I know many women joke about being addicted to chocolate, but I think REALLY have a chocolate addiction.
People talk about being addicted to food and to sugar, and I believe it’s true. I know I am guilty of emotional eating. I eat when I’m bored, stress and depressed.
The number one food I want to eat when I’m depressed is chocolate.
When I notice myself getting out of control and eating too much chocolate, I “treat it” by going cold turkey. The only safe thing is to have NONE. As soon as I have a bite, I want more. And more.
When days like today come and I’m depressed… I become DESPERATE for chocolate. I just searched my house hopelessly looking for chocolate. I found a leftover mini chocolate bar from one of my kid’s party loot bags and ate it despite being able to taste how stale it was. Then I ate a couple of spoonfuls of Nutella.
I wanted more.
So I just stole an old Valentine’s Day chocolate from my daughter’s bag of old treats. It too was stale.
Now I’m sitting on the couch feeling guilty, but still wishing I had given in to my urge to stock up on chocolate bars while I was last at the store.
But I won’t give in. I won’t let myself buy any chocolate the next time I’m at the store.
Because I hate this feeling. The guilt and shame because I actually feel out of control and desperate to heal my depression by shocking my system with sugar.
There are times when I’m not feeling at all depressed that I can eat some chocolate and not feel like binging on it. But when my mood has dipped and I’m feeling depressed, I must resist the urge to have even a bite.
So now I try to remind myself that it’s okay… I didn’t have all that much. My daughter won’t notice the missing piece of stale chocolate. And maybe I’ll even force myself to go for a walk.
Is Chocolate Addiction Real?
I’m not sure if chocolate addiction is technically a real thing… but I do know that for me, I have to be careful.
I know that when I’m depressed, I crave chocolate more than usual. And when I start eating it, I have a hard time stopping before I’ve eaten enough to feel sick.
So, for me it IS real. I’d rather believe that it’s not, so that I can stock up my house with chocolate and be ready the next time my mood dips. But I KNOW that I don’t like how I feel after I binge on a bunch of chocolate.
And sadly, now that I’m over 40 years old, it’s getting much harder to lose weight and the stakes are higher if I too often give in to my chocolate cravings.
That means that until my mood stabilizes… no chocolate for me. At all.
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