Okay Girls…

I am holding a little stick and it has TWO lines – and NO ONE is answering their phone! And I am not the kind of girl that can keep this kind of information to herself!

In disbelief, with the 2nd line just beginning to appear, I phone my husband. He tells me not to get my hopes up. Now I will give him some grace because I did say the line was very faint – and I did lose our last baby. But he is very much a man and does NOT scream like a girl anyway, so his reaction was far too calm for my needs.

So next I go tell my mom. Even less of a reaction. “Hmmm…” “Isn’t it great news Mom?” “Hmmm…” “Do you think I can handle it?” “No.”

Okay – I will give her grace too. She was the one that spent the first two months of my son’s life helping me do everything as I tried to cope with post pardum depression, a sick body and a newborn.

But girls – I need to hear someone scream with delight.

I phone Susan. She had just picked up Jackson and taken the kids to the YMCA. She should still be driving. She has her phone turned off. Good grief.

I phone my friend Dawn. No answer.

I phone my friend Crystal. No answer.

So what do I do now?

I call you!

So dear internet – let me hear a loud “girl” scream – cause there are two lines!!!

Now, I know I just lamented to you on Tuesday saying that I knew I was not pregnant. But you must understand, I was trying soooo hard not to get my hopes up. This has been a long season of trying to conceive. I lost a baby at the beginning of November 2005 and each month since then it has felt like a lost another one as my hopes crashed with that horrible moment I see that my period has come.

My son has cried and screamed at God because he wants a brother or sister. He has wept asking me why God has not given us another baby yet. “But you had one baby in your belly Mommy – I remember.” (Just so you know – I don’t bring up the subject with him. He does. I just tell him that it can take a very long time to get a baby. It took Auntie three years to get Julia and sometimes we don’t always get another baby. His response, “Well that isn’t what I want for my life.” He then closed himself in the closet and cried.) Just in case you are wondering – I won’t be telling him about this baby until I am showing and I can hide it no longer. Last time I tried to wait, but when I was puking in the kitchen sink and he kept asking why Mommy was sick I gave in and told him. This time I will be more careful.

Last month I was finished with trying. I couldn’t bear the disappointment. I didn’t even pay attention to when I was supposed to be ovulating. I thought that that would make me not hope.

It didn’t work. My hope was still as strong – refusing to give up despite my attempts to beat it down.

I hoped.

I waited.

Period due yesterday. I kept going to “check.” No “news.”

This morning I peed on the stick.

And yes girls – there are two lines!!!

P.S. I know I could very well miscarry this baby. I know it is barely even there yet. But girls – you know I will tell you if I have a miscarriage anyway – how could I keep that from you?!? So I figure I will tell you all now because I need two very important things from you: First, I need to hear a scream of delight – preferably many. And second, I need you to pray that this baby gets to stay! …Thanks girls – a girl can always count on you all – as BooMama said – you all are the best internets in the world.


  1. says

    YEE HAW! WHOO HOO! YIPPEEEE! That is so exciting! Yes I understand…I have four children (one set of twins at the end). CONGRATULATIONS! FAINT IS STILL PINK!!!!!!!!! YEE HAW!!!!!!!

  2. says

    YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Congrats to you!!! This is the first time I have visited and you LITERALLY (so not making this up) made me cry!!! I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!! I know all about losing a baby, and trying so hard to have the family you just KNOW you want, but it just isn’t working out as quickly as you would want it.

    HURRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!! I am so excited for you!! Faint or not 😉 TWO PINK LINES!!!!!

    Btw, I have five kiddos 😉 It can be done. I have been pregnant NINE TIMES. I guess our time comes when it’s ready to come. Just think… because of everything you have went thru, you will TOTALLY marvel in the fact that you have your baby…. and I honestly believe it makes changing diapers not that big of a deal LOL!!

    CONGRATS SWEETIE!!! I am just giddy for you!! YEA!!!!!! *happy tears STILL here LOL*

    hugs, Dangerously Simple

  3. says

    This is my third visit here and first time commenting. What wonderful news! CONGRATULATIONS! I am soooo happy for you. I can remember that incredible thrill (four times). *grin*

  4. says

    *squeals with delight loudly*
    YAY YAY YAY for you!!!!!!!!!
    I am so happy for you.
    I will keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers.

  5. says

    WOOO HOOOO!!!! YIPEEEE! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! *screaming as loud as I can*. My home pregnancy test result had a very faint second line, too. Baby Bug was born 40 weeks later!!

  6. says

    OH MY GOODNESS! Can you hear me? I’m SCREAMING for you here in Idaho!!!! I’m also tearing up I’m so happy for you!!! What a big softy I am. I share your pain of loosing a baby. You and your baby will be in my prayers every day. Please keep us posted.

    I’m sure your dh is just trying to restrain his excitment until he is more certain. They feel the pain of loosing the baby as well, but show it very differently.

    Sending many baby blessings your way.

  7. says

    CONGRATULATIONS!!! Even when you read the box it says, the second line may be faint, but it’s there AT ALL it’s a positive result. I’m so happy for you and I hope everything works out with this one.

  8. says

    PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAISE GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’M SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I know the feeling of losing a baby and also of not being able to get pregnant. I have a soft spot in my heart for mothers like you. I have tears in my eyes while I type this. I’m overjoyed for you.

  9. says

    Woooooo Hooooo!!! Yippeee!!! God is so good all the time!!!!! I am so happy for you, Janice. May God put His hand on this baby and bring him or her to full term, delivering that healthy baby into your arms. Consider this a loud Hooray Yell all the way from Georgia!!

  10. says

    :) LOL you should have heard me just now. I screamed and my face has a huge smile on it for u.
    LOL did you hear me :)
    I screamed even before I read that thats what you wanted to hear. I read the 1st line and I was off cheering for u

    its probably way to early but having been there 3 times I pray already against post pardum depression.

    Im sori that you lost your last baby. November 2005 was when Daniel was born. I also lost a baby 6 weeks into my pregnancy 15 years ago. Like you say it was hardly there but it is something you dont forget. BIG BIG HUG

    I am praying hard out that this baby stays put.
    Big Hugs again Janice

  11. says

    I’m giving you a big Whaaa-hooooooo too! So excited to hear that you saw two lines:) I will be praying with you that it would be the Lord’s will to grow this baby into a happy and healthy little one that you can hold in your arms. My heart is very aware of the fear as each day progresses. I will also pray that you can rest in HIS arms during this time.

    I having been blogging much (okay, AT ALL!) because of things moving in faster than fast motion. I still keep up with your blog. thanks again for all the work you two do!

  12. says

    OH MY WORD! HOW INCREDIBLE!!!! GOD is so good and I am sure He got the biggest kick out of you, His precious child, writing that. YIPPIE!!!
    Love and prayers to you!

  13. says

    AHHHHHHHH! I actually did scream when I read the first line in my bloglines and I bit my thumb while I waited for your site to load so I could read the rest and confirm. I think I scared the kids! WOO HOO!!!! I’m sending many, many, many “baby, baby stay” prayers for you right now!!!

  14. says

    CONGRATULATIONS!!! I only stumbled across your site the other day so you don’t know me at all but having had my own struggles to have my beautiful daughters I know how amazing a pregnancy is. And sure there may be problems ahead BUT you have a precious baby inside you and that should be celebrated. Congratulations and I hope you have a great pregnancy.

  15. says

    I’m so excited for you!! Yippee!!! :)

    I seriously was jittery reading this post. I lost a baby in 2005 and now have a beautiful 8 month old daughter, Ella (along with her older 2 siblings). Adding to the family is such fun and I hope and pray that this baby is meant to be yours and you’ll be holding her (or him) in your arms 9 months from now. Congrats to you!

  16. says

    This is the 1st time I have ever read and I am VERY excited for you-WE lost a baby in Oct of 06 and still trying to get regular–before we can even try again-very frustrating!!!! God knows the plan so i am okay with that…Praying for this baby to stay

  17. says

    Screaming like crazy!!!!! WoooHooo! Congratulations.

    I pray that you will have a healthy and happy pregnancy. We serve a God of Wonders and sweet darling babies are one of the best wonders He can bless us with.

    Again congratulations!

  18. says

    I KNEW IT! I didn’t want to say that, of course, because I’ve been there and have been disappointed and yada yada but I just KNEW you were. I could also tell that you suspected but were afraid to let your mind go there—oh have I been there!
    I am praying for sticky, sticky, sticky. Praise God!
    :) Yay for you!

  19. says

    Jumps up and Down


    As a mom who miscarried in between my middle and youngest– i know you are worried–but I also know that THERE IS NO REASON why I won’t be making this same noise in 9 months!

  20. says

    WOO HOO!!! Your mom is no doubt holding off her excitement, because she fears for you to be disappointed again – and herself as well. This is AWESOME news!

  21. says

    I just found you not long ago too, first comment…this one definitley deserves a comment! Wahooooooooooo!!!!!!! That is so wonderful, and I am so happy for you! I know all about trying to conceive and the emotions each month, and how awesome it had to be to see that second line appear, yeeeee hawww! :-)

  22. says

    Okay, I’m generally more of a gasper than screamer, but I am SHRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKING and jumping up and down and praying and loving on you!!! YAY for two pink lines — and I do fully understand the loves in your life that have walked this painful road with you. Praying for healthy baby and peace for everyone — and a testimony to God’s power for Jackson!!!!

  23. says

    YEAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I believe WITH YOU that you will not miscarry. This baby will be the brother or sister your son is longing for, and the child your heart desires!
    I have had many friends face this struggle, 2 who just had miscarriages over Christmas. So, I am so glad for you, hope is THE thing that keeps us going on!

  24. Lisa Metzger says

    I totally understand where you’re coming from. Even after 5 miscarriages and an ectopic, I still get SUPER excited over my two pink lines! You just HAVE TO CELEBRATE! Yay! I’m so happy for you! Sned some baby dust my way. :)

  25. says

    Yeah!!!! I am screaming with joy for you! I will keep you and your new baby in my prayers. Its time to celebrate! Im so happy for you!!!!!!!

  26. says

    God Bless You! You have been in my prayers since your post Tuesday… I could tell by the tone of your writing that you were trying to be “non-chalant” about it, but deep down was hoping… I could tell, cause I’ve been there. I’m screaming WAHOOEY! for you! This is so wonderful! Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  27. says

    YYYYYEAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! (happy dancin’ while screamin’)

    TWO LINES!!!!!!!!

    What does two line mean again?

    Just kidding……

    Congratulations and keep us posted!

  28. says


    I was so excited to even see the title on your blog post! I think you’re getting many “shouts of hooray” from those in blogosphere!!! YIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

  29. says

    Janice – I got goose bumps reading your post. Many squeals of delight here. I KNOW that those around you didnt get that excited (the ones who didnt have their phone turned off, anyway) because they were trying to protect you from getting too excited… in case.. etcetera.. but this really IS worth celebrating and I am Soooo glad you shared it with us.

    By the number of comments and squeals of delight, we’re all with you on this!

    I look forward to sharing this journey with you as you grow your next little bundle of joy, God willing.

    Hmm, it also occurs to me that maybe hubby needs a big thank you or something for his part in this? Especially since there seems to have been a bit of a drought on… 😉

  30. DebbiDoo says

    Yah, you didn’t pick up the phone and call me…….. But whatever… Congratulations to you, Phil and Jackson. Whoooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  31. Kim says

    Congratulations Janice and Phil! But where’s MY phone call? I know I moved away but come on!!! – and I’m practically family, if all the Winters and Crozes die of a horrible epidemic that baby is MINE! :0)
    I’m getting the rugrats bathed and to bed, so I’ll call you tonight or tomorrow. Love Kim

  32. says

    I can’t scream out loud because my family is sleeping, but my insides are whooping and hollering for joy! We’ll pray for healthy healthy pregnancy!!

  33. says

    Just started reading recently, Janice, but I had to comment and say….YAH- HOOOOOOOOO!!!! God is so good, and I pray that young’un is well anchored. I’m happy for you and looking forward to reading about the progress of this baby. :-)

    My first grandbaby is due at the end of May, and I’m a fanatical Grandma already! :-)

  34. says

    Looks like I’m WAY late to the party… but WOOT, WOOT, WOOT. Exciting news, Janice. I pray it “sticks” this time. HUGE hugs!!!!!!!!!!!

  35. says

    What an exciting moment for you and thanks for sharing it with us!
    Keep us updated on your pregnancy :) And I am praying that you will carry the baby full term and your son will get his brother or sister – God hears his prayers too…
    Blessings and hugs, Lisa

  36. says

    I’m not just cyber-squealing, I’m cyber-cartwheeling for you :). You, sweet Janice, are a marvel. This baby is a marvel…big brother is a marvel. Even your husband and mom are marvelous in their calm and reluctant kind of way.

    You gotta be feelin’ the lovin’ right now, it’s showering you like a blizzard in Alaska. :)

  37. says

    You need to stop thinking about miscarriage and start thinking about a great pregnancy and a great birth and a healthy baby:) The Universe is listening!!

  38. says

    OH GIRL!!!!! This is SOOOOOO Cool!!! Hear me squeal with ALLL the others, and KNOW without a doubt that I am praying for that little one, you, and the rest!!

  39. says

    Congratulations and jubilations…. I am so excited for you. Our friends just announced that they are pregnant after trying for a while. I am happy for you. Prayers for an easy and safe pregnancy coming your way.

  40. Kassandra says

    Hey there Janice!! CONGRATS!!!!! I am screaming for you and with you!!! I will pray for your little bean, if you could please pray for our 5th baby bean too!! We haven’t told anyone!!!!!!!! :( I am about to explode!!!!! OF course, this is our 5th earthly child, we lost one a few years ago. But you still just want to SCREAM IT!!!! So, to you, I AM PREGNANT!! We can be pregnant together! HOw cool, we have a preggo bloggy friend!

    I know how hard Post Partum Depression can be, I have suffered horribly with it, so I am praying for you! What a wonderful Blessing!!! Psalm 127:3-5 :)

  41. says

    Yeeaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! I’m screaming away across the pond but the ocean is drowning out the noise so you can’t hear me but believe me I am. I’m so pleased for you. my personal belief is that the baby is a baby from the moment the sperm hits the egg. I will keep you all in my prayers and in my heart for a safe delivery of a beautiful baby and lets face all babies are beautiful to we Mums.

  42. says

    First time here and what a great post to get in on!! Many congrats and know that I will pray for you and this wonderful little baby!

    In Him, Amy

  43. says

    CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! This is not the first time I have visited but first time to post a comment. I will definitely be praying for you and this new life! I, too, had a miscarriage and then got pregnant after trying for what seemed like FOREVER! We have 2 beautiful girls now (21m and 6 1/2m) and I know that I had to go through that to really appreciate my life and children’s lives. Congrats again!

  44. says

    ACCKKKKK!!!! There’s my best girly scream.

    Congratulations! I am so happy for you. Your post on Tuesday tore my heart out.

    I’ve also experienced the pain of infertility as well as the joy of the two pink lines. Like you said in your next post. Live for today. Don’t worry about tomorrow. That’s how I got through my second pregnancy.

  45. says

    I haven’t struggled with infertility as you have but I have many others very close to me that have. I have however lost a baby last September and now that I’m 11 weeks along in this pregnancy I’ve been trying to take it one day at a time. I too didn’t really tell my son until just a few days ago. He sees me getting sick too and asks if I’m ok, I just say that Mommy has a tummy ache. I’m just trying to enjoy the days that I get with this little one since they are numbered and only God knows.
    Congrats! And I pray for your and your family including the bean in your belly!!!!!

  46. says

    WHOOPEEEE!!!! (doing a BIGTIME happy dance just for you :) Wonderful news…what girl could resist celebrating with you??!! Praying for God’s blessed will to be carried out in y’alls lives…HUGS!!

  47. says

    Like with ONE HUNDRED AND TWO comments you need one more, but here goes anyway…
    And lotsa prayers!!

  48. Lilo's Mom says

    YAHOOOOO!!! I lost a baby (isn’t that a horrible way to say it? I NEVER lost the baby…I knew exactly where she was…) in November 1988, and found out in Jan 1989 that I was pregnant again. I walked on eggshells and didn’t really believe it would happen until my second darling daughter was born. Now she is 17, and I love her tons…and I appreciate SO much that she wouldn’t be here if my tragedy wouldn’t have happened. Now I know I have a sweet baby waiting for me in Heaven (I even named her Emily, but nobody knows that…) AND I have 5 wonderful kids here on earth.

    I pray that you hold this baby in your hands — healthy and full term. Even if you don’t, you will always hold her in your heart.

  49. says

    Congratulations to you my dear. I read your blog one other time a few days ago when you had posted about not thinking you were pregnant. I also read your previous post you had linked to and my heart broke. I have been struggling with this very thing and your words are exactly what my heart has been crying out with.

    I am so excited for you. Your news has brought hope back for me this month. Congratulations to you, dear. May God richly bless you and your family.

  50. says

    I know that I am late getting in here, but congrats to you! I will keep all of you in my prayers. I agree that if you would tell if you miscarried, then you should share the good news, no matter how early.

    My daughter was 4 1/2 when I miscarried and was SO happy to be getting a baby. It was an early 2nd trimester miscarriage, so she had known for a couple of weeks. It was so hard to tell her, and like Jackson, she grieved for that baby (and still remembers him 4 years later). I was also very careful about not telling her when I got pregnant. I had to be careful about telling “real-life” friends, too, because that’s how she found out the first time. But I told all my email buddies really soon.

    My sweet Kyle was worth the wait, and I know that your guy or gal will be too.

  51. says

    Hi honey!!!
    I am so happy for you!!! Congratualtions!!
    remember me… i am your australian canadian chickie!!!:)
    guess you won’t have any tampons around the house to stick behind your ear for a while huh:) I love you Janice:)

  52. says


    It took me three years to get pregnant the first time, and about a year and a half the second time. I know all too well the misery that seeing your period each month brings- I’d hide in the bathroom and cry.

    Saying a little prayer for you that all goes well… :)

  53. says

    OH MY GOSH!!!! YOU’RE PREGNANT?!?! That’s not what I expected to read today! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! Keep the faith, Janice. I’ll pray that you have a take home baby!

  54. says

    Laughter, tears,


    WOW – your in my prayers – my sister recently lost a baby and just recently got pregnant – I beleive in my heart all will be well and Jackson will get his little gift from God! (As will you) – but you better tell him to LOOK OUT – they are not all they are cracked up to be LOL I have 2 that are about 4 years apart in age and it’s SOOO hard

    MUCH LOVE!!!

  55. says

    Okay I missed this big news! What a blessing. I will be praying for you. Incidentally I became a mom in the legal sense this weekend. Children are a blessing from the Lord!

  56. says

    CONGRATULATIONS!!! Saying a prayer for BABY JANICE right now!!
    Oh Dear God protect this baby and help it grow big and healthy and strong, amen, Amen, AMEN!!!!!!

  57. says

    Coming late to the cheering party. What a blessing for you and your family. Prayers for you and your little one in the belly, so that s/he can keep on happily growing for the next 9 months. Best wishes!

  58. says

    Praise God! I don’t know you at all, but I’m sending up a prayer and a scream of happiness all at the same time. New life is always a blessing to be celebrated, no matter how fleeting. I hope each day is filled with joy amidst the inevitable anxiety.

  59. says

    Congratulations! Fantabulous! I’m hootin’ and hollerin’ for you. Most of all I will pray that the God who knit that child together in your womb will put His hand of peace on you and allow you to walk every moment in His grace, trust, and love. You have a treasure inside your womb right now and I pray that you will be reminded of the treasure you’ve already been given with your son. As mothers, we are only stewards of these gifts and have to leave them in the Lord’s hands, as HARD as that is from the day of conception forward. May the Lord strengthen you and guide you each step of the way!

    “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and yours minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7


  60. says

    CONGRATULATIONS!!! I am new to this site. But I successfully overcame infertility twice. It’s so exciting. I wish you all the best with this pregnancy!!!

  61. says

    OH JOY!!!!! This particullarily tickled me ‘faint-but-ever-so-there-pink’ since I too (sshhhhhhhhhh!) peed on a on Tuesday (Jan 30th) and had a plus sign! I miscarried too last time, so I only told my friend and hubby so far.
    I peed since my friend called and said she had a dream. I’ll have to blog about it once I go public . . . for now, this is as public as I’ll go since OMWORD we’re finding this out about the same time! :-) Joy joy joy – and hope!

  62. says

    Isn’t it just like that, that as soon as you stop trying to make something happen, it happens on its own?
    Methinks you were stressing yourself out so much with all of the worrying and the trying, and when you finally “gave up” and relaxed, your body could stop dealing with the stress and go back to doing its own thing.

    *hands you a big bottle of Tums* :)

  63. says

    Congratualtions! MY second husband and I have not been able to have a cild, to our great disappointment. I have a wonderful bot of nearly 20 (good grief!) but that hasn’t lessened the heartache of not being able to have another, despite fertility treatment. HOwever, I do count my blessings, some women can’t have even one. So – best wishes for a healthy, trouble-free pregnancy with a screaming bundle of joy at the end ;0)


  1. […] Yes – last week really was a fantastic week for me! In addition to getting some of the best news of my life, I also won a contest. How sweet is that! I couldn’t believe it. I opened my email to find out that I won a contest for a Norah Jones CD from Carrie at Mommy Brain. […]

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