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Janice and I are only weeks away from the 35 year milestone. But strangely we don’t look that old.
And while I am yet to be bothered by wrinkles, I do have the occasional annoyance of people thinking I’m too young to deserve respect. (Yes, I do realize wrinkles will be appearing very soon. In fact, last week Janice just discovered her first wrinkle!)
But looking young isn’t always fun. For instance, while in the changing room trying on clothes to wear at BlogHer, I overheard one of the sales ladies say to another, “There’s a little girl in that room.”
I was horrified… “A little girl!”
I drew back the curtain and confronted the rude woman. “Excuse me, but did you just call me a little girl?”
Quite surprised that I had heard her and stood up to her, she replied, “Oh, sorry. What should I call you? — Young lady?”
“I’m 35!”
Very surprised, she tried to back-pedal, “Well, that’s still young to me.”
I replied. “Perhaps. But that was rather disrespectful.”
As you’d assume, I didn’t purchase much at that shop. Instead the next day I went to a nicer store where a proper saleslady dressed me brilliantly.
Even though I’m not actually trying to look ‘younger’, I do think I’d like to read the book “How Not to Look Old” that Jo-Lynne just reviewed over on our sister site, 5 Minutes for Books. It sounds like it is full of practical suggestions and product recommendations.
What about you? Have you ever had a situation where someone made incorrect assumptions about your age — either prematurely aging you or reducing you to a little girl not worthy of their attention?
Christy says
All. The. Time. LOL! I have always looked younger than my years and it was especially aggravating in school. Kudos to you for confronting her and not letting it slide AND for taking your business elsewhere. Regardless of what she thought or assumed, it was rude and disrespectful for her to speak that way.
To Think Is To Create says
She was just saying you’re skinny. 😉
Jane says
I’ve been to both extremes.
I was getting my hair cut when I was in 6th grade & the beautician asked if I was in 1st or 2nd grade. I was mortified! (& the haircut was the Hamill haircut!)
And a few years ago I was at WalMart with our teenage daughter & preschool son. The cashier called me grandma. I was mortified.
Pamela Kramer says
LOL – A little girl? That seems a bit extreme. Everyone would mistake my daughter and I for sisters. I always had problems with my daughters friends having a lack of respect just because I look young they thought I was “cool!” No, I’m not that cool, I’m still a parent.
hyperactive lu says
how rude!
Karen {simply a musing blog} says
Well, I’m from Texas and the “little old ladies” call me a little girl all the time – I just turned 39 – but it’s not offensive in the least to me. I suppose it would all depend on how the woman said it and whatnot, but I’m always thrilled when someone thinks I’m young. My kids say I’m ancient. lol
Mommy Lounge says
You both look fabulous! It does pay when you get older to look younger sometimes. It is frustrating when people think that I am some poor teenage mom with two children. I’m 26 and the youngest I’ve been mistaken for was 17! When my oldest daughter was first born I got a lot of Motherly advice from complete strangers and I’m sure it was because I looked so young they didn’t think I had a clue how to take care of a new baby.
It’s annoying now, but we will have the last laugh when we are like 90 years old and we are still getting carded! lol
Jennifer, Snapshot says
Honestly I would have thought you too were younger too–in your 20’s still. I’ve only seen pictures, but still. . . .
When I was about 25, I worked at a school. Several times they mistook me for a student! After that, I had organized some conferences for the people I worked for in Lake Tahoe. I was talking to some of the people in the casino, and someone came up to me and asked to see ID.
Now I’m 37, and people guess right around there, and it makes me long for those days.
However–little girl? That’s just weird.
Rena says
This is my first time commenting here! I always wonder if I comment on an earlier post will it get read? Hmmm..
I’m enjoying this site!
YESS…I’ve been in the same situation! Almost exact. I am almost 39 (July 24…coming up). I “am” starting to notice those fine lines and other little things that come with age. arrggghhh! But I’ve never really looked my age. It’s in the genes.
I had my first child when I was barely 21. The second came when I was 23. The third…well, she’s only 21 months old- a tubal-revesal baby. But that’s another story.
When I had my first two I always noticed that “older” ladies in the grocery store would give me awful looks. It bugged me. I’d give myself a once over to make sure I didn’t have cleavage showing or something seemingly inappropriate to “older” ladies. I just couldn’t figure it out. Oh how naiive I was.
At the church my family and I attended, some of the women would try to shove me into the youth group. I did notice some other young married couples working with youth and thought they wanted me to help out, too. NOT SO! They thought I WAS a youth. And my (then) husband- well, he was (well, uh, still is….) two years younger than me but apparently didn’t look young. They thought HE “robbed the cradle”.
I think it was then that I figured out the whole staring at the grocery store thing. I’m sure the thoughts running through those women’s heads must have went something like…”tsk! tsk! These young people! Having babies when they’re teens! Still babies themselves!”
When I was shopping in a local boutique that I frequented from the time I was 18 years old on….I had one of the employees say to another employee, “I think this little girl was next.”
WHAT? I was 26 or so then! I couldn’t believe it! But I didn’t stick up for myself like you did! Next time…if there will ever be a next time, I will certainly speak up!
Doll Clothes Gal says
Its amazing what you can do if you stay in good shape – go for it.
Katie says
Girl, don’t you know that 40 is the new 30 and if that’s the case, then you’re really 25?!?!? That helps me feel better about turning 32 when I still feel like I’m (a more responsible…) 23. Happy Birthday to you!
Bluestocking says
This happens to me a lot. I hate it because I am a lawyer and people don’t take me seriously when I go to court. I have had officers try to stop me from going into the attorney only section. Some days I’m nice about it. Some days I snarl.
myhappyplace says
p.s. I’m 34
myhappyplace says
Only my entire life! I am short so I think that adds to it. Most recently while attending mardi gras in New Orleans I was on the balcony and one lady was getting mad because her 14 yr. old was not allowed up yet there I was. I will say in her behalf she was terrible embarassed for her mistake and apologized profusely.
Organizing Mommy says
Thanks for the perspective. I should be more sensitive to people who look so young, and I somehow THINK that I’m giving them a compliment. I usually get asked if I’m older. What? You’re ONLY 35? (when I turned 35)… Hhmmm… I loved them anyway. Now, I am almost 40, and I guess it’s good to look as old as they thought I was all along. (HA HA)
Mozi Esme's Mommy says
Would love to say I feel sorry for you, but I don’t! I’m 34, and last month was buying something from Ross on a Tuesday, their senior discount day. And the cashier – totally serious -asked if I was a senior. I was already close to checked out and had a fabulous dress for $12, so I did buy, but it ruined my week!
blogversary says
I am 32 and I, thankfully, get carded ever now and then and told I look younger, but it is hard to get respect right away in the workplace. My voice sounds young and pretty much to anyone over 70 I am the same as a teenager.
Mary says
Well, here’s the thing.
I looked WAY young the first forty five years of my life. Then a combo of premature graying and gaining a ton of weight and I look WAY older now.
I am working on getting the weight off but am not going to color my hair any longer..more hassle than I want to deal with.
But back to looking much younger, I used to be very tiny( I am only five foot one and weighed about 98 pounds soaking wet the first half of my life)( now i am about double that weight..ugh) and I looked seriously to be about 14 when i was 25.
When my kids were all born( I was 23, 26 and 29 respectivly) everyone thought I was a teen mom.
And it was hard to earn respect in the workplace.
I also got”hit on” a lot by guys half my age until i was well into my 30’s.
The thing is…I liked looking way younger much better than looking like a granny like I do now.
But either way, I have learned it is much more difficult to give people grace for the rude things they say and do than to stand up for ourselves.
Don’t mean to be critical..just a gentle reminder that each time we use grace in such a situation it makes the world better and us better.
Jenn Johnson says
I’ve always looked young for my age. I get it from my mother, who at 53 often is mistaken as the mother of the 2 young children she nannies. When I was 23 I went to see the opening of an R rated movie, and when I walked in I was carded. Um… apparently I did not even look 17?!? I was mortified (especially since I was with a large group of people, and people younger than me walked right through!). Even worse though, was when I had been married for 2 years, and my husband and I had our first child. My wedding rings no longer fit, and everywhere I went I would get rude looks (mostly from older women). When we had my daughter, the nurse who brought us down to the lobby to leave looked at me and said, “Your boyfriend went to get the car.” I glared at her and said, it’s my husband. We’ve been married for 2 1/2 years.” She told me she just thought I was a young teenage mom. I was 25! I was so angry!!!
Petula says
I’m with you on this one! I also look younger than my almost 40 years and I find it so disrespectful when people make those types of condescending remarks. As if to say, you’re young so you don’t matter or deserve respect. You should see the looks I get when I’m dressed in jeans, a T and sneakers and have my youngest children with me!
I’ve had to confront women too on this matter. Why do women do that to each other? I do like looking young (thank God for good genes or whatever!), but I don’t want to be treated rudely or differently because of it.
Oh and I just have a few wrinkles and a few gray hairs. Tahee… hope they’ll continue to come slowly.
Kimberly/Mom in the City says
People tend to guess that I’m younger than 35 (especially when I have on a baseball cap and jeans). Several people have commented on how I was so young to have had kids. I take it all with a grain of salt. (I guess I’d be offended if they said the reverse, “So, are those your grandkids?”)
mommy says
BOTH my husband and I have had people come to our door and ask if ‘our parents’ are available. One was a salesman (oops)…. and the other was a utilities man… People tell me to be flattered… but it’s hard not to feel immediately judged and sized up. Not ALL short people are young 🙂
Amanda Daybyday says
Oh! I feel the EXACT SAME WAY!!! It’s the respect thing. When I was 21, I was mistaken for a babysitter of a friend’s kids…instead of a friend. At 25 and 6 months pregnant, I was asked for ID…even though I wasn’t drinking alcohol. I got weird looks at the hospital when I went in to have my children (my first at 25) cuz they obviously thought I was a teen mom. And just last month (I’m 31), I was at a bridal shower and this lady I was talking to was shocked to hear I was a mom. She thought I was 18! Seriously…we’re treated differently. I like looking youthful (b/c that’s equated to beautiful in our society), but sometimes it comes with a price. People just laugh at me when I complain about it, but I’m glad I’m not the only one that feels that way.
Mary says
The ENTIRE time I was pregnant! My husband was deployed and I lived with my Mom so I’d have a labor coach, and some support. It got really bad when my fingers swelled and I could no longer wear my wedding ring. Even the receptionist at my OB’s office made some snarky comment to me.
It bothered me for two reasons. 1. I was most certainly NOT an unwed teenage mother. I was 25 at the time, and had been married 4 years. and 2. Why are all of these people being so judgemental to unwed teenage mothers?
Penny Raine says
he he, 5 years from now you will recognize that as a compliment! around here in TN anyone younger is likely to be called a little girl, unless they are over 60!
Amy Warden says
I’ll be 35 this year too! I still remember the time I was at the airport with my husband. I must have been about 25, but the lady was asking if I was old enough to sit in the exit row. She was highly embarrassed when I told her how old I was, and asked me not to look at the age requirements (15!).
Iva says
I’m 32 yrs old and a mother of two children. I was out with a friend (who is 6 mos younger than me) with my children and the waitress thought that my children were HER children because I “looked too young to have children.”
I get it all the time. To make matters worse, I have a very young-sounding voice on the phone.
Mary says
Enjoy it while you can!
I do relate though. When my (now 35 yr old) son was in Kindergarten I wanted to help in the classroom. I felt very disrespected by the other mothers; who treated me as though I was a fourteen year old unwed mother.
Lisa C says
I get it all the time too. When people see me and my daughter together they always, always mistake us for sisters.
I’ve gotten used to it and it really doesn’t bother me at all. However, I can understand if it’s coming off in a rude way, now that’s offensive and disrespectful and would have to be addressed.
Allison says
It’s definitely nice that you look so young! But I can see why it’s frustrating. I’m only 22, but people often think I’m a teenager. I’ve had people tell me I look 15 before.
It is very inappropriat that they behaved that way, though. Especially as sales people! Good for you shopping somewhere else the next day! And sticking up for yourself!
Cynthia says
I too have always looked younger than I am. I figure that when I’m older, I’ll be glad of that! But it’s no fun to be asked what grade you are in when you are a married adult! I try not to guess or make assumptions about other people’s ages so I won’t make them feel disrespected as you described.
willowsprite says
Strange that she would say “little” in front of girl! Are you really short or something? 😉 I would have probably just laughed to myself!
@ Carrie: You poor thing! 🙁 I probably would have exploded at that woman! Some people are so insensitive!
Gina says
I look and sound really young. Most people think I’m about 18 and I’m 30! When people call my house, they often ask, “May I speak to your mother please?” I always respond with, “Sure, let me give you her number at her house.” Talk about fast apologies!
Heather says
Just the other day, as a matter of fact – and I was thrilled! I usually visit CVS while our daughter is at ballet, but ballet is over for the summer, so I took our children with me for the specials for the first time. A sweet lady in her 50’s who has been a great help to me and is a fantastic CVS employee asked if I was baby sitting!!! When I told her that they were my children, she exclaimed ‘You can’t be old enough to have such grown up children – you’re not a day over 23!’ Was I ever flattered – I told her I was over 40, and she was so flabbergasted. It was funny. I have been mistaken for a much older woman and a much younger woman, and it just proves to me once again that common sense is no longer very common!
Forgetfulone says
I actually get that a lot. I’m 42, and I have a few lines around the eyes, but I don’t think I look my age. In fact, people have often thought I was younger than I am, particularly when I was in my 20’s. It’s not good to be thought of as old, but you want to be treated with respect instead of being called a “girl” like you were a teenager. That’s just plain rude. I’m impressed that you confronted her.
melody is slurping life says
Oh yeah. In my early twenties, pregnant…with braces.
But now at my age, I love being told I look 15 years younger than my age. You’ll get there, too. 😉
Marissa says
I’ve always looked younger than I am, but one time a teenager came to the door and asked if my mom was home (she was selling something.) I was 24 at the time, and living on my own with my husband! I said “no” because I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Then she asked if my dad was there and I just stared at her. I think by that time she kind of understood, and she just laughed nervously and walked off.
jess says
All the damn time. And it’s hard to get people to hear this as a legitimate complaint. I’m always getting the eye-roll that says, “Oh you poor thing, looking young, I wish I had your problems!” But it’s hard enough to feel like an adult when people actually treat you like one. When you’re constantly being asked things like ‘are you, “supposed to get the chicken fingers” meal?’ when you’re 25 (“and how about some crayons for that paper tablecloth, little girl?”) it makes it hard to feel respected!!
I don’t have kids but I’ve been a nanny for years, and it wasn’t until I was nearly 30 that people stopped saying things like, “Those children can’t be yours!!!” Weeeell, yes, they COULD be.
Barbara H. says
I don’t think the saleslady meant to be rude, disrespectful, or “reduce you to a little girl not worry of attention.” I don’t think the term “little girl” is at all meant to be belittling. We need to give people the benefit of the doubt and not make judgment calls about their motives when they just made a mistake in assuming someone’s age.
I’m on the other end of the spectrum — I have always looked older than I was, which I loved growing up, but not so much after about 30. I am 50 and have twice been offered a senior citizen’s discount and twice asked if I was my fourteen-year-old’s grandmother. 🙁 It made me feel bad, but, I didn’t think it rude or disrespectful on the others’ part. I just figured they weren’t very good at guessing ages. I don’t know if you have ever watched the “10 Years Younger” program on TLC, but when they have people guess ages on there it can vary by as much as 20 years.
Donna says
I remember how I felt when I was 16 and working at McDonalds. When a customer said to her daughter “say thankyou to the lady” I felt all grown up! Now I make sure my kids say thankyou to the “lady” no matter how young the cashier is!
Laura W says
We were just talking about this tonight! My dh and I remembered a funny story. While boarding our flight to Florida for our honeymoon, the woman asked my husband for his ID and then said nothing to me. It was in my hand, and I asked, “don’t you need to see mine?” She replied, “oh, honey, you have ID? I assumed you weren’t old enough to drive.” Ahh!! I wasn’t really offended (I was used to being mistaken for a teenager), but we sure did think it was funny. Granted, I married young (just before my 22nd birthday) but I really didn’t think I looked 15! (or younger?)
happyathome says
Actually the other night at a dinner meeting, someone assumed I was much younger than my age when I spoke about having my child. It wasn’t an insult but more of a surprise. I do understand what you are saying.
Jo-Lynne (Musings of a Housewife) says
LOL. That’s a bit obnoxious. Still, though, these days I wouldn’t mind someone mistaking me for being younger! 😉
The Gang's All Here! says
Sweetie, from where I’m sitting, I’d be THRILLED to have someone assume I’m younger than I am! It used to happen all the time and somewhere around the birth of number 4, it dried up. The fount of my mistaken youth was gone and NO ONE assumed I was a young lady anymore. Worse, people started calling me Ma’am. Oh, for a wrong assumption these days!
brandy w says
i’m only 23 but i have people saying things like, all these kids yours? you have kids, are you still in high school. i even had one instance at the store. a lady came up and said it’s a sin to have children out of wedlock.
first off i’m married and all my children were made while i wa smarried. i confronted her. oh you looked like a teenager.
Carrie says
BTW, sorry for my spelling errors – using one hand as I nurse my wee one.
And I wanted to add – you’re right – you girls totally don’t look 35! If I had to guess, I’d guess like 27! Or even less.
Carrie says
I have always looked younger than I am. Add to that, I got married young and had children young as well. I definitely don’t feel respected by some people. I get parenting advice from people who have 5 month olds, or better yet, no kids at all. And I have 3 children who are pefectly healthy, loved, and delveloped socially and developmentally.
When I was pregnant with my first, I got pre-eclampsia, which obviously involves some major swelling. I had to take off my wedding rings. On one of my trips to the doctor an older women rolled her eyes at me – it was VERY obvious and said very rudely to the woman next to her “Teenagers these days!” and nodded towards me. If I hadn’t been so flabbergasted, I would have given her a peice of my mind. I had been married for two years, very much wanted this child (after 2 devestating miscarriages), and was paying my own insurance to have this babe. It peeved me so much!