When I announced our new Creative Summer Days promotion (which starts Tuesday), I said that I like to use the summer months as a chance to use the more laid-back atmosphere of Summer to start some good habits. Your marriage is a great place to start–both you and your spouse along with your kids will reap the benefit of the extra effort.
Date Night in a Minivan is so much more than I thought it would be. Honestly, it sat in my to-be-read pile for a while, because I was thinking, “I’m not sure I need to read this. My husband and I connect regularly. The kids have a firm bedtime, and we enjoy our adult time each evening. We go on dates at least every few months, and on overnight getaways several times a year. In fact, we just returned from a weeklong vacation (you can see what I read on my vacation at that link, and check out some pics if you follow the other link in the post).” Although author Lorilee Craker does espo
use the virtues of time alone with your husband, that is not all this book is about.
The subtitle is “revving up your marriage after kids arrive,” and while most of our minds probably go to one place when we hear “revving up,” it’s not all about connecting physically or emotionally. If you think about it, the addition of kids to a marriage changes it in so many ways. Everything is intensified–money concerns, disputes about the division of labor, differences in our families of origin (which heavily influence the way we parent), conflicts with our parents–the new grandparents, fighting about time away from the family. . . .
Date Night in a Minivan gives you tips for dealing with all of these issues and so much more. Lorilee Craker tackles all of these issues with open sharing about from her own marriage. She shares honestly, but also uses humor to diffuse the automatic response that comes up when we are dealing with conflict–who’s right (or more accurately, “I’m right, so how can I convince him that he’s wrong“).
In addition to sharing her own experiences, each includes thoughts from “The Dish Panel,” other women who have struggled with the area that chapter addresses. But Craker doesn’t just leave us hanging. The chapters conclude with advice on how to GIGO (Get it Going On)–in other words, what to do to address the problem. The author suggests tactful ways to bring up the issue, work-arounds to differences of opinion, and more.
Another reason I like this book is because it’s really written to women. I don’t know about you, but I am the one who reads all the marriage/parenting books. Since it’s written to us, she is able to help us with our feelings about the subjects and then help us orchestrate equitable solutions.
Would you like to win one of five copies of this book? Leave a comment (if you want to dish, tell us about the biggest source of conflict in your family). I’ll announce the winners in next week’s column.
The winners of last week’s book, The Host, are
#104 Carrie S.
#186 L McLenden
#23 Kelly’s Krazy Kids
5 Minutes for YOU to read, relax, & connect with other moms. We're here to inspire, encourage & empower you.
{ 211 comments… read them below or add one }
I would say our biggest source of conflict is culture differences – my husband is African and I’m American. It’s amazing how coming from places across the globe can make you feel 1 million miles away from each other in your heart during a disagreement.
We have issues with both financial struggles (who doesn’t?) and parenting styles. We were raised VERY differently and we also have a rather large age gap, so those two things combined make for some rough times when it comes to parenting!
Biggest source of conflict just depends on the day. Having kids just intensifies everything. : )
Biggest source of conflict: not enough time for date night!
Biggest source of conflict? Scheduling time together! We didn’t used to have to do that! It’s hard to find time alone now!
hmmmm … after moving 1600+ miles away from family and friends, the biggest adjustment and course for frustration that then leads to conflict
is struggling while being away from those we love.
I have to agree w/Jenn (comment #5) Scheduling time together. If we don’t schedule it, it just doesn’t happen. Sad, but true.
Our biggest conflict is how to deal with the kids behavior, how to discipline etc.
I have heard numerous times this is a good book, would love to win a copy.
Biggest problem — Not having any energy to spend any time together once the kids are on bed. We are a TV family after 8:30pm.
We are trying to reconnect after our lives have become more harried. Thanks for the contest and the info on the book in case I don’t win!
Please enter me!
Finding time alone!
Making good use of our “alone” time instead of vegging in front of the TV, exhausted!
Yahoo! I’d love to win as the little one is on the way is hopefully less than 12 days!
I’ve heard great things about this book AND I have a minivan.
Source of conflict – I like to plan, he doesn’t…
This sounds like a great book!
Oh Gosh!! I think this sounds like a great book, our biggest source of conflict…laundry and money.
The biggest conflict in our family is the thermostat. My husband likes it super cold and we’re always “fighting” about it. I like it a little bit warm, so he freezes me out and I burn him up. LOL!
I’d love to read this book.
I wouldn’t say it’s a source of conflict, but DH and I never get alone time. We don’t have anyone to watch the kids, I’m a morning person and he’s definately not, lol. It’s just hard to meet on the same “playing field” some days.
Biggest source of conflict? By the time we get the kids to bed, we’re too tired to enjoy our time alone. And money, always money.
Our biggest source of conflict is time away from the children and division of labor. Thanks for holding the contest!
Definitely looks like a useful book! With a 1-year-old (unplanned) cosleeper in our house, married life has certainly changed.
Biggest source of conflict – communication styles! He’s “in your face” and wants things straight – I prefer to be a little more subtle and get upset when he doesn’t get the message . . .
Our biggest issue is finding time together. We get time, but it’s not as much as we’d like. We need more “us” time.
As of late we had a dear friend pass away and it has made both of us look at life in a different perspective where we once thought we could scrimp we now realize that we need to be generous.
It means a lot to the other if we let them have certain freedoms
This book sounds great!
Sounds like a great book. Thanks.
This looks like a great book. I think some of our struggles are making time for one another (and not talking about the kids, house, finances…when we do get that time) and parenting. I tend to have a little more grace and he can be very direct. I tend to think he’s a bit harsh and he thinks I am too easy on them.
This books sounds interesting. Our conflict comes from unmet expectations (both verbalized and non-verbalized). Great giveaway! Thanks for offering this!
~Tanya
the4moyers(at)msn(dot)com
Ohhh, sounds like a great book for me to read!
laura_licious101@hotmail(dot)com
The biggest source of conflict in our marriage now that we have kids is definitely my inlaws. They like to “parent” my one year old. And money of course!
Hey wondering if the photo contest is officially over?
sounds like a good book!
The biggest source of conflict in our marriage is communication and expectations of one another. We couldn’t be any more different in those two areas.
Great giveaway. Thanks.
How fun! I have a minivan, and a DH that takes me on dates… I would love to get this book!
Looks like a fun book… Our biggest source of conflict right now is disciplining the kids. Hopefully we’ll figure it out before they turn out to be juvenile delinquents!
we do own a minivan, lol.
Our biggest conflict centers around our teenager… what to say… how to say it….
gkstratos @yahoo.com
My wife volunteering me to help someone with their home repairs.
We don’t fight much at all here if I had to say we had a issue it would be over the kids snacking way to much.
Our biggest conflict is fitting in time for sex. Will this book help?
jceko77@yahoo.com
Cant think of any
I’d like to win a copy of this book.
Thanks!
Our biggest conflict issues are financial
I would love to have a book to read over the summer.Please enter me. Thank you,Anne
Wow, this sounds like a good one. Our biggest conflict right now is related to disciplining our son.
I have heard such great things about this book, I would love to win it. The biggest source of conflict in my marriage is my mother.
My husband and I don’t really have any conflicts; but in our family we certainly do.
Neither my brother nor sister will talk to us. My mother has severe alzheimers and my dad had a heart attack last Wed. He ended up having 2 stints put into 2 arteries. Now he is too ill to look after my mother.
My 16 yr old ran away a few months ago and we are still trying to deal with that.
Oh my husband and myself are the only of the children to have anything to do with my parents also.
Right now, I’m lost and could use a book to take me away!
Sign me up please….this book looks good!
love it! sounds great!
One of our biggest issues stems from the fact that my husband is a football coach and he spends a lot of time away from home in the fall. Of course if we didn’t have this issue we would have conflict about financial issues since there is a significant monetary benefit to his coaching!
We’re pretty good on all fronts but just simply more time alone together
Please enter me! Our biggest conflict is time managment, esspecially in regards to each other, friend and families.
My husband is a person so easy to get along with you’d never believe he is real…really.
Would love the book.
What a fun and interesting looking read. Count me in!
Parenting issues is our greatest conflict.
biggest source is no alone time for us.
Count me in!
Keeping the house clean and laundry done is the biggest pain for our family.
no time to spend together
I’d love to read about how to make our marriage better!
Sounds like a very interesting book. Our biggest concern seems to be money lately, but we usually agree what to do with it.
Sounds like a great book! I think long work hours and deployments are the hardest thing for us right now.
If this is anything like her previous books, it will be well worth the read. She always gets her point across with humor and that helps make it easier to swallow. Of course sometimes it’s just funny to be funny, but I appreciate the truth amidst that humor.
This would be perfect for my family!
We could use this around here…
Always lack of time
Finding time for eachother (and ourselves)!
Sounds like a great book. I feel like my husband and I connect regularly, but you really made me think if we do. I’d love to win this book.
Biggest conflict? Getting my son to bed on time, because he tries his best to stay up all night.
Probably finances. Great giveaway, thanks!
Our biggest source of conflict is probably lack of time together. We don’t get a lot of time to connect with all of the myriad activities we’re involved with.
I’d love a copy! We do a pretty good job connecting too, but with dh’s exciting new company it is becoming harder and harder to make time!
Please enter me
Looks like a great book!
I think my hunny would love for ME to read this book!
hey wait a minute, you must have watched OUR last date night. Except it was in the backseat of my elantra
Biggest souce of conflict is always money.
I have a much-beloved minivan. Would like to win this!
At this point in our 22 year marriage, the biggest conflict is “Taking the Time for Each Other!” We have been threw the throes of financial difficulties and hopefully, we will never see the likes of those again! I can’t tell you the last time my husband and I went out for a date! My niece had given us a gift certificate for a restaurant that was virtually a landmark in our town and they just closed their doors! We still have the gift certificate. Please enter me in your book drawing. Many thanks, Cindi
Right now our biggest conflict is figuring out what to do when we get time away from the kids. I would love to win this book for some new ideas
I need that book!! I guess our biggest source of conflict is household chores!
This book sounds great!
money
I’d have to say we squabble most over how much we need/want to do to our house and how frustrated we are that it’s not getting done. It’s like we forget that we have two children under the age of five or something. :0) There will be more time later on to re-tile that shower.
Thanks!
sounds great!! we definitely need some advice and inspiration after recently adding baby #3 to our family…
She just spoke at my MOPS and is fantastic. I would love to get this book!!
I’d like to enter the contest! And our biggest conflict right now is my son’s strong will. My husband and I don’t see eye to eye on how to respond to him all the time and it’s a source of tension with us all. Even the baby feels stress over his ability to antagonize her!!!
Without getting in to too much detail, we could really use that book. We seem to have lost of connection lately and it frightens me.
Worry. He thinks I worry too much, I think he doesn’t worry about the future enough.
I think discipline styles is our biggest source of conflict. I would love to win this book.
Too much worrying!
Getting time to ourselves is our biggest conflict. As the kids get older, I know it will get easier!
Our biggest source of conflict is how to spend vacation
sweet prize
We just had our first child (she’s 8 weeks old!) so this would be a great book for us! Right now the biggest conflicts are just when one of us get cranky, we don’t argue much otherwise. We shall see now that everything is changing…
finanicial
Our biggest conflict is trying to find the time to have some alone time.
discipline
Sometimes money is an issue, but not often. I’d love to read the book, though.
I’m a very private person, so I am not going public with any family conflicts. Thank you for this giveaway!
I’d have to say that the biggest conflict is discipline. I am the “bad” one who says no while he lets the girls get away with murder.
Thank you for having this contest. I really appreciate it.
Ours is definately with finding alone time (((UH NO KIDS ALLOWED)) *Wink* lol I could definately use this book.
Chores and cleaning up after themselves!
Count me in!
my husband and i struggle with how to discipline our children effectively. we are both sort of “push over’s” and our kids know it!!! so we are definitely working on it. this book sounds great….count me in. thanks :O)
I’d love to have some suggestions on reviving your marriage…thanks!
Our biggest problem is definitely who’s doing what with the housework….ugh!
Our biggest conflict has been having a child before we were married or ready to have a child. Now we have two and are just now figuring out that we need to “date”… since we never really did before the family happened. Also we have been raised in totally different ways so how we parent is like polar opposites.
I would love to win this book! My children are 7,4,3, and 6 months. Any kind of date (minivan or not) sounds wonderful!!
I’d love to win a copy. Our biggest conflict seems to be how to spend our family time. DH is in the military and spends a fair amount of time away…when he gets back, I want a break from the kids, he wants to spend time with us all….its a hard mix sometimes.
Thanks!
chaching
I would love to win this
I would love to win! DH and I actually have NO time together away from the kids
. But we don’t mind that much! 
.
Sounds like a great book! Our biggest problems come from not listening closely enough to each other.
enter me!
I would love this book. Sometimes I feel like I have no ideas, so no date night happens… HELP!
I would love the chance to win a copy of this book. Thank you!
Scheduling date nights especially when family lives out of town is hard to do. I would love to win a copy of this book.
for the neice
I’d love to win this book. The biggest source of conflict for us now is how to make time for each other (have date nights). Honestly, I’m worried that it’s only going to get worse after the arrival of #2
I want to win
What a fun-sounding book!
LOL–1 word: teenagers!!!! (love them to pieces, but raising them is definitely a source of conflict)
THANKS
Conflict, what conflict? *LOL*
Probably being tired, him coming home from work (tired) and me staying home with the kids (tired) and leading different lives during the day, it sometimes can be trying to get through the evening with three kids but it’s totally worth it
I’d love to read this book!
I’d love to read this book! I’m a new mother and I’m finding is very hard for my husband and me to spend time together. ARGH!
Prayers and Blessings!
Rebecca
As a mom who is about to be the mom of 3 I struggle with getting time alone EVERY Day with my hubby. I would love to read this.
The book sounds like a great read. The biggest source of conflict is that my husband shows love by spending lots of money on me and the kids when I don’t feel we have the money to do that. It stresses me out!
it’s too much tv too much snacking and struggling to stop.
OMG! Please sign me up. I’m a little early, but as a teacher I always like to be prepared.
Count me in on the giveaway!
This sounds like a helpful book.
We should have better luck on getting a date night now that my oldest is 12. Thanks for the chance.
We go on many dates in our minivan! Our biggest source of conflict is the lack of money. As our girls get older (ages 8-13) they “need” so much more stuff! Hope I win!
Thanks for the giveaway!
The biggest source of conflict in our family is the laundry. I hate doing it, and I really hate folding it.
My biggest annoyance is reading marriage books that are written to stereotypes that are nothing like my husband and I. I’d like to see if this book is new and different.
No real conflict in our home since both sons have grown and moved out.
This sounds like a great book! Hope I win one!
enter me
This book sounds perfect for us! Biggest source of conflict, finding time for ‘us’!
biggest source of conflict is what to what to watch on TV, thanks for the contest
Wow, what a cool prize.
I love reading! The conflict thing… haha it changes daily!
I found out about my hubbys addiction just after the birth of our first child. Our lives have been a wreck ever since. Reading here I realize that some of the chaos might be pretty normal. I am often too hard on myself and my family.
I would love a copy of this book. Our two big conflicts are money & sex.
I would love the chance to win the book…our biggest source of conlict is spending time together.
Thanks
The biggest source of conflict is my alcoholic brother. My husband cannot stand how he acts at family functions, and his behavior towards my parents. It sickens both of us, and causes a lot of disputes in our family because of it.
What is date night. Does that mean I drive my kids somewhere or help with homework after working a 12 hour shift?
we own a really mean cat
I love the title…makes your mind wonder! I have a mini-van and I need a date night! Count me in!
Biggest source of conflict would be the kids
Oh, we need this book! Our biggest source of conflict? It’s a tie between not having enough time for romance and not having enough money. Sigh. We REALLY could use this book!
I would love the chance to win the book…our biggest source of conlict is parenting styles that conflict. I am eager and to learn something new
The biggest source of conflict right now in our family, is our daughter living on her own but not having a job to support herself. She expects us to do it for her, I guess!
There’s not much in the way of conflict right now but my husband does think I baby my son too much. I consider it spoiling because he’s leaving the nest soon and I enjoy spoiling him while I still can. He thinks he needs to do everything for himself because he’s got to learn independence by the time he leaves. He’s probably right but I can’t help it.
Our biggest source of conflict is housework and yardwork and how it gets done and who does it and when.
Our biggest source of conflict is over money. Like many families, I imagine.
THis sounds like a great book.
Our biggest source of conflict stems from what this book is all about! That we don’t have enough mommy and daddy time.
I’d love to win this– I love her “Just Give Me a Little Piece of Quiet.”
Please sign me up!
Our conflicts come from outside our relationship – namely in-law problems. I am devouring anything I can read that might help…
Thanks!
OH! I’m now the official mom of 5 – I think I could really make some great use of this book. Maybe I can read it on the plane on my way to China
Our biggest source of conflict is lack of money!
Right now is trying to teach our kids to take responsibilty for their actions or lack of!
My husband works very hard to support us. He travels frequently and even when he is not at work, his mind can stray to business. Often, work will call with some horrific problem, some metaphorical fire that of course no one but him could possibly put out. With two growing boys and their busy lives to manage and my own health problems (thyroid, depression) and blogs to run, I too am guilty of letting my attention stray from the care-taking a strong marriage requires to stay strong. I need to tell him more how much I appreciate him, and that I love him even more after all this time. Next year, we will be married twenty years…wow. I just realized, I really do need this book.
Viv
http://coolmomsrule.blogspot.com
Although he is very considerate, he just doesn’t quite get it. I absolutely have to have alone time and I mean alone, or I get so darn nervous I could pull my hair and everyone elses too. If I don’t have that, I feel as though I have nothing left to give anyone. Including him. In every way.
enter me please
I’d love a copy. The biggest source of conflict is concerning how we spend our limited time! There just never seems to be enough!
Hope my number is the correct one.
Source of conflict frequently changes….what’s not to be conflicted about these days? Definitely could use the book as number 3 is expected in a week and a half!!
Would love to win, thanks for the chance
Our source of conflict is scheduling…not enough time together!
We need to re connect. Having three kids in Less then four years has definately taken it’s toll on our alone time. Add to that, DH works nights and a 2nd job during the day, we are on different schedules. I would love any help I can get!!
we fight over the remote control.
please enter me
How we spend money, I was so upset yesterday, here we are in a country that is hurting, unpaid bills, and my husband goes and buys a remote control helicopter.
Biggest source of conflict in a relationship? In mine it was money.
Our biggest conflict is money. I have to wonder if this stimulus money is causing arguments around the country. We got it a week ago and all we have done is argue about what to do with it.
like most others, money. I’m a saver. He’s a spender.
count me in please
This looks like fun book to read. One of our conflicts is hubby doesn’t know how to save money, just spend it!!
Biggest source of conflict would be financial matters.
Thanks so much!
How to divide time among everyone during the holidays
Money!
This sounds really helpful
enter me please
My biggest issue is just losing who I was. I know my husband has got to be wondering what happened to the woman he married.
Anyway, we try to schedule date night every other week. It doesn’t always happen.
I would love to win this. In my family, politics seems to be the biggest source of conflict, but I make a point to avoid political discussions with my mother because they end up in heated arguments, and I really don’t want to spend any time with her arguing. I am very liberal and she’s very conservative so you can imagine it would be quite difficult for us to talk about that. So, we talk about the Red Sox, Patriots, Celtics and UMass basketball
Sports talk is a great way to cement the bond between us.
Biggest source of conflict is how I do my job as a mom. Hubby thinks I’m a little too relaxed and laid back. I’m with them 24 hours a day so I know them. Whereas he works 12 hours a day outside them home. Drives me crazy.
Biggest source of conflict: The amount of money ‘somebody’ spends on golf each month. Oye!
My biggest issue is balancing time with Connor and school.
I blogged your contest on Prize-A-Tron!
http://www.prizeatron.com
Getting enough sleep.
The biggest source of conflict in my family is delegation and completion of chores. This seems to be a constant struggle.
Our biggest source of conflict is my husband’s picking on my driving after asking me to drive- it irks me to no end!
The biggest source of conflict in our family is relatives. Enough said.
Our biggest source of conflict is my husband’s picking on my driving after asking me to drive.I agree 100% with this comment. It makes me so nervous that I do make silly mistakes. lol ty 4 the nice giveaway!
Our biggest source of conflict is financial.
Our biggest source of conflict is either money, or division of labor. Sounds standard, but both can be very trying on a marriage. Little things like who takes out the trash can blow up into epic proportions and make mountains out of molehills.
Easy Question… money and age.
My husband is 16 years older than me. Didn’t used to be a problem, but he is now slowing down as I am speeding up
Money is an issue for everyone. I have 4 children and WOW, it gets tougher and tougher every day!
Thanks,
Diane
Never enough hours in a day or money here! Looks like a cute book. Please enter me in the contest. Thanks
Two major sources; 1. Money; 2. Blended Families with Step Children. Thanks SW
Looks like a great book!
I’d say time and money. And kids who don’t sleep very well.
love this giveaway
He can’t handle anybody disagreeing with him and sees it as being disrespected and not being listened to. If you don’t agree with him, then your a bad listener.
We have issues with financial struggles.
I love the title.
None with my husband and children just my mother and the codependent alcoholic men in her life my father and brother and her endless fights and drama.
conflict and my father are synonymous
Please enter me into the contest. Thanks!
sounds like a great book