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It is time to join the boys…

August 5, 2008 by Janice

This post may contain affiliate links. Read my disclosure policy here.

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This past weekend, Olivia and I stayed home while my husband and Jackson headed out on our family vacation without us! (Every year we go away with my in laws for the weekend and attend a Bocci tournament/huge party at his parent’s friends’ house and then we go to our cabin for a week.)

Partly due to a stomach bug that I had and partly due to the ridiculous amount of work I had to do, we decided that Olivia and I would stay home for the weekend. Today, my hubby is driving all the way home to pick up Olivia and me and we will head back to pick up Jackson from my in laws and then head on to our family’s cabin.

When I told Jackson our plan, he fussed a little. But when I mentioned his cousins had already headed up for the trip with his grandparents a day ahead of him, he lost it! He went into a full fit, wailing.

The thought of leaving me had only brought out a whimper – but miss out on a day and night with his cousins and breakfast in the morning (yes, he howled for about 30 minutes about the breakfast he was going to miss) and he was devastated.

While I was a little wounded that a missed meal brought more emotion than a family vacation without his mom and baby sister, I couldn’t help but smile at the differences between Jackson and me.

When I was a child, my separation anxiety from my mom and Susan was so severe it was crippling. I didn’t give two hoots about missing anyone else – all I needed was my mom and my twin.

Jackson, on the other hand, has inherited my anxious tendencies, but he has completely different triggers. He is obsessed with being with friends and being liked and accepted. (The teen years are going to be challenging with this one!) While he is incredibly loving and attached to me, he also can say good bye and have fun without missing me or worrying about when I will return.

I am so relieved that Jackson doesn’t have to deal with separation anxiety. I remember the anguish even driving in a separate vehicle from my mom caused me. (And now, I have separation anxiety being away from my kids!)

I can drop Jackson off at school, or he can drive away with his dad for a trip without me, and he won’t worry and miss me. Like he said to me once, “I don’t really miss people. I am sad for a bit and then I am okay.” And he really is.

Oh, don’t get me wrong. He will have stresses and anxieties, but they just won’t be about when mom is coming back – which was the constant theme of worry in my childhood.

Jackson is a really interesting mix of personalities. In some ways he is so like his dad. In other ways he is really similar to me. And then the other third – oh, he is just straight Jackson.

What about your kids? Do they struggle with the same kinds of fears and worries you had when you were a child?

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About Janice

Janice is co-founder of 5 Minutes For Mom. She's been working online since 2003 and is thankful her days are full of social media, writing and photography.

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13 Comments

  1. CPA Mom says

    August 6, 2008 at 12:03 pm

    My son and I are both like Jackson. Sad for a bit but then o.k. My daughter is like you were as a child. Severe anxiety..and I don’t know how to fix it for her!

    Reply
  2. Tammy and Parker says

    August 5, 2008 at 10:55 pm

    My daughter Kensley and Parker are both connected to my hips.

    The others? See ya! lol!

    Reply
  3. Heidi Boos says

    August 5, 2008 at 4:35 pm

    This topic just came up while talking with a girlfriend the other day. I was noticing just how shy my 2-year old daughter is around larger groups of people in an unfamiliar surrounding (i.e. story time at the library for instance).
    I remember my mom telling me that I was a lot the same way, hiding behind her as I tried to “feel out the situation” first before I felt comfortable in participating.

    I am determined to not “make” my daughter do anything (thank goodness my mother never made me do anything), but still give her the push, confidence, opportunities, and encouragement she might need to be involved in various social settings. I have already seen her take little steps in becoming more brave in her actions. I hope I can continue to help her have more courage and not hinder her.

    I turned out all right in the “social scene”, but am still a little shy when it comes to new situations and new people. I still have to “feel out the situation” first just like I did when I was little. Funny how some things just don’t change.

    Reply
  4. melody is slurping life says

    August 5, 2008 at 2:13 pm

    Jackson is what I call a balanced child and while part of that is a born temperament, much has to do with parents who know when to let him use his wings.

    My son Mac was so attached to me that I thought I would be along on his honeymoon one day. He was constantly in my arms as a baby and toddler due to fragile health and always needed some sort of hands-on care. Funny thing, one day his grew wings of his own.

    A little struggle with Wil, but my other two have always been social butterflies flitting everywhere with no thought of me.

    Reply
  5. tina says

    August 5, 2008 at 1:16 pm

    My kids used to be like me afraid to be away from family. Now they can’t wait to go over a friends house.I guess we all are like our parents in some way at some point in each others lives.I just hope my kids don’t pick up on any of my bad habits.

    Reply
  6. Eileen123 says

    August 5, 2008 at 1:08 pm

    Both mine are just like me as a child. It’s fun to reminisce on those days 🙂

    http://www.simplestop.net – Stop your postal junk mail, Protect the environment, Protect your identity.

    Reply
  7. Melissa says

    August 5, 2008 at 12:30 pm

    I find that my kids are a lot different than I was. I was very shy and had a lot of separation anxiety. Social situations were often excruciating for me. My kids tend to be very outgoing and friendly, especially my oldest 6 yr old boy. My daughter, now 3, went through a period of separation anxiety, but seems to have outgrown it. With baby 3, now 11 mos, we’re just entering the separation anxiety phase so we’ll see. It is interesting though to watch how they develop as people.

    Reply
  8. nicole says

    August 5, 2008 at 10:57 am

    My boys are so opposite of me as a child, it makes me wonder where they came from. I was such a shy, timid, worry wart as a child, but none of my boys are at all that way. Maybe it the difference between boys and girls? Maybe its their father’s genes?? Who knows…just glad to see they are more secure in themselves than I was at their age!

    Reply
  9. casual friday everyday says

    August 5, 2008 at 10:29 am

    Janice,

    I suffered with being seperated from my family. To this day I’d rather be with my family then do anything else.

    My oldest is me to a Tee — in anything he does, says, and feels. I hope I can make him feel safe and loved but give him what he needs to stretch his wings and fly.

    :–) Nell

    Reply
  10. Jen says

    August 5, 2008 at 9:25 am

    Have a good time on your cabin vacation. You deserve the break ((HUGS)).

    My girls are JUST like me. They cannot stand being away from me, which means they have never spent the night away from me either. I honestly don’t think I could handle it either with them being away. I didn’t want to ever be away from my parents either. I would cry so hard if they dropped me off for a sleepover for them to come back and get me. It’s neat our our kids personalities can micmic our own.

    Reply
  11. Heather Lessiter says

    August 5, 2008 at 7:22 am

    I hadn’t really thought about this much. My youngest (6 y.o. boy) is bothered so much by cad dreams. He can’t “turn his brain off” at night to get to sleep. His imagination is so active and he overthinks things. Lately, he is afraid of death and dying. sigh. We’ll get thought it.

    Reply
  12. Katy says

    August 5, 2008 at 7:16 am

    Oh my goodness, YES. As a child, I had terrible bedtime fears and nightmares. And not just when I was little–they lasted for YEARS. I always assumed that they had stemmed from an event–that I had seen a scary movie or that my brothers had scared me or something… but about 6 months ago, my daughter (2 at the time) started the same thing just out of the blue. We have a whole routine that we have to go through now to get her to bed w/o being afraid, and she often asks me to turn off a show for her (and we’re talking about shows like “VeggieTales” and “Arthur”) because it’s too scary. Sometimes it makes me feel sad that I have already screwed her up just by giving her my genes! lol

    Reply
  13. Jennifer, Snapshot says

    August 5, 2008 at 6:54 am

    Sounds like you have a great handle on who Jackson is. That’s great.

    Amanda is a lot like me, I think. She seems outgoing on the outside, but in reality can be a bit shy when it comes to something new. I think she’s more outgoing than I was, but it’s similar.

    And yes, understanding that helps me not just put her in a box and assume what she’s feeling or how she’ll react.

    Reply

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