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5 Minutes for Books — Walking on Eggshells

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This post may contain affiliate links. Read my disclosure policy here.

Walking on Eggshells is a new book by Jane Isay exploring the delicate relationship between adult children and parents. Whether you are the child or the parent, there have probably been times when you felt like you were walking on eggshells in that relationship.

This book is primarily aimed at the parents of adult children, but the children can learn a lot about why we still react so strongly to a parent’s unsolicited advice or tone of voice.

The book is divided into chapters with stories from grown children and parents that will strike a chord with many in regards to

  • distance created by stress or a misunderstanding
  • the good and the bad of physical distance
  • surviving the wounds of parental mistakes or children’s disappointing choices
  • the added layer of in-law and step-relationships

Jane Isay is a keen observer of human nature, and her interviews of more than 75 parents, grandparents, and grown children helped her uncover the universal truth that these relationships are difficult for most people. But Isay is not just a detached analyst of events. Because she herself is the parent of grown children, seeking to learn and understand, she shares her personal insights and experiences throughout the book. She also inserts herself into the telling of each person’s story, which serves as connective tissue for the book.

Marty and Pete get along best when they are together in Montana. Here’s why.

“I’ve always been very interested in guns, but never had any. But as his place, you can sit out on the front porch and shoot,” Marty explains.

“And you love it,” I say.

“I love it, and he loves that I love it.”

Bingo. If there are words from a parent that characterize a solid relationship, it’s that sentence. Here’s a father and son whose values are diametrically opposed. But Marty loves sitting on the front porch with his son, shooting guns.

eggshells.jpgYou can find out more about the book and the author at Jane Isay’s website. You can also sign up to be interviewed for her next book which explores adult siblings’ relationships.

If you’d like to win a copy of Walking on Eggshells for yourself (to possibly share and discuss with your parent or child), leave a comment here. The Reader’s Guide provides a great way to explore these issues with your peers, and possibly raise them with your parents or children.

We have up to five copies available. For the first 75 comments we get, we will give out three copies. If we get more than that, we’ll draw two more names. The winners will be announced in next week’s column.

The winner of The Sky Isn’t Visible From Here is #54 Reluctant Housewife.

Reader Interactions


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94 Comments

  1. This book sounds like exactly what i need. I think it might be my last resort to be sane again. It sounds great. I would love to win this book. I have a live with my father situation, it has become extrememly difficult.

    Sincerely, Diana

    Reply

  9. I feel like I would benefit from this book, as I have an adult daughter with children who lives in a different state than I. We kind of had a disagreement the other week, and I could feel the coldness across the miles!

    Reply

  19. as the mother of a senior in highschool, I would love to start reding and get a handle on things before they happen. Nothings better than doing it right the first time.

    Reply

  23. We all have stories to tell & songs to sing. It’s a wonderful thing to share & learn from each other. Count me in for this splendid giveaway!

    Reply

  32. our eldest son has just “left home” at eighteen to go to university (college)… we have a fab friendship, but i guess i’m starting to think about the ineveitable change in our relationship over the next few years in his life.
    love X

    Reply

  33. I need this book. My son and I live a state apart, and I walk on eggshells around him constantly. If I don’t win it, I will order this. Thanks for showing it to us!

    Reply

  36. It’s so nice to be out in blogland and find out you don’t live in the only dysfunctional family in the world. This book sounds fantastic. If I don’t win one (puh-leez let me win one), I’m going to buy one (horrors). If I win, you can contact me at dmj53(at)hotmail(dot)com

    Reply

  37. Nice find. I wonder if this book covers the relationship of single parents of adult children. specifically, does it cover a relationship when there is only one surviving parent after a death of the spouse?

    PS. I would love to get a copy 😉

    Reply

  38. This sounds like an excellent read!
    I Would love a copy of this book!

    Thanks for the contest 🙂

    Reply

  39. We are living this book! We moved here to be by our two daughters and grandkids. We try to live our own life and let them do the same. Even trying to stay out of their way backfires with comments on “not seeing the grandkids enough” or seeing this one more than that one etc. etc. etc. I need to get that book. I just don’t know if there is a point of balance.

    Looking forward to reading it. Thanks for posting on it.

    Reply

  43. I would have loved to had this book while my mother was still alive. Now I need it for interactions with my adult children. Thanks for giving me a chance to win this book.

    Reply

  49. Hi, This books sounds fantastic. I have read many good things about it. I am going to be in the “empty
    nest” syndrome in not too long of a time. I know this book would help me immensely! Please enter me in your drawing. I appreciate it…..Cindi

    Reply

  51. I have trouble getting along with both of my parents (I actually like my in-laws better!) so maybe this would help out some…

    nifferjeno at gmail dot com

    Reply

  53. Sign me up! Always looking for ways to improve the relationships with my parents, my in-laws, and my children. I know if I can build a great foundation with my children when they are still little, it may help keep that bond strong as they become adults.

    Reply

  62. Why is it that once kids get to a certain age, usually right after puberty they just seem to be in a world all of their own? I see this actually with all my children, they are not quite ready to leave the nest, but have grown out in so many ways. I can’t understand it at times, my youngest is the worse, she is fifeteen and soon turn sixteen, in a month actually. But she is difiant, and bossy, and when she dosen’t like something, she makes no fuss to share it with who ever may be around. It is one thing to say, “I don’t like something” and another to be obnoxious about it. She has her sweet moments, which seem to go far for her, my other daughter is 21, she wants out of the house at this time, which is really understandable, but the rents are sky high for these kids, they are still thinking in the fun mode, she goes out with friends and partys and then, it’s Monday and the week starts all over again for her. She loves what she does, but I just would think at this point it’s juat a matter of time, before the proverbial bough is going to break. Oh well, what ever decision they make, it is our job as parents to support them, right? None of my kids like going to church, they seldom help out around the house, but they still come back home each night after a hard days work. I can only hope, they would think before leaving the family home, and know how to act in a responsible way.

    Reply

  63. I do not think there is any more complex relationship than the one between me and my mother. This sounds really awesome. Your site rocks! Wow, you must work hard-girl!

    Reply

  64. AS I get ready to push that last chickie out of the nest, I could really use some insight as to what lies ahead. Maybe I can prevent myself from making a few mistakes…..

    Reply

  65. This does sound like a great book. I’d love to read it, then share it with my mom and my sister (who walk on eggshells around each other much more than I do with them!)

    Reply

  67. I would love to win this book. The relationship between my husband and I with his parents is a difficult one. We have a 3-year-old daughter who is the only grandchild and I would love to gain some insight and possibly learn how to have a better relationship with them so she knows her grandparents. Otherwise if things don’t improve I’m afraid we will lose all connection to his family. Please help me by letting me win a copy of this book. Thank you!

    Reply

  71. This subject really hits home. My mom and I are planning a trip together this year (first one ever) and this book would be great to have.

    Reply

  81. Sounds like a wonderful book. I didn’t realize that someone out there actually tackled this difficult issue.

    Reply

  85. My oldest daughter is 16, I suppose I will need this book soon. If nothing else, to help me with my relationship with my own parents!

    Wonderful giveaway!

    Reply

  87. I think that I need to read this book! It sure is difficult navigating the relationship between myself and my parents now that I am an adult. I would love to win.

    Reply

  91. Wow–I was just chatting with my sister-in-law about the drama with our husband’s parents. There are three boys in the family and the relationships have gotten so complicated that even though we are in the same state, we only get together at major holidays. Which only makes the drama of being together worse. In the two and a half years we’ve been married, I’ve been desperately trying to improve relationships. I’ve been frustrated that most discussions of parent/child relationships focus on the child under the age of 18. From talking with my married friends, I know our problems with parent/adult child are not unique. I am so glad to hear of a book about the topic.

    (Sorry to gush … this is just a big deal in our house)

    Reply