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Living Beyond Yourself – Week 3

April 14, 2006 by Janice

This post may contain affiliate links. Read my disclosure policy here.

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Gotta get me some Agape…

I went to a wedding last weekend.

How many weddings have you gone to where they read 1 Corinthians 13? You know the one:

“…Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…”

Now, how many times have you sat through that reading and felt all warm and fuzzy about your own marriage, thinking, “Yup that is us. We are a picture of wedded bliss bonded with this perfect, blameless love? ”

If you answered a few times – I am impressed. I, on the other had, usually feel a mixture of shame, embarrassment and discouragement. That passage does not describe me.

I made sure not to include that passage on my wedding day. I didn’t want it for two reasons – first because I had heard it at far too many weddings, but mostly because, as I said, I find it a little overwhelming.

If I could attain even five minutes of this perfect love at any moment in my day, I would start jumping up and down. But no, I really miss the mark when it comes to this kind of perfect love.

So for my wedding, I thought that this would be setting the standards a little too high. Even though I wasn’t married yet, and was still totally lost in blind, intoxicating love, I had a pretty good hunch that my marriage would fall a little short of this love.

You see, when I stood there ready to give myself to my groom, I was consumed with love. But not the same “love” that Paul is describing to the Corinthians. I had me lots of “eros” and some “philos” too, but barely a smattering of this pure “agape” love.

So what are these different kinds of love? In Beth Moore’s, Living Beyond Yourself Bible study, she gives a great explanation of the different kinds of love and the words that the Greeks and Hebrews used to describe them.

The first is “eros” – a word never used in our New Testament – it means “longing and desire” and is associated with sexual love. Beth describes eros as a selfish love that asks “what can I get for myself?”

The next two words that pertain to the marriage relationship are Hebrew words used in the Old Testament. “Dowd” is found in the Song of Solomon and means in this context, “my one beloved.” The second word used in the Song of Solomon’s inspired description of love is “rayah” and means “a female associate.” Beth says that Solomon simply means “the woman of my dreams.”

Beth goes on to detail another kind of love – the unique love called “philos”. This term can be defined as “the love one has toward a friend or companion” and can mean quite simply “friend.” Philos can be a love of persons or things and can have both positive and negative aspects.

None of these words are used or described in 1 Corinthians 13. Beth teaches us that these forms of love are not the kind of love God expresses through us via the filling of His Holy Spirit.

No, this perfect love that we can be filled with through the Holy Spirit, which is described in 1 Corinthians 13, is a divine love called “agape.”

Beth describes agape as love that is:

“propelled by the highest interest…Agape is not as much a feeling as a response…Emotion may accompany agape, but emotion and agape are not the same.”

As we learn in 1 Corinthians 4-8, agape:
1. Is patient
2. Is kind
3. Does not envy
4. Does not boast
5. Is not proud
6. Is not rude
7. Is not self seeking
8. Is not easily angered
9. Keeps no record of wrongs
10. Does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth
11. Always protects
12. Always trusts
13. Always hopes
14. Always perseveres
15. Never Fails

What a list! No wonder I feel overwhelmed and unworthy – I cannot love like this. My best attempts don’t even come close!

Boy was I relieved when Beth uttered the same. She says:

“Beloved, we are incapable of agape! No matter how hard we try, we cannot exercise this kind of love…Agape is divine love. Its only origin is the heart of God.”

But we don’t have to be left feeling hopeless, without any way to express agape. God has provided a way. Beth tells us “Agape is the love of God expressed through us to others.” “How?” you cry, “I can’t do it – we just covered that!”

Enter the Holy Spirit! God has provided us with a supernatural way to respond with agape.

As we have been learning in Beth’s study on the Holy Spirit, the filling of the Holy Spirit requires surrender and yielding to Christ. It requires us to pour out ourselves so we can be filled with Him. It requires that we are in right relationship with God.

And when we are in relationship with God, when we have received Christ and been given the Holy Spirit, we can allow the Holy Spirit to move within us. Through this miraculous work of the Holy Spirit we can respond with agape, even when we don’t “feel” it. In fact Beth says that agape is more a response than a feeling.

I will conclude here (sorry for such a long post!) with Beth’s action plan to apply agape through God’s power, not ours. This is how she puts it:

  • We confront a situation in which God requires us to agape another person.
  • We admit to Him that we lack agape for this person.
  • We consider how God would personally respond to this person according to the Scriptures.
  • We act in obedience and respond as He would.

Thank you Lord, that through your power and Holy Spirit, I can be transformed to express agape. So far I have been failing miserably. I lack agape. Help me to walk in obedience and, through the Holy Spirit, to live out a life of agape.

Addie Heather* Carol
M Rach Jeana
Jenn Amanda MamaB
GiBee Boomama Maria
Blair Heather Nancy
Janna Flipflop Robin
Sherry Patricia Tara
Lauren HolyMama! Faith
Christy Eph2810 Karin
Leann Rachel Janice

This is a list of the women participating in the study and the links
to their blogs. New postings on the study will be published for
the next ten weeks, between Friday 8pm – Saturday 8am.
Please feel free to visit each of us and comment. Everyone is
welcome to participate in this discussion as we seek to live
beyond ourselves. May God bless you richly from the hearing of
His Word.
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Janice is co-founder of 5 Minutes For Mom. She's been working online since 2003 and is thankful her days are full of social media, writing and photography.

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11 Comments

  1. Marlo says

    April 20, 2006 at 6:58 pm

    Janice,
    I absolutely love this article. How true. Agape is that divine kind of love. It is Godly love. And I know what you mean when you said that you were not there. I am not either. But I do strive to be God-like and do the things that are pleasing to Him. God is the one who inspires me and keeps me every day of my life. That’s why I named my virtual assistant business Agape Business Services.

    Marlo Harkins
    Agape Business Services
    http://www.agapebusinessservices.com

    Reply
  2. Addie says

    April 18, 2006 at 6:25 am

    I love how seriously you took those words when you got married. Few of us do. I love the reminder that it’s more a response than a feeling. In fact we can start to offer others Agape, before the feeling ever kicks in!

    Thanks Janice!

    Reply
  3. Maria says

    April 17, 2006 at 6:05 pm

    pretty much sums it up! Thank you for your post!

    Reply
  4. boomama says

    April 17, 2006 at 5:03 pm

    Completely unrelated to LBY 🙂 – but I’m tagging you. See my blog for details. No pressure. Promise. 🙂

    Reply
  5. Lauren says

    April 17, 2006 at 2:03 pm

    Gotta get me some agape… yeah that pretty much says it all! Nice summary.

    Reply
  6. Patricia says

    April 16, 2006 at 6:35 pm

    Excellent summary! I am quite confident that we have all discovered that we fall short when it comes to agape….that is why we are in this study! I pray that you had a very blessed Resurrection Day!

    Reply
  7. GiBee says

    April 16, 2006 at 12:38 pm

    What an excellent post! Thanks for summarizing the study so well!

    Have a blessed Easter!

    Reply
  8. HolyMama! says

    April 15, 2006 at 9:03 pm

    Oh, how great He is, to have provided such a way for us to love like that!

    Reply
  9. Chaotic Mom says

    April 15, 2006 at 10:48 am

    I have been VERY thankful that God can help me really love, through his Holy Spirit.

    But on a less serious note, I couldn’t help but thinking about the “dowd”-y housewife I’ve become. The study put a new spin on the word “dowdy” through the meaning of the word “dowd” for me. Kind of made me chuckle a little. 😉

    Reply
  10. boomama says

    April 15, 2006 at 5:25 am

    You know, as I read everyone’s posts, I’m increasingly convicted that I’ve been blind to how much I struggle with real agape. It’s humbling to see how the first quality and the ninth quality create some real stumbling blocks in my life. Thanks for your insight!

    Reply
  11. Janna says

    April 15, 2006 at 4:42 am

    I loved this summary! How much I fell short of agape love really stood out to me as well in this lesson. I’m glad that you included Beth’s “action plan” as well! 🙂 I know that I need to get to work on this.

    Reply

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