Okay Girls…

by Janice

I am holding a little stick and it has TWO lines – and NO ONE is answering their phone! And I am not the kind of girl that can keep this kind of information to herself!

In disbelief, with the 2nd line just beginning to appear, I phone my husband. He tells me not to get my hopes up. Now I will give him some grace because I did say the line was very faint – and I did lose our last baby. But he is very much a man and does NOT scream like a girl anyway, so his reaction was far too calm for my needs.

So next I go tell my mom. Even less of a reaction. “Hmmm…” “Isn’t it great news Mom?” “Hmmm…” “Do you think I can handle it?” “No.”

Okay – I will give her grace too. She was the one that spent the first two months of my son’s life helping me do everything as I tried to cope with post pardum depression, a sick body and a newborn.

But girls – I need to hear someone scream with delight.

I phone Susan. She had just picked up Jackson and taken the kids to the YMCA. She should still be driving. She has her phone turned off. Good grief.

I phone my friend Dawn. No answer.

I phone my friend Crystal. No answer.

So what do I do now?

I call you!

So dear internet – let me hear a loud “girl” scream – cause there are two lines!!!

Now, I know I just lamented to you on Tuesday saying that I knew I was not pregnant. But you must understand, I was trying soooo hard not to get my hopes up. This has been a long season of trying to conceive. I lost a baby at the beginning of November 2005 and each month since then it has felt like a lost another one as my hopes crashed with that horrible moment I see that my period has come.

My son has cried and screamed at God because he wants a brother or sister. He has wept asking me why God has not given us another baby yet. “But you had one baby in your belly Mommy – I remember.” (Just so you know – I don’t bring up the subject with him. He does. I just tell him that it can take a very long time to get a baby. It took Auntie three years to get Julia and sometimes we don’t always get another baby. His response, “Well that isn’t what I want for my life.” He then closed himself in the closet and cried.) Just in case you are wondering – I won’t be telling him about this baby until I am showing and I can hide it no longer. Last time I tried to wait, but when I was puking in the kitchen sink and he kept asking why Mommy was sick I gave in and told him. This time I will be more careful.

Last month I was finished with trying. I couldn’t bear the disappointment. I didn’t even pay attention to when I was supposed to be ovulating. I thought that that would make me not hope.

It didn’t work. My hope was still as strong – refusing to give up despite my attempts to beat it down.

I hoped.

I waited.

Period due yesterday. I kept going to “check.” No “news.”

This morning I peed on the stick.

And yes girls – there are two lines!!!

P.S. I know I could very well miscarry this baby. I know it is barely even there yet. But girls – you know I will tell you if I have a miscarriage anyway – how could I keep that from you?!? So I figure I will tell you all now because I need two very important things from you: First, I need to hear a scream of delight – preferably many. And second, I need you to pray that this baby gets to stay! …Thanks girls – a girl can always count on you all – as BooMama said – you all are the best internets in the world.

Email Author    |    Website About Janice

Janice is co-founder of 5 Minutes For Mom. She's been working online since 2003 and is thankful her days are full of social media, writing and photography. You can see more of her photos at janicecrozephotography.com.

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