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5 Minutes for Books — Under Pressure

June 30, 2008 by Jennifer Donovan

This post may contain affiliate links. Read my disclosure policy here.

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I have long advocated the “one activity at a time” policy for my children, or at least I thought I did. The “one activity” policy has morphed into a much broader “one activity not including church and school stuff.” A typical week last year in Amanda’s fourth grade year included soccer practice (in the spring and the fall), a Saturday soccer game, church on Wednesday nights, Bible study with me on Monday nights, school newspaper before school one day a week, and Girl Scouts right after school every other week. That doesn’t even take into account the playdates, birthday parties, and other family activities that insert themselves into our schedule each month–and that’s just one child!

My son Kyle is over five years younger than she is, so he doesn’t have much to do–yet. For that reason, I’ve allowed Amanda to do a bit more since it doesn’t negatively impact our family as a whole.

So, here I am thinking that I am limiting our family’s involvement (and compared to some of her friends who can’t even squeeze in a playdate, I have), and yet, there are weeks that I feel like my whole family is Under Pressure.

Carl Honore wrote Under Pressure (a follow up to In Praise of Slowness), as a means of trying to deal with the desire that kept assaulting him — to “encourage” his young son’s artistic talent and interest to a level of genius. He was stopped dead in his tracks when his son said, “I don’t want to go to a class and have a teacher tell me under-pressure.jpgwhat to do–I just want to draw. Why do grownups have to take over everything?” (page 3).

That led Carl Honore to explore the changing role of parenting.  The introduction explores the involvement that parents have had in their children’s lives over the years.  His examples are drawn from many nations of the world who pressure their children in different ways.  If you enjoy sociological data and situations (as I do), you will find these examples fascinating:

  • An affluent town in New Jersey that has taken the bull by the horns by proclaiming certain days to be set aside, in a “Ready, Set, Relax!” campaign
  • A play-based preschool in Hong Kong that is bucking the norm of having two-year-olds involved in rigorous academic instruction
  • An Australian family who had been so “high-tech” that the mom sent emails to the family members upstairs to call them down for dinner who put their family on a diet from all the high-technology
  • A return to discipline (as opposed to child-centered homes) in families from Ohio to Edinburgh

I am such a fan of subtitles in non-fiction books. This one has two blurbs on the front cover: “Rescuing our children from the culture of hyper-parenting” and “The new movement inspiring us to slow down, trust our instincts, and enjoy our kids.”  Do you feel the pressure of those in your circle to get your child involved in so many extra-curricular activities that they end up crying, “I don’t want to go to ballet.  I want to go home and play,” as one child profiled in the book told her family (page 165)?  Perhaps in spite of what you know is best for your child and your family, you find yourself succombing to that desire to see your child wear the labels, “Champion.  Gifted.  The best.”  Maybe you’ve always held firm to the belief that “children should be children,” but like some families in the book, find yourself giving in to the child’s desire for a more structured childhood.

If any of these are true, you might enjoy taking a closer look at our children who are Under Pressure.

If you’d like to win one of three copies of Under Pressure, leave a comment here. We’ll post the winners in next week’s column.

Last week in my review of Kate Jacobs’ new novel Comfort Food, I asked you what your favorite comfort was. I loved reading your responses. The winners (with their favorite comforts) are

#178 Shar (a cup of tea and a good book)
#85 Sean (a hot cup of tea and a good novel)
#62 Tonya Keener (spending time with my daughter)
#98 Sharon Jones (potato chips, orange soda, and the Red Sox)
#155 Denise (mashed potatoes and gravy, just like grandma used to make)

You should have an email from me. If not, check your spam filter.

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HP wants to help pay for your trip to BlogHer!

About Jennifer Donovan

Jennifer Donovan has been a part of the 5 Minutes for Mom team since 2007. She writes product reviews, covers events, and manages the 5 Minutes for Books weekly column and website. She lives in Houston and blogs at Snapshot about life with her family.

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122 Comments

  1. Lonnie says

    July 6, 2008 at 11:33 pm

    Sounds like a good read–thanks!

    Reply
  2. Lily Kwan says

    July 6, 2008 at 10:56 pm

    Please enter me into the contest. Thanks!

    Reply
  3. kerri says

    July 6, 2008 at 10:16 pm

    would love this i always feel the pressure of other parents and i cant stand the competivness sometimes you feel like youre back in highschool with some parents i would love to read it

    Reply
  4. Donna Kozar says

    July 6, 2008 at 10:07 pm

    I think the ideas you listed above are good. I would like to read the book. Thanks.

    Reply
  5. Gloria Dornin says

    July 6, 2008 at 6:52 pm

    I would love to have this book, thanks

    Reply
  6. Frances Watson says

    July 6, 2008 at 3:43 pm

    I would love to win this book thanks

    Reply
  7. dawn says

    July 6, 2008 at 3:15 pm

    This sounds like a good book to read

    Reply
  8. Jane Hoh says

    July 6, 2008 at 2:50 pm

    This book couldn’t have come at a better time

    Reply
  9. Kayce C. says

    July 6, 2008 at 1:30 pm

    I love this kind of information. Count me in!

    Reply
  10. Judy Y says

    July 6, 2008 at 1:22 pm

    would like to win.

    Reply
  11. Jean says

    July 6, 2008 at 12:09 pm

    Thank you!

    Reply
  12. Jennifer Schroeder says

    July 6, 2008 at 11:40 am

    I’d love to win this book! My oldest son starts kindergarten next month and I’d love to be prepared for it. Thank you for the great contest!

    Reply
  13. kathy pease says

    July 6, 2008 at 11:05 am

    count me in please 🙂

    Reply
  14. kathleen Yohanna says

    July 5, 2008 at 7:16 pm

    We all feel the pressure to perform and it is sooo hard to relax. I hope this book has some answers to the problem.

    Reply
  15. Alecia Gibson says

    July 5, 2008 at 2:51 am

    Two fish were in a tank. One fish says, “How do you drive this thing?”

    Thanks for the giveaway!! I’m definitely interested in reading it.

    Reply
  16. Nancy says

    July 5, 2008 at 12:54 am

    Would love to read this book. Sounds great

    Reply
  17. L McLendon says

    July 4, 2008 at 11:19 pm

    I can never have enough books to read. Thanks for the chance to add one more to the pile and my home library!

    Reply
  18. Cassandra says

    July 4, 2008 at 9:39 pm

    Sounds like a good read–thanks!

    Reply
  19. Carissa D. says

    July 4, 2008 at 9:29 pm

    This sounds like a great book.

    Reply
  20. Cheryl Free says

    July 4, 2008 at 8:59 pm

    I’d love to read this 🙂 *Thanks* for the giveaway!

    Reply
  21. Mia J. says

    July 4, 2008 at 8:07 pm

    Sounds like a great book.

    Reply
  22. Alice C says

    July 4, 2008 at 12:49 pm

    perfect title

    Reply
  23. Tiffany G says

    July 3, 2008 at 10:53 pm

    Awesome book:)

    Reply
  24. Anthony Hedden says

    July 3, 2008 at 10:10 pm

    enter me

    Reply
  25. william causey says

    July 3, 2008 at 2:00 pm

    please count me in

    Reply
  26. Jennifer McLaughlin says

    July 3, 2008 at 11:50 am

    Great prize.Thank you for the contest.

    Reply
  27. Noelia Gutierrez says

    July 3, 2008 at 2:48 am

    I love books and I love reading so this is done my alley, Thanks!

    Reply
  28. Jacqueline O. says

    July 3, 2008 at 12:21 am

    Wow, what a cool prize.

    Reply
  29. Valerie Mitchell says

    July 2, 2008 at 10:33 pm

    What a wonderful prize!

    Reply
  30. jan koontz says

    July 2, 2008 at 7:57 pm

    just to cool

    Reply
  31. Jill Miller says

    July 2, 2008 at 7:05 pm

    I hope I win this!! 🙂

    Reply
  32. Rodney K says

    July 2, 2008 at 2:26 pm

    I sure hope I win thanks

    Reply
  33. Wendy says

    July 2, 2008 at 7:56 am

    I would love to read this!

    Reply
  34. Cindi says

    July 1, 2008 at 11:33 pm

    What a wonderful book! I really enjoy non-fiction books like this one. It sounds like a book many parents should read. I believe in letting a child be a child! Human beings grow up too quickly and face the real world! It would be fun to glean some ideas from this kind of book. Thanks for the wonderful review. Please enter me in your drawing. Many thanks, Cindi

    Reply
  35. Pauline M says

    July 1, 2008 at 11:18 pm

    Sounds like a good book, with three kids, I know it can get very hectic and I need to be creative with them to make sure they all get the opportunities to try out new things. I know this would be handy on getting some new ideas.

    Reply
  36. Kathy Conley says

    July 1, 2008 at 9:54 pm

    Sounds interesting – I just hope I don’t feel pressured to read it right away!

    Reply
  37. Erika says

    July 1, 2008 at 9:07 pm

    Oh my, oh my! We need this book! I was just having a conversation with a friend about feeling so much pressure to have our children be the best at everything, go to the “best” schools, etc. This contest is coming at a great time. Hyperparenting, be GONE!

    Reply
  38. Kimberly says

    July 1, 2008 at 8:15 pm

    This is on my wish list at Amazon. I would love to win a copy.

    Reply
  39. Susan says

    July 1, 2008 at 8:02 pm

    This book sounds really good. My children are young (2 and 4) and already I feel pressure to have them participate in many activities. I don’t do it, but it would be nice to feel like that choice is a good one instead of feeling like I’m not doing “enough” for them.

    Reply
  40. victoria lynch says

    July 1, 2008 at 7:44 pm

    This book would be wonderful to have. We try to keep things simple in our house but it is hard sometimes. thanks for the contest

    Reply
  41. valerie mabrey says

    July 1, 2008 at 5:40 pm

    love this one

    Reply
  42. Kari Follett says

    July 1, 2008 at 5:19 pm

    love to win this!

    Reply
  43. Mike Weisberg says

    July 1, 2008 at 4:57 pm

    I want to win

    Reply
  44. Carliss Williams says

    July 1, 2008 at 4:13 pm

    I would love to win , count me in !!!

    Reply
  45. Anna says

    July 1, 2008 at 4:01 pm

    I’d love to read this! Thks for the giveaway.

    Reply
  46. Carolyn says

    July 1, 2008 at 3:44 pm

    I would love this book. I have long been an advocate of lazy summer days, lounging with books or at the pool.

    Reply
  47. kristi blackstone says

    July 1, 2008 at 3:30 pm

    I’d love to be entered! Great contest!

    Reply
  48. Susan Allles says

    July 1, 2008 at 3:18 pm

    Great contest

    Reply
  49. Anita Yancey says

    July 1, 2008 at 2:18 pm

    Would love to read this book. Please enter me and thanks for this giveaway.

    Reply
  50. Angela J says

    July 1, 2008 at 12:45 pm

    I’d like to give this to one of my daughters

    Reply
  51. tim brown says

    July 1, 2008 at 12:39 pm

    THANK YOU GOD BLESS

    Reply
  52. Tina says

    July 1, 2008 at 11:33 am

    This sounds like a great book.

    Reply
  53. Patty says

    July 1, 2008 at 11:20 am

    Thank you for having this contest. I really appreciate it.

    Reply
  54. Mya Brooks says

    July 1, 2008 at 11:13 am

    What a greatly needed prize!

    Reply
  55. Thomas Gibson says

    July 1, 2008 at 10:53 am

    Nice prize.

    Reply
  56. Susan C says

    July 1, 2008 at 10:28 am

    This sounds like a book I truly need.

    Reply
  57. Janet says

    July 1, 2008 at 10:21 am

    Pick me!

    Reply
  58. Kathy Scott says

    July 1, 2008 at 10:18 am

    I am very lucky that both of my boys love to read. Especially since we have a 67 mile drive (each way) to go shopping.

    Reply
  59. Deborah Wellenstein says

    July 1, 2008 at 9:48 am

    Thank you for this giveaway!

    Reply
  60. david basile says

    July 1, 2008 at 7:15 am

    sounds like a good read

    Reply
  61. Stephen Saunders says

    July 1, 2008 at 5:47 am

    I want to read a book. lol

    Reply
  62. Zakiya Williams says

    July 1, 2008 at 2:37 am

    I love to read. That is the only way I can drag myself to the gym because I know I get to read a good book on the treadmill 😉

    Reply
  63. christopher h says

    July 1, 2008 at 12:48 am

    this looks good

    Reply
  64. Terra Heck says

    July 1, 2008 at 12:41 am

    This looks to be an interesting read!

    Reply
  65. Belinda A. says

    July 1, 2008 at 12:26 am

    Yes! This is indeed a great topic to address in today’s world, I’d love to read more.

    Reply
  66. Tammy says

    June 30, 2008 at 11:38 pm

    Would really like advice on this subject.

    Reply
  67. Forgetfulone says

    June 30, 2008 at 11:37 pm

    I would like to enter a copy of this book.

    Reply
  68. Melissa Reeder says

    June 30, 2008 at 11:07 pm

    This looks like a great book to take to the beach with me this summer. Thanks for the fun giveaway!

    Reply
  69. Tara R says

    June 30, 2008 at 11:03 pm

    I’d like to win if you’ll ship to Canada!

    Reply
  70. Jane says

    June 30, 2008 at 10:48 pm

    This book looks wonderful! And yes, I have a US mailing address.

    Reply
  71. Megret says

    June 30, 2008 at 10:26 pm

    I own and thoroughly enjoyed reading his book “In Praise of Slowness” — especially the chapter on children/parenting — so this book would be awesome with a capital A!!

    Yippee!

    Reply
  72. Dawn says

    June 30, 2008 at 10:05 pm

    Ooohhhh…these are the books I love to read! Awesome giveaway!

    Reply
  73. Karen Gonyea says

    June 30, 2008 at 9:51 pm

    Sounds great !

    Reply
  74. Megan says

    June 30, 2008 at 9:27 pm

    Sounds like a great book, thanks for the giveaway!

    Reply
  75. Dan Smith says

    June 30, 2008 at 8:59 pm

    Please enter me

    Reply
  76. Michelle Rosborough says

    June 30, 2008 at 8:59 pm

    I’d love to read this

    Reply
  77. Nancy says

    June 30, 2008 at 8:43 pm

    I’d love to win!

    Reply
  78. Amanda Daybyday says

    June 30, 2008 at 8:12 pm

    Would love to win this book. I agree with the one activity rule and hate being too busy. My oldest is 5 years and I’m just starting on the journey with 2 more behind him.

    Reply
  79. Anne says

    June 30, 2008 at 7:50 pm

    I’m really interested in reading this book! I believe we, as a society, do need to slow down and take better care of our children. Bigger, faster, shinier isn’t always better!

    Reply
  80. Catherine copeland says

    June 30, 2008 at 7:20 pm

    this book sounds like one I really need to bring home. thanks for brining it to my attention

    Reply
  81. Megan B. says

    June 30, 2008 at 7:02 pm

    Sounds great, thank you!

    Reply
  82. Linda Moeller says

    June 30, 2008 at 7:02 pm

    Great prize.

    Reply
  83. Tonya Froemel says

    June 30, 2008 at 6:47 pm

    like to win this

    Reply
  84. Amanda K says

    June 30, 2008 at 6:13 pm

    looks like a good book.

    Reply
  85. Denise says

    June 30, 2008 at 5:35 pm

    Count me in!

    Reply
  86. Tonya Keener says

    June 30, 2008 at 5:17 pm

    I really need to read this .Please pick me. God Bless

    Reply
  87. Maja says

    June 30, 2008 at 5:16 pm

    neat prize

    Reply
  88. Angel says

    June 30, 2008 at 5:16 pm

    enter me

    Reply
  89. Ana says

    June 30, 2008 at 5:15 pm

    so cool

    Reply
  90. Erica G says

    June 30, 2008 at 4:51 pm

    I’d like to win!

    Reply
  91. Linda says

    June 30, 2008 at 4:45 pm

    Looks like a great read.

    Reply
  92. susan varney says

    June 30, 2008 at 4:33 pm

    lovely idea

    Reply
  93. Louise Brouillette says

    June 30, 2008 at 4:20 pm

    This sounds like a really good book.

    Reply
  94. Sheri says

    June 30, 2008 at 3:51 pm

    This is exactly what I need to be reading right now! We’ve got 2 boys and trying to find balance is tricky. Thank you.

    Reply
  95. c. clemens says

    June 30, 2008 at 3:47 pm

    enter me enter me!!!!!

    Reply
  96. charline s says

    June 30, 2008 at 3:46 pm

    I need this book sooooooooooo bad.

    Reply
  97. Beth/Mom2TwoVikings says

    June 30, 2008 at 3:41 pm

    As someone who feels pressure DAILY from those around me to parent differently, I could really use some encouragement to “stay the course” that I feel is right for us.

    Reply
  98. Joyce says

    June 30, 2008 at 3:03 pm

    Sounds like a great book. I tried to limit my children’s activities…but it really is easy to slip into all the activities and pretty soon your running all the time. Now my sis is fighting that battle. If I win a book, Ill pass it along to her

    Reply
  99. SJ says

    June 30, 2008 at 2:46 pm

    I would love to read this, sounds like a great book.

    Reply
  100. Gabriela says

    June 30, 2008 at 1:58 pm

    We try to keep our schedule simple, a lot of activities trickle over and affect things like getting dinner on the table at a decent hour, the basic upkeep of the house, bedtimes at a decent hour and not trying to squeeze things to do until 10:00 pm and have kids that have a hard time getting up in the morning.

    This sounds like a great book!

    Reply
  101. Patty P. says

    June 30, 2008 at 1:31 pm

    Sounds like a great read.

    Reply
  102. Stacey says

    June 30, 2008 at 1:07 pm

    I would love to win a copy of this book. Thanks!

    Reply
  103. Courtney says

    June 30, 2008 at 12:25 pm

    Sounds like a wonderful

    Reply
  104. Nodins Nest says

    June 30, 2008 at 12:16 pm

    I know I could learn from this!

    Reply
  105. stacey says

    June 30, 2008 at 11:49 am

    i think this would be a great read!

    Reply
  106. Angela Horne says

    June 30, 2008 at 11:47 am

    This looks very interesting …
    I’ve learned some of these lessons on my own, after parenting two sons and then having a gap of 13 years until our youngest…. watching the big boys grow up has made me savor every single moment and choose to enjoy my little boy as he becomes a young man.

    Reply
  107. Amanda D. says

    June 30, 2008 at 11:45 am

    sounds great, thanks!

    Reply
  108. Courtney says

    June 30, 2008 at 11:39 am

    Sounds like a great book. I’d love to read it!

    Reply
  109. Perky says

    June 30, 2008 at 11:37 am

    Sounds interesting! I’d read it!

    Reply
  110. RefreshMom says

    June 30, 2008 at 11:30 am

    Sounds like an interesting read. We’re doing ok so far because our church has limited opportunities for young children (outside of Sunday morning) and they’re little enough that it’s not too difficult to keep the “extracurricular” stuff under control. I can see though that this area is definitely kind of pre-disposed to that kind of lifestyle–probably especially the school my 5 year old will begin in the fall. It might be helpful to be armed with some good information (for the kids as well as other parents and such) to support the balanced, low-key approach we’ll try to take. Thanks for pointing this one out.

    Reply
  111. Dolls Clothes Gal says

    June 30, 2008 at 11:26 am

    There’s definately a requirement for this type of book – I’ll look it up. Reading is so important for kids to develop their mind and character. Our daughter is an avid reader and we post her book reviews regularly.

    Reply
  112. Tracey says

    June 30, 2008 at 11:24 am

    Well, well, well….. very interesting post today! My 9yo son is currently playing 3 sports, two of which competetively, and has weekly church choir practice. Not to mention my other son’s activities as well! I can’t even recall our last family dinner together as we are constantly on the go. I am officially a taxi service. Thanks for this book recommendation! Have you read Game On? I haven’t but it’s another book detailing the pressure we parents have and put on our kids to excel in sports. I’m dying to read that one, too.

    Reply
  113. Jill H. says

    June 30, 2008 at 10:11 am

    I’d love the chance to read this…so many folks around here are doing the “superbaby thing”…Foreign language preschools, ballet, art, music…all for kids under 5…it’s crazy…..my kid just wants to play…and I don’t think that’s so wrong!

    Reply
  114. Alicia says

    June 30, 2008 at 10:03 am

    My oldest turns 5 tomorrow, and I would love to be proactive in this arena. Sounds like an interesting read!

    Reply
  115. Happy Mama says

    June 30, 2008 at 9:57 am

    Wow this sounds great. We are in the midst of simplifying our home. this would help simplify our schedules as well!! Trust me we need it! And we don’t even have kid activities yet.

    Reply
  116. Andrea says

    June 30, 2008 at 9:21 am

    I’d love to get my hands on this book! This the kind of reading I really enjoy! 🙂

    Reply
  117. Brooke says

    June 30, 2008 at 8:40 am

    I have three small children, and only the oldest has any activities. She goes to gymnastics once a week, but I’ve found that *I* don’t like being on a schedule. I would like her in Girl Scouts and music lessons, but it all adds up to too much stuff!!
    I’d love to read this book!!

    Reply
  118. The Gang's All Here! says

    June 30, 2008 at 8:36 am

    I’d love to win this. I’m so interested in reading more about the ideas and the “movement!”

    Reply
  119. cheri says

    June 30, 2008 at 8:08 am

    I would love to win a copy of this book… Just what we need!

    Reply
  120. Paper Bridges says

    June 30, 2008 at 7:46 am

    yeah, NJ! what town was it, Snap?

    Reply

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