Parenting. Forget New Year’s resolutions; when it comes to parenting I honestly feel like I make resolutions to start anew in that area every single week. Today I feature an interview with Brenda Nixon, author and speaker. She has addressed audiences large and small, from the MOPS International convention to breakout groups to appearing on radio and TV. If you need a speaker, check out her website. You’ll also find some resources on tips for dealing with temper tantrums and choosing a preschool.
How important is it to tailor our parenting to our children’s individual personalities?
Children are as different as snowflakes. Our parenting must reflect that knowledge as we respond to, love, and discipline each child in a way that matches his/her personality. When speaking to audiences across the country, I often remind them that it’s not realistic to not be fair all the time. Fairness doesn’t recognize differences; it’s only a convenience to the parent. Just question it from an adult point of view: are all your relationships with family and friends equal? Do you treat all those people the same? Of course not. So why try to do that with impressionable children.
I encourage parents to start off the new year with the liberating thought of tailoring their childrearing to meet each child’s needs, wants, and learning style.
Isn’t treating our kids all the same proof that we are not playing favorites?
It may seem like it, and that nagging voice in the back of our head tells us that our kids will scream, “That’s not fair!” and then we’ll feel guilty. We actually are playing favorites when we overlook any child’s unique need by making one shoe size fit all. In “The Five Love Languages of Children,” authors Chapman and Campbell explain that children even interpret love differently. One child may see gifts (or things) as symbols of love, while another thinks love is affirming words. Now, what if a parent practiced hugging both children to treat them the same. . . then neither child would feel truly loved because their personal need wasn’t being met. Or if the parent only said affirming, encouraging words but never gave any gifts to the one who interpreted gifts as love, then that one would think the other was the favored child.
What is one thing that we should eliminate from our parenting bag of tricks?
In this new year, I challenge parents of young children to develop the habit of being their child’s parent. Too many try to be their friend, buddy, companion, playmate — or worse — the missing parent. Don’t cheat a child out of having a mature, capable, competent parent. Often parents tell me they don’t want their child mad at them. “So what?” I ask. If your child gets mad at you, he or she will get over it. Never allow a child’s use of emotion to manipulate or compromise your standards. I think it was the actress Bette Davis who said, “If you’ve never been hated by your child; you’ve never been a parent.” And the child psychiatrist Dr. Grace Ketterman said, “Good mothers need to be tough at times.” These are two of my favorite quotes sprinkled throughout my book.
As the years pass and your child grows, you’ll do less disciplining and it’s appropriate to become more of a consultant. Be there when he or she needs you; provide assistance when asked, but know when to back off and allow some independence. As kids become adolescents, there will be even more camaraderie and less of the parenting. Eventually, as our children become young adults we need to back off — or work ourselves out of a job.
Thank you Brenda!
If you’d like to win a copy of Ms. Nixon’s book, Parenting Power in the Early Years, (U.S. shipping addresses only), please leave a comment on this post, and check out the New Habits in the New Year guidelines at this main post.
Come back on January 9 to see if you have won. Please be sure that the email address that you provide is one that you check regularly, and also check your spam folder when the winners are announced if you see your name.
Nice prize
This sounds wonderful! Count me in.
count me in, this sounds like a very interesting read.
Enter me Please!
Great interview, and I like the idea of children being as unique as snowflakes. I have a copy of Brenda’s book and it is full of tips.
this sounds interesting!
this would be a great gift for a soon-to-be-firsttime-mom friend of mine!
Sounds interesting.
I could use this with my 4 kiddos!!!
Sounds great!
I’m the mother of a 37 and a 33 year old, and everytime I read Brenda’s advice, I’m in awe of her wisdom and her strength in communicating it to parents. Thanks for hosting Brenda.
I need this for my twin toddler grandchildren!
My wife and I are expecting a baby girl in Feb 08. We could really use this to help us with our parenting skills. Sounds like a great book.
I could use this!
Pick me! My daughter is having a baby and this would be good reading for her.
Please enter me into the contest. Thanks!
parenting is a ball of fun. I have twins and i would like this book to give to my friends son and daughter in law having their first child.
This looks like a great book!
awesome.. count me in
Best of Luck to ALL who enter the contest
Great contest! thanks!
Looks neat.
Like the book
Great interview Jennifer, I enjoyed it. Keep up the good work.
This is an awesome book, id love to read it
Great Book……….
Looks great!
Wow, so many responses! I wish all of you could win a free copy of my book, Parenting Power in the Early Years. For those who don’t, you can find it at Amazon or ask your local public library to order a copy for you.
Thanks again, Jennifer, for allowing me to share a bit with your readers.
thank you!
Thanks so much for a great stop on the tour!
I would love to check this out.
My wife loves to read.
sounds like a winner I hope I am
Sounds great!
Sure would like to read this.
Also say a prayer for our troops.
I’d love to win!
Please enter me 🙂
I would love to win this book.
I could use this book. Pleas enter me!
I have a friend who would just love this book. 🙂
I would like to read this.
MOPS has been such a great outlet for me since becoming a mom to twin boys and choosing to stay at home with them. I’d love to read this book!
this sounds great- sign me up
Love to win this – I can always use more guidance as I raise my little guy!
Sounds like a good book. Please enter me.
Count me in! 🙂
sounds like something everyone could benefit from!
sounds like a wonderful book. Please count me in!!
Looks like a great book that I’d love to read. Please enter me.
sounds very interesting, a good read for any parent…
Sounds like a great book.
Wanna win
Seems like an informative read! I’m in!
I do not believe in “by the book”, but information cannot hurt………might even help!
I can’t wait to read and implement these strategies!
This would be helpful. Thanks for the contest.
I have a 3yr old that could benefit from this
Could sure use this book!
THANKS FOR THE CONTEST–hAVE A GREAT YEAR TO ALL!!
Sounds like a terrific book!
Awesome giveaway, count me in.
want to win this
Good read!
dansan826 at yahoo dot com
Please enter me and thanks!
I have two daughters and even though they are the best, there are of course some challenges. I would love to win this book.
This looks like a great read!
I would love this for my daughter-in-law
Great prize!
have a great day 🙂
Sounds great
Neat Book
I like the comment Bette Davis made – please sign me up
Enter me please. Thanks!
ty 4 the nice contest!
Enter me, please.
enter me!
Please randomly select me!
YES!!!!!! I really need this!!! Looks like a really helpful book!
I have a one and two year old, and I need this!!!
The formative years are essential for raising a healthy child, both mentally and physically. And as a parent I need all the help I can get.
I think I could use this!
i have a new grandbaby,this will be helpful .
Everyone Have a Great 2008….
I’m looking forward to giving this to my sister who is pregnant with her first
I’d love to win this book.
I wanna win!! I’ve got 6.2 kids. This would be good.
sounds good.
This book looks great. I am always eager to read up on parenting advice.
sounds like a really good book
This sounds like a great book!
Sounds like a useful book. Thanks!
I would love to hear her speak. I’ll have to check out her website.
Sounds great! Please enter me! Thanks!
I would love to read this book.
thanks!
I would love to add this book to my parenting “tools” resources!
Thanks for the giveaway 🙂
Man, could my brother an sister-in-law really use this one!
I need all the help I can get…
We all need and want this and me too.
lol to all
Good luck!
Sweet!
Count me in!!
sounds like a great book
neat book one i really could use my girls are very naughty
Would love it 🙂
Please enter me in the drawing.
First time parent here. I would love to win this!
I’d like to enter.
2 for me
count me in – this sounds great!!!!
Sounds good to me.
Great lets get started.
Great book.
nice
please enter me thanks
This will come in handy for my sister who is a new parent.
oh, we could so use this!
Please pick me!
This would come in handy, I think!
Thanks for the contest!
Please enter me.
I need this. I have a new one arriving shortly.
my daughter-in-law would love to get this book
Oh please, please, please pick me!!! I need this book like you wouldn’t believe. Thanks for the contest!
Stephanie
williamspublic at comcast dot net
i want to win!!!
My daughter would love it with her new little one.
This sounds great!
I could use a new book.
Looks good! Enter me please.
Looks great! I think too often parenting is focused on multiple child families and those of us with one blessing need just as much help!
Interesting.
I would love to gain the insights this book could offer me regarding my little ones.
Please enter me. Sounds interesting
This looks great! Count me in!
Would love to win!
Nice.
This looks like a book every parent and grandparent should read !
oh, I need me some powerful parenting!
My son could really use this book.
This would be great for my pregnant daughter.
Sign me up Jen Jen!!
i’D LIKE TO READ THAT.
Thanks for the contest, Please enter me.
Sounds like a wonderful read.
Gift for my daughter.
This sounds like a book that every parent would appreciate
Sounds like something I could use also!
Any and all help welcome here
I needed this when my kids were little! I will read it and give it to a friend with small kids!
sounds like a good book
Please count me in. Thanks!
Enter me please.
Sign me up!
enter me please
If you are a parent and smoke or do drugs, your child should complain to you about it.
If we remember to treat our children as we would want to be treated it makes parenting easier
I think every parent worries about whether or not they are doing things right in the way they raise their children. It’s important to have some kind of reference for reassurance.
Would love to read this…
I would like this for my boss.
That book sounds great!
Excellent book!
What encouraging words!
Yeah good book!
Good book.
What a very powerful book. Would make a great gift for any Mother to be. Thanks for the offer.
Would love this book.
I love to read.
Thanks for your info and interview!
I need this!
Alas, you mentioned her first as Brenda Howard, but it’s Brenda Nixon. Just an FYI.
Mary
love to win a copy of this
Looks like a good book!
Count me in!
I’d love to read this book.
It would be great to win this book! I agree with almost all of what the author said in your review! Please enter me in your contest. Thanks,Cindi
would like to read… 🙂
The best parenting alway starts early
I realllly need this
looks interesting
enter me – looks like a great book
Looks like a must read for parents of youngsters!
Pick Me Please !!
Sounds like a great book!
sounds good to me!
This looks like an excellent book…and perfect for the stage we’re in right now. Please enter me.
ooh, enter me please!
I would love to win a copy!
I blogged you too:
http://www.prizeatron.com
count me in, sounds like a book I need to read!
sounds like a good read
My son would love this book for his new baby son.
nice!
nice book
please enter me
i need a good read
great book
Looks like a great book. Count me in!
sounds like a very interesting read.
Sounds like a great book.
Wow. That’s powerful stuff. Sign me up, please!
Please enter my name!
:)Kat
Neat Book