Interactive Faith Builders — Weary

by Janice

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.”
Matthew 11:28

In what areas of your life is your faith weak and your heart weary? How does this scripture apply to those areas and how can you put this promise into action in your life?

I am weary today. Somehow it didn’t surprise me that God had Heather write this post for a day like this.

Let me explain…

If you know me at all, you know I like control. I am all about control – fear and control actually. They unfortunately define me even as I constantly try to hand them over to God. Genetically programmed and fine-tuned by a life of worrying, I consistently attempt to control my life – primarily in response to my fears.

But struggling for control, which really is just an illusion and completely unattainable, is exhausting and discouraging. And what makes it hurt all the more is that as I fail to control the things affecting my life, I grow more afraid.

Yesterday I had to face the monthly disappointment of not being pregnant again. (Last month I wrote about this pain.)

Each time I get the news, cruelly coupled of course with the hormonal surge that makes a woman’s temper fiery and her heart unpredictable, I sink deeper into hopelessness and frustration because I cannot control any of it. I cannot control if or when I get another child. I cannot stop my son’s pain over not having a sibling.

And when I stop to look at it, I know it all comes from fear – fear that I waited too long to start trying, fear that my son will hurt his whole life with an emptiness that I didn’t fill, fear that I will hurt everyday because I miss the child I never had, fear that I will have to go through this loss every month until the months end and I get kicked out of the game.

And so it goes. Are you familiar with the drill? – Regret and hindsight, reworking the decisions that you should have made, as if it could change the present.

Where does it get me? Miserable, depressed and looking for the nearest tub of ice cream, moving further and further away from the surrender and peace that Jesus is quietly calling me to.

And yet even as I reach for the spoon, I remember that God planned my family. For years I was sure that I was too ill and I would never have a family of my own. I remember lying in my bed with my hand on my thin, empty belly, praying to one day have a child of my own. I vowed to ask for nothing more – no career, nothing extra. Just let me be a Mommy.

And He did! Yet now I doubt Him. Now I try to tell Him how it all should be done. How foolish! How frustrated God must be with me!

So thank you Heather. Once again, I will put down my useless attempts at control, throw off my futile fears, and come to Him. I am weary. And I need His rest.

—————-

Interactive Faith Builders is a Monday meme at “Faith Lifts”.

Click here to read more posts about faith from other bloggers. And then join us… simply write a post about the discussion question at the top of this post and then sign the list at Faith Lifts.



Email Author    |    Website About Janice

Janice is co-founder of 5 Minutes For Mom. She's been working online since 2003 and is thankful her days are full of social media, writing and photography. You can see more of her photos at janicecrozephotography.com.

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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Jessica September 25, 2006 at 7:37 am

I think prayer can help in building a relationship with God in so many ways…I mean there are other ways as well, but prayer is SO important!

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2 Susan September 25, 2006 at 8:51 am

I’m so sorry that you are having to go through this. But you are controlling your fear by the very fact that you recognize it! It’s a first step. Hang in there and God will help you! He always does.

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3 Chaotic Mom September 25, 2006 at 9:09 am

I visited her site, too. You guys couldn’t have picked a better verse today, and posts, to let God use when pricking my heart.

I almost started crying for you in your situation, what you posted about. I remember that pain, too. Not the same thing, I know, but it still hurts. And now I have my family, nothing like I had planned. It helps to know God had planned it, though. Helps me to get through some of the tougher days lately.

Thank you so much for your opennes and honesty. I am always touched when reading your posts.

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4 sonja brooks September 25, 2006 at 9:27 am

First of all thanks for the nice comment on my post for Sunday. I enjoyed having my writings there and anytime you need a fill in let me know, I have alot of God’s amazing stories in me.
Now I just want to say as someone that has gone from thinking God hated them to living in his Grace and Love, is to let you know that God he is ok if you ask the questions Why to him, and even when you Faith is low HE is still just around the corner waiting, cause He knows He is in Your heart and soul and you will figure it out.
It is all about Timing and Trust, and we Do test God many times in our Lives with our trust don’t we. I know I did.
The great thing is He never gave up on me even when I was so confused and asking the craziest of questions to Him. Others would say Sonja how could you talk to God that way. I would say because all I know is Truth, and if my heart is in doubt all I know is to ask God why and Hope he helps me to figure it out, and he always Has.
I love that about God, He is Amazing………….Sonja

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5 cmhl September 25, 2006 at 9:42 am

amazing post– thank you.

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6 Susanne September 25, 2006 at 10:13 am

My heart goes to you, Janice! The words that really jumped out at me from your story was: “I remember that God planned my family”. You know he does have plans for your family and I pray that you would recieve His peace knowing that He does have plans for you all.

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7 Mom2fur September 25, 2006 at 10:37 am

I’m sending you big hugs, sweetie! And please don’t turn to that tub of ice cream when you are down. Just vent here–we are all willing to listen and lend a shoulder. The ice cream is only a temporary fix. Your friends, and mostly your Lord, are there forever!

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8 Stephanie September 25, 2006 at 2:50 pm

In our own strength we will always become weary. Christ is our only source of life, even when we look for it in so many other places (including ice cream! I am with you girl!) We know in our heads that there is comfort, rest and peace in Christ. Ask the Lord to reveal it to your heart, to allow you to “see” it for the truth and reality that it is. That it would become your reality! He gladly gives it without the extra on our hips that comes with the tub of ice cream! :)

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9 Sissy B. September 25, 2006 at 3:59 pm

There are many areas in my life that I need to relinquish control….and those ironically are the ones that wear me out the most. Funny how these Faith Lifts come at the most appropriate time. I am still in recovery from the latest bout of control. I hope to participate next week. The participants have really been a great inspiration in dealing with my own weariness.

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10 Nettie September 25, 2006 at 6:48 pm

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know how tough it can be to be so very disappointed each month (we did not plan the 4 and 5 yr gaps between our children). I do know that God loves you and knows what you are going through and will bless you for your faith.

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11 Sandy September 25, 2006 at 8:38 pm

I have wept for the children I was sure I was going to have. I still weep for my one daughter who has no siblings and therefore cannot learn the things you only learn from a brother or sister. What have I done to her? But God planned my family too. We are mother and daughter, in this very family, for a reason. Maybe I’ll get the point one day. I am not at peace about a lot of things in my life, but…I am at peace with not being at peace about it…it will come.

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12 amelia September 25, 2006 at 8:54 pm

This post and Heather’s was just what I needed to start my week off right. Thank you!

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13 MichelleD September 25, 2006 at 9:01 pm

I actually wrote about a very similar weariness. I know how exhausting the cycle of disappointment and hope gets.
(((hugs)))
Twinkling for Jesus,
Michelle

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14 Lynn Donovan September 26, 2006 at 1:28 am

I have a daughter, she is an only child. From time-to-time she thinks it would be nice to have a sister. I don’t feel regret or pain that she is an only. She is loved and her onliness will be used by our Great King. His plan is perfect and I promise you this. You will find peace in your heart. Climb into the arms of Christ. He will never leave you. He will never forsake you.

I feel your pain and will lift your name to the King. Thank you for sharing in a real and transparent way. Be blessed, Lynn :)

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15 laura September 26, 2006 at 2:01 pm

all too familiar.
all i can offer is hugs, lots of hugs; prayers; and advice…TRUST. The one after my 1st came 5 years after the first and is now 14 and I am the mothe rof 5.
Why?
Lord knows and I will ask. But I am glad it was HIs time and not mine…in spite of the monthly grieving and pain.
hugs again.

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16 Erna September 26, 2006 at 7:37 pm

Hugs to you. There was so much I appreciated about your sharing but I don’t know exactly what to say right now . . . Just know that some of your post hit home with me. :0)

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