The Sampler – Confessions of A Mom

by Guest

sampler-main-180-pix.jpg5 Minutes for Mom brings you exclusive samplings from the best mom blogs in our weekly column, The Sampler, hosted by 5 Minutes for Mom contributing editor Shera, from A Frog In My Soup.

Meet Jamie, a mom of one who has been married to a great man for six years. She loves blogging about her family’s journey of living simply and shares the ideas that work for them. “I get very excited about things I learn or about the things we strive to do – so blogging is a great way to share the passion!” Jamie blogs at Baby Get Green.

Confessions of A Mom

It amazes me how quickly we can relate with one another as moms. I read blogs, written by women I’ve never met, and start crying because they’ve lost a child, had a child, took a child to school for the first time. It’s astonishing how I can empathize with someone who I’ve never met.

On the other hand, it is sad how quickly we can judge other moms. I’ve been thinking for a while now how mothering can often become about what so-and-so is doing, what we ought to do, or the latest parenting technique. We can easily end up feeling judged, inadequate, and unsure of ourselves. Even though there seems to be this ongoing struggle to live up to our own and others expectations of being a mom, I think there are ways to be at peace with where we are at and what our family currently looks like, thus, bringing simplicity to our homes and peace to our souls.

This past summer I started thinking about how great it would be if moms knew how they fit into life – work, family, kids, friends – and then did just that, whatever it may be, without guilt. As I talked with friends and other moms I started to realize the guilt that so easily creeps in. “I should be spending more time with my child, I should play with them more each day, I should want to stay home, I should want to work, I feel bad I need to get stuff done around the house…”.

After maternity leave with our daughter, I went back to work part time for about six weeks, leaving our daughter with my husband and sister (at varying times). The schedule stressed me out, I always felt rushed, I came home as soon as there was any problem and I realized that, after all the random expenses, I wasn’t bringing home that much money anyway. My husband and I decided it was better for me and our family that I stay home.

At the same time, I wanted to do something and not just be home full time. In the process (which of course is still happening), I am now working part time and I can bring our daughter with me. I also work on things that are of interest to me as she naps or during the late night hours. I hope more and more to find what’s best for us, knowing that as our family grows, and life continues to take shape with new opportunities, our family’s needs and roles will continue to change over and over again. Change is inevitable.

So, how do we know what’s right and what’s not for us? How do we not compare with the mom down the road, in our playgroup, at work, in church?

My conclusion is that we really have to spend time thinking about our home and our family. What are my priorities? What does my child need? What do I need? What does my partner in life and parenting think?

Ultimately, for our family, we prayed and asked God to reveal opportunities and give desires for the things that would be best for our family. That is what I believe peace is – seeking and doing what God is asking us to do and not worrying about what everyone else is doing. There is so much more to consider as I process this subject, but I’m thankful for the few conclusions I’ve come to and the peace that is currently in our home.

~Written by Jamie of Baby Get Green.

If you would like to be considered for The Sampler please review The Sampler Guidelines.

This column is Hosted by Shera. She can be found at A Frog In My Soup



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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Lisa October 10, 2008 at 2:39 am

Nice post! It’s easy to fall into comparisons, but I agree that you just need to ask God to direct you to what’s right for your family and follow it.

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2 Tara October 10, 2008 at 3:14 am

You nailed it! This is exactly why I enjoy blogging as much as I do. There are so many people out there who understand what I’m going through. And there are so many people out there who teach me their perspectives and life lessons. I just can’t get enough of it!

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3 Courtney October 10, 2008 at 9:29 am

I so love this post. I think we all spend to much time compairing and we dont realize that noone is perfect. None of us have all the answers. We need these other mothers that could possibly give us answers to questions that we cannot find ourselves. We also spend way to much time judging. We need to look inside and see that, once again, none of us our perfect. Thanks for this post.

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4 Sherry October 10, 2008 at 9:41 am

This is so timely for me. Thank you so much for sharing. I should be comparing myself to Jesus not others.

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5 RefreshMom October 10, 2008 at 11:34 am

Thanks for the great post! I completely agree. The very best thing I’ve done for myself as a parent and a person is to follow what God has told me I need to be doing. I’ve gotten some criticism from other quarters for not ‘showing up enough’ at certain types of events, but I can’t worry about that. And I’m completely aware that God has different paths and different plans for each of us. So seeing what He has in store for someone else shouldn’t make me jealous, nor judgemental.

If more people shared your perspective it could bring an end to the “Mommy Wars” altogether!

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6 susieshomemade October 10, 2008 at 12:57 pm

I think moms are so judgemental of one another because it is the hardest job on earth. You try thing after thing after thing to get your life to work. When you figure it out (if you figure it out), you think it is the ONLY way that things can possibly be done. That’s what I think.

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7 Jamie October 10, 2008 at 1:49 pm

I love how we all want to be less judgmental and stop comparing! I think what susieshomemade shared is an interesting point. It is hard, and when you find what works best for your family – you do feel that it is THE best :). Good thoughts. I’m striving to give grace to myself and grace to others!

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8 BlapherMJ October 10, 2008 at 2:58 pm

One of the big reasons I love blogging is all the wonderful people I get to connect with! Great post!

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9 Becoming Me October 10, 2008 at 8:53 pm

Excellent post…and it is so nice to “meet” you!

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