Seven years ago tonight, was the most exhausting and excruciating night of my life.
After a lifetime of imagining what becoming a mother would be like, I met that moment terrified.
As I wept and clung to the shrieking, bloody body of my tiny son, I understood both the euphoria and the terror of a mother’s complete and unconditional love.
Loving somebody that intensely was beyond overwhelming. I simply couldn’t bear it.
I was overcome with fear and passion for my new role as mother.
Because of some serious medical concerns, the first few weeks of Jackson’s life I was lost in worry. I remember just holding my baby and crying. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I couldn’t even enjoy him — I loved him too much. I was lost in post-partum depression.
Fortunately, my doctor quickly intervened and got me on medication and enlisted the help of my husband to give me a break in the night so I could sleep, (with the help of meds!)
When Jackson’s health scare was resolved and my hormones and chemicals were balanced, I finally got to delight in my little angel.
Seven years later, I am now the mother of two.
My daughter’s arrival was a completely different experience.
After mothering Jackson for all those years, when I gave birth to Olivia, I knew what I didn’t know when I first met Jackson: I knew that I could do it! I knew that the hard days always end and good days always come. (And I knew I needed meds as soon as that baby was out!)
I love being a mother. And I adore – completely and absolutely ADORE – my precious children.
Loving anyone this much still terrifies me — it opens me up to the possibility of unfathomable heartache. But I wouldn’t change it.
I am beyond grateful for that night seven years ago when my son made me a mother.
Happy Seventh Birthday, my sweet, sweet son!