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5 Minutes for Books — Trading Places

May 19, 2008 by Jennifer Donovan

This post may contain affiliate links. Read my disclosure policy here.

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Husband-and-wife counseling team and co-creators of the eHarmony marriage program Les and Leslie Parrott urge their readers to try Trading Places. Trading Places is all about empathy. They claim that if we truly emphasize with the other person–imagine what they are feeling and why–that there will be less conflict, less yelling, and more happiness.

Leslie shared a story with which I could relate all too well to demonstrate the power of responding empathetically. I’ll share my parallel story with you. Actually, in thinking about how to share it, I realize (sadly) that I have several stories that are completely similar, but I’ll stick with one.

I was driving towards home along one of our narrow country lanes, and–BAM–my side view mirror slammed to the side. I pulled over quickly and realized that I must have hit a mailbox or something. I didn’t seem to have damaged any property–except for my mirror. In the age of computer sensors and auto-adjust and defogging, those things are pretty expensive. I was immediately filled with regret for my careless error and dread about breaking the news to Terry.

In the end I called him up right away. I couldn’t wait until he got home, because I was so worried about it. I called the dealer and found out how much our repair costs would be (and it actually wasn’t as high as I thought it would be). When I called him, I apologized and presented the facts, and waited to see how he would react.

He showed empathy (and a heaping measure of mercy and grace) in his response. He understood that although I was careless, it was just a mistake–a mistake that I did feel sorry about. But in analyzing it, I realize that I showed empathy in my attitude as well. I understood that my careless error would cost us money. I understood that he had a right to be upset with me about it (I sometimes feel like the teenager in these situations). Because I ptrading-places.jpgortrayed the humility and regret I was feeling when I told him about it, his response mirrored that emotion.

Living out this situation (and several others throughout our fifteen years of marriage) has shown me the importance of making this effort to know and understand one another in this way.

The book has a wonderful format. First there’s a walk-through of how the material will be presented, which is great for those of us who want to know what’s coming and what will be expected of us. The information is presented in an easily digestible, conversational tone. The appendix has some great words to use (or avoid) when expressing yourself, and also some additional help for those with special needs: trading places when your spouse doesn’t want to, and a special message for those who have been burned.

If you would be interested in looking at your spouse in a new way (or encouraging a fresh look from him towards you), you can enter to win one of 5 copies of Trading Places by leaving a comment. The winners will be announced next week.

To see what others’ had to say about the book and to watch a little video clip of the Parrotts, check out the Zondervan Blog Trading Places Blog Tour post.

The winner of last week’s book, The Joyous Gift of Grandparenting, is #78 Helen.

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5 Minutes Around the Blogosphere – Week 34
Introducing our new Virtual Assistant… Amy Mueller

About Jennifer Donovan

Jennifer Donovan has been a part of the 5 Minutes for Mom team since 2007. She writes product reviews, covers events, and manages the 5 Minutes for Books weekly column and website. She lives in Houston and blogs at Snapshot about life with her family.

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109 Comments

  1. MerryMom says

    May 30, 2008 at 7:12 pm

    I love this, thought I’d share …

    The Quick Change Baby Crib

    Reply
  2. Adriane says

    May 29, 2008 at 5:18 pm

    This looks like a great summer read. Count me in!

    Reply
  3. DARIJAVAN says

    May 28, 2008 at 11:39 am

    This book would be very helpful to me

    Reply
  4. Gina Stratos says

    May 27, 2008 at 4:06 pm

    What a great message. Would like to read the book. Thanks.

    Reply
  5. Forgetfulone says

    May 26, 2008 at 11:35 pm

    Please enter me! Thanks.

    Reply
  6. Fruitbearer says

    May 26, 2008 at 10:24 pm

    Please enter me in this book giveaway. Thanks!

    Reply
  7. Andrea says

    May 26, 2008 at 3:09 pm

    Ahh…this book could come in handy!

    Reply
  8. stampedwithgrace says

    May 26, 2008 at 10:10 am

    I’d LOVE to win this book!!
    thanks for the opportunity 🙂

    Reply
  9. Kari says

    May 26, 2008 at 8:42 am

    I’ve heard GREAT things about these authors…..please add me! Thank you this one sounds super!!! 🙂

    Reply
  10. kathy pease says

    May 25, 2008 at 12:17 pm

    please enter me 🙂

    Reply
  11. Jen says

    May 25, 2008 at 9:40 am

    I love these authors, and love the idea for this book! I’d greatly benefit from some encouragement on “trading places” with my sweet husband. He is much more empathetic than I am…

    Reply
  12. L McLendon says

    May 25, 2008 at 6:56 am

    I’ll take a chance too! Thanks!

    Reply
  13. Pamela White says

    May 24, 2008 at 6:35 pm

    I am interested in seeing my husband from his view. this would surely help our relationship. He has told me that he is more superficial than I think.

    Reply
  14. philip halter says

    May 24, 2008 at 6:20 pm

    enter me please

    Reply
  15. Heather C says

    May 24, 2008 at 1:46 pm

    This would help many households, I do believe. Thanks for a shot at winning it. 🙂

    Reply
  16. Sally Baldwin says

    May 24, 2008 at 10:21 am

    Sounds interesting! Enter me please!

    Reply
  17. Karrie says

    May 24, 2008 at 12:35 am

    sounds good

    Reply
  18. naomi bailey says

    May 23, 2008 at 10:37 pm

    I guess alot of times we don`t think about our partners problems and tasks. This would be a great book for me and my husband. Hope I can win it.

    Reply
  19. Inventing Matilda says

    May 23, 2008 at 2:03 pm

    I would love to read Trading Places. This looks like a book for anyone who has ever thought that their partner just does not get it. I can’t wait to read it…no offense to my husband.

    -Inventing Matida

    Reply
  20. Kara Poulios says

    May 23, 2008 at 9:59 am

    Hope I win!

    Reply
  21. Julia says

    May 22, 2008 at 4:22 pm

    This sounds like an interesting book!

    Reply
  22. dallimomma says

    May 22, 2008 at 2:27 pm

    This looks like a great book.

    Reply
  23. Angela Brasier says

    May 22, 2008 at 1:58 pm

    I would love to win this book!

    Reply
  24. Allison Frey says

    May 22, 2008 at 11:12 am

    Sounds great…would love to read it!!

    Reply
  25. ter says

    May 21, 2008 at 10:27 pm

    I’d be interested in this book, if it can be shipped to Canada. 🙂

    Reply
  26. Jane says

    May 21, 2008 at 5:44 pm

    Looks like a great book!

    Reply
  27. Michelle ~ [ real neat ] says

    May 21, 2008 at 5:31 pm

    Hmmm… Looks like a very interesting book! Count me in!

    Reply
  28. Nikki Evans says

    May 21, 2008 at 4:27 pm

    I love to read (when I can get a spare minute) and usually do it when I am waiting in the car pickup line for the kids to get out of school. I would love to win this because I should at least have a little more time during the summer to read.

    Reply
  29. sandra kao says

    May 21, 2008 at 3:15 pm

    sounds interesting

    Reply
  30. Kathy Conley says

    May 21, 2008 at 2:39 pm

    This would be a great couples book

    Reply
  31. jenni!!! says

    May 21, 2008 at 12:49 pm

    Hubby and I could really use this; its hard adjusting to parenthood.

    Reply
  32. Toni says

    May 21, 2008 at 8:12 am

    I would love to win this book I love to read and it seems very interesting

    Reply
  33. Heather G. says

    May 21, 2008 at 1:00 am

    I’d like this book!

    Reply
  34. Danielle S says

    May 21, 2008 at 12:29 am

    THis sounds like an awesome book!!!

    Reply
  35. Valerie Mitchell says

    May 21, 2008 at 12:11 am

    fabulous!

    Reply
  36. shellie says

    May 20, 2008 at 11:00 pm

    I am excited! count me in!!!!

    Reply
  37. naomi bailey says

    May 20, 2008 at 10:36 pm

    love to watch trading places …would be interested in trading places!!!

    Reply
  38. megan says

    May 20, 2008 at 8:53 pm

    Sounds like a good read!

    Reply
  39. Jen G says

    May 20, 2008 at 8:49 pm

    Sounds like a good read!

    Reply
  40. Mary says

    May 20, 2008 at 6:46 pm

    Great giveaway, thanks!

    Reply
  41. JoAnne Strezo says

    May 20, 2008 at 6:19 pm

    This book would be of great use at this point in my marriage; I feel soooooooooooooo unappreciated!

    Reply
  42. Heather Brandt says

    May 20, 2008 at 5:31 pm

    I’d love to win this!

    heatherlbrandt (at) verizon (dot) net

    Reply
  43. Tisha says

    May 20, 2008 at 5:12 pm

    This book looks really interesting… I would love to read it!

    ticole96(at)msn(dot)com

    Reply
  44. LN says

    May 20, 2008 at 4:14 pm

    One of the constant goals in marriage is to work on understanding one another, and this would definitely help 🙂

    Reply
  45. Jean says

    May 20, 2008 at 4:11 pm

    Things are good with us, but they can always be better! =)

    Reply
  46. Elizabeth M. says

    May 20, 2008 at 3:55 pm

    I really think this technique would work. I’d love to read it.

    Reply
  47. Kristinia says

    May 20, 2008 at 2:51 pm

    WOW I definately would like to read this! Very intriguing! Thanks for the great find and review!

    Reply
  48. israel y says

    May 20, 2008 at 2:29 pm

    thanks for another contest!

    Reply
  49. Patricia says

    May 20, 2008 at 1:57 pm

    This looks like a great read! Thanks!

    Reply
  50. Lindsie says

    May 20, 2008 at 1:20 pm

    Sounds like a great book! I would love to read it.

    Reply
  51. Colleen says

    May 20, 2008 at 1:18 pm

    I know my hubby and I could benefit from this book. The anecedote you shared sounds very familiar. Thanks for sharing your review!

    Reply
  52. lindsey says

    May 20, 2008 at 1:10 pm

    It is always a good idea to try and see things from alternative points of view. I think this book would be an interesting read

    Reply
  53. Liz Varghese says

    May 20, 2008 at 1:06 pm

    I would love to read this book. Need to be constantly reminded to be humble and think of others. Thanks!

    Reply
  54. Morgan M. says

    May 20, 2008 at 12:37 pm

    I’d love to read this and then give it to my husband.

    Reply
  55. cheryl kelly says

    May 20, 2008 at 12:13 pm

    This looks v-e-r-y interesting. Imagine if we could trade places with everyone we meet for just a few minutes. Life would be so different!

    Reply
  56. Bree says

    May 20, 2008 at 11:38 am

    This book looks great!

    Reply
  57. Belinda says

    May 20, 2008 at 11:25 am

    This would be a great book for my Husband and I to read. Thanks for the giveaway!

    Reply
  58. Sandy F. says

    May 20, 2008 at 10:09 am

    looks like a great read…count me in. thanks!!!

    Reply
  59. annalizav says

    May 20, 2008 at 1:21 am

    great for summer reading!

    Reply
  60. christy says

    May 20, 2008 at 12:30 am

    It seems like a really good book.

    Reply
  61. Kelley says

    May 19, 2008 at 11:53 pm

    Please count me in! I’d love to read this book.

    Reply
  62. Shakeia Rieux says

    May 19, 2008 at 11:29 pm

    I wanna win

    Reply
  63. Tanya Peila says

    May 19, 2008 at 11:17 pm

    Looks good!

    Reply
  64. Jill says

    May 19, 2008 at 9:52 pm

    I would love to read this to help us as we teach marriage prep

    Reply
  65. Ramie says

    May 19, 2008 at 9:50 pm

    I would love to win one of these! I’m off to my library’s site to see if they have it yet! (probably not)
    Thanks!

    Reply
  66. Katie says

    May 19, 2008 at 8:58 pm

    I’d love to read this book with my husband!

    Reply
  67. Emily N. says

    May 19, 2008 at 8:57 pm

    I think the Parrotts are great authors!

    Reply
  68. jane jakins says

    May 19, 2008 at 8:55 pm

    great books

    Reply
  69. Cindi says

    May 19, 2008 at 7:50 pm

    Hi, Our 22nd anniversary is at the end of this month!
    For awhile now, I have been telling him that I don’t like his approach to certain happenings anymore. Then, I realized I was partially to blame. We would use this book as a helping tool. Please enter us in your drawing. Much appreciated…..Cindi

    Reply
  70. Caroline says

    May 19, 2008 at 7:29 pm

    This looks like a great book.

    Reply
  71. Sarah says

    May 19, 2008 at 5:46 pm

    Pick me!

    Reply
  72. Katie says

    May 19, 2008 at 5:37 pm

    This would be wonderful! I think every marriage could certainly use this type of advice/encouragement!

    Reply
  73. Alicia says

    May 19, 2008 at 5:30 pm

    Wasnt this a movie with Eddie Murphy and Dan Akroyd?

    Reply
  74. Judy J says

    May 19, 2008 at 4:28 pm

    Empathy is exactly what my husband and I needed for each other this last weekend. This book would help!

    Reply
  75. Faye says

    May 19, 2008 at 4:23 pm

    Looks like a great book to reaad. Count me in 🙂

    Reply
  76. Charissa says

    May 19, 2008 at 4:08 pm

    Great giveaway, sign me up please 🙂

    Reply
  77. erin says

    May 19, 2008 at 3:55 pm

    this book would do us a world of good right now!

    Reply
  78. jenny hebert says

    May 19, 2008 at 3:36 pm

    Great sweeps

    Reply
  79. Natalie says

    May 19, 2008 at 3:19 pm

    I’m always on the lookout for a good book. Count me in!

    Reply
  80. Melissa says

    May 19, 2008 at 3:08 pm

    I would love a chance to win a copy of this book! Thanks!

    Reply
  81. Julia says

    May 19, 2008 at 2:27 pm

    I read the Parrott’s Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts and it was great. Count me in for this one.

    Reply
  82. Linda Pinto says

    May 19, 2008 at 1:28 pm

    I can apply the lessons in this book in my life.

    Reply
  83. Laura H. says

    May 19, 2008 at 12:04 pm

    I need another book to read! 🙂

    laura_licious101(at)hotmail(dot)com

    Reply
  84. Jessica McGhee says

    May 19, 2008 at 11:36 am

    Could use this right now.

    Reply
  85. Carol Harrity says

    May 19, 2008 at 11:25 am

    I am a reader and this book sounds great.

    Reply
  86. Tyler says

    May 19, 2008 at 10:57 am

    I’d love this book! Thanks for entering me. 😉

    Reply
  87. Becca says

    May 19, 2008 at 10:55 am

    Sounds like what we need right now….

    Reply
  88. Melissa Waters says

    May 19, 2008 at 10:54 am

    Oh yes I think me and my husband would greatly benefit from this book.
    I love their other books.
    M.

    Reply
  89. Liz says

    May 19, 2008 at 10:46 am

    sounds interesting

    Reply
  90. Heather says

    May 19, 2008 at 10:43 am

    This would be a good read.

    Reply
  91. Ken says

    May 19, 2008 at 10:29 am

    This 5 Minutes for Books — Trading Places sweepstakes has been featured on Sweepstakes Advantage, http://www.sweepsadvantage.com. The Web’s Largest Directory of Free Online Sweepstakes. Good Luck to Everyone!

    Reply
  92. Cathy says

    May 19, 2008 at 10:16 am

    Oh my goodness,we need this one!

    Reply
  93. Hannah says

    May 19, 2008 at 10:02 am

    cool

    Reply
  94. Meg says

    May 19, 2008 at 9:58 am

    Oh, my. I love the Parrott’s wisdom. This book would be a wonderful read. Thank you!

    Reply
  95. Belinda A. says

    May 19, 2008 at 9:40 am

    I want it and yup, we need it!

    Reply
  96. Courtney says

    May 19, 2008 at 9:31 am

    Sounds like a great read!

    Reply
  97. Mommy Bee says

    May 19, 2008 at 8:07 am

    This sounds GREAT!

    Reply
  98. Ashley says

    May 19, 2008 at 8:00 am

    would love it

    Reply
  99. Shaina Pearce says

    May 19, 2008 at 7:55 am

    hmm – not sure if I can wait to win it – might have to buy it instead…. Thanks

    Reply
  100. WherestheBox says

    May 19, 2008 at 7:15 am

    This sounds like a really neat book – thanks for sharing it!

    Reply
  101. Ginnie says

    May 19, 2008 at 6:12 am

    This one’s been on my wish list for a while. Please enter my name. Thanks!

    Reply
  102. Beth says

    May 19, 2008 at 5:15 am

    I love the Parrott’s! Thanks!

    Reply
  103. tanyetta says

    May 19, 2008 at 4:26 am

    yes! thank you.

    Reply
  104. Tara R. says

    May 19, 2008 at 1:21 am

    sounds great! count me in please.

    Reply
  105. Lori - Queen of Dirty Laundry says

    May 19, 2008 at 1:18 am

    Oh boy, would I love to read this book! Thanks for the opportunity to win a copy!

    Reply
  106. jenna says

    May 19, 2008 at 12:48 am

    I like Les & Leslie’s work. I’d love to win this book.

    Reply
  107. Sally says

    May 19, 2008 at 12:29 am

    Oh I sooo want this book!

    Reply

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