A Time to Wean…
Can I tell you a secret baby girl?
I didn’t mind your night feedings. In fact, I loved them. They were my favorite time with you.
Every night, when the house was quiet and your brother and daddy were fast asleep, I would be working away at my computer downstairs when I would hear you stir. As you cried your urgent, frantic tears, I would call out, “Mommy’s coming,” and run up the stairs, two at a time, to get to you.
When I opened the door, I would see you sitting up, the back of your tiny hand rubbing your eyes. You looked so small and helpless, sitting there in the middle of the bed. I would scoop you up and you would instantly stop crying. “Mommy’s here. Mommy’s here.”
Then I would grab a diaper and head downstairs for our nursing ritual, cooing to you as we went. We would get cozy on the couch and I would nurse you. Mommy and baby together while the rest of the world slept. It was bliss for both of us.
But it is time to wean…
After seven bouts of mastitis, including recurrent mastitis that has ravaged my body for almost two months, I have pumped both you and me with endless rounds of antibiotics. Even now, I am on a double dose of extra strong antibiotics. When I try to decrease to a normal dose, the infection returns. It seems my body is screaming, “I am done!” even though I have tried for months to ignore it.
Two nights ago, as I nursed you, I knew it was probably the last time. I have been weaning you slowly, dropping one feed at a time. And it was time to say goodbye to our night feed as well.
As you nursed, I wished that someone were there to take some pictures for me – a picture of your feet crossed, a picture of your eyes closed as you drank, a picture of your fingers tangled in my hair. I don’t want to forget any of it. I can feel the memories slipping away already.
I hate to wean you so soon. You are not yet sixteen months old. I had planned to nurse until you were at least two. But I know it is time. I must let go.
Tonight as I rocked you to sleep, your arms wrapped around my neck, your body hugging me like a baby koala, I knew that as we end our mother-baby bond of nursing, we will replace it with other forms of bonding. There will be hugs and cuddles and kisses that magically heal. There will be snuggles at bedtime and long talks after lights out. There will be stories and secrets and giggles.
And one day, I pray, I will be there with you as you learn to nurse your baby. I will promise you the pain will end and the bliss will come – those early days aren’t easy. I will burp and diaper so you can rest.
And when it comes time for you to wean, I will take photographs so you can remember.
125 Comments
Maybe it’s the extra hormones, but oh did this sweet post make me cry! My daughter and I are down to night feedings, and I am so going to miss the sweet cuddles when the time to wean comes. You are so right, though, they will be replaced with different loves and cuddles. So glad you got some last photos, sweet memories!
Hugs,
Steph
I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face. As both a mom who breastfed my children and an IBCLC, I commend you for 16 months well spent. Congrats!
This was so beautiful…you had me in tears halfway through! I’m on the verge of weaning my almost one-year old boy. I’ve gone through nights where I was so done with night nursing, but at the same time my heart ached at the thought of never having those moments with him again. My little one crosses his feet too.
)
Congratulations on successfully breastfeeding for 16 months. You should be so proud!
what a very pretty touching post!
You wrote the words that I have in my heart and my mind. I’m weaning my daughter from her last nursing session in a few weeks and although I look forward to it, I dread it at the same time. Your post had me sobbing, relating to each sentence you wrote. Thank you for sharing.
I love how you wrote this to your daughter. It inspires me to do the same. It will be an amazing gift for her to read someday.
I am crying crying crying.. this is so sweet thank you for sharing your thoughts
Just read this, after the recent breastfeeding post. Brought tears to my eyes–very beautiful. And, I can relate on the recurring mastitis – kudos for your dedication.
I’m in tears, seriously what a great reflection.
This is perhaps the sweetest thing I’ve read in a long time.
I feel the same way, though I have had it really easy. And, when my son finally gives it up, I will be heartbroken. It really is that special.
Tears well in my eyes over this post. I’m still nursing my 16-month old and while I sometimes wish to wean him my tears show I’m not all that ready for it whether it be day or night weaning. I weaned earlier with my oldest but maybe I’m lingering more in case he’s my last.
As a nursing mom, reading this made me cry. I had some mastitis when I nursed my twins but was able to continue until they were 20 months. I’m at 12 months with baby #3 and I HATE that people ask and assume that I should stop now. I have only this small window of time that I can give this to her, a gift of good health and it means the world to me to care for her through nursing. I feel your sadness in ending that phase. I know it must be hard but the infections are bad. It’s like having the flu and painful. You did a great wonderful thing for 16 months
Wow, this made tears stream down my face. I am nursing my fourth and probably final baby. He is 4 months old, I dread the day…
I actually got choked up…my first is 3 yrs old and my current has quickly grown to 8 months…weaning comes too soon.
OH that is so sweet. I am crying!! I nursed all three on mine about 18 months each and I was so sad to wean them. It was such a special bond, a special time. It is amazing that our milk can help the grow so big and strong! I did have photos taken of me nursing my son. A friend from college is a professional photographer and he came to the house to take picture of the whole family after my son was born. His wife was a big nurser so I knew he would be comfortable with it and he took the most beautiful photos of my son nursing in the sunlight in our big rocker. I am very glad I have those images forever.
I am a big attachment parenting person. I totally believe in the nursing, wearing and co-sleeping. I talk a lot about it on my mom blog in Atlanta but don’t have that many supporters there. The breastfeeding really seems to get people rankled! It can be such a divider among moms. Come see what the ladies in Atlanta are talking about at blogs.ajc.com/momania. They’re usually pretty feisty!
That was a beautiful poem. I nursed my sons until they were 13 and 17 months old. It is very hard emotionally to wean.
Maria
SavingQueen.com
That was so touching and one of the nest posts I have ever read. My little one is 11 months old and am on the process od weaning her off…This just reminded me to take few pictures cos the feeling of a life at ur bosom is something only a mom can feel and understand..its a bond which develops deep in the womb and follows throughout.. Warm regards
I love reading these previous comments — we’re all teary together! That was so beautiful. My little girl also loves holding my hair while she nurses. I will miss it.
Thank you for sharing that beautiful testimony of ‘the way it is’. I cried through the whole thing and several of the replies…in fact my LAP is even wet as well as everything inbetween…my #8 just weaned this week (and his favorite side is aching right now, wishing for some relief) I miss it more now that I have read a post like that…and my tears are also from the realization that this could be the last time I will nurse…maybe we are not ready…I pray for wisdom to know God’s best for baby. Again, thanks for the good cry!
I had to wean at 3 months due to an RA diagnosis, so I know what you mean. Instead of turly enjoying the last feeding, I tried to take my own pictures. They are precious to me.
your story’s just made me cry. I have started to night wean my 16 months old litle girl as well, as I need to start ovulating again and am 42, clock ticking and we want to give her a little brother or sister. It’s so hard, I keep remember all those months of asked for and happily given feedings. Keep telling myself there will be other ways, and I still have the morning and the evening feeds, hopefully it will be enough. But you’re right, there will be other things, there is other things already, love always finds a way.
That’s beautiful. It makes me look forward to another nursing experience as I am expecting my third in the spring.
Oh, I just came to your blog and clicked on this title, and it’s so beautiful and sad! You’ve so sweetly described the welcome you get when you go to your baby in the night. You did a remarkable job of keeping breastfeeding in the midst of challenges and weaning gently. I can’t even think about weaning right now — I just get too emotional about it! — but I like to hear beautiful stories like this one. Thank you!
So beautiful **sniff, sniff. I’m in the process of weaning also, we still night nurse. I think she will be my last baby, so its so hard to end this special time. Thanks for sharing.
beautiful post! I felt the same way weaning my son. I try to remember even now the last time we nursed and can’t remember. It was all of a sudden a thing of the past. Hopefully with my daughter I can be more aware. Although right now she is only 6 months old so it feels like we will never stop
4 Trackbacks
[...] :: :: A Time to Wean by Janice at 5 Minutes For [...]
[...] few months ago Janice wrote a beautiful post about weaning Olivia called A Time To Wean. If you missed it, read it now. So tell us your nursing stories. We’d love to hear about [...]
[...] Sleep – A Time to Wean – 5 Minutes for Mom This was such a wonderfully sweet post. It reminded me of how important it is [...]
[...] The post was written by Janice, cofounder of 5 Minutes For Mom, a website dedicated to supporting the online mom community. Janice is one of the most popular mom bloggers out there, and it’s easy to see why after reading her moving post, A Time to Wean. [...]