Has anyone ever said this to you in an accusing way?
“You’ve changed. You’re not the person you were.”
If someone has said those words in a hurtful way and intended to cut you up and tear you down, it likely did hurt.
But there are all types of change and I think most of it is for the best. The trouble is that change usually hurts for a while and it might not be welcomed by everyone affected.
So if you can hear the echo of someone accusing you of “changing” or if you’re scared to make a bold move because you’re afraid of the rippling impact of your change, please hear my voice loudly cheering you onward…
CHANGE IS GOOD!
You don’t need to be the little girl you once were or the young woman starting her adult life or even the woman you were yesterday. You’ve grown and changed and you’re better for it. You might not always feel better… but you are. Your experiences – each one – serve profound purposes.
I saw this pin the other day saying “Don’t look back, you’re not going that way.”
So if you ever hear an unsupportive voice accusing, “You’ve changed. You’re not the person you were.”
Let your response be, “You’re right. Thank you. I have changed. Thank God for change. I hope I am changing everyday.”
Written by Susan Carraretto, co-founder of
this Mom Blog, 5 Minutes for Mom.
Talk with me: @5minutesformom and Facebook.com/5minutesformom
Pin with me at http://pinterest.com/5minutesformom/
{Melinda} Sometimes it can be our kids saying this to us. As we grow and change, we realize certain things that we aren’t doing effectively in our parenting. And as hard as it is for us to change our ways, it’s even harder for our kids to accept our new ways of doing things. They’re comfortable with the status quo, especially if the change means new or different family rules. But if we know it to be right, we can’t let those voices (even the ones we love so much) discourage us.
Thanks for this post! I needed this today!
Beautiful! Thank you for sharing that quote. I absolutely needed to hear that today!
So true, Susan. Change is good, and I’m all for it. I think when people say this in a not-so-good way, what they’re also saying is “our relationship has changed” and they don’t really understand why.
YES… you’re so right… it is often that the relationship has changed. Bang on. Thank you for sharing that insight.
I had a friend say that to me after I had my first child & she came to visit from out-of-state. Even though her comment stung, now I’m glad that she said it because it caused me to reflect on how I was changing as a new mom more than I otherwise would have.
We change sooooo much when we become moms. It’s hard to even imagine beforehand how much we’ll change.
Change is hard. Even when it is necessary. So important, though, to recognize how healthy change can be.
Thank you, for over the past year I have been making changes in my life. Slowly but surely and I like the changes, sometimes I wish they were faster but maybe this is the pace I’m suppose to do it at. I hear constantly “Well you’ve changed. I don’t like it.” or “Why can’t you change for the better?” Or even “I liked you the way you were.” I say as long as the changes are to benefit you oh well with what everyone thinks. Sometimes only you know what will work in the end. I keep seeing that same pin and have refused to touch it because when I post certain things I get slammed. I agree with the pin though. Thank you for letting me air some of this out.
Good for you for pushing through with your positive changes. You’re right that ultimately we have to trust ourselves with what we know will work for us.
By the way… if you’re curious what prompted this post and if anyone recently said this to me, the answer is “No, nothing just happened and nobody just said that to me.”
I was inspired to write this post after reading a friend’s blog where she was talking about how she’s changed and worried that she’s lost part of herself.
In this post, I am reflecting back on my own changes and yes I have had a couple people say those words to me in years gone by.
My mom said this to me not long ago. It was because I told her I was no longer into dolphins. She was upset that I didn’t like the gold dolphin hoop earrings she’d gotten me for Christmas.
I was into dolphins in high school. I am now 35.
My dad got upset that I quit writing a children’s story I was writing in high school. I write still, just not that and if I were to write a story it wouldn’t be a children’s book right now. I think we all just hit things in our life that change our tastes.