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Sometimes I think the length of my mommy fuse is directly proportional to the number of months I had to wait to get pregnant.
I figure three and a half years of charting and temperature taking gave me a very long fuse. All those months of excruciating heartache made it almost impossible for me to lose my temper once my blessed little child arrived.
Now, I’m certainly NOT saying I’m a star parent… obviously not… my list of parental shortcomings could fill pages. But I am proud, and quite surprised, that I’ve made it to my daughter’s third birthday without ever losing my temper and yelling at her.
During Julia’s first year of life, I spent every day in such amazement that I had finally gotten pregnant and had a baby, that hours of walking the floor while nursing and singing to a fussy baby was fine with me. And, there were many people — sometimes including Janice — who said I spoiled her.
I simply replied, “Oh well, maybe she is spoiled and will only sleep with her mommy nearby, but I don’t mind.” I happily co-slept with my little bundle of fusses and didn’t mind nursing her throughout the night. I laughed that Julia decided for me that I should embrace attachment parenting. So I did and I loved having my baby ‘attached’ to me.
After that first year, Julia gradually turned from a slightly high-needs baby into a sweet little girl. Now we are extra blessed to have a very easy little girl who responds beautifully to simple parenting techniques such as giving choices with a little dose of distraction tossed in here or there.
But, like every toddler and preschooler, some days Julia can drain my pool of patience almost dry. And the other night, I could feel the surface cracking.
Julia was pushing her routine night-time procrastination stunts too far and eventually threw herself into a stereotypical kicking and screaming tantrum over having to wear long-sleeve pajamas. As I lay on the bed, holding and hugging her wild little body next to me and trying to console her, I grew more and more agitated.
My consoling turned to stern directives. And I heard myself saying in a deep, very stern voice, “Julia, what you are having is called a temper tantrum. You have lost your temper and you are having a temper tantrum. And do you know what? Mommies can lose their tempers too. What do you think will happen if Mommy loses her temper and Mommy has a temper tantrum?”
And to my complete surprise, Julia’s screams and cries tapered off and her little body went limp as she stopped to ponder the question. My tone had been so serious and the reality of Mommy getting really angry rocked her little three year old world. As she stopped and thought, exhaustion won and she fell fast asleep right there in my arms.
I thanked the Lord and closed my eyes to welcome my own sweet sleep.
UPDATE: For a different perspective, Janice just posted about her experience with her “short fuse” in her post, “When Mommy Loses her Temper…” Click over and read about what happens with the other twin who is raising a six year old boy! And please note that my daughter is still very young. I am sure I will lose my temper with her in years to come. (And if my memory correctly serves, when I was pregnant and exhausted last year, I lost my temper with Janice’s son Jackson on a few occasions!)
I am thinking that girls might be a little easier in this area to raise when they are little. (I suspect they make up for it when they are teenagers. heh)
I have a lil boy and I have lost it a few times. Although I’m noticing there is a link to my hormonal situation and my patience or lack there of. My friend has a boy and a girl and she says the girl takes direction much easier. She is usually frustrated with the son testing his boundries constantly.
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You can talk in hushed tones and sing sweet fairy tale songs – hold hands and chant. I did. Twenty-four years ago when my first son was born. Seventeen years later I had a 17 year old, a 13 year old and a 9 year old. All boys. Now, I’m down to the last one. Fianlly. Boy are things different now. Tempers are shorter and teenagers are smarter – and not in a good way if you know what I mean. The following is the best way I know of for dealing with my teenager and my temper. Just like in grade school, (or on the Simpsons for those of you who are really young) I sit down and write the following:
1. I will not sell my teenage son on eBay.
2. I will not sell my teenage son on eBay.
3. I will not sell my teenage son on eBay.
4. I will not sell my teenage son on eBay.
5 I will not sell my teenage son on eBay.
6. I will try not to sell my teenage son on eBay.
7. Unless I have a really good reason I won’t sell Zack on eBay.
8. If he doesn’t watch out, I’m hittin’ the sell button anytime now.
9. If his sorry little non-educated, homework avoiding, skirt-chasing, room-not-cleaning, curfew breaking, extra allowance begging, can I have the Blazer whinning, butt keeps this up…
10. Bids open at $10.00 but I will lift reserve if it is not met by the time limit specified. There is a non-return policy.
As most of you would know, I relly do not intend to sell my child on Ebay or anywhere else. However, the personal therapy of it all is the only thing I need. And it is way cheaper than a visit to the therapist office.
Susan, Thanks for sharing this. My youngest daughter will be 3 in June. I think my parenting has been the same for all 3 of my kids. But each responds uniquely to me and my tantrums. My oldest NEVER argued, very easy going, my middle challenges EVERYTHING I say even when I agree with her, and my little one is sweet unless she’s tired, then look out! Also a cosleeper. I think it is a wonderful experience and more should try it.
Thanks for sharing. You sound like a wonderful mother.
P.S. We were/are a co-sleeping and nursing-through-the-night family too. 🙂
Just so you do NOT think Susan is perfect – Julia is quite an easy to parent child! LOL
But Susan DOES amaze me with her patience.
She even rarely loses her patience with my son Jackson who is very gifted at “pushing buttons.”
I regularly lose my patience when parenting him – I am not nearly as talented as Susan about holding my tongue and my temper.
So if you are feeling bad that you lose your temper and raise your voice – I understand – I struggle with that too!
Thanks for sharing. It’s interesting what you said about the fuse length being directly proportional to how long it took to get pregnant. With my first we got pregnant the 1st time we tried and I have an EXTREMELY short fuse with her. My youngest, on the other hand, too kover a year to get pregnant and my fuse is quite long with her. Hmmmm ….
Blessings!
~Heather 🙂
What a great post. I wish I could say the same, but I know I yell at me kids and probably too often, although I’m working hard on that and I also know I’m improving.
I enjoyed your post, I sometimes find it harder to be patient as my little one transitions from baby to toddler and I’m always racked with guilt when I’m impatient with her because I can see I’ve crushed her . . .
great story. I hope you get a lot of mileage out of that deep think and she doesn’t have another TT. one can pray and hope, right? 🙂
No wonder I have such a short fuse, I got pg quickly lol 😛 I can’t believe you haven’t lost your temper with her ever, I lose mine almost every day! I really am trying to be better though.
I loved your post! It reminded me of this funny video my friend posted on her blog the other day…the mommy tantrum (it is a vicks commercial)!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YxXIhM9nd2o
Once I lost my temper and yelled at my son. “I don’t like it when you whine,” I said. He looked up at me and replied softly, “I don’t like it when you yell, mommy.”
Needless to say, I learned my lesson. I’m not saying I NEVER yelled again, but I sure was a lot more careful.
Blessings to you!
Thank you so much for sharing that. I have a little girl that’s nearly 3 1/2 and a son that’s nearly 2 and I’ve been stuggling with them lately since they’ve both been having temper tantrums. I struggle with my own temper and this really made me feel better knowing I’m not the only one to have moments where it’s tempting to have a temper tantrum of my own.
Thanks for sharing that Susan! That’s wonderful.
I do struggle with losing my temper, and you are blessed to be able to display those fruits of kindness, patience, and gentleness.