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5 Minutes for Books — Trading Places

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Husband-and-wife counseling team and co-creators of the eHarmony marriage program Les and Leslie Parrott urge their readers to try Trading Places. Trading Places is all about empathy. They claim that if we truly emphasize with the other person–imagine what they are feeling and why–that there will be less conflict, less yelling, and more happiness.

Leslie shared a story with which I could relate all too well to demonstrate the power of responding empathetically. I’ll share my parallel story with you. Actually, in thinking about how to share it, I realize (sadly) that I have several stories that are completely similar, but I’ll stick with one.

I was driving towards home along one of our narrow country lanes, and–BAM–my side view mirror slammed to the side. I pulled over quickly and realized that I must have hit a mailbox or something. I didn’t seem to have damaged any property–except for my mirror. In the age of computer sensors and auto-adjust and defogging, those things are pretty expensive. I was immediately filled with regret for my careless error and dread about breaking the news to Terry.

In the end I called him up right away. I couldn’t wait until he got home, because I was so worried about it. I called the dealer and found out how much our repair costs would be (and it actually wasn’t as high as I thought it would be). When I called him, I apologized and presented the facts, and waited to see how he would react.

He showed empathy (and a heaping measure of mercy and grace) in his response. He understood that although I was careless, it was just a mistake–a mistake that I did feel sorry about. But in analyzing it, I realize that I showed empathy in my attitude as well. I understood that my careless error would cost us money. I understood that he had a right to be upset with me about it (I sometimes feel like the teenager in these situations). Because I ptrading-places.jpgortrayed the humility and regret I was feeling when I told him about it, his response mirrored that emotion.

Living out this situation (and several others throughout our fifteen years of marriage) has shown me the importance of making this effort to know and understand one another in this way.

The book has a wonderful format. First there’s a walk-through of how the material will be presented, which is great for those of us who want to know what’s coming and what will be expected of us. The information is presented in an easily digestible, conversational tone. The appendix has some great words to use (or avoid) when expressing yourself, and also some additional help for those with special needs: trading places when your spouse doesn’t want to, and a special message for those who have been burned.

If you would be interested in looking at your spouse in a new way (or encouraging a fresh look from him towards you), you can enter to win one of 5 copies of Trading Places by leaving a comment. The winners will be announced next week.

To see what others’ had to say about the book and to watch a little video clip of the Parrotts, check out the Zondervan Blog Trading Places Blog Tour post.

The winner of last week’s book, The Joyous Gift of Grandparenting, is #78 Helen.

Reader Interactions


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109 Comments

  9. I’ve heard GREAT things about these authors…..please add me! Thank you this one sounds super!!! 🙂

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  11. I love these authors, and love the idea for this book! I’d greatly benefit from some encouragement on “trading places” with my sweet husband. He is much more empathetic than I am…

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  13. I am interested in seeing my husband from his view. this would surely help our relationship. He has told me that he is more superficial than I think.

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  18. I guess alot of times we don`t think about our partners problems and tasks. This would be a great book for me and my husband. Hope I can win it.

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  19. I would love to read Trading Places. This looks like a book for anyone who has ever thought that their partner just does not get it. I can’t wait to read it…no offense to my husband.

    -Inventing Matida

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  28. I love to read (when I can get a spare minute) and usually do it when I am waiting in the car pickup line for the kids to get out of school. I would love to win this because I should at least have a little more time during the summer to read.

    Reply

  41. This book would be of great use at this point in my marriage; I feel soooooooooooooo unappreciated!

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  44. One of the constant goals in marriage is to work on understanding one another, and this would definitely help 🙂

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  47. WOW I definately would like to read this! Very intriguing! Thanks for the great find and review!

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  51. I know my hubby and I could benefit from this book. The anecedote you shared sounds very familiar. Thanks for sharing your review!

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  52. It is always a good idea to try and see things from alternative points of view. I think this book would be an interesting read

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  53. I would love to read this book. Need to be constantly reminded to be humble and think of others. Thanks!

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  55. This looks v-e-r-y interesting. Imagine if we could trade places with everyone we meet for just a few minutes. Life would be so different!

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  65. I would love to win one of these! I’m off to my library’s site to see if they have it yet! (probably not)
    Thanks!

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  69. Hi, Our 22nd anniversary is at the end of this month!
    For awhile now, I have been telling him that I don’t like his approach to certain happenings anymore. Then, I realized I was partially to blame. We would use this book as a helping tool. Please enter us in your drawing. Much appreciated…..Cindi

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  72. This would be wonderful! I think every marriage could certainly use this type of advice/encouragement!

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  74. Empathy is exactly what my husband and I needed for each other this last weekend. This book would help!

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  81. I read the Parrott’s Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts and it was great. Count me in for this one.

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  88. Oh yes I think me and my husband would greatly benefit from this book.
    I love their other books.
    M.

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  105. Oh boy, would I love to read this book! Thanks for the opportunity to win a copy!

    Reply