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5 Minutes for Books — Date Night in a Minivan

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This post may contain affiliate links. Read my disclosure policy here.

When I announced our new Creative Summer Days promotion (which starts Tuesday), I said that I like to use the summer months as a chance to use the more laid-back atmosphere of Summer to start some good habits. Your marriage is a great place to start–both you and your spouse along with your kids will reap the benefit of the extra effort.

Date Night in a Minivan is so much more than I thought it would be. Honestly, it sat in my to-be-read pile for a while, because I was thinking, “I’m not sure I need to read this. My husband and I connect regularly. The kids have a firm bedtime, and we enjoy our adult time each evening. We go on dates at least every few months, and on overnight getaways several times a year. In fact, we just returned from a weeklong vacation (you can see what I read on my vacation at that link, and check out some pics if you follow the other link in the post).” Although author Lorilee Craker does espodate-night.jpguse the virtues of time alone with your husband, that is not all this book is about.

The subtitle is “revving up your marriage after kids arrive,” and while most of our minds probably go to one place when we hear “revving up,” it’s not all about connecting physically or emotionally. If you think about it, the addition of kids to a marriage changes it in so many ways. Everything is intensified–money concerns, disputes about the division of labor, differences in our families of origin (which heavily influence the way we parent), conflicts with our parents–the new grandparents, fighting about time away from the family. . . .

Date Night in a Minivan gives you tips for dealing with all of these issues and so much more. Lorilee Craker tackles all of these issues with open sharing about from her own marriage. She shares honestly, but also uses humor to diffuse the automatic response that comes up when we are dealing with conflict–who’s right (or more accurately, “I’m right, so how can I convince him that he’s wrong“).

In addition to sharing her own experiences, each includes thoughts from “The Dish Panel,” other women who have struggled with the area that chapter addresses. But Craker doesn’t just leave us hanging. The chapters conclude with advice on how to GIGO (Get it Going On)–in other words, what to do to address the problem. The author suggests tactful ways to bring up the issue, work-arounds to differences of opinion, and more.

Another reason I like this book is because it’s really written to women. I don’t know about you, but I am the one who reads all the marriage/parenting books. Since it’s written to us, she is able to help us with our feelings about the subjects and then help us orchestrate equitable solutions.

Would you like to win one of five copies of this book? Leave a comment (if you want to dish, tell us about the biggest source of conflict in your family). I’ll announce the winners in next week’s column.

The winners of last week’s book, The Host, are
#104 Carrie S.
#186 L McLenden
#23 Kelly’s Krazy Kids

Reader Interactions


215 Comments

  4. None with my husband and children just my mother and the codependent alcoholic men in her life my father and brother and her endless fights and drama.

  7. He can’t handle anybody disagreeing with him and sees it as being disrespected and not being listened to. If you don’t agree with him, then your a bad listener.

  11. Never enough hours in a day or money here! Looks like a cute book. Please enter me in the contest. Thanks

  12. Easy Question… money and age.

    My husband is 16 years older than me. Didn’t used to be a problem, but he is now slowing down as I am speeding up 🙁

    Money is an issue for everyone. I have 4 children and WOW, it gets tougher and tougher every day!

    Thanks,
    Diane 🙂

  13. Our biggest source of conflict is either money, or division of labor. Sounds standard, but both can be very trying on a marriage. Little things like who takes out the trash can blow up into epic proportions and make mountains out of molehills.

  15. Our biggest source of conflict is my husband’s picking on my driving after asking me to drive.I agree 100% with this comment. It makes me so nervous that I do make silly mistakes. lol ty 4 the nice giveaway!

  16. The biggest source of conflict in our family is relatives. Enough said.

  17. Our biggest source of conflict is my husband’s picking on my driving after asking me to drive- it irks me to no end!

  18. The biggest source of conflict in my family is delegation and completion of chores. This seems to be a constant struggle.

  21. Biggest source of conflict: The amount of money ‘somebody’ spends on golf each month. Oye!

  22. Biggest source of conflict is how I do my job as a mom. Hubby thinks I’m a little too relaxed and laid back. I’m with them 24 hours a day so I know them. Whereas he works 12 hours a day outside them home. Drives me crazy.

  23. I would love to win this. In my family, politics seems to be the biggest source of conflict, but I make a point to avoid political discussions with my mother because they end up in heated arguments, and I really don’t want to spend any time with her arguing. I am very liberal and she’s very conservative so you can imagine it would be quite difficult for us to talk about that. So, we talk about the Red Sox, Patriots, Celtics and UMass basketball 😉 Sports talk is a great way to cement the bond between us.

  24. My biggest issue is just losing who I was. I know my husband has got to be wondering what happened to the woman he married.

    Anyway, we try to schedule date night every other week. It doesn’t always happen.

  30. This looks like fun book to read. One of our conflicts is hubby doesn’t know how to save money, just spend it!!

  33. Our biggest conflict is money. I have to wonder if this stimulus money is causing arguments around the country. We got it a week ago and all we have done is argue about what to do with it.

  35. How we spend money, I was so upset yesterday, here we are in a country that is hurting, unpaid bills, and my husband goes and buys a remote control helicopter.

  38. We need to re connect. Having three kids in Less then four years has definately taken it’s toll on our alone time. Add to that, DH works nights and a 2nd job during the day, we are on different schedules. I would love any help I can get!!

  41. Source of conflict frequently changes….what’s not to be conflicted about these days? Definitely could use the book as number 3 is expected in a week and a half!!

  43. I’d love a copy. The biggest source of conflict is concerning how we spend our limited time! There just never seems to be enough!

  45. Although he is very considerate, he just doesn’t quite get it. I absolutely have to have alone time and I mean alone, or I get so darn nervous I could pull my hair and everyone elses too. If I don’t have that, I feel as though I have nothing left to give anyone. Including him. In every way.

  46. My husband works very hard to support us. He travels frequently and even when he is not at work, his mind can stray to business. Often, work will call with some horrific problem, some metaphorical fire that of course no one but him could possibly put out. With two growing boys and their busy lives to manage and my own health problems (thyroid, depression) and blogs to run, I too am guilty of letting my attention stray from the care-taking a strong marriage requires to stay strong. I need to tell him more how much I appreciate him, and that I love him even more after all this time. Next year, we will be married twenty years…wow. I just realized, I really do need this book.

    Viv
    http://coolmomsrule.blogspot.com

  47. Right now is trying to teach our kids to take responsibilty for their actions or lack of!

  51. Please sign me up!

    Our conflicts come from outside our relationship – namely in-law problems. I am devouring anything I can read that might help…

  53. Our biggest source of conflict stems from what this book is all about! That we don’t have enough mommy and daddy time.

  54. Our biggest source of conflict is over money. Like many families, I imagine.

    THis sounds like a great book.

  55. Our biggest source of conflict is housework and yardwork and how it gets done and who does it and when.

  56. There’s not much in the way of conflict right now but my husband does think I baby my son too much. I consider it spoiling because he’s leaving the nest soon and I enjoy spoiling him while I still can. He thinks he needs to do everything for himself because he’s got to learn independence by the time he leaves. He’s probably right but I can’t help it.

  57. The biggest source of conflict right now in our family, is our daughter living on her own but not having a job to support herself. She expects us to do it for her, I guess!

  58. I would love the chance to win the book…our biggest source of conlict is parenting styles that conflict. I am eager and to learn something new

  59. Oh, we need this book! Our biggest source of conflict? It’s a tie between not having enough time for romance and not having enough money. Sigh. We REALLY could use this book!

  61. I love the title…makes your mind wonder! I have a mini-van and I need a date night! Count me in!

  63. What is date night. Does that mean I drive my kids somewhere or help with homework after working a 12 hour shift?

  64. The biggest source of conflict is my alcoholic brother. My husband cannot stand how he acts at family functions, and his behavior towards my parents. It sickens both of us, and causes a lot of disputes in our family because of it.

  67. I found out about my hubbys addiction just after the birth of our first child. Our lives have been a wreck ever since. Reading here I realize that some of the chaos might be pretty normal. I am often too hard on myself and my family.

  75. My biggest annoyance is reading marriage books that are written to stereotypes that are nothing like my husband and I. I’d like to see if this book is new and different.

  78. We go on many dates in our minivan! Our biggest source of conflict is the lack of money. As our girls get older (ages 8-13) they “need” so much more stuff! Hope I win!

  79. We should have better luck on getting a date night now that my oldest is 12. Thanks for the chance.

  84. The book sounds like a great read. The biggest source of conflict is that my husband shows love by spending lots of money on me and the kids when I don’t feel we have the money to do that. It stresses me out!

  85. As a mom who is about to be the mom of 3 I struggle with getting time alone EVERY Day with my hubby. I would love to read this.

  86. I’d love to read this book! I’m a new mother and I’m finding is very hard for my husband and me to spend time together. ARGH!

    Prayers and Blessings!
    Rebecca

  88. Probably being tired, him coming home from work (tired) and me staying home with the kids (tired) and leading different lives during the day, it sometimes can be trying to get through the evening with three kids but it’s totally worth it 🙂

  90. LOL–1 word: teenagers!!!! (love them to pieces, but raising them is definitely a source of conflict)
    THANKS

  93. I’d love to win this book. The biggest source of conflict for us now is how to make time for each other (have date nights). Honestly, I’m worried that it’s only going to get worse after the arrival of #2

  95. Scheduling date nights especially when family lives out of town is hard to do. I would love to win a copy of this book.

  97. I would love this book. Sometimes I feel like I have no ideas, so no date night happens… HELP! 🙂

  103. I’d love to win a copy. Our biggest conflict seems to be how to spend our family time. DH is in the military and spends a fair amount of time away…when he gets back, I want a break from the kids, he wants to spend time with us all….its a hard mix sometimes.

    Thanks!

  104. I would love to win this book! My children are 7,4,3, and 6 months. Any kind of date (minivan or not) sounds wonderful!!

  105. Our biggest conflict has been having a child before we were married or ready to have a child. Now we have two and are just now figuring out that we need to “date”… since we never really did before the family happened. Also we have been raised in totally different ways so how we parent is like polar opposites.

  108. my husband and i struggle with how to discipline our children effectively. we are both sort of “push over’s” and our kids know it!!! so we are definitely working on it. this book sounds great….count me in. thanks :O)

  111. Ours is definately with finding alone time (((UH NO KIDS ALLOWED)) *Wink* lol I could definately use this book.

  113. I’d have to say that the biggest conflict is discipline. I am the “bad” one who says no while he lets the girls get away with murder.

  114. I’m a very private person, so I am not going public with any family conflicts. Thank you for this giveaway!

  119. We just had our first child (she’s 8 weeks old!) so this would be a great book for us! Right now the biggest conflicts are just when one of us get cranky, we don’t argue much otherwise. We shall see now that everything is changing…

  122. Getting time to ourselves is our biggest conflict. As the kids get older, I know it will get easier!

  125. Worry. He thinks I worry too much, I think he doesn’t worry about the future enough.

  126. Without getting in to too much detail, we could really use that book. We seem to have lost of connection lately and it frightens me.

  127. I’d like to enter the contest! And our biggest conflict right now is my son’s strong will. My husband and I don’t see eye to eye on how to respond to him all the time and it’s a source of tension with us all. Even the baby feels stress over his ability to antagonize her!!!

  129. sounds great!! we definitely need some advice and inspiration after recently adding baby #3 to our family…

  130. I’d have to say we squabble most over how much we need/want to do to our house and how frustrated we are that it’s not getting done. It’s like we forget that we have two children under the age of five or something. :0) There will be more time later on to re-tile that shower.

    Thanks!

  133. I need that book!! I guess our biggest source of conflict is household chores!

  134. Right now our biggest conflict is figuring out what to do when we get time away from the kids. I would love to win this book for some new ideas

  135. At this point in our 22 year marriage, the biggest conflict is “Taking the Time for Each Other!” We have been threw the throes of financial difficulties and hopefully, we will never see the likes of those again! I can’t tell you the last time my husband and I went out for a date! My niece had given us a gift certificate for a restaurant that was virtually a landmark in our town and they just closed their doors! We still have the gift certificate. Please enter me in your book drawing. Many thanks, Cindi

  138. hey wait a minute, you must have watched OUR last date night. Except it was in the backseat of my elantra

  141. I’d love a copy! We do a pretty good job connecting too, but with dh’s exciting new company it is becoming harder and harder to make time!

  142. Our biggest source of conflict is probably lack of time together. We don’t get a lot of time to connect with all of the myriad activities we’re involved with.

  150. If this is anything like her previous books, it will be well worth the read. She always gets her point across with humor and that helps make it easier to swallow. Of course sometimes it’s just funny to be funny, but I appreciate the truth amidst that humor.

  152. Sounds like a very interesting book. Our biggest concern seems to be money lately, but we usually agree what to do with it.

  161. Please enter me! Our biggest conflict is time managment, esspecially in regards to each other, friend and families.

  163. One of our biggest issues stems from the fact that my husband is a football coach and he spends a lot of time away from home in the fall. Of course if we didn’t have this issue we would have conflict about financial issues since there is a significant monetary benefit to his coaching!

  166. My husband and I don’t really have any conflicts; but in our family we certainly do.

    Neither my brother nor sister will talk to us. My mother has severe alzheimers and my dad had a heart attack last Wed. He ended up having 2 stints put into 2 arteries. Now he is too ill to look after my mother.

    My 16 yr old ran away a few months ago and we are still trying to deal with that.

    Oh my husband and myself are the only of the children to have anything to do with my parents also.

    Right now, I’m lost and could use a book to take me away!

  167. I have heard such great things about this book, I would love to win it. The biggest source of conflict in my marriage is my mother.

  174. We don’t fight much at all here if I had to say we had a issue it would be over the kids snacking way to much.

  176. Our biggest conflict centers around our teenager… what to say… how to say it….
    gkstratos @yahoo.com

  178. Looks like a fun book… Our biggest source of conflict right now is disciplining the kids. Hopefully we’ll figure it out before they turn out to be juvenile delinquents! 🙂

  180. The biggest source of conflict in our marriage is communication and expectations of one another. We couldn’t be any more different in those two areas.

    Great giveaway. Thanks.

  183. The biggest source of conflict in our marriage now that we have kids is definitely my inlaws. They like to “parent” my one year old. And money of course!

  184. Ohhh, sounds like a great book for me to read!

    laura_licious101@hotmail(dot)com

  185. This books sounds interesting. Our conflict comes from unmet expectations (both verbalized and non-verbalized). Great giveaway! Thanks for offering this!
    ~Tanya
    the4moyers(at)msn(dot)com

  186. This looks like a great book. I think some of our struggles are making time for one another (and not talking about the kids, house, finances…when we do get that time) and parenting. I tend to have a little more grace and he can be very direct. I tend to think he’s a bit harsh and he thinks I am too easy on them.

  188. As of late we had a dear friend pass away and it has made both of us look at life in a different perspective where we once thought we could scrimp we now realize that we need to be generous.
    It means a lot to the other if we let them have certain freedoms

    This book sounds great!

  190. Definitely looks like a useful book! With a 1-year-old (unplanned) cosleeper in our house, married life has certainly changed.

    Biggest source of conflict – communication styles! He’s “in your face” and wants things straight – I prefer to be a little more subtle and get upset when he doesn’t get the message . . .

  191. Our biggest source of conflict is time away from the children and division of labor. Thanks for holding the contest!

  192. Biggest source of conflict? By the time we get the kids to bed, we’re too tired to enjoy our time alone. And money, always money.

  193. I wouldn’t say it’s a source of conflict, but DH and I never get alone time. We don’t have anyone to watch the kids, I’m a morning person and he’s definately not, lol. It’s just hard to meet on the same “playing field” some days.

  194. The biggest conflict in our family is the thermostat. My husband likes it super cold and we’re always “fighting” about it. I like it a little bit warm, so he freezes me out and I burn him up. LOL!

    I’d love to read this book.

  199. Making good use of our “alone” time instead of vegging in front of the TV, exhausted!

  202. We are trying to reconnect after our lives have become more harried. Thanks for the contest and the info on the book in case I don’t win!

  203. Biggest problem — Not having any energy to spend any time together once the kids are on bed. We are a TV family after 8:30pm.

  204. Our biggest conflict is how to deal with the kids behavior, how to discipline etc.

    I have heard numerous times this is a good book, would love to win a copy.

  205. I have to agree w/Jenn (comment #5) Scheduling time together. If we don’t schedule it, it just doesn’t happen. Sad, but true.

  206. hmmmm … after moving 1600+ miles away from family and friends, the biggest adjustment and course for frustration that then leads to conflict 🙂 is struggling while being away from those we love.

  207. Biggest source of conflict? Scheduling time together! We didn’t used to have to do that! It’s hard to find time alone now!

  209. Biggest source of conflict just depends on the day. Having kids just intensifies everything. : )

  210. We have issues with both financial struggles (who doesn’t?) and parenting styles. We were raised VERY differently and we also have a rather large age gap, so those two things combined make for some rough times when it comes to parenting! 🙂

  211. I would say our biggest source of conflict is culture differences – my husband is African and I’m American. It’s amazing how coming from places across the globe can make you feel 1 million miles away from each other in your heart during a disagreement.