Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World
This review is authored by regular contributor Jennifer Donovan, book lover and mother of two of book lovers, who blogs at Snapshot.
When I first heard of the book Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World by Jill Rigby, I knew that was a book that I wanted to read. The title says it all. So much of what she had to say resonated deeply with me. The book is written in an uncompromising tone that still manages to be encouraging to the parent who is trying to do better for her kids. For example the book opens with this challenge:
Today’s children are angry and rebellious at rates higher than any other generation. They are the first generation to do worse psychologically, socially, and economically than their parents. But they’re not rebelling against rigidity and rules as the hippies of the sixties did; they are rebelling against the lack of structure and adult guidance.
Our children, from ghettos to gated communities, are desperate, searching for someone who will tell them the truth.
You, parent, should be that person (page 2).
The Reality Check questions at the end of each chapter help you assess your strengths and weaknesses in each area and offers more of a challenge to correct some things that you might have let slip.
This book is a must-read for every parent–from children just beginning to talk, up to what Jill Rigby calls the critical year of 6th grade, and beyond. Jill Rigby answered some of my questions regarding the shift in our culture and families:
What does the erosion of manners say about what is happening to our society and culture? Is there something greater going on?
Manners are the outward manifestation of the inward condition of the heart. What we do and say comes from our hearts, not our minds. Our minds process the information we take in according to the content of our hearts. Long held standards of decency and respect are disappearing from our society. Underneath the erosion of manners is the loss of morals.
The teaching of self-esteem has been the greatest culprit in the demise of our culture. The emphasis on “me†creates a society filled with individuals looking out for themselves rather than each other.
Your boys are grown now. In your book you share a lot of knowledge gained by hindsight. Are there certain principles that should be absolutes for all parents? Are there issues that should be non-negotiable?
Principles to remember:
We must be the persons we want our children to become.
You cannot expect more of your children than you expect of yourself.
Non-negotiable issues:
- Moral standards–Contrary to popular belief, it’s not the moral standards that have changed, but our society’s attitude toward those standards. For example, pre-marital sex has always been immoral and continues to be, whether or not anyone abides by the standard.
- Respect–Too often today children are allowed to be disrespectful to adults and to each other. Sarcasm has become an accepted form of humor. Degrading “put downs†are a part of everyday speech. Respect goes beyond speech to include respect for property and possessions. Respect should be non-negotiable.
- Movies/television–With the slide in movie ratings that’s taken place in the last fifteen years, it’s extremely difficult to discern from a rating if a movie is age appropriate. Many PG-13 movies would have received an R rating only twelve years ago! Parents should view movies before allowing their children to watch. My sons were not allowed to view PG-13 until past their thirteenth birthday and then only after it was approved. They clearly understood the subject was not open for discussion.
As adults we’ve also let manners slide. What are some things that we should do, or avoid doing, to be a good example for our children in this area?
If manners is defined as an attitude of the heart that’s self-giving not self-serving, the key to being a well-mannered person is the ability to put the needs of others ahead of our wants.
Parents should:
- Speak to everyone we come in contact with.
- Put the shopping cart back in its place before leaving the parking lot.
- Listen carefully to others who are speaking, whether that’s in a one on one conversation or in an auditorium.
- Avoid gossip.
- Keep your commitments.
- Show respect to elders.
Another wonderful resource that Jill Rigby has is a complete manners curriculum, either for use at home, or in schools. I have the Manners of the Heart at Home book and Amanda (who is almost nine), enjoys reading a chapter or two with me as we are finishing our dinner each night. After the first night we did this, each night she has asked, “Can we read more of the manners book?”
Each chapter includes the objective (why this is important to develop), guidance (thoughts to share about specific ways that the child can live out this value), and the life lesson (a fun way that they can incorporate or practice this value). Using this book in this way has been a great way to open up discussion of our core values in a positive way, instead of bringing them up when she needs to be corrected for them. There are three parts: everyday courtesies, which includes showing respect for adults, siblings, and friends; communication skills, which includes listening skills, telephone manners, and thank you notes; and table manners, which addresses posture, spills, and setting the table. I also highly recommend this resource.
Read more of the author interview at my site, Snapshot.
The author has donated a copy of Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World to be given away to one reader from the U.S. or Canada. Please leave a comment by Friday if you are interested in winning. Come back next week to see if you have won.
Congratulations to the three winners of Mind Over Body: The Key to Lasting Weight Loss is All in Your Head :
Laura
Aimee
Micheleand to Lacey (comment 14) who wins Face to Face with Caterpillars from National Geographic.
I feel like you could give this book to me, because i want to have well respectful children in my family.I am a mother of 9month old child I think this book will help me to bring up good children in the future. thanks for the news.
I really think that I need this book. It sounds like a tool I could use to get my family back on track. Right now is a rough time for us, as a mother I feel like I’m loosing my teen girls. Please give me this book.
This sounds like solid advice. I’m going to put the book on my reading list.
What a POWERFUL subject to address; I love the author’s style of writing.
This is yet another book to add to my “Want to Read” list.
Thank YOU!!
P.S. – Thanks for the entry; I would LOVE a copy! 🙂
I’d love a copy of this book.
This sounds great!
That sounds like a great book.
Sounds like a book we need in our house!
Sounds like a wonderful book! I think this is going on my Amazon wish list…
Thanks for sharing this book review – it sounds great.
This book sounds really good. R-e-s-p-e-c-t is very important in our family :).
Sounds like this might be something to help me teach my foster children to be more respectful… and my own children! 🙂
Sounds like a VERY worthwhile book.
sounds like a good book. my sis tessa recommended it and as usual she sounds right
This sounds like such an insightful book. I would love to read it!
This would be perfect for my family right now. I have a feeling we would read this selection over and over again. Please include me in the contest.
It is such a hard problem. It is so nice to know there are others out there trying to do the same things. It is hard to get your kids to use their manners when no one else’s kids are expected to.
Wow. I’ve been wondering if there were a more concrete way to teach this stuff to my kids…I’d like to be entered, please.
Thank you for posting this thoughtful review and letting us know about this book. What a crucial issue this is! Please include me in the contest…but even if I don’t win, I’ll be finding a copy of this book to read.
Count me in! With 3 boys, this looks like it would be such a great resource!
I would love to read that book! It’ll be on my reading list even if I don’t win it.
I would love to hunt down the manners book, too.
OH, I love that someone wrote a book like this, and I would love to read it, and then pass it on to everyone I know!
Thanks!
Ohhhh! This sounds awesome! I’d love to get my hands on it and ingrain it before my kids grow up too much more…they are 4 & 1 now! Thanks! Gonna add it to my library list just in case! 😉
That sounds like a fantastic book. Raising our children to be respectful is our priority!
oohhh! I could use this one!
I’d love to read this book!
This sounds like a great book. Count me in.
This book looks wonderful… Teaching our children respect is vital!
Thanks:)
I’d love to read this book!
This book sounds awesome. If I don’t win it, I will have to purchase it! Thanks for sharing it with us.
What a wonderful book. Manners are so important, I know that my husband and I are very focused on our daughter growing up in a respectful environment.
Even though my children are babies i would still love to read this. Its never to early to start, right!
I’ve heard mention of this book in one of the my raising boys email groups. I am very interested in reading it. We have 4 boys (and a possible 5th due in Aug) and teaching them to be respectful is a huge goal in our house.
mmm… sounds like a great book… I agree w/ her non-negos. and also what we adults need to model! Please enter me in the drawing.
Sounds like I could use a few lessons from this book!
“We must be the persons we want our children to become”.
Oh boy, sounds like I definitely need this book!
Laura
Every parent should want a respectful child. 🙂
Great review! I am definitely going to pick this one up!
Hoo boy, could I ever use this to help me with my kids. I always just pray that my kids will be respectful to everyone, especially when they get older so this would be awesome.
WOW! I couldn’t agree more! I was completely surprised by the disrespect when I was at out church VBS a few weeks ago! I couldn’t believe it! I would love to read this book!
It sounds like such a great book. Please count me in!
This sounds like a great book. I would love to read this book to my kids.
I’d love to win a copy! Sounds like a great book 🙂
It is so hard to teach them why they should be respectful when they see so many children (and adults) who are not.
My kids and I do alright with this, but I would not mind reading more. I want respectful, polite kids in todays society.
This sounds like a fantastic book! I’m in!
This book sounds like a must read. Count me in!!
Sounds like a book I definitely need. Put me in the drawing, please!
Oh, this sounds like a book I need!
Such a hard task these days…these books sound great. Glad Susan is feeling better…thanks for your comment on my blog : )
I’m SO interested in this book!!
This sounds great. I’d love to be entered for this one.
Sounds great! Count me in!
Count me in.
What a wonderful book to put out. I know there are many of us that agree with it completely!! And many parents out there that don’t realize the example they are setting!
Steph
Sounds like a great book! i’m adding it to my wishlist.
That book sounds great. I’ve put it on my Amazon wish list just in case I don’t win here. 🙂
Sounds like a great one!
Sounds like worthwhile reading!
pick me. my kids need this one!
This sounds like a great one.
Thanks for sharing the review!
This sounds like an awesome book!!! Count me in!
Wow, “Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World” sounds like a book that every parent should have. I am definately interested in winning a copy of this book. I have 5 children ranging in ages from 16 1/2 down to 4. My 16 year olds are very respectful boys and I am so proud of them. I have an 11 year old boy that will be entering the 6th grade this fall. Even though he is a good boy and is respectful…. I have seen major changes in him in the last year. In your post you mentioned that the 6th grade is a critical year. Now is the perfect time to read the book.
Thanks again for the great post and the opportunity to win what sounds like a fantastic book!!
Shana
Sounds like a great book!