5 Minutes for Books editor Jennifer is here to share experiences of introducing new manners as her kids got older in this sponsored post and giveaway from JIMMY Patterson books.
When my daughter was a toddler, I taught her baby signs. I loved teaching her to communicate before she was verbal.  In addition to a random sign (accompanied by a sign) that she made up — which we never quite figured out  —  the ones I remember her using were “more,” and “please.” I think that they were kind of interchangeable in her mind. She did not necessarily use them together, but she knew that “more” and “please” often got her what she wanted.
Once she learned to use her words, she had a LOT of words. She would talk to strangers as she was buckled in the shopping cart, to our friends at church, and of course to us. Â What I found interesting though was if an adult asked her a question outright, her chattering often stopped and gave way to a wide-eyed stare.
Teaching a toddler to say please is easy compared to getting tweens to use their manners
It is hard for children to talk to adults out of context. There’s a fine line between giving them ownership over themselves by letting them choose with whom they speak and learning common courtesy, manners, and respect for adults.  I do think that our society has let a lot of that go. What I noticed as my kids grew up was that because I always did everything for them, they did not have that independent spirit that my sister and I had.
For example, one evening my sister was visiting, and we were going to get take out from a place he didn’t prefer. I gave him the option of getting a sub from his favorite sandwich shop. I pulled up to the shop in a parking place right in front of the door. The counter was less than fifteen feet from my seat in the car. I pulled a $10 bill out of my purse, handed it to my 12-year-old son Kyle, and said, “Go get your sandwich.” We argued. I said that if he wanted his sandwich, he would go get it. I told him I was watching, and I could see everything, and he could even come right back out if there was any problem. After more arguing, he went in and came back out five minutes later with a sandwich!
Compounding the problem is that when tweens should be learning how to enter society as soon-to-be young adults, they are also coursing with hormones, which makes them more stubborn and resistant to change. My solution — in hindsight — is to encourage kids to use the “prevailing customs of a people” as manners is defined in the graphic above, when they are a little younger and actually more open to the idea.
3 Ways to Teach Tweens to Use Manners in Society
- Let your eight or nine year old child get cash out of your wallet and give it to the cashier. Bonus — math lesson in context!
- Encourage your kids as soon as they are able to order for themselves at restaurants, when getting ice cream, etc.
- When shopping, have them ask for help themselves. “May I please see those shoes in a size 3?”
These all seem simple, but unless we give our children safe opportunities to use the manners of polite society, it’s something they have to learn or overcome fear of these interactions. The earlier and more frequent we do it, the more natural it will feel to them.
Is it just me, or have you encountered this same resistance from your kids as they age? Do you have any ways to bring manners into the tween years?
One of my favorite ways to use a picture book with young kids is to talk about the pictures, what is happening, and what the kids might be feeling. This new picture book by Bill O’Reilly and James Patterson, with illustrations by a variety of illustrators makes a great opening to conversations about what your kids want and about how using their manners might help them get it.
About the Book
Give Please a Chance By Bill O’Reilly and James Patterson, out November 21st, 2016.
In this inspired collaboration, bestselling authors Bill O’Reilly and James Patterson remind us all that a single word—”Please?â€â€”is useful in a thousand different ways. From finding a lovable stray dog to needing a partner on a seesaw, from reading a bedtime story to really, really needing a cookie, Give Please a Chance depicts scenes and situations in which one small word can move mountains. With a vivid array of illustrations by seventeen different artists, this charming, helpful book is a fun and memorable way for children to learn the magic power of one simple word: please.
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Bill O’Reilly currently serves as the anchor of FOX News Channel’s The O’Reilly Factor, the most watched cable news show for the past 14 years. His books for children include the Last Days biographies, The O’Reilly Factor for Kids, and Kids are Americans Too.
James Patterson received the Literarian Award for Outstanding Service to the American Literary Community at the 2015 National Book Awards. A tireless champion of the power of books and reading, he has created a new children’s book imprint, JIMMY Patterson, whose mission is simple: “We want every kid who finishes a JIMMY Book to say, ‘PLEASE GIVE ME ANOTHER BOOK.’â€
Enter to win
Enter to win a copy of <Give Please a Chance and a $50 Visa Gift Card.
Talk about manners with your kids using the great pics in the book, and use the gift card to help them learn to use their manners in society at your favorite restaurant!
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We teach them patience!
Gratefulness for sure! Thanks so much for the chances to win.
Please and thank you are at the top of the list.
And table manners are a biggie for us.
I love the idea of this book. so cute
We try to enforce as much manners as possible and do it by example. We believe is please, thank you, doing things out of kindness not because she expects something in return every time and teach patience, to ask before using things and understand that it doesn’t mean people will always say yes and to wait her turn and try to be empathetic to others. Thankfully she is a pretty gentle kid so it doesnt require much pointing out. 🙂
Saying please and thank you, showing respect
I insist on teaching my children to say please at all times but, most of all thank you as I believe that they should always be grateful; even for the little things. However, I think that one of the greatest values that they have learned so far this year is appreciating each other; family and making the best of each day. When they say please or thank you it’s not just for saying sake, but with meaning and with gratitude.
wow-Merry Christmas
Saying Pllease and thankyou and being nice to the elderly
please and thank you
I think the most important thing I try to teach is to show respect to others.
subscribe email: slehan at myway dot com
Gratitude is a big one that we try to teach! Saying thank you goes a long way!
I strongly believe in ‘please’, ‘thank you’ and kindness.
Thanks for the contest.
In the modern context, greet adults politely when visiting, and do not use phones at the table.
How to behave at the dinner table is a good lesson in manners. And always saying please and thank you is important too!
The manners I insist on is being respectful to others in all circumstances.
Right now, were teaching my 5 year old to hold doors for others and to say “excuse me” instead of interrupting or jumping ahead of someone else.
i insist on please and thank you especially and just being kind
I think “please”, “thank you”, and “excuse me” are a solid foundation of common courtesy / good manners.
I have always insisted my kids say please and thank you.
To teach their elders with respect.
Not to speak when someone is speaking and not to talk with food in her mouth
Please/thank you are big manners I insist on and teach my grandsons. I also try to teach my grandsons manners like holding the door for others and pushing your chair in when you get up.
Please and thank you are a must!
I teach my daughter kindness and positivity. Everyone deserves respect.
Saying please and thank you are very important.
mostly please and thank you
I insist on sharing.
To always be polite and say please and thank you.
I try to teach my son to respect others and hold the door for other people.
I try to instill respect, always be kind to others, look someone in the eyes when you speak to them – or they speak to you, Please and thank you and we pray before we eat!
Mannets I try teach most is please, thank you and excuse me
Always to say please and thank you!
I START WITH PLEASE AND THANK YOU
I like to teach respect
Asking nicely. My kids tend to want to yell something they want from a different room. I won’t talk to them if they do that. They need to come to me to talk to me. 1/2 the time I’m doing dishes, so it’s hard to hear them.
I teach my kids to be kind and to be thankful. I teach them to say please and thank you.
I think respect is them most important manner to learn
not to interrupt when someone else is talking
I insist people are always respectful to service workers, there is no reason to take your bad day out on a cashier or waitress.
Tolerance, patience and respect.
I insist on the basics including please, thank you, and excuse me. I think it is important to teach how to be polite, thoughtful, and nice.
Respect your elders. Open a door, help carry a package, give up a seat.
Pleases and Thank Yous are very important to teach kids.
Respect is the number one thing and politeness..I work with kids everyday that are so rude and impolite..drives me nuts
We insist our children always say please and thank you, also that they are tolerant of others at all times.
teach to say please and thank you
I’ve always made sure my children order their own food at places and follow up with a thank you to the server. I have NEVER allowed them to treat the server disrespectfully
For me consideration is the most important. Thinking about others and how your actions effect people is something that is important through life. If we are at a restaurant and the kids are being rambunctious, it doesn’t bother me and frankly they are having fun…but it might be bothering other people, so I expect my kids to know what is okay for the situation.
My kids were always taught please and thank you. They also enjoy holding the door for others and helping when someone drops things.
not to interrupt when someone else is talking and say please and thank you
Manners I insist on teaching are to show kindness to everyone and to always say please and thank you.
i insist on respect and always please and thankyou
i’m still trying to work on my oldest and his burping at the table or inappropriate times. he also never remembers to excuse himself.
We teach our children to respect others, be kind and helpful, and be polite.
Please, thanks, no thanks, holding doors open
I don’t have kids, but teaching empathy and basic consideration and awareness of others goes a long way to learning basic manners.
Some basics are please, thank you, not using a phone or other device when someone is talking to you, holding open a door for someone elderly or with full hands, not running or yelling in someone else home or a place of business.
Of course, please and thank you is important, but I also try in teach not interrupting a conversation. Unfortunately, I’ve had to teach that to adult coworkers.
daily ritual at my house
I insist on thank you being said. It is the one I really am a stickler on with my daughter. She does have really good manners and uses them well.
Being respectful, using please and thank you
I want to teach my kids all manners, especially please and thank you. I want them to say these things out of respect not because it is something that is supposed to be said
I teach my kids to treat everyone as if they might be Jesus reincarnated.
Please and thank you are musts, but also being kind and considering others’ feelings.
I teach/insist on saying “Please” & “Thank you” and using table manners.
I insist on my kids saying please and thank you.
We have tried to teach our children to be respectful of adults and others. That means saying, “please” or ” Thank you” when you are asked to do something.
I try to teach not making fun of others.
I try to teach my boy to be respectful and always say please and thank you.
I am big on teaching to say please and thank you.
kport207 at gmail dot com
My children must say Please and Thank you.
Please and thank you!
My biggest one is teaching kids not to interrupt others who are talking. We have a few others that are important too, such as “please” and “thank you”.
The always Please and Thank You are a given. We also are big on sharing and caring! 🙂
I try to teach my granddaughter please and thank you, both through language and ASL.
Please and thank you from the earliest age. Even babies!
i try to model instead of insisting, but consent and respect are very important to us
Please and thankyou
I regularly encourage my son to be respectful to others, learn to wait his turn when speaking and to politely say excuse me beforehand. Another I try to instill in him is the willingness to be helpful to others without being told or expecting to get anything out of it besides their appreciation and a sense of gratification for himself–I feel these are important and do so much good for children as they grow.
i teach manners like don’t talk with your mouth full, wash hands, and of course please and thank you!
It is important to help kids learn to share and take turns.
Please and thank you are the biggest. Also to be respectful to adults.
We insist on please and thank you, as well as washing hands after the bathroom and before eating!
please and thank you
Excuse me, please and thank you. We even have a little song for the smaller kids.
I teach to always say please and thank-you and to always be considerate to others.
To always be polite and say please and thank you!
I insist on please and thank you.
I insist on please & thank you, excuse me and respect others!
My important manners for my kids is please, thank you and always respect your elders!
I try to teach my children appreciation and empathy as well as saying please and thank you. Thanks for the chance.
I also emphasize please, thank you and excuse me. I also discourage talking with food in their mouth.
We insist on being nice
My kids say ma’am and sir to everyone they meet.
Please & thank you, and just be kind to others.
Saying Thank You and sending thank yous promptly!
I’m always trying to remind my daughter to say please and thank you always.
Always respect others even if they aren’t nice to you
Please and Thank You are big ones! We also teach our children to hold the door for others. 🙂
Please, thank you, excuse me and proper table manners at the moment.
I can only say I tried to teach my kids the standards: kindness, consideration and appreciation.
When they were younger; it was OK I WILL. Now, they are older and they understand EXACTLY what I was teaching them. Life is learned through experiences.
please thank you and general politeness and respect are what I teach
I think saying “thank you” is the most important. Thinking of gratitude is something I value a lot.
Most important using please and thank you. Respect is also at the top of my list
I always teach to say Yes Ma’am No Ma’am, Yes Sir, No Sir. It is just manners that have been passed down in our family.
To always be nice to everyone, especially strangers, including please and thank. I think that it is so important.
To be courteous (opening doors, shaking hands, smiling at people, stepping aside to let others pass), saying please and thank you and being nice to everyone.
I work with developmentally disabled adults and it seems like I am always teaching them cell phone courtesy.
We emphasize please and thank yous but we also try to reinforce being taking turns and sharing with others.
Please and thank you is huge.
Our three year old grandson has been saying please and thank-you shortly after he starting talking. Mom and Dad say it is very important for children to be respectful. Especially to their elders.
I try to teach please and thank you. I just really feel like those are important basics.
I do love when my niece and nephew say please and thank you. It’s simple, but polite.
Thank you and please is at the top of our list.
I make sure that my granddaughter always says please and thank you
I like when my children say thank you, it is polite.
Please, thank you and excuse me are the most important ones, to me at least. It’s a good place to start.
Saying please and thank you is my big one! 🙂
One of the most important is sharing. A must for everyone! Thanks for the chance!
I make it a must to my children to be kind to people and always do the right thing.
Please and thank you are musts. It also is nice when they dont burp in public….. 🙂
I teach my kids to always say thank you and please and to be respectful to everyone.
I always have her say please when asking for something and instead of “what” when being called I insist on her saying “yes”
I always teach to say Yes Ma’am, No Ma’am, Yes Sir, No Sir! It’s just manners and respect!
I teach to say please and thank you.
I insist on please and thank you!
My granddaughter is taught to always please and thank you
Please and thank you and good table manners.
I’d like to get my dainty 7 yr old daughter to stop eating with her fingers and belching.
To show respect to others
Please & Thank you manners are very important. We also stress being respectful to our siblings and parents.
To teach them to be respectful to everyone even if they may be different.
Thank you and please and respect everyone
Mostly say please and thank you and respect your elders. I also think its important to teach your children that their are people in this world that are suffering and will never have what they have, empathy is a very important thing to teach children and they don’t have to be that old to learn.
I insist on treating everyone how you want to be treated.
We always work on sharing and taking turns!
Please and thank you are a must. Respect and compassion are also very big musts. Thank you!
I insist on treating elders with respect. Of course that’s respect up to a point. If they disrespect you in any way then all bets are off. 🙂
The most important manners for me to teach is to say please and thank you!
Saying please and thank you
I insist that my daughter always says please & thank you:)
I make them use kindness, please and thank you.
Please and thank you is very important to our family!
Being kind and respectful. I don’t really care if they can’t tell a fish fork from a salad fork, but I’d better not catch them being rude or mean.
I insist on please and thank you.
I insist on people saying nice things around me or nothing at all.
The one we really try to emphasize is inside voice. Kids just don’t seem to understand whispering, talking, and yelling as being different things and having appropriate times. It’s very important to us for them to be respectful of other people including not yelling at or around them
In the south, we teach yes mam, no mam, yes sir, & no sir.
We stress that please, thank you and excuse me are important manners to use.
Please and Thank you.
saying thank you is a big one. For everything from big to small.
Table Manners
Thank you is The most important! Gratitude is a must!
Saying please and thank you.
I teach them to be kind
Saying please and thank you! Also chewing with your mouth closed lol!
Always say thank you and please.
Definitely please and thank you and not interrupting.
Please and Thank you and respect people’s personal space.
We do our best to model honest, respectful behavior. Adults are called sir or ma’am. Sharing, saying please and thank you, and being a good host to friends when they come over are taught and expected. We have three of the most polite, thoughtful children you could ever meet!
Please and thank you are manners I insist on! Thank you for the chance to win!
Teaching to say thank you is a must.
My son has been saying please and thank you since he could talk. Politeness is very important in our family.
the standard please and thank you goes a long way
I always tried to teach my daughter good manners at the table, and to always say thank you and please.
To treat others as you want to be treated, say please and thank you.
Children must always say please and thank you. It is very important.
Please, thank you and yes/no ma’am/sir.
politeness and good manners in public
I always have my boys say “Thank you.” I think it is an important lesson.
I think please and thank you are the most important.
Please and thank you are so important!
Please, thank you, excuse me, maam and sir.
always be polite to others
What manners do you insist on or try to teach?
LOGIC AND REASON all i know
Please and thank you are required as well as lying is not tolerated.
Please, thank you and you are not always first.
I want my children to be respectful, grateful, kind and honest.
Please, thank you, and basic kindness to others 🙂
Please and Thank you is a must!
When asking for something, say “Please.”
saying please and thank you and meaning it, that’s a start to treating people they way you want to be treated
I insist on please and thank you. Also yes ma’am and no sir.
To say please and thank you, be kind and respectful, share and say yes ma’am/no ma’am or sir.
Please and Thank You are the foundation for manners. If a child can grasp these two concepts, the teaching of manners is much simpler.
my daughter has taught her kids to always say thank you and please
I try to teach my children to be nice to everyone, don’t say rude things, always have respect, say “please and thank you”. and to always help others.
To be kind to one another!
To respect other and treat them how you want to be treated.
My biggest thing is teaching respect.
I insist on good manners period!
We teach the kids to always say please & thank you
Chew with your mouth close, dont interrupt others, and saying please and thank you!
Please, thank you, and asking instead of telling (Can I have a snack please? vs I’m going to have a snack.)
address their elders
Respect your parents, be kind to others, love on another.
We have always taught our children to use mam and sir as well as please and thank you.
To be respectful.
I teach general respect. Saying please and thank you is important. Respectful listening without interrupting is another thing that kids need to learn.
My kids know they must say please and thank you!
I think a please and a thank you are a must.
Saying thank you and please.
I insist on teaching my daughter respect for her elders
Proper table manners.
I try to teach my kids to show kindness to others and not gossip.
Please and thank you.
My kids have been taught to be polite, saying please/thank you and being kind and respectful
I believe in teaching my kids to show respect and kindness to others. I try to teach to them to always say please and thank you. Also, to say sorry even if it was an accident.
I insist on pleas and thank you and respect for other people and their things.
I taught my son to respect all people and to act in a courteous manner, such as saying please and thank you. I also taught him good table manners and good hygiene.
Respect is the most important manner
The manners I insist on are “Yes/No Sir/Ma’am” and please and thank you. Not only is it just polite, it’s always teaching respect.
I insist on saying please when you make a request and saying thanks when you get it.
Thank you.
Yes sir and no sir
I try to teach gratitude with please & thank you.
I insist on saying please and thank you and treating other people and their property with respect
Please and thank you are my biggest ones.
To say hi & bye when he sees people. Also please & thanks
To not interrupt adults when they are talking.
My daughter is pretty young but already says please and thank you.
Definitely teach my kids to always say please and thank you, to say excuse me and not to talk over others.
I try to teach the kids good manners with the use of please and thank you.
By setting a good example myself.
thank you
We try to teach our kids good manners by saying “Please” “Thank you!” and ask for something when they want something ; ex. ” May I have something to drink please ? ” instead of just saying they want!
I try to teach please, thank you and to be grateful.
Respect your elders!
To say Thank You and Please.
Saying please and thank you.
I try to instill being thankful and appreciative.
I remind my kids to say, “please”, “thank you”, “you’re welcome” and “bless you” (when people sneeze) though they usually say it without reminders.
We teach please and thank you and to politeness
I teach my kids to always say thank you.
Now that my son is a bit older, we are teaching him to hold the door open for others and to always smile while doing it.
I teach mine to cover your mouth when you cough, cover your nose when you sneeze and wash your hands too.
Please and thank you are huge. Respecting others is one too.
We teach them to respect their elders. From opening doors, to standing up when an elder walks into the room.
I teach my daughter to say please and thank you. I think the most important thing is showing respect, and the manners are a byproduct of that.
My kids, for the most part, do well with their manners. I started with them at an early age. My teen sons open doors for others and often say thank you. Not to brag (but I am), it’s a good feeling as a parent to hear from people that my children are well-behaved. I believe it’s important to teach kids young and I believe in the power of respect. I respect my kids and their feelings, and they do the same with me. Thanks.
Table manners are very important!
I insist on no phones at meals!
I teach to say please and thank you.
Pretty much anyhting having to do with saying thank you, please, may I, could you,…
We insist on please and thank you and being kind to each other.
Saying please and thank you, and just being kind in general are important.
We try to focus on saying Please but most of all Thank You, Yes Ma’Am, and Yes, Sir – to show respect.
I insist on saying please and thank you as well as treating elders with respect.
Saying please and thank you!
I insists on please and thank you, holding the door open for people and always covering your mouth when sneezing or coughing.
I insist on teaching my kids to say please, make eye contact with people and to say thank you.
I teach my kids ti say please, thank you and excuse me.
Respectful to others are essential, always show appreciations by saying thank you and please.
I teach my son to say thank you
Respecting personal space is one of our big rules here , on top of the “please” and “thank yous” .
Always say please and thank you!
Definitely ‘please and thank you’ are priorities and showing respect by looking in people’s eyes when talking to them.
Please and thank you, but also respecting people when they are talking. Don’t interrupt and actively listen.
I think the best manners I like to teach my kids is to show respect when they are talked to by adults
I try to teach my niece to be respectful of every single person. I teach her to say thank you and hold the door for the person behind her. I also teach her to never call people names.
Teaching my grandchildren to be respectful, polite and saying please and thank you is important.
I try to teach my kids to hold doors open for people.
The work Please is a must. I have always said that if you say Please, there is a chance you will get whatever you are asking for. If you don’t say Please. there is NO chance you will get it.
I insist on teaching manners to my kids. I teach by example and make sure that they are polite and say thank you and please!
Please/thank you are big manners I insist on and teach my grandsons. I also try to teach my grandsons manners like holding the door for others and pushing your chair in when you get up.
My kids have been taught to be polite, saying please/thank you and being kind and respectful
I insist on please and thank you.
Saying please and thank you are at the top of the list in this house.
I made it a priority to teach my kids restroom manners. As in washing hands and my son doesn’t leave the lid up on the seat.
We make sure our son understands to say please, thank you & yes daddy/mommy when speaking to us. We also try to make sure he understands to not talk when someone else is talking.