5 Minutes for Mom

My Baby is Alive!

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I have never been so shocked!

Last night, I was certain that the baby had indeed died. The cramping had slowed, but my pregnancy symptoms seemed to be disappearing. The nausea was improving and even my breasts were no longer sore (I get very sore breasts when I am pregnant – it is my pregnancy “test.”) I was just completely convinced that I had lost the baby.

I had a good, hard cry at about 2am, shaking my fists with frustration and grief, totally devastated that my chances of meeting my little baby seemed to be over.

I got up this morning and decided to go straight to the ER. I wanted an ultrasound to know for sure what was happening inside me.

It was a brutally long wait. I didn’t get to see the doctor till after 1pm. When I finally got to see him, he asked me, “What can I do for you?” I answered, “Get me an ultrasound and a D&C.”

I explained that my last miscarriage was a tedious long experience with weeks of waiting and then months of bleeding. I wasn’t up for it. This time, if the baby had died, I wanted a D&C immediately. He was a wonderfully nice doctor and said that that sounded totally reasonable.

And then I sat and waited. For hours. Honestly, I had so resigned myself to the fact that this baby was already in heaven that my prayers were now focused on a swift and safe D&C. The hospital was overloaded as usual, and I knew the OB was very busy. Getting my surgery tonight would be a long shot. But in case I got the chance, I didn’t eat or drink anything. I just sat in a hard, uncomfortable chair, in a long hallway and waited all day.

Finally, just after 4pm I got my ultrasound. I told the technician, “If this baby is alive, I will fall off this table in shock. But please tell me if you find a heartbeat.” And then I watched her face for any sign of life. Those technicians have some poker faces! Not a hint.

And then she said it, “There’s a heartbeat,” and she turned the monitor for me to see my little tiny baby’s fluttering heart. I burst into tears. Relief. Joy. Disbelief.

I practically skipped back to the ER, announcing to the doctor, “My baby is alive!”

It is still early. The baby is only seven weeks. I know things could still go wrong. But today we got unexpected pardon. For now my baby is alive!

Ironically, I got home and found a message from my doctor’s office asking me to come in. I guess she got my blood test results in and perhaps Friday’s ultrasound. I sure hope nothing is wrong in the blood tests, since it is unusual for them to call me to tell me to come in. But tonight I will try not to worry about that. I have had enough worry in the last few days to last me an entire pregnancy! But I must say, it is making me a bit curious. She doesn’t work tomorrow – so I guess I will have to wait till Wednesday. Why is there so much waiting in life?!?

Thank you again for all your prayers and love. You are incredible friends and I appreciate you so very much!!!

I am so exhausted right now. I only slept for four hours last night and it was a long day sitting in the hospital with no food or water. I am literally shaking my body is so tired. So I am going to go lie down. Thank you again and I will talk to you soon. 🙂


Comments

  1. wow i am experiancing all of that and i am so afraid that the baby just may not be alive any more i have to go to the doctor on the 26th so i am just waiting with so much worrie hoping that everything will be ok what you said really releived a lot of stress thank you

  2. I experienced cramping and other strange feelings with my second too…happy to say he was born healthy and full term. I wish the very same for you!

  3. I’m late, but THANK YOU JESUS!!! I’m just so relieved for you and your post brought me to tears. I know that feeling, all too well, of waiting for the sono tech to give you something, anything… It’s excruciating.

    Bless you!!!

    ~Beki

  4. Janice,
    My prayers are with you. I am so thankful that I serve a God who hears our cries and tends to our needs.

    Be blessed of the Lord,

    Candyce
    Psalm 103:2-4
    Let all that I am praise the Lord;
    may I never forget the good things he does for me.
    3 He forgives all my sins
    and heals all my diseases.
    4 He redeems me from death
    and crowns me with love and tender mercies.

  6. This entry just brought me to tears. I have never had a miscarriage before, but I had many a lot of “close calls” with my second pregnancy. Just about every test I had to take came back abnormal, which was very scary for me. You just want to know that your baby is healthy, and will make it. I am thinking of you & praying that your little one is a healthy little bundle of joy for you! 🙂 Take care!

  7. I am soooooo happy for you! I can feel the joy come through in your post. Congratulations!!! I’ve been in this position before and know what a roller coaster it can be. Take good care of yourself!

  8. This post brought tears to my eyes! I’m so happy for you! Now hold on to the hope God has given you and don’t let go!
    {HUGS}

  9. Oh Janice,
    My heart so relates to you on this journey of highs and lows. But, praise God, today you are on the mountain.
    I am continuing to pray for this little one, that he or she is bunkered down for the long haul, that you and your doctor will work through any challenge to come, and that we might rejoice fully with you at the end of 9 months of waiting.
    Thank you, God, for this life you created and for your protective hand of healing and comfort for Janice and her baby. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
    Blessings,
    ~Toni!

  13. What wonderful news! God is so good and His plan is always so amazing to watch unfold. I will be praying that your blood results are ok and that your little one continues to grow safe and soundly 🙂 God bless!

  17. this is SUCH good news! hooray for you and your babe! I will continue to pray for you! I gotta tell you, I had a feeling at Mass that all would be good 🙂 Something in my faith told me to keep praying for life 🙂
    Get plenty of rest and rub that belly of yours!

  18. Janice, I am so thrilled! Though this was the outcome I hoped and prayed for, I had to admit I felt as you did, that the baby was probably already with the Lord. I’m go glad our faith doesn’t rest on feelings!

    Hope you get caught up on rest and nutrients today!

  22. I thought I already left a comment but its not here for some reason?.

    I am so happy to hear the good news. Take it easy today.

  25. I am so happy for you! I had a similar experience where I just knew I miscarried. What I did not realize was that I was carrying twins at the time- so I still had one little heartbeat pumping along. I have never cried such happy tears, or been so thankful for a little life. My son is now two, but I will say I was worried and careful until the 30 week point, only because you love them so much already. Then I went a week over, and thought, Okay God, I can have this baby anytime now!

    I will continut to pray that your baby remains strong and healthy! Praise God from whom all blessing flow!

  28. Big hugs Janice! I am going to continue to pray for you and your little one. I’m also praying that God helps take all of your stress away so you are able to find peace and relax.

  30. Janice that is awesome! I was crying while reading this post. I am so happy that the baby is doing well. I will keep praying for you and you will both get through this! And prayers that in a year we will be reading about your miracle baby! Big hugs, Lisa

  37. I will pray for you. I have lost many a baby and it hurts so bad. Take it slow and do not pick up anything over 2 pounds! Drink lots of water now.

  38. Dear Janice
    Ive not thought about much else than you the last couple of days
    You made my day I came to check on you just before heading to bed its 9pm here in New Zealand
    thats awesome news God is good 🙂
    still gonna pray for you and bubs
    BIG BIG HUG
    blessings and love

  43. Oh Janice that is WONDERFUL NEWS!! Thank God! I am so happy for you! There are a lot of people praying for you and your family and we will continue to do so! Bless you and that little peanut!! I wish I could send you a sandwich for all that waiting in the ER! So I’ll send you cyber-((hugs)) instead!

  44. Amen and hallelujah for you Janice! That is the best news I have read all day. I’ve been checking frequently to find some news and I couldn’t be more thrilled for you!

    I will continue to pray that this baby will remain safe and sound with you for the next 9 month! Praise the Lord! Sleep well, friend!

  46. Praise Jesus! May He enfold you in peaceful rest tonight, dear Janice. Will look forward to your next good report and continue praying until then!

  47. Yee haw!! Praise the Lord!! I am so happy for you! I’m praying that baby is glued in there until his 9 months are up and it’s the right time for him to make his/her appearance. 🙂

  48. So happy to hear all is well. For now just try to focus on the fact that the baby is alive and God willing, you will be holding that baby in Oct. I was heartbroken reading your post last night, I can’t imagine how it must feel to believe that you have miscarried and not know for hours on end. You are stronger than I. (((Hugs)))

  49. I am crying tears of joy for you right now. I hope things continue to be on the bright side for you with this pregnancy. In the meantime rest and take care of yourself.

  51. Praise the Lord! What wonderful news! I checked in several times today hoping to hear an update. What a rollercoaster of emotions you have been on the last few days. May the Lord give you rest and peace this evening.

    “The Lord bless you and keep you; the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you; the Lord turn his face to you and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26

  55. Oh, wonderful news. It is so hard to just trust in God and stop the worrying. I’m 14 weeks along right now and I still am fighting with doubt and scary days. Since I had a miscarriage last Sept. Just hold on to that image of the tiny heartbeat! HUGS and prayers!

  58. YAY!! Talk about good news! I know it’s still really early, but I’m rooting for you and your little one. Hopefully the doc will have some sort of plan when you see her. Make eat something! 🙂

  59. My last pregnancy was the same way and having had previous miscarriages also I had hardened my heart and then believe that indeed the baby had died. When I went in for my ultrasound the next day, I too was shocked to find that the baby was indeed still very much alive.

    Praying all will remain well.

  60. Great news! I am so very happy for you and your little one. Make sure to get plenty of rest and keep on doing so. You will stay in our prayers all the way!

  62. You are loved!! I called you this afternoon but your mom said you had gone in to “sit forever and ever and ever” at the hospital ( I never get tired of talking to your mom! She cracks me up! She told me the story about stepping over the man sleeping on the floor at the dentist… LOL)

    I am so glad things are good (of course, I prayed that they would be all day) and will now pray that you get an amazing nights sleep and that Jackson will sleep a bit longer tomorrow morning 😉

    You are loved!
    Heather

  64. Woooohooo! I am so happy for you! This just made my day! I will continue to pray for you and the little baby! Specifically that God will hold this baby in the palm of His hand and grow it to full term! I, too, have experienced a miscarriage, but went on to have 2 healthy baby girls. Please don’t stress out…just rest and try to relax!

  66. You and the baby have been in my prayers and on my mind all day. I”m so thankful that you saw the heartbeat. You’ll stay in my prayers.

  70. OH I am Thrilled for you!!! All of the prayers have been answered!! I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers! I hope you get some good rest and have some peace of mind now!! 🙂
    Big Hugs~ Amy

  73. I’m so glad to hear your good news. I’ve been checking all day for an update on how you and your baby are. I will continue to hope and pray that you and your baby remain healthy and things will be alright.
    I know a little of what you are going through and have gone trough. Ironically, today I had a positive pregnancy test. I’m hesitant to tell anyone because my last three pregnancies ended in miscarriage. I can relate to the emotional roller-coaster and the planning for the worst, while still hoping for the best.

    Good Luck!

  75. !!!! Wonderful. Thank you for taking the time to give us an update. Even those of us out here who are usually lurkers have been thinking of you and your babe, and saying prayers.

  79. Oh, I’m so thrilled for you! I’ve been checking back every little bit, hoping for good news. I pray that precious little heart continues to beat strongly. Get some rest!

  80. I’m so glad you have some relief. I’ll continue to pray that things go well for you and your little one. (I’ve been waiting anxiously to hear the news and I’m glad I did!)

  81. Praise God! I had to go the HCG route and then wait 10 days to find out about my baby (who didn’t make it) so I was praying for you! I’m so glad you found out today. I hope you get plenty of rest in the days and weeks to come, and hopefully your nausea is gone for good!

  82. God is so good! Get rest and take care of yourself. That baby needs you. We are all going to just continue to hold you and the little one up in prayer.

Trackbacks

  1. […] (Although this weekend my hubby and I did tidy the house and get it back under control before our cleaning lady came. Woohoo! Please don’t look down on me because I have a cleaning lady! For years I refused to do it. I hate to think that I am spending money on something we can do ourselves. But this last year it just got too hard to get everything done. So I now have a lady come in for a few hours twice a month for the bathrooms, vacuuming, etc. I still have to clean in between her visits – I wish I could afford her every week – but it is so wonderful to have that help! I would rather spend $60 on my house getting cleaned than on going out for dinner. I loathe cleaning!) Today, I spent the entire day in the ER waiting to get an ultrasound – which turned out fantastic! My baby is alive and I am reeling with excitement! […]

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