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5 Minutes for Books — Roadmap to Holland

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This post may contain affiliate links. Read my disclosure policy here.

Reading memoirs opens doors that allow me a peek into something that I will probably never experience–it could be the life of a world traveler, an addict in recovery, or in the case of Road Map to Holland, a mother’s journey of parenting a child with Down syndrome. This book is the best of memoir–the story is honest and insightful and it quickly seeps into the heart of the reader.

I have a friend with a teenager who has Down’s. I’ve known her daughter since she was about five years old (I wrote about seeing her grow up HERE), and she had always praised the essay “Welcome to Holland” as an accurate and lovely description of finding out that your child had Down syndrome (If you’ve never read the essay, you should read it now to get a better context of the title of this book). Because of that, I knew that I wanted to read this book, if for no other reason than to understand a bit more of my friend’s parenting experience.

However, mere pages into Jennifer Graf Groneberg’s book, I realized that I was going to get so much more out of this book. What I got was yes, one woman’s story of the first two years of her life as the mother of a son with Down syndrome–but much much more. I got a woman’s insights on marriage, and how having children changes it. I read about the important role of friendship in a mom’s life, and the sad loss of a connection that was once so dear. I experienced through her words, that which several of my friends have experienced–having to leave a premature baby in the hospital NICU.roadmaptohollandres.jpg

Groneberg writes with honesty. She says some things that you don’t even expect your best friend to share. And she writes beautifully. I can best illustrate this by sharing a few quotes:

All the children a woman will bear are present inside her even before she is born. They are created while she is still nothing more than a tiny form twisting and turning in utero.

***

“Kids,” she [a receptionist] says. “They’re life’s sandpaper.”

Life is life’s sandpaper, I decide on the way home.

***

I disengage myself from the babies and change them into fresh diapers. I kiss Carter [her older son] on top of the head. . . I feel something I haven’t felt in a long while: confidence.

Reading the book reminded me of how I felt when I found out that Amanda had a birth defect, and like Groneberg, I had to say goodbye to that dream of having a perfect child (I wrote about it today on my blog). It occurred to me that all mothers deal with that feeling at some point–of letting go of perfection.

That’s yet another reason why this is a book for all moms.

Would you like to win one of three signed copies of Road Map to Holland? Leave a comment here. The winners will be posted in next week’s column.

The winners of last week’s book, Date Night in a Minivan, are

#24 Happy Mama
#112 Frances Watson
#191 K. Cleaver
#169 Mannequin
#56 Shannon H.

I think that you will all enjoy the book. Thanks for your honest comments about what your biggest obstacles are. There was so much interest in this practical yet funny book. Those of you who didn’t win can follow the link and order your own copy.

Reader Interactions


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152 Comments

  1. Count me in! I’m a big fan of Jennifer’s writing, and I too have a child with enhanced chromosomes.
    Christina is 6 and has been a great gift to my family.

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  4. What a neat book. I’m familiar with the idea of a plane trip to Holland, but heading somewhere else. (The reference for the title.)

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  8. As one with a soft spot in the heart for people with special needs, I would enjoy learning about this wonderful lady’s adventure to “Holland”. I know a gentleman with Down’s and he is so sweet and loving. I had a communication problem as a young child, and was able to overcome that. I now have the gift of gab ;-)!! Seriously, anyone who wins this book will benefit from reading it and learning from it.

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  14. As the parent of a special needs child I read everything I can get my hands on.
    I would love to win this prize.

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  21. Have read the poem before, know I would love the book too….esp being the mother of an 18 yr old Down Syndrome daughter and a now 8 yr old daughter who was born prematurely at 25 weeks…

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  24. Great review Jennifer. So great in fact that I immediately clicked on my local library’s web page only to find that they don’t have this book. So I requested they acquire it. Maybe this will be my lucky day and I’ll win one here instead. 🙂

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  25. After watching my daughter go through 18 surgeries in 8 years (spina bifida), I don’t think we ever made it to Holland. I think we took a side trip to a circus!!

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  29. Sounds like a wonderful book. If I win it, after I read it, my daughters’ will surely want to read it too.

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  30. It would be an honor to read this book. I can’t wait. If I don’t win, I’ll definitely will buy it!
    Thanks for the great giveaway!

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  40. this sounds like a beautiful story. my cousin has a son with downs syndrome and i know she wouldn’t change a thing.

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  44. I am a soon to be new mom. My baby is due in August. I would love to read this book. It sounds interesting.

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  45. You know, my special guy is 16, but there’s always something new to learn. A new thought or idea to share with the many moms I encounter during our journey.

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  47. I’d love to read this! Enter me in! I always read books, review, then pass them on to friends/family!

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  48. It’s a wonderful place Holland is. My youngest Eian has Down syndrome and I wouldn’t change a thing about him.

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  50. I am a nurse who is currently on disability, so I have plenty of time to read. I also worked with clients that were mentally challenged so I think this book would be a wonderful read!

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  53. I would LOVE to win this book! Maybe the story about having a child with Downs Syndrome will help me be better with my Adhd daughter. Thanks!

    Angie

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  55. I’ve always wondered if I would have the strength to handle a situation like that and I only hope I would. I admire the dedication I see in other parents who face daily challenges. I would love to read the book as I know it will truly be an inspirational book and I hope in some way it will help me to be an even better person.

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  61. This tugs at the heart. I think it will help to understand the challenges in raising a special child.

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  62. I saw this book at Borders recently and was immediately intrigued. I would love to hear a mom’s story about parenting a child with Down’s so that I can better relate with and support my friends who have children with special needs.

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  69. Jennifer Graf-Groneberg’s writing is so lovely and your review so compelling–I’m looking forward to reading it!

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  71. I would love some insight into this subject, so this sounds like a great read. (My daughter ain’t perfect, either! But she’s perfect for me.)

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  72. Thanks for entering me. I would love to read this book. Your daughter is beautiful. As far as I am concerned, there is absolutely nothing wrong with her! 🙂

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  81. This sounds like a wonderful book. It is a subject very dear to my heart. Thanks for offering it.

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  82. I worked with children with Down’s Syndrome for many years and they were such a blessing in my life. Thanks for the chance to win this book.

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  87. I would like to get this book because my son has adhd/add. And it means a lot to read other parents stories!!!

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  88. This sounds like a wonderful book! My sister has Down’s syndrome – it would be neat to hear a mother’s perspective (much different than a sister’s!).

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  89. Hi, What a touching review of this book! My friend’s young grand daughter has Down Syndrome. When I was an aide in school, I worked with children in various capacities. I had one boy named “Nick” who would come to our LD class for reading from his EMH class. Nick had personality plus! He could read like nobody’s business. Please enter me in your drawing for the heart felt book. I appreciate it. Thanks, Cindi

    Reply

  95. I’m a Speech Pathologist and have worked with Down’s syndrome children for many years. This would be a wonderful addition to my professional library.

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  96. I would love to win this book! It sounds delightful and inspiring and as a mom who is potentially choosing to enter the world of special needs through adoption, I can use the inspiration!

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  102. I’ve spent the last 16 months getting used to the idea of not having a perfect child myself. I’d enjoy this read, I think.

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  104. As a teacher i’ve had a couple of children with down syndrome. i’d love to have a copy of this book to bring me a better understanding of the challenges parents meet at home.

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  107. Yes, the experience of having a child with Down syndrome changes ones life… but not necesarily for the worst. And maybe by reading this book one can gain some of those benefits:
    Like:
    – not everything in life is quaranteed
    – you can put up with more than you think you can
    – children are loved for who they are, not what they can do.

    If I would win this book, I would add it to my “loaning” bookcase.

    I have a daughter with Down syndrome, age 13 You can visit me at:
    http://beneaththewings.blogspot.com/

    Reply

  110. This sounds like a wonderful book. My old co-worker/office mate has a daughter with Downs Syndrome. I love that girl! She is a few years older than me, but of course seems like a child other than her adult size. She is the sweetest person. I’ve moved a state away, but we still talk on the phone and she gets so excited about it. 🙂

    Reply

  112. I was given this essay when we first found out that my oldest son (now 8 ) has Cerebral Palsy. I would love to read this book.

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  113. I was given this essay when we first found out that my oldest son (now 8) has Cerebral Palsy. I would love to read this book.

    Reply

  117. Jennifer your post was beautiful and so well written today on your blog. If only babies came with a note telling us that there is no “perfect” baby out there in the world.

    I would love to read this book.

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  120. I took a different trip to Holland with my daughter being born premature and then passing away. Seeing you post the essay really caught my eye. I love to read about the strength moms have to survive and overcome.

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  121. I would love to read this book. We have a daughter who was born with an intestinal birth defect that required 3 months of hosipitalizations, 2 surgeries and ongoing special medical care, so I empathize with other moms and families of special needs kids. Her writing sounds beautiful, and I would love to read the whole thing. Thanks for a great link and a fantastic giveaway!

    http://psychmamma.wordpress.com

    Reply

  122. Our first child was born 2 years ago. About 30 minutes after her birth, the doctor came in to tell us that she thought our daughter had down syndrome. Further tests confirmed that that was the case. Some days are easier than others. I love having her in our family and wouldn’t trade her for the world. I would love to read this wonderful book and her account of her life with her son.

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  123. I’m sure this book would leave the reader with a lot of lessons learned.
    gkstratos @yahoo.com

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  128. I’d love to win it! My brother has down syndrome, and I would love to pass this along to my mom and sister and all our family members!!!

    Reply

  129. I have had friends from Blind camp and yes I meant to say it, who had downs Syndrome as well as being visually impaired in some way! They are very special people and I would love to read this book as well!

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  130. I would love to read this book! My profession is workign with adults with mental disabilities. This is a book I’d love to check out to give me a family perspective.

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  133. I’d love to read this – I have a dear friend whose daughter has DS. I’d love the insight into her heart.

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  134. I would love to win a copy of this book. I, too, enjoy reading honest accounts of people’s experiences. Thanks for the giveaway and the wonderful review.

    Reply

  137. My family has taken that trip to Holland. I would love to win this for my daughter-in-Law and son. It helps to know that other people are experiencing the same things that you are.

    Reply

  138. We have several friends whose children have Down Syndrome. I would really like to read this book. Thanks for the chance.

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  140. Not entering this one as I just won a book (thank you!) however, just wanted to say that this book is wonderful reading for any mom. It doesn’t limit its insight to only moms of Down Syndrome children although I am sure those moms can benefit in a special way from this book. Just sayin’…it’s a beautifully written book.

    Reply

  143. Oh I’ve heard about this book! It sounds really great, please add my name to the pot! Thanks so much…I’m such a book-a-holic!!! 😀

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  145. This book looks wonderful! I worked in a vocational rehab where many people had Downs, and combining that with my new experiences as a mother make the book sound extremely relevant and interesting.

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  146. This book sounds GREAT! I would love to read it.

    I really love your post over at your site too! So glad you linked to it. 🙂

    Reply