Julia’s separation anxiety is starting to ease…

by Susan

It is getting better.

Julia’s extreme preschool separation anxiety is easing.

Each class she cries less and less. During her last class she only cried for a few minutes when I left and she only asked the teacher once to look through the window to see me.

Her sincere sadness at the start of class still tears holes in my heart, but they are quickly repaired as I peek through the window and see her painting and playing with her friends.

I don’t mind my hard seat on the hallway floor, it gives me time to write and to overhear my daughter growing up.

Here’s my view peering through the tiny opening in the classroom door’s window…

Peeking through preschool window at Julia

UPDATE: Silly me… I should have explained the various techniques that I used to help Julia improve her separation anxiety.

The suggestions in the comments of my previous post were soooo valuable.

I did buy the book “The Kissing Hand”!!! And it is fantastic… I think it really helped.

And the first day back after I wrote that post, when she was really upset, I followed another suggestion which was to give her something of mine to hold on to. It really worked. I only did it that once, but that day it was really helpful… since then I’ve just done the Kissing Hand and it seems to be enough.

The main thing has been me reassuring her that I am just sitting out in the hall and when she gets upset the teacher lifts her up to see me through the window. We sign “I love you” to each other.

The first couple of days she was continually asking the teacher to see Mommy through the window, but then it went to almost not at all and then just once.

Thank you so much to all of you who commented and shared your ideas and experiences on my earlier post. I really appreciate it!!!



Email Author    |    Website About Susan

Susan Carraretto and her identical twin, Janice Croze, created 5 Minutes for Mom in 2006. Susan loves all social media, but her top addiction these days is Pinterest. She recently published a children's book titled "The Pest Detectives" which you can download now in digital format for free.

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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

1 chupieandjsmama October 14, 2008 at 8:20 pm

I’m glad it’s starting to ease up. This is about the time last year that Jason started to realize that it was OK to stay at school and his screaming started to lessen. I still walk by the couch I sat on for 2 months and it feels like an old friend;) You are doing the right thing. And she will adjust and sitting on the floor will be a distant memory. She’s lucky to have a very supportive Mommy such as you. Hugs to you both!

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2 Mom24 October 14, 2008 at 8:27 pm

I am so glad for you. I can imagine what a load off your shoulders it is.

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3 SarahHub October 14, 2008 at 8:35 pm

Oh, Susan! I am so happy for you! And of course, for Julia! What a good mommy you are!

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4 Candace October 14, 2008 at 10:14 pm

That is great! I am so glad she is getting used to pre-school. I went through the same thing with my son and we are officially cry free at drop off.

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5 Rachel Tramontana October 14, 2008 at 10:20 pm

Hey Susan,

What did you do (or have you been doing) to help with the situation?

Just curious. Did you ever find The Kissing Hand?

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6 casual friday everyday October 14, 2008 at 10:27 pm

I can relate. My son was the same way until this year. And it hurt me to the core. Hugs to you and Julia!

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7 Michelle October 14, 2008 at 10:53 pm

Hi Susan it’s hard when they’re leaving Mum .She looks so cute with her dress and lovely red hair..

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8 Susan October 14, 2008 at 11:23 pm

Thank you all so much for your comments.

Yes, I did buy the book “The Kissing Hand”!!! And it is fantastic… I think it really helped.

And one day when she was really upset, I followed another suggestion which was to give her something of mine to hold on to. It really worked. I only did it that once, but that day it was really helpful… since then I’ve just done the Kissing Hand and it seems to be enough.

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9 Rachel Tramontana October 14, 2008 at 11:40 pm

Susan, that’s great! Funny enough, they’ve read “The Kissing Hand” in my son’s pre-school class a couple times and every time he comes home he is excited about that. Every other time I ask what he’s done, he says “nuffin’” …lol…but if they’ve read the Kissing Hand he tells me. Tonight he was calling me Chester Mommy, He’s Chester Zach, his sisters are Chester Addison and Chester Avery and of course there’s Chester Daddy. Funny what kids say!

Glad she’s getting the hang of it! Pretty soon you’ll have cry-free drop offs too! :) She’s a cutie too, by the way! Forgot to mention that before!!

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10 Cascia October 14, 2008 at 11:43 pm

Good to hear that everything is going better for you and Julia. Fortunately separation anxiety is something that most children outgrow. Keep up the good work Mom!

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11 Laura October 14, 2008 at 11:46 pm

So happy she is doing better : )

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12 Maddy October 14, 2008 at 11:52 pm

It’s heartbreaking to experience and we never think that we’ll survive, nor them, but every days we take tiny little steps in the right direction.
BEst wishes

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13 Netta October 15, 2008 at 12:22 am

As my kids grow up I understand more & more why my Mom is so sad that we live 30-some hours apart.

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14 Pamela October 15, 2008 at 6:26 am

How about a reward for NOT crying at all? My daughter at 3 cried every day when I left her a day care, and finally I said “If you don’t cry any more for the rest of the year we can go to the toy store and you can choose something you want”. The crying stopped completelywithout any sense that she was hiding her fears or anxiety, and when we DID go for her choice of anything at the store, she chose a simple inexpensive thing. I concluded that the crying must have been a habit, or that she thought we expected her to cry.

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15 Ashley - The Adventures of Supermom October 15, 2008 at 9:21 am

That is great that things are getting better! Things are a lot better with my daughter as well. She practically pushes me out her classroom door now.

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16 joyce October 15, 2008 at 1:34 pm

I’m so glad she’s doing so well! You’re one great mommy.

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