’t mean “darn.”) When I heard that, I told Jackson that he shouldn’t be watching it – they are cursing. Jackson said, “I was wondering what that meant…”
I tried to explain to him that Mommy was wrong to buy the movies for him before I had looked at them myself. There was too much violence, guns and bad language. “There is too much killing!”
“Mom! Killing is what Spiderman is all about! He has to kill the bad guys.”
“Well he should be taking them to the police, not killing them,” I lamely reply. Boy do I sound like some out of touch mother! “We are going to take a break from these movies Jackson. I shouldn’t have let you buy them. I made a mistake.”
So now what do I do? Throw them out? Jackson loves action – Star Wars, superheroes, Pokemon, etc. I did buy him some Bibleman videos and he liked them. But of course, he wants to see the other stuff too.
Is it just my fading memory or was Spiderman more tame in our day? Should I look and see if I can find some of those original cartoons?
What do I do about the fact that my son desperately wants to watch action cartoons? The violence can’t be good for their young minds! What do you do with your boys?
Loretta says
I know I’m a little late in the convo here, but I wanted to join in on this one. I try to moderate the violence my boys get to see. Spiderman is a favorite for all of us, me, hubby, and the kids. Never to old for Spiderman 😉
Yes, theres a tad more violence in the “new” Spidey shows, but I think thats due to the world in general being more violent. When we were kids there weren’t planes crashing through buildings on purpose and most of us felt safe playing in our own backyards. The world changed and Spidey had to adapt to new kinds of bad guys.
I think the important part for the kids to understand is Spidey is out to STOP the bad guy, not necessarily kill the bad guy, but STOP him. And that good ole’ Spidey never, ever provokes or starts a fight, he only ends them and hopefully with as little injury as possible. He does still just trap the occassional bad guy in his super strong webbing until the cops arrive. Not all the bad guys die.
Erica says
oh one more thing…apparently you can find some full episodes of the 80’s spiderman and his amazing friends cartoon on youtube. That way you can watch them and see what they are like
Erica says
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Erica says
That is so sad that they incorporate so much older stuff now into kid’s cartoons. I think the 80’s was much different. And I think you could possibly find the cartoons from the 80’s. Good to know. I almost rented a Spider-Man cartoon to have the day care kids watch for a special Friday treat. They all love Spider Man. So, I am glad to know this.
Jenny says
I don’t think it’s a bad thing. I’d let my son have them. As long as he isn’t imitating what he sees and isn’t playing with toy weapons I really could care less what he sees. xD
(Now I’M a bad mommy LOL)
Ann says
My 4.75 yo boy has turned every stick in our yard into a weapon–somehow defending their turf is in their blood.
Have you tried the Bibleman videos? We just got some from a friend and have only watched one, but they seem to have the action Henry craves yet contains a Biblical message.
Melody says
Oh, I hear you on this one. But I too keep telling my kids that Spiderman doesn’t kill bad guys. In fact even in the new movies, I don’t think he ever kills anyone. Sometimes a bad guy will fall off a building or something, but Spiderman never deliberately kills anyone.
I don’t let my kids have the new comics either because of the dress. I would say to get rid of the videos too. There are lots of good superhero cartoons and things on Boomerang and such that are from BEFORE cartoonists decided to save time by drawing less clothing! And there was a lot more “working with the police” rather than the whole vigilante thing they’ve got going now.
De says
I didn’t read all the thoughts on this but I thought I’d mention Rescue Heroes. They are heroes that are policemen, firemen, etc. They all have a good message and action. My son loves them. This is something he can actually grow up to become. Just a thought.
Blessings,
De
Stacey says
I had three daughters, and when we found out our fourth was a boy, I smugly thought to myself, “I’m a veteran at this, a boy will be no different than the girls!” HA – was I wrong!!
It’s difficult, but we’ve had to make some compromises on the level of agression we’re willing to allow into his play and into his entertainment. We do not own any toy guns or swords, but he does have one light saber. We don’t watch MOST of the cartoons on TV, but he does love Pokemon and Harry Potter. Somehow it’s easier for me to swallow him casting “spells” with his “wand” (a whittled stick) than shooting up the bad guys. And battling his grass Pokemon with his sister’s water Pokemon is better to me than him karate-chopping the villians.
I’ve managed to steer clear of the black-and-white “boys will be boys” attitude, but my son is like yours – he digs the high action stuff. So we try to find a happy medium, but yes, it’s tough.
Best of luck to you!!!
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oh amanda says
I didn’t get to read all the comments, but I just wanted to say ugh! I hate that you had to go thru that. I know he’s young but it would it be possible to make a “joint” decision about keeping them—you know talk thru how God wants us to speak (focusing on that cussing thing) and would he want us to watch these? He might be the one who wants to dump them!
And I second Angel Wars, they are way cool.
Ruth says
your post reminded me of when i was in grade one. i went up to my teacher and said, ” i don’t believe in cartoons” and she said, “Why?” and i replied, “because they make people do things that only God can do’
God bless you with wisdom and courage.
Sallie says
We all do it. This is what you tell Jackson. Mom’s make mistakes too! You take them away and throw them in the trash (you don’t want to sell them or give them away for another little one to see). You tell Jackson that you are doing what you can to correct your mistake and that you are sorry for letting him see those movies and put those images in his mind. Ask him to forgive you.. Trust me, it makes a difference!! God bless!!
Michelle Potter says
I’d suggest replacing that DVD with the new The Dangerous Book for Boys. Despite the word “Dangerous” in the title, it’s more channeling that little boy rambunctiousness into healthier forms. It’s got stories about real heros little boys can look up to, like the men who fought at the Alamo, and real activities little boys can do rather than watch TV.
Little boys are going to be interested in guns and getting the bad guys and such no matter what moms think. That’s why I think it’s important to steer them towards REAL good guys who aren’t tainted by a need to sell their story with sex & gore.
kailani says
I think that the bottom line is that you are the parent and knows what’s best for your son. If you feel he shouldn’t be watching that video, then don’t let him. He’ll get over it soon enough.
You’re a great Mom!
Kristen says
The bottom line….you are a great mom! Just the mere fact that you would even take the time to concern yourself with the language that you son is listening too proves that! Don’t be so hard on yourself. At least you’re around to know what he is watching and reading. Some parents, unfortunately, expect the TV to raise their kids.
Susanne says
Everyone one of us has had these mistakes. It does not mean you are a bad mommy, far from it. It is a perfect learning opportunity for Jackson to see that sometimes we find ourselves observing something in what we thought might have been a good show. My kids grew up with us shutting off movies in the middle of them. We have even walked out of a theatre with them. They learned it was more important to walk out or shut it down than to go ahead and sit through something they shouldn’t be. It paid off when my daughter was about 15 and found herself in what looked like a harmless movie only to be totally convicted for what was going on on the screen. She convinced her friend to leave. I was extremely proud of her.
Lari says
We’ve all done that! I saw the Justice League was on and switched over…WOW! Needless to say we won’t be watching that. If he’s really into Spiderman and such, look for the old series on DVD from 60’s and 70’s. They’re much tamer although some of the bad guys are yucky looking. I have 3 boys and it can be a hard balancing act.
Nina says
Sounds like all the other moms have about covered the bases . . . . but I do know, as an “older” mom, and wish I would have had someone tell me years ago, that kids will get over it! If he is unhappy for a while, well that’s just life. But in the end, you will know that you have done your job of protecting your child and giving him the safety and structure that he needs to grow up making wise choices on his own. Good job, mom! Nina
ChupieandJsmama says
I bought one too. I didn’t know how nasty they were until we watched it. I stashed it somewhere only to be brought out again when they hit 16 (maybe 18. Who knew they were this bad?). Find another action one to get him.
Busy Mom says
We found a dollar DVD (at Target, I think) of some old Super Man movies, and, my 5 year old loves them.
Brooke says
Sounds like you have a pretty level headed kid. Explain that you made a mistake and say you’ll replace those videos with something better. He may not like it at first, but kids bounce back quickly. Just pick up some of the old spider-man videos from way back when when spidey didn’t kill people(and woman didn’t bare all). We have several of the old videos that my son just loves to watch with his dad. I also agree that the new movie(Spider-Man 3) points out that Spider-man doesn’t kill the bad guys. Boys love super heroes..what can you do? And we’ve all been where you’ve been with this type of situation…live and learn…right.
Janice says
I LOVE you ladies! It is soooo helpful to read your thoughts and opinions! THANKS!!!
Carrie says
If you do stick with taking them away, I would suggest refunding the money to him that you let him spend on them, so that he can buy something else.
This way a double lesson is learned – if something doesn’t turn out to be what you expected it to be, you can get a refund. (The premise here being that Spidey was still the “same” Spidey we knew and loved.)
That being said, my issue with the videos wouldn’t be the killing, it would be the cussing. Kids know when they’re watching cartoons and that it’s not real-life. However, the cussing is something they’d try to emulate, even if they were just pretending to kill each other in the back yard. (Which boys will do regardless of what you let them watch. They could watch Dora for 78 hours straight and still come out of it wanting to go in the backyard and shoot each other.)
“Action” in and of itself isn’t bad. You’re not raising a snail who needs to take it easy, you’re raising an energy-filled boy! Who has it in his biology that he is the hunter-gatherer and is supposed to fight things, be the hero, and look studly for the ladies. No matter how hard society tries to metrosexualize our boys, their DNA will win out. Celebrate it whenever possible – but do draw lines where YOU aren’t comfortable. In the end, it’s up to you. Keep in mind though that forbidden things become forbidden fruit, so pick your battles carefully.
tanyetta says
i honestly think your son knows right from wrong and he clearly understands the difference between reality and fantasy.
if he were my son’s age then yes, i would NOT allow him to watch the movie but, your son is very mature(from what i’ve read of him) and i’m sure he will NOT lose sleep if you keep the movies on a limit of once a week or once a month.
ok i’m no help either because my husband bought my son a toy gun and i am still upset over it. so is it fair to say, i’ll send you hugs and i know you’ll make the right choice. 🙂
chris says
Obviously only you can answer this for your house and family. I know that in the beginning I had the best of intentions on not letting Alex watch violent cartoons and the like, and we do still control much of what he is exposed to, but overall I think completely taking that exposure away is unrealistic. The best you can do is limit how much, what kind and most importantly sit and watch it with them and discuss better options to solve the problem and make it clear that it’s fiction not real. I recently read in a blog (srry I can’t remember where) someone make the comment that no matter what little boys will find a way to make objects into guns and I believe that’s true.
As for when we were kids, if you ever want to see how violent shows were…turn on cartoon network when they are replaying cartoons from our youth. The kids very rarely get to watch reruns of ‘our’ cartoons on that channel. I know it sounds silly but it’s shocking how violent they really are/were. We don’t have many anvils and the like laying around, but I’m worried they may come up with the idea of dropping a microwave on their siblings head!
I was a very protected child and I know that because those things were so taboo it made them all the more appealing. Then I would see it somewhere else (sex, violence, etc.) and have to form my own opinions and not mention it to my parents. I believe that exposing my kids to some of it and then talking with them about it opened lines of communication and helped me mold what impression it left on them instead of encouraging that type of behavior or secrecy 😀
Becca says
I would get rid of the videos or offer a replacement alternative. We are honestly very picky about what our DS watches and the types of toys he plays with. We vetoed all Power Rangers, RugRats and other similar series very early on. We even raised issues with our health club for showing SpongeBob to children under five. It’s important to stand your ground. Just because something is “popular” with kids doesn’t mean it lives up to your parenting standards. In 10-15 years, some of these cartoons will just be pop culture trivia questions, but your efforts and convictions as a parent will leave your mark on your children forever.
Comfy Denim says
My boys watch action cartoons. It’s in a boy’s nature to be active – it’s in their nature to be conquerors. I do believe that I am to be the Gatekeeper of the house though. So everything must be pre-approved by me (& Daddy). We have a love for Bible Man. We also love AngelWars. Back in the ’90’s there were two cartoons that I remember watching. Batman: The animated Adventures and Superman (but I can’t find the DVD box to tell you of the subtitle. They were both put out by Warner Bros.
I’ve read the book “Wild At Heart” by Eldredge – and it gave me a great understanding of my boys conquering spirits. I can’t wait to show them swashbuckling films. 🙂
There are good alternatives to the newer, and harsher cartoons. (I haven’t gotten over the new revamped Bugs).
We also discovered on the WB another Batman called “The Batman” (It has Robin & Batgirl). There’s also going to be a new Justice League. Oh, that reminds me. We rented from the Library a VHS of a very old cartoon “Justice League”. That’s an option. The older cartoons – though my dad would warn you that they weren’t made for children, either. (Popeye actually was saying things when he was mumbling, for instance)
I hope this helps because, to be honest, I haven’t found very many good action movies put out by Christian groups other than BibleMan and ANgelWars (Which has a cool website, too).
BLessings!
Krissy says
Get rid of the videos. It’s not worth the battle they’ll cause! You have every right to insist on better cartoons for his viewing and hopefully when he is a parent he’ll thank you for it! There are other solutions out there and even though he LIKES action, it doesn’t mean he NEEDS to see it on TV. A fast-moving computer game might be a good alternative. Otherwise, outside, outside, outside!
jen says
Remain strong in your conviction
Even though Jackson might want to watch those other movies you brought your the boss
And you’ve said no
Yesterday at church we were told that sometimes God says no to us He still loves us and hes protecting us from something that’s not good for us
And they compared it to parents
We may say no we still love our children but we are protecting them
As a side note God wants us to bring up our kids the very best way we can He is pleased you made this decision
What about David and Goliath there is action for you and there’s bound to more bible action heroes you could see if you could videos/DVDs of for Jackson
Jennifer says
We had this same experience with scobby doo. Now the villians actually kill people. We just plain vetoed all Scooby Doos in our house. We don’t support that franchise. I would probably research some good alternatives, make a list for him to choose from and then replace the videos–even if the replacements are more money than the discount spidey ones that are inappropriate.
Karmyn R says
That’s a tough call – and it is difficult these days –
especially considering that Spiderman III toys are at Burger King and all over breakfast cereal. I mean – what’s a movie that is rated PG-13 doing advertising to small children???
I guess the best thing to do is stand your ground. If you take them away, sure he’ll be mad – but consider what is at stake…..him being mad at you for a little while OR you regretting him watching that crap.
Adventures In Babywearing says
Oh gosh, you’re doing the right thing. And ACTUALLY I just saw the new SpiderMan 3 and in it they discuss that Spiderman doesn’t KILL. I don’t think he really kills the bad guys- he just captures them and then they go to jail? (Maybe you can make that an explanation!)
Anyway, my older boys are 4 & 6 and hubby has let them watch the old Star Wars movies. They really like the light sabers & stuff and it isn’t bloody or TOO violent, but it also might be personal preference by you & hubby.
Steph
Jennifer, Snapshot says
I don’t think that you blew it at all. You made the hard choice, which was also the right choice, by taking the movies away. Yes, I would just toss them. In the future, maybe preview a new show for a few minutes before letting him watch it. I would think that the old movies are much tamer, and I’m sure you could find them.
Jil says
Don’t be too hard on yourself. It’s an easy mistake to make. And I think talking to Jackson about your reasoning was a great move!
What about getting him a replacement video? Something with some action, but not so much violence. The Boy loves Diego, but that might be too tame for Jackson since he’s older. Some of the other moms, with older boys, might be a bigger help than me on recommendations.
Kathleen says
Yeah, I made that mistake once too. The old spidey was way better, still a bit violent what with all the rhinos (my favourite episode) but at least the bad guys go to jail rather than being killed.
kelli says
Been there Janice. Blown it, too 🙂
He was tamer in our day. everything was. Although I think “my” day was abit before “your day” LOL.
Maybe find some of the orignal Spidey on ebay or something.
I think your honesty with him was the best course of action. I’ve had to swallow it up a few times like that too.
And frankly, you can’t go wrong with the old SuperChicken and Fred 🙂
Bawk! Bawk!