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Parenting. Forget New Year’s resolutions; when it comes to parenting I honestly feel like I make resolutions to start anew in that area every single week. Today I feature an interview with Brenda Nixon, author and speaker. She has addressed audiences large and small, from the MOPS International convention to breakout groups to appearing on radio and TV. If you need a speaker, check out her website. You’ll also find some resources on tips for dealing with temper tantrums and choosing a preschool.
How important is it to tailor our parenting to our children’s individual personalities?
Children are as different as snowflakes. Our parenting must reflect that knowledge as we respond to, love, and discipline each child in a way that matches his/her personality. When speaking to audiences across the country, I often remind them that it’s not realistic to not be fair all the time. Fairness doesn’t recognize differences; it’s only a convenience to the parent. Just question it from an adult point of view: are all your relationships with family and friends equal? Do you treat all those people the same? Of course not. So why try to do that with impressionable children.
I encourage parents to start off the new year with the liberating thought of tailoring their childrearing to meet each child’s needs, wants, and learning style.
Isn’t treating our kids all the same proof that we are not playing favorites?
It may seem like it, and that nagging voice in the back of our head tells us that our kids will scream, “That’s not fair!” and then we’ll feel guilty. We actually are playing favorites when we overlook any child’s unique need by making one shoe size fit all. In “The Five Love Languages of Children,” authors Chapman and Campbell explain that children even interpret love differently. One child may see gifts (or things) as symbols of love, while another thinks love is affirming words. Now, what if a parent practiced hugging both children to treat them the same. . . then neither child would feel truly loved because their personal need wasn’t being met. Or if the parent only said affirming, encouraging words but never gave any gifts to the one who interpreted gifts as love, then that one would think the other was the favored child.
What is one thing that we should eliminate from our parenting bag of tricks?
In this new year, I challenge parents of young children to develop the habit of being their child’s parent. Too many try to be their friend, buddy, companion, playmate — or worse — the missing parent. Don’t cheat a child out of having a mature, capable, competent parent. Often parents tell me they don’t want their child mad at them. “So what?” I ask. If your child gets mad at you, he or she will get over it. Never allow a child’s use of emotion to manipulate or compromise your standards. I think it was the actress Bette Davis who said, “If you’ve never been hated by your child; you’ve never been a parent.” And the child psychiatrist Dr. Grace Ketterman said, “Good mothers need to be tough at times.” These are two of my favorite quotes sprinkled throughout my book.
As the years pass and your child grows, you’ll do less disciplining and it’s appropriate to become more of a consultant. Be there when he or she needs you; provide assistance when asked, but know when to back off and allow some independence. As kids become adolescents, there will be even more camaraderie and less of the parenting. Eventually, as our children become young adults we need to back off — or work ourselves out of a job.
Thank you Brenda!
If you’d like to win a copy of Ms. Nixon’s book, Parenting Power in the Early Years, (U.S. shipping addresses only), please leave a comment on this post, and check out the New Habits in the New Year guidelines at this main post.
Come back on January 9 to see if you have won. Please be sure that the email address that you provide is one that you check regularly, and also check your spam folder when the winners are announced if you see your name.
DARIJA says
Nice prize
Colleen Palat says
This sounds wonderful! Count me in.
Christine Stewart says
count me in, this sounds like a very interesting read.
Mandy says
Enter me Please!
Terra says
Great interview, and I like the idea of children being as unique as snowflakes. I have a copy of Brenda’s book and it is full of tips.
Jessica McKelvie says
this sounds interesting!
Doreen says
this would be a great gift for a soon-to-be-firsttime-mom friend of mine!
Heather C says
Sounds interesting.
Melinda W says
I could use this with my 4 kiddos!!!
Taryn says
Sounds great!
Cathy Messecar says
I’m the mother of a 37 and a 33 year old, and everytime I read Brenda’s advice, I’m in awe of her wisdom and her strength in communicating it to parents. Thanks for hosting Brenda.
Cindy S says
I need this for my twin toddler grandchildren!
B DePoy says
My wife and I are expecting a baby girl in Feb 08. We could really use this to help us with our parenting skills. Sounds like a great book.
Lisah says
I could use this!
sherrie lindner says
Pick me! My daughter is having a baby and this would be good reading for her.
Lily Kwan says
Please enter me into the contest. Thanks!
Barb Wild says
parenting is a ball of fun. I have twins and i would like this book to give to my friends son and daughter in law having their first child.
Amy says
This looks like a great book!
samantha miner says
awesome.. count me in
sarah woods says
Best of Luck to ALL who enter the contest
Kerry says
Great contest! thanks!
Donna Kozar says
Looks neat.
Amy Pedersen says
Like the book
Terry Burns says
Great interview Jennifer, I enjoyed it. Keep up the good work.
Shaun Wallner says
This is an awesome book, id love to read it
Kathy Davis says
Great Book……….
Crystal Gleason says
Looks great!
Brenda Nixon says
Wow, so many responses! I wish all of you could win a free copy of my book, Parenting Power in the Early Years. For those who don’t, you can find it at Amazon or ask your local public library to order a copy for you.
Thanks again, Jennifer, for allowing me to share a bit with your readers.
Naghma Husain says
thank you!
Tina H says
Thanks so much for a great stop on the tour!
Sandra says
I would love to check this out.
Steve Scott says
My wife loves to read.
Pamela White says
sounds like a winner I hope I am
oh amanda says
Sounds great!
Timothy Selig says
Sure would like to read this.
Also say a prayer for our troops.
Rhonda Grable says
I’d love to win!
Monique says
Please enter me 🙂
Angela White says
I would love to win this book.
Alix Stephens says
I could use this book. Pleas enter me!
Diane S says
I have a friend who would just love this book. 🙂
Michelle H. says
I would like to read this.
Amanda says
MOPS has been such a great outlet for me since becoming a mom to twin boys and choosing to stay at home with them. I’d love to read this book!
tracy holcomb says
this sounds great- sign me up
Sarah Stern says
Love to win this – I can always use more guidance as I raise my little guy!
Anita Yancey says
Sounds like a good book. Please enter me.
Bess says
Count me in! 🙂
Corina Smith says
sounds like something everyone could benefit from!
Wendy says
sounds like a wonderful book. Please count me in!!
Aimee B says
Looks like a great book that I’d love to read. Please enter me.
susan says
sounds very interesting, a good read for any parent…
Carissa Davis says
Sounds like a great book.
Racheal says
Wanna win
Aliah D. says
Seems like an informative read! I’m in!
Patricia says
I do not believe in “by the book”, but information cannot hurt………might even help!
Cindy Ortiz says
I can’t wait to read and implement these strategies!
sarah inselman says
This would be helpful. Thanks for the contest.
Janice Golden says
I have a 3yr old that could benefit from this
Sandy says
Could sure use this book!
Rhonda CLEMENS says
THANKS FOR THE CONTEST–hAVE A GREAT YEAR TO ALL!!
Tesa says
Sounds like a terrific book!
Stephanie says
Awesome giveaway, count me in.
veronica sandberg says
want to win this
Danielle S says
Good read!
dansan826 at yahoo dot com
Jennifer says
Please enter me and thanks!
hetal gandhi says
I have two daughters and even though they are the best, there are of course some challenges. I would love to win this book.
Eileen Burke says
This looks like a great read!
Joan Newman says
I would love this for my daughter-in-law
JoAnn Ulrich says
Great prize!
kathy pease says
have a great day 🙂
Kathy Conley says
Sounds great
Timothy Sternberg says
Neat Book
Vicki Wurgler says
I like the comment Bette Davis made – please sign me up
Bhavana says
Enter me please. Thanks!
Janet M says
ty 4 the nice contest!
Annette says
Enter me, please.
Sarah says
enter me!
Brooke says
Please randomly select me!
Christine Saulter says
YES!!!!!! I really need this!!! Looks like a really helpful book!
Karyn P says
I have a one and two year old, and I need this!!!
Marie N. says
The formative years are essential for raising a healthy child, both mentally and physically. And as a parent I need all the help I can get.
Denise D says
I think I could use this!
Vicky Boackle says
i have a new grandbaby,this will be helpful .
Edward Durbin says
Everyone Have a Great 2008….
Samantha weiland says
I’m looking forward to giving this to my sister who is pregnant with her first
Donna says
I’d love to win this book.
Amy Moore says
I wanna win!! I’ve got 6.2 kids. This would be good.
Rebecca Peters says
sounds good.
Erin Daly says
This book looks great. I am always eager to read up on parenting advice.
Mihaela Day says
sounds like a really good book
Mama Zen says
This sounds like a great book!
Angie P. says
Sounds like a useful book. Thanks!
emily says
I would love to hear her speak. I’ll have to check out her website.
Beth Kuligowski says
Sounds great! Please enter me! Thanks!
Jess Russell says
I would love to read this book.
Kari Follett says
thanks!
cheri says
I would love to add this book to my parenting “tools” resources!
Lesha says
Thanks for the giveaway 🙂
Renee Turner says
Man, could my brother an sister-in-law really use this one!
Susan says
I need all the help I can get…
America says
We all need and want this and me too.
Linda Lansford says
lol to all
Grace says
Good luck!
Gina says
Sweet!
Candi says
Count me in!!
Noreen says
sounds like a great book
kerri renner says
neat book one i really could use my girls are very naughty
Jamie says
Would love it 🙂
Catrina Pomerleau says
Please enter me in the drawing.
Hesper Fry says
First time parent here. I would love to win this!
Paige says
I’d like to enter.
Vergie Weems says
2 for me
ELLIE says
count me in – this sounds great!!!!
FireMom says
Sounds good to me.
Shay says
Great lets get started.
C Duran says
Great book.
sandy says
nice
valerie mabrey says
please enter me thanks
Taowyn says
This will come in handy for my sister who is a new parent.
jessica says
oh, we could so use this!
Margery Yeager says
Please pick me!
Naomi says
This would come in handy, I think!
Tamara Leonard Merritt says
Thanks for the contest!
Please enter me.
Erica G says
I need this. I have a new one arriving shortly.
claudette flanigan says
my daughter-in-law would love to get this book
Stephanie says
Oh please, please, please pick me!!! I need this book like you wouldn’t believe. Thanks for the contest!
Stephanie
williamspublic at comcast dot net
gina snow says
i want to win!!!
Debbie Criss says
My daughter would love it with her new little one.
Amy R. says
This sounds great!
Kristy BRown says
I could use a new book.
Jennifer S says
Looks good! Enter me please.
Amber says
Looks great! I think too often parenting is focused on multiple child families and those of us with one blessing need just as much help!
shelly says
Interesting.
Liz Sawyer says
I would love to gain the insights this book could offer me regarding my little ones.
Sarah Berry says
Please enter me. Sounds interesting
Jessica says
This looks great! Count me in!
shawna f says
Would love to win!
margaret herrin says
Nice.
Linda says
This looks like a book every parent and grandparent should read !
Jill says
oh, I need me some powerful parenting!
David Bertolo says
My son could really use this book.
Susan Chester says
This would be great for my pregnant daughter.
DD says
Sign me up Jen Jen!!
bob keck says
i’D LIKE TO READ THAT.
Miranda Allen says
Thanks for the contest, Please enter me.
Meg says
Sounds like a wonderful read.
Beverley Justice says
Gift for my daughter.
Catherine copeland says
This sounds like a book that every parent would appreciate
Lynn Barbee says
Sounds like something I could use also!
John B says
Any and all help welcome here
Linda White says
I needed this when my kids were little! I will read it and give it to a friend with small kids!
kathleen haas says
sounds like a good book
Fruitbearer says
Please count me in. Thanks!
Emmaline Kuebler says
Enter me please.
Pam says
Sign me up!
philip halter says
enter me please
Kayce C. says
If you are a parent and smoke or do drugs, your child should complain to you about it.
Rosanne Morrison says
If we remember to treat our children as we would want to be treated it makes parenting easier
Emily Cummings says
I think every parent worries about whether or not they are doing things right in the way they raise their children. It’s important to have some kind of reference for reassurance.
Nancy says
Would love to read this…
Shannon Baas says
I would like this for my boss.
Tyna Begley says
That book sounds great!
Rebecca Lunsford says
Excellent book!
Brenda Prentice says
What encouraging words!
Stephen Alexander says
Yeah good book!
Linda Moeller says
Good book.
betty gill says
What a very powerful book. Would make a great gift for any Mother to be. Thanks for the offer.
charline s says
Would love this book.
Kathy Scott says
I love to read.
Miscellany Mom says
Thanks for your info and interview!
Denise says
I need this!
Mary DeMuth says
Alas, you mentioned her first as Brenda Howard, but it’s Brenda Nixon. Just an FYI.
Mary
christopher h says
love to win a copy of this
Michael Capp says
Looks like a good book!
SJ says
Count me in!
Brooke Allen says
I’d love to read this book.
Cindi Hoppes says
It would be great to win this book! I agree with almost all of what the author said in your review! Please enter me in your contest. Thanks,Cindi
Rachel Prieto says
would like to read… 🙂
jesy says
The best parenting alway starts early
Adrienne Gordon says
I realllly need this
DonnaH says
looks interesting
Katherine Frazier says
enter me – looks like a great book
Angela C says
Looks like a must read for parents of youngsters!
Karen Gonyea says
Pick Me Please !!
Tiffany G says
Sounds like a great book!
JONI CHADWELL says
sounds good to me!
Stephanie says
This looks like an excellent book…and perfect for the stage we’re in right now. Please enter me.
Todd Walden says
ooh, enter me please!
Angela says
I would love to win a copy!
I blogged you too:
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Jill H. says
count me in, sounds like a book I need to read!
Michele Poynter says
sounds like a good read
Pamela Muldowney says
My son would love this book for his new baby son.
Erica says
nice!
Susan Smith says
nice book
Dan says
please enter me
SUSAN VARNEY says
i need a good read
brandy w says
great book
Steph says
Looks like a great book. Count me in!
tammy b says
sounds like a very interesting read.
Danielle says
Sounds like a great book.
Mamacheryl says
Wow. That’s powerful stuff. Sign me up, please!
Katherine says
Please enter my name!
:)Kat
Jenn says
Neat Book