Why Being a Mom Makes Me Suck at Twitter

Here’s a guest post that will get you laughing. Amber Dusick is the hilarious mom behind Crappy Pictures.

(Hint if you click through to her website or her Facebook Page, you can spend a good long time laughing.)

So if you have a blog you have a Twitter account. Somebody made that rule so I have one. But I suck at Twitter. And I secretly hate it. Because I suck at it.

I’ve even been told that I take way too long to reply. Sorry.

Why do I fail miserably at it? I’m so glad you asked because I will tell you.

It is because I’m a mom. Let me explain…

So I’m playing with the kids in the yard and I think up the most clever thing ever.

I think, “Wow, this is so clever, it will be a great tweet! Everyone will @ message me and tell me what an amazingly clever tweet that was. The entire world will retweet it!”

But I can not tweet this clever thing right now because I’m in the midst of playing with my kids.

Even during a break in playing, I can not use my phone for this type of thing when I’m with them. Which is almost always.

I’ve tried it.

This happens:

The moment they notice the phone in my hands, they descend like vultures.

Honestly though, it is a good thing that I can’t use my phone in front of them. If I could, there’d be the risk of getting sucked into the endless stream of things to check out. I’d mutter, “Sorry, I know you guys are hungry but I am too busy looking at pictures on Pinterest! Just a few more minutes.” Three hours would pass and my boys would be stuck eating cat food and cereal off the floor. Not good.

So instead, I do it in secret. A rare moment of being alone!

Only by now, I can’t remember what that clever thing was from earlier.

So under pressure and time constraints (must. tweet. something. now!) I panic and I write something boring and about food, like, “I’m hungry. I want ice cream.”

But this is okay. Twitter isn’t about being clever. It is about conversation. About connecting with people and talking to them. Building relationships and warm fuzzy stuff like that.

So I do that too, reading what everyone is up to and @ messaging a few people.

And then I put the phone away again and go about the rest of our day.

When the kids are in bed, I check Twitter again.

And discover that people actually responded to things I said from many, many hours earlier! A conversation!

Except the conversation is over now. All kinds of fascinating things were discussed while I was busy playing catch and hide-and-seek.

And I missed it! I missed conversations! Conversations I could have been a part of!

I missed conversations with total strangers because I was too busy spending time with my children!

Oh, wait. What?

Who cares.

And this is why I will always suck at Twitter.


PS – I have actually met some very nice people via Twitter. And of course I’m very, very thankful for people who retweet the stuff I write. And who follow me despite my suckiness. If you want, you can follow me @AmberDusick as long as you are cool with 10 hour lapses in conversations.

Told you she’s funny!

Okay, click away from our site to go laugh at Crappy Pictures
we won’t be offended… too much. 😉


  1. says

    I am pretty good with fb, but the twitter thing is a huge obstacle for me as well. Maybe it has something to do with my flip phone (no internet). Could never have explained my issues the way you did though. Thanks for your brilliance.

    PS – I read some excerpts from your blog to my 6 and 8 year old boys. They LOVED it. Took everything to apply to their baby sister rather than themselves.

  2. says

    I can handle FB, but I, too would suck at Twitter, mostly because I don’t have a fancy phone that could handle it. I’d say it’s better to suck totally at Twitter than suck at being a Mom!

  3. Jonah says

    HAHAHAHA “can i play angry birds” <—-THIS happens ALL the time, every time i'm texting… seriously…. good job amber once again :)

  4. Angela says

    So true about the kids seeing the phone and automatically wanting to play Angry Birds. LOL This post is a total win!! In fact, all of her posts are. :)

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