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5 Minutes for Books — Walking on Eggshells

March 3, 2008 by Jennifer Donovan

This post may contain affiliate links. Read my disclosure policy here.

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Walking on Eggshells is a new book by Jane Isay exploring the delicate relationship between adult children and parents. Whether you are the child or the parent, there have probably been times when you felt like you were walking on eggshells in that relationship.

This book is primarily aimed at the parents of adult children, but the children can learn a lot about why we still react so strongly to a parent’s unsolicited advice or tone of voice.

The book is divided into chapters with stories from grown children and parents that will strike a chord with many in regards to

  • distance created by stress or a misunderstanding
  • the good and the bad of physical distance
  • surviving the wounds of parental mistakes or children’s disappointing choices
  • the added layer of in-law and step-relationships

Jane Isay is a keen observer of human nature, and her interviews of more than 75 parents, grandparents, and grown children helped her uncover the universal truth that these relationships are difficult for most people. But Isay is not just a detached analyst of events. Because she herself is the parent of grown children, seeking to learn and understand, she shares her personal insights and experiences throughout the book. She also inserts herself into the telling of each person’s story, which serves as connective tissue for the book.

Marty and Pete get along best when they are together in Montana. Here’s why.

“I’ve always been very interested in guns, but never had any. But as his place, you can sit out on the front porch and shoot,” Marty explains.

“And you love it,” I say.

“I love it, and he loves that I love it.”

Bingo. If there are words from a parent that characterize a solid relationship, it’s that sentence. Here’s a father and son whose values are diametrically opposed. But Marty loves sitting on the front porch with his son, shooting guns.

eggshells.jpgYou can find out more about the book and the author at Jane Isay’s website. You can also sign up to be interviewed for her next book which explores adult siblings’ relationships.

If you’d like to win a copy of Walking on Eggshells for yourself (to possibly share and discuss with your parent or child), leave a comment here. The Reader’s Guide provides a great way to explore these issues with your peers, and possibly raise them with your parents or children.

We have up to five copies available. For the first 75 comments we get, we will give out three copies. If we get more than that, we’ll draw two more names. The winners will be announced in next week’s column.

The winner of The Sky Isn’t Visible From Here is #54 Reluctant Housewife.

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5 Minutes Around The Blogosphere – Week 24
In the Motherhood

About Jennifer Donovan

Jennifer Donovan has been a part of the 5 Minutes for Mom team since 2007. She writes product reviews, covers events, and manages the 5 Minutes for Books weekly column and website. She lives in Houston and blogs at Snapshot about life with her family.

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94 Comments

  1. diana says

    October 18, 2008 at 6:09 pm

    This book sounds like exactly what i need. I think it might be my last resort to be sane again. It sounds great. I would love to win this book. I have a live with my father situation, it has become extrememly difficult.

    Sincerely, Diana

    Reply
  2. cassi says

    March 9, 2008 at 10:16 pm

    Thanks for throwing such a great party and invite such a wonderfully entertaining crowd 🙂

    Reply
  3. Jane Squires says

    March 9, 2008 at 9:06 pm

    I would have to have “Walking on Eggshells” I bet I am too late though.

    Reply
  4. Taryn says

    March 9, 2008 at 8:14 pm

    I would love to read this!

    Reply
  5. Kathy Conley says

    March 9, 2008 at 2:50 pm

    I need this one!

    Reply
  6. Edward Durbin says

    March 9, 2008 at 2:02 pm

    This I could really use…

    Reply
  7. ray davison, II says

    March 9, 2008 at 11:45 am

    Count me in!!

    Reply
  8. Brooke says

    March 9, 2008 at 10:41 am

    I’d love to read this. Please pick me!

    Reply
  9. Kathy says

    March 9, 2008 at 12:12 am

    I feel like I would benefit from this book, as I have an adult daughter with children who lives in a different state than I. We kind of had a disagreement the other week, and I could feel the coldness across the miles!

    Reply
  10. Nina says

    March 8, 2008 at 10:34 pm

    I’d love to win this… thanks!

    Reply
  11. philip halter says

    March 8, 2008 at 7:12 pm

    love to win

    Reply
  12. Tracy Becker says

    March 8, 2008 at 1:41 am

    I was just looking at this book in the store. I would love to read it.

    Reply
  13. Pamela White says

    March 7, 2008 at 10:05 pm

    I wish for this book

    Reply
  14. Callista says

    March 7, 2008 at 8:58 pm

    I would love this book!

    Reply
  15. Sylvia Porter says

    March 7, 2008 at 6:49 pm

    sounds interesting!

    Reply
  16. Rachel says

    March 7, 2008 at 5:24 pm

    I could use this after my toddler’s temper tantrums!

    Reply
  17. Samantha Pruitt says

    March 7, 2008 at 4:51 pm

    this sounds like a really great book!

    Reply
  18. Mommie says

    March 6, 2008 at 11:45 pm

    This would be great!

    Mommie
    http://www.mommieshome.net

    Reply
  19. Cynthia says

    March 6, 2008 at 3:03 pm

    as the mother of a senior in highschool, I would love to start reding and get a handle on things before they happen. Nothings better than doing it right the first time.

    Reply
  20. Angie says

    March 6, 2008 at 11:55 am

    yeah I definitely need this to help understand my adopted mom, then I’ll pass it on to her! thanks!

    Reply
  21. Diana says

    March 6, 2008 at 1:03 am

    I could use this book when dealing with my mother and my oldest step-daughter. Please enter me.

    Reply
  22. Michelle Rosborough says

    March 5, 2008 at 4:00 pm

    sounds like a great book

    Reply
  23. Carmen says

    March 5, 2008 at 12:05 pm

    We all have stories to tell & songs to sing. It’s a wonderful thing to share & learn from each other. Count me in for this splendid giveaway!

    Reply
  24. Natalie says

    March 5, 2008 at 12:03 pm

    Please consider me.

    Reply
  25. La Bellina Mammina says

    March 5, 2008 at 10:34 am

    Please enter me:-)

    Reply
  26. sandra says

    March 5, 2008 at 9:56 am

    I would love to read this one!

    Reply
  27. L McLendon says

    March 5, 2008 at 3:21 am

    My entry is in!

    Reply
  28. ben says

    March 5, 2008 at 3:03 am

    count me in. thanks

    Reply
  29. Valerie Mitchell says

    March 5, 2008 at 1:18 am

    fabulous!

    Reply
  30. Shaun Wallner says

    March 4, 2008 at 11:32 pm

    Sounds like a great book

    Reply
  31. Anita Yancey says

    March 4, 2008 at 10:23 pm

    Nice book. Please enter me.

    Reply
  32. kate5kiwis says

    March 4, 2008 at 9:31 pm

    our eldest son has just “left home” at eighteen to go to university (college)… we have a fab friendship, but i guess i’m starting to think about the ineveitable change in our relationship over the next few years in his life.
    love X

    Reply
  33. Sandy M says

    March 4, 2008 at 8:32 pm

    I need this book. My son and I live a state apart, and I walk on eggshells around him constantly. If I don’t win it, I will order this. Thanks for showing it to us!

    Reply
  34. Stacy~Creativemuse says

    March 4, 2008 at 5:36 pm

    this looks so good I can also pass it along to my sisters after I read it and My mom too!
    yeah can’t wait to get it!
    Warmly,
    Stacy~Creativemuse
    http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=5023227
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/52895107@N00/

    Reply
  35. Betty N says

    March 4, 2008 at 2:58 pm

    This is a book that is really needed. I would love to win a copy.

    Reply
  36. Deborah says

    March 4, 2008 at 2:05 pm

    It’s so nice to be out in blogland and find out you don’t live in the only dysfunctional family in the world. This book sounds fantastic. If I don’t win one (puh-leez let me win one), I’m going to buy one (horrors). If I win, you can contact me at dmj53(at)hotmail(dot)com

    Reply
  37. mbmoran says

    March 4, 2008 at 1:57 pm

    Nice find. I wonder if this book covers the relationship of single parents of adult children. specifically, does it cover a relationship when there is only one surviving parent after a death of the spouse?

    PS. I would love to get a copy 😉

    Reply
  38. Jen says

    March 4, 2008 at 1:45 pm

    This sounds like an excellent read!
    I Would love a copy of this book!

    Thanks for the contest 🙂

    Reply
  39. mary more says

    March 4, 2008 at 1:32 pm

    We are living this book! We moved here to be by our two daughters and grandkids. We try to live our own life and let them do the same. Even trying to stay out of their way backfires with comments on “not seeing the grandkids enough” or seeing this one more than that one etc. etc. etc. I need to get that book. I just don’t know if there is a point of balance.

    Looking forward to reading it. Thanks for posting on it.

    Reply
  40. Vickie Couturier says

    March 4, 2008 at 12:52 pm

    I would love to read this book,count me in please

    Reply
  41. Beth says

    March 4, 2008 at 12:40 pm

    Need, need, Need this book1!!!

    Reply
  42. Robyn says

    March 4, 2008 at 12:19 pm

    I’d love to read this book – thanks for the opportunity to win it!

    Reply
  43. Nancy says

    March 4, 2008 at 12:06 pm

    I would have loved to had this book while my mother was still alive. Now I need it for interactions with my adult children. Thanks for giving me a chance to win this book.

    Reply
  44. stacy berg says

    March 4, 2008 at 11:33 am

    Too cool!

    Reply
  45. Carol Ezovski says

    March 4, 2008 at 4:48 am

    Sounds like a very useful book for parents.

    Reply
  46. Danielle S says

    March 4, 2008 at 12:47 am

    Sounds useful for a few people that I know!
    Thanks

    Reply
  47. Shay says

    March 4, 2008 at 12:09 am

    This is just what I need. I constanly feel as though I’m walking on eggshells

    Reply
  48. Brandy says

    March 3, 2008 at 11:45 pm

    This sounds like an interesting book. Thanks for the chance to win!

    Reply
  49. Cindi Hoppes says

    March 3, 2008 at 11:03 pm

    Hi, This books sounds fantastic. I have read many good things about it. I am going to be in the “empty
    nest” syndrome in not too long of a time. I know this book would help me immensely! Please enter me in your drawing. I appreciate it…..Cindi

    Reply
  50. Sherry says

    March 3, 2008 at 10:01 pm

    I’d love to win this book–It sounds wonderful! thanks.

    sherry

    Reply
  51. JenO says

    March 3, 2008 at 9:20 pm

    I have trouble getting along with both of my parents (I actually like my in-laws better!) so maybe this would help out some…

    nifferjeno at gmail dot com

    Reply
  52. Naomi says

    March 3, 2008 at 8:00 pm

    I really need this for dealing with my mother…

    Reply
  53. Lisa says

    March 3, 2008 at 7:46 pm

    Sign me up! Always looking for ways to improve the relationships with my parents, my in-laws, and my children. I know if I can build a great foundation with my children when they are still little, it may help keep that bond strong as they become adults.

    Reply
  54. Katherine says

    March 3, 2008 at 7:41 pm

    Please enter me!
    :)Thanks,
    Kat

    Reply
  55. Jessica says

    March 3, 2008 at 7:32 pm

    Oh my I could so use a copy of that!

    Reply
  56. Mary says

    March 3, 2008 at 7:04 pm

    Thanks for the excellent giveaway! Hope I win…

    Reply
  57. Rachel says

    March 3, 2008 at 6:35 pm

    I want to win this for my parents. I think they would get a lot out of it.

    Reply
  58. Shannon H says

    March 3, 2008 at 4:37 pm

    Sounds great–count me in please. Thanks!

    Reply
  59. tanyetta says

    March 3, 2008 at 4:02 pm

    please, count me in.

    Reply
  60. Gloria says

    March 3, 2008 at 2:52 pm

    I would love to read this book, please add me to your drawing.

    Reply
  61. DARIJAVAN says

    March 3, 2008 at 2:42 pm

    Would love a copy of this one, Thanks

    Reply
  62. It Is a Difficult Period, says

    March 3, 2008 at 2:36 pm

    Why is it that once kids get to a certain age, usually right after puberty they just seem to be in a world all of their own? I see this actually with all my children, they are not quite ready to leave the nest, but have grown out in so many ways. I can’t understand it at times, my youngest is the worse, she is fifeteen and soon turn sixteen, in a month actually. But she is difiant, and bossy, and when she dosen’t like something, she makes no fuss to share it with who ever may be around. It is one thing to say, “I don’t like something” and another to be obnoxious about it. She has her sweet moments, which seem to go far for her, my other daughter is 21, she wants out of the house at this time, which is really understandable, but the rents are sky high for these kids, they are still thinking in the fun mode, she goes out with friends and partys and then, it’s Monday and the week starts all over again for her. She loves what she does, but I just would think at this point it’s juat a matter of time, before the proverbial bough is going to break. Oh well, what ever decision they make, it is our job as parents to support them, right? None of my kids like going to church, they seldom help out around the house, but they still come back home each night after a hard days work. I can only hope, they would think before leaving the family home, and know how to act in a responsible way.

    Reply
  63. kelly says

    March 3, 2008 at 2:28 pm

    I do not think there is any more complex relationship than the one between me and my mother. This sounds really awesome. Your site rocks! Wow, you must work hard-girl!

    Reply
  64. carole says

    March 3, 2008 at 1:25 pm

    AS I get ready to push that last chickie out of the nest, I could really use some insight as to what lies ahead. Maybe I can prevent myself from making a few mistakes…..

    Reply
  65. Cherrye says

    March 3, 2008 at 1:12 pm

    This does sound like a great book. I’d love to read it, then share it with my mom and my sister (who walk on eggshells around each other much more than I do with them!)

    Reply
  66. cpa mom says

    March 3, 2008 at 12:53 pm

    considering my non-existent relationship with my father, I would love to read this book. Thanks!

    Reply
  67. Joy says

    March 3, 2008 at 12:27 pm

    I would love to win this book. The relationship between my husband and I with his parents is a difficult one. We have a 3-year-old daughter who is the only grandchild and I would love to gain some insight and possibly learn how to have a better relationship with them so she knows her grandparents. Otherwise if things don’t improve I’m afraid we will lose all connection to his family. Please help me by letting me win a copy of this book. Thank you!

    Reply
  68. Bebemiqui says

    March 3, 2008 at 12:19 pm

    I’m interested!

    Reply
  69. Christina says

    March 3, 2008 at 12:09 pm

    This sounds right up my ally, please count me in!

    Reply
  70. Dawn says

    March 3, 2008 at 11:52 am

    This sounds like a great book that everyone should have.

    Reply
  71. Chandra says

    March 3, 2008 at 10:33 am

    This subject really hits home. My mom and I are planning a trip together this year (first one ever) and this book would be great to have.

    Reply
  72. Kristi says

    March 3, 2008 at 10:29 am

    this book sounds like one I need to read, please enter me, thanks!

    Reply
  73. Heather says

    March 3, 2008 at 10:19 am

    Sounds like a good book to think about relationships.

    Reply
  74. DonnaH says

    March 3, 2008 at 10:08 am

    Sounds interesting.

    Reply
  75. Mommy Bee says

    March 3, 2008 at 9:53 am

    Sounds like a very interesting book!

    Reply
  76. Christine P Stewart says

    March 3, 2008 at 9:49 am

    I love to read & would enjoy this book.

    Reply
  77. Maria says

    March 3, 2008 at 9:38 am

    Thanks! Count me in!

    Reply
  78. Mamacheryl says

    March 3, 2008 at 9:26 am

    Definitely count me in. I need this book.

    Reply
  79. Michele says

    March 3, 2008 at 9:15 am

    Sounds interesting. Please enter me.

    Reply
  80. Courtney says

    March 3, 2008 at 9:14 am

    I would love to win a copy to read. Thanks.

    Reply
  81. Brenda Prentice (Time and Season) says

    March 3, 2008 at 9:05 am

    Sounds like a wonderful book. I didn’t realize that someone out there actually tackled this difficult issue.

    Reply
  82. Jennifer Barr says

    March 3, 2008 at 7:46 am

    would love to read this book 🙂

    Reply
  83. Michelle says

    March 3, 2008 at 3:26 am

    oh i know my sister would love this book so I’m entering for her and I guess also me…thanks

    Reply
  84. Linda Fisher says

    March 3, 2008 at 2:32 am

    love them at 57 i think id love them

    Reply
  85. Suzanne Bastien-Adams says

    March 3, 2008 at 2:25 am

    My oldest daughter is 16, I suppose I will need this book soon. If nothing else, to help me with my relationship with my own parents!

    Wonderful giveaway!

    Reply
  86. Caryn Bailey says

    March 3, 2008 at 2:17 am

    I’d love to win!

    Reply
  87. Loraine says

    March 3, 2008 at 1:50 am

    I think that I need to read this book! It sure is difficult navigating the relationship between myself and my parents now that I am an adult. I would love to win.

    Reply
  88. SHARON WELLS says

    March 3, 2008 at 1:11 am

    I WOULD LIKE TO WIN THIS IS SOUNDS GREAT

    Reply
  89. SJ says

    March 3, 2008 at 1:01 am

    This book sounds like an excellent read. Count me in!

    Reply
  90. Tara says

    March 3, 2008 at 12:49 am

    I would love to win this book- it sounds fascinating.

    Reply
  91. Sarah says

    March 3, 2008 at 12:41 am

    Wow–I was just chatting with my sister-in-law about the drama with our husband’s parents. There are three boys in the family and the relationships have gotten so complicated that even though we are in the same state, we only get together at major holidays. Which only makes the drama of being together worse. In the two and a half years we’ve been married, I’ve been desperately trying to improve relationships. I’ve been frustrated that most discussions of parent/child relationships focus on the child under the age of 18. From talking with my married friends, I know our problems with parent/adult child are not unique. I am so glad to hear of a book about the topic.

    (Sorry to gush … this is just a big deal in our house)

    Reply

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