Husband-and-wife counseling team and co-creators of the eHarmony marriage program Les and Leslie Parrott urge their readers to try Trading Places. Trading Places is all about empathy. They claim that if we truly emphasize with the other person–imagine what they are feeling and why–that there will be less conflict, less yelling, and more happiness.
Leslie shared a story with which I could relate all too well to demonstrate the power of responding empathetically. I’ll share my parallel story with you. Actually, in thinking about how to share it, I realize (sadly) that I have several stories that are completely similar, but I’ll stick with one.
I was driving towards home along one of our narrow country lanes, and–BAM–my side view mirror slammed to the side. I pulled over quickly and realized that I must have hit a mailbox or something. I didn’t seem to have damaged any property–except for my mirror. In the age of computer sensors and auto-adjust and defogging, those things are pretty expensive. I was immediately filled with regret for my careless error and dread about breaking the news to Terry.
In the end I called him up right away. I couldn’t wait until he got home, because I was so worried about it. I called the dealer and found out how much our repair costs would be (and it actually wasn’t as high as I thought it would be). When I called him, I apologized and presented the facts, and waited to see how he would react.
He showed empathy (and a heaping measure of mercy and grace) in his response. He understood that although I was careless, it was just a mistake–a mistake that I did feel sorry about. But in analyzing it, I realize that I showed empathy in my attitude as well. I understood that my careless error would cost us money. I understood that he had a right to be upset with me about it (I sometimes feel like the teenager in these situations). Because I p
ortrayed the humility and regret I was feeling when I told him about it, his response mirrored that emotion.
Living out this situation (and several others throughout our fifteen years of marriage) has shown me the importance of making this effort to know and understand one another in this way.
The book has a wonderful format. First there’s a walk-through of how the material will be presented, which is great for those of us who want to know what’s coming and what will be expected of us. The information is presented in an easily digestible, conversational tone. The appendix has some great words to use (or avoid) when expressing yourself, and also some additional help for those with special needs: trading places when your spouse doesn’t want to, and a special message for those who have been burned.
If you would be interested in looking at your spouse in a new way (or encouraging a fresh look from him towards you), you can enter to win one of 5 copies of Trading Places by leaving a comment. The winners will be announced next week.
To see what others’ had to say about the book and to watch a little video clip of the Parrotts, check out the Zondervan Blog Trading Places Blog Tour post.
The winner of last week’s book, The Joyous Gift of Grandparenting, is #78 Helen.
I love this, thought I’d share …
The Quick Change Baby Crib
This looks like a great summer read. Count me in!
This book would be very helpful to me
What a great message. Would like to read the book. Thanks.
Please enter me! Thanks.
Please enter me in this book giveaway. Thanks!
Ahh…this book could come in handy!
I’d LOVE to win this book!!
thanks for the opportunity 🙂
I’ve heard GREAT things about these authors…..please add me! Thank you this one sounds super!!! 🙂
please enter me 🙂
I love these authors, and love the idea for this book! I’d greatly benefit from some encouragement on “trading places” with my sweet husband. He is much more empathetic than I am…
I’ll take a chance too! Thanks!
I am interested in seeing my husband from his view. this would surely help our relationship. He has told me that he is more superficial than I think.
enter me please
This would help many households, I do believe. Thanks for a shot at winning it. 🙂
Sounds interesting! Enter me please!
sounds good
I guess alot of times we don`t think about our partners problems and tasks. This would be a great book for me and my husband. Hope I can win it.
I would love to read Trading Places. This looks like a book for anyone who has ever thought that their partner just does not get it. I can’t wait to read it…no offense to my husband.
-Inventing Matida
Hope I win!
This sounds like an interesting book!
This looks like a great book.
I would love to win this book!
Sounds great…would love to read it!!
I’d be interested in this book, if it can be shipped to Canada. 🙂
Looks like a great book!
Hmmm… Looks like a very interesting book! Count me in!
I love to read (when I can get a spare minute) and usually do it when I am waiting in the car pickup line for the kids to get out of school. I would love to win this because I should at least have a little more time during the summer to read.
sounds interesting
This would be a great couples book
Hubby and I could really use this; its hard adjusting to parenthood.
I would love to win this book I love to read and it seems very interesting
I’d like this book!
THis sounds like an awesome book!!!
fabulous!
I am excited! count me in!!!!
love to watch trading places …would be interested in trading places!!!
Sounds like a good read!
Sounds like a good read!
Great giveaway, thanks!
This book would be of great use at this point in my marriage; I feel soooooooooooooo unappreciated!
I’d love to win this!
heatherlbrandt (at) verizon (dot) net
This book looks really interesting… I would love to read it!
ticole96(at)msn(dot)com
One of the constant goals in marriage is to work on understanding one another, and this would definitely help 🙂
Things are good with us, but they can always be better! =)
I really think this technique would work. I’d love to read it.
WOW I definately would like to read this! Very intriguing! Thanks for the great find and review!
thanks for another contest!
This looks like a great read! Thanks!
Sounds like a great book! I would love to read it.
I know my hubby and I could benefit from this book. The anecedote you shared sounds very familiar. Thanks for sharing your review!
It is always a good idea to try and see things from alternative points of view. I think this book would be an interesting read
I would love to read this book. Need to be constantly reminded to be humble and think of others. Thanks!
I’d love to read this and then give it to my husband.
This looks v-e-r-y interesting. Imagine if we could trade places with everyone we meet for just a few minutes. Life would be so different!
This book looks great!
This would be a great book for my Husband and I to read. Thanks for the giveaway!
looks like a great read…count me in. thanks!!!
great for summer reading!
It seems like a really good book.
Please count me in! I’d love to read this book.
I wanna win
Looks good!
I would love to read this to help us as we teach marriage prep
I would love to win one of these! I’m off to my library’s site to see if they have it yet! (probably not)
Thanks!
I’d love to read this book with my husband!
I think the Parrotts are great authors!
great books
Hi, Our 22nd anniversary is at the end of this month!
For awhile now, I have been telling him that I don’t like his approach to certain happenings anymore. Then, I realized I was partially to blame. We would use this book as a helping tool. Please enter us in your drawing. Much appreciated…..Cindi
This looks like a great book.
Pick me!
This would be wonderful! I think every marriage could certainly use this type of advice/encouragement!
Wasnt this a movie with Eddie Murphy and Dan Akroyd?
Empathy is exactly what my husband and I needed for each other this last weekend. This book would help!
Looks like a great book to reaad. Count me in 🙂
Great giveaway, sign me up please 🙂
this book would do us a world of good right now!
Great sweeps
I’m always on the lookout for a good book. Count me in!
I would love a chance to win a copy of this book! Thanks!
I read the Parrott’s Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts and it was great. Count me in for this one.
I can apply the lessons in this book in my life.
I need another book to read! 🙂
laura_licious101(at)hotmail(dot)com
Could use this right now.
I am a reader and this book sounds great.
I’d love this book! Thanks for entering me. 😉
Sounds like what we need right now….
Oh yes I think me and my husband would greatly benefit from this book.
I love their other books.
M.
sounds interesting
This would be a good read.
This 5 Minutes for Books — Trading Places sweepstakes has been featured on Sweepstakes Advantage, http://www.sweepsadvantage.com. The Web’s Largest Directory of Free Online Sweepstakes. Good Luck to Everyone!
Oh my goodness,we need this one!
cool
Oh, my. I love the Parrott’s wisdom. This book would be a wonderful read. Thank you!
I want it and yup, we need it!
Sounds like a great read!
This sounds GREAT!
would love it
hmm – not sure if I can wait to win it – might have to buy it instead…. Thanks
This sounds like a really neat book – thanks for sharing it!
This one’s been on my wish list for a while. Please enter my name. Thanks!
I love the Parrott’s! Thanks!
yes! thank you.
sounds great! count me in please.
Oh boy, would I love to read this book! Thanks for the opportunity to win a copy!
I like Les & Leslie’s work. I’d love to win this book.
Oh I sooo want this book!