“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.”
In what areas of your life is your faith weak and your heart weary? How does this scripture apply to those areas and how can you put this promise into action in your life?
I am weary today. Somehow it didn’t surprise me that God had Heather write this post for a day like this.
Let me explain…
If you know me at all, you know I like control. I am all about control – fear and control actually. They unfortunately define me even as I constantly try to hand them over to God. Genetically programmed and fine-tuned by a life of worrying, I consistently attempt to control my life – primarily in response to my fears.
But struggling for control, which really is just an illusion and completely unattainable, is exhausting and discouraging. And what makes it hurt all the more is that as I fail to control the things affecting my life, I grow more afraid.
Yesterday I had to face the monthly disappointment of not being pregnant again. (Last month I wrote about this pain.)
Each time I get the news, cruelly coupled of course with the hormonal surge that makes a woman’s temper fiery and her heart unpredictable, I sink deeper into hopelessness and frustration because I cannot control any of it. I cannot control if or when I get another child. I cannot stop my son’s pain over not having a sibling.
And when I stop to look at it, I know it all comes from fear – fear that I waited too long to start trying, fear that my son will hurt his whole life with an emptiness that I didn’t fill, fear that I will hurt everyday because I miss the child I never had, fear that I will have to go through this loss every month until the months end and I get kicked out of the game.
And so it goes. Are you familiar with the drill? – Regret and hindsight, reworking the decisions that you should have made, as if it could change the present.
Where does it get me? Miserable, depressed and looking for the nearest tub of ice cream, moving further and further away from the surrender and peace that Jesus is quietly calling me to.
And yet even as I reach for the spoon, I remember that God planned my family. For years I was sure that I was too ill and I would never have a family of my own. I remember lying in my bed with my hand on my thin, empty belly, praying to one day have a child of my own. I vowed to ask for nothing more – no career, nothing extra. Just let me be a Mommy.
And He did! Yet now I doubt Him. Now I try to tell Him how it all should be done. How foolish! How frustrated God must be with me!
So thank you Heather. Once again, I will put down my useless attempts at control, throw off my futile fears, and come to Him. I am weary. And I need His rest.
Interactive Faith Builders is a Monday meme at “Faith Lifts”.