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“The woman who creates and sustains a home and under whose hands children grow up to be strong and pure men and women, is a creator second only to God.” — Helen Hunt Jackson
Mother’s Day should be a happy day, but for some of us who have lost our mothers, it is bittersweet. I love being surrounded by my children, but there is always a touch of sadness in my heart because I miss my own mother so much.
It’s been twenty years since she died of colon cancer. She was only 51 years old and I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to her, but I suspect that when it comes to our mothers we are never ready to give them up. There are many things I miss about mom, but what I miss the most is sharing my children with her.
Some of my best memories of her are of watching her become a grandmother. She absolutely loved my children beyond measure. She spoiled them with trips to the toy store and she loved to take them to Baskin Robbins for ice cream. She took my daughter to the beauty shop with her and paid for her to get a manicure (Rachel was only four at the time).
If my children were sick she went to the doctor with me or kept the others. When one of them was in the hospital she was always their first visitor. She helped me plan their birthday parties and always carried enough pictures of them in her purse to plaster the walls of her house.
Unfortunately she never got to meet our twins or any of my brother’s children. By the time her doctor found the cancer it had already spread and we were told that at most she might have one more year. She was determined to make the most of the time she had left.
That spring she insisted on taking my husband and I and our three children to Disney World. She was so thin and frail I was terrified of what might happen on the drive down. It was a long way from Kentucky to Orlando and her pain was already requiring her to take heavy medication. When she agreed to use a wheelchair once we arrived at the theme park I knew she was worried about her strength and endurance too.
The trip was hard on her but the next day she really seemed to enjoy herself. When we got to the Swiss Family Robinson tree house she parked her wheelchair and followed her grandchildren all the way through it!
That trip was to be her last gift to us. By the first of July she was much worse and on July 26th she went home to heaven.
And so each Mother’s Day I have a whole host of bittersweet memories. I rejoice that in a world of abused and abandoned children, I had a mother who loved me, nurtured me, and taught me right from wrong. And I cry, because I miss her friendship, her strength, her humor, and her love for my children.
There is a creed in Robert Fulghum’s book, All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten. It is called the “Storytellers Creed” and I asked the minister to read at Mama’s funeral. It says in part…
I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge.
That dreams are more powerful than facts.
That hope always triumphs over experience
That laughter is the only cure for grief.
And I believe that love is stronger than death.
—Robert Fulghum
I believe that too.
Shirley Layne DeMumbrum Bell December 23, 1939 – July 26, 1990.
Teresa Bell Kindred is a wife, mom of five, nana of one, author, freelance writer and dedicated nana blogger at www.nanahood.com. Teresa is also the founder of The Nana Blogs, a site dedicated to nanas, grandmas, memas (and moms).
Self Sagacity says
What a beautiful post about your mother. I can’t imagine how I would feel if I ever lose my mother. I am the only one close by her and very involve with her life. But I do know what it’s like to lose a father, and it was one of the longest pain I’ve endured.
Amanda Cummins says
I lost my mom too. Yesterday was mother’s day and I was having such a bad day. I was letting little things bother me and I realized I was upset because so many people were talking about what they were doing for their moms for mother’s day. I was 13 when my mother suddenly died from acute panceatitus. Its like Anthony Hopkins says in “Meet Joe Black” , “one day she didn’t feel well…the next she was gone.” I am 23 years old now and I still miss her, especially on mother’s day.
Janina says
My dad died this past November in my home. Mom died four months later again in my home. I had been taking care of them for the past 18 months. Today is Mother’s Day the first one without mom. I miss her so. The last thing she said to me was go to bed. It rings in my ears. No one will ever love me like she did. Give all your moms a hug today for me.
Debra says
I too lost my mom ….way too young….unexpectedly. I was a newlywed with no children yet and that loss changed my life. I’m a mom now with a toddler keeping me so busy and bringing much needed joy to our family……..but Mother’s Day will always be bittersweet. It’s only been a few years, but sometimes feels like yesterday.
Denise says
I have just reconnected with my mom after years apart, so this post is especially poignant to me. Thanks!
Thomas "DrTom" Gavin says
My mother died of breast cancer when she was 66. But what a saint. When she was 41, our father was killed in a car accident. She was left with three boys, aged 14, 11, and 9. In addition, her mother also lived with us and she was a severe diabetic and totally blind. My mother went back to work outside the home because we needed the money, and continued to raise three sons successfully and her mother, with no paid help at home. I don’t think she ever complained, but I wish I could have done something really special for her later in life.
Teresa says
What an amazing woman! Mom’s appreciate their children’s love much more than any material gift they can be given. It sounds like your mom had that….she was rich.
Blessings to you,
Teresa
Lucinda says
20 years? Just under a year and a half since I lost my momma…and I see there is no hope, that this pain will ever go away. I tried three times to read this blog post, but was interrupted by intense bawling before I could finish. I finally got through it and I completely understand what you mean when you say Mothers’ Day is bittersweet. I love nothing more than my children, and I miss my mother more than anything.
Thank you for sharing your sweet Disney World memory. What a very special Mom you had.
And curses to the evil cancer monster!
Teresa says
Lucinda, Bless your heart…a year and a half is nothing when it comes to losing your mom. It will get better, I promise. The pain does not go away but it eases. Think of it like accidentally falling into a pit and breaking several bones. At first it would be terribly painful, but after a long time you would heal, you might still have scars or aches from your accident, but the pain isn’t as intense as it was. After years of missing my mother I finally got to the point where I could give thanks for the years we did have instead of focusing on the years we didn’t have. One day a lady I taught with sat me down, looked me in the eyes and said, “I would give anything to have the type of relationship you had with your mom.” and for some reason that statement made me realize that while I will always miss her, I had something a lot of people never do…a loving, Christian mother. It sounds like you had a special mom too. God bless you and I am praying that your heart will heal.
Teresa
Kris says
My mother passed a little over a year ago. Last year I was numb. This year has been hard already. I know it will get easier but I just want her to see my little babies grow and become beautiful women as well. It is hard.
Lachelle says
It’s been 5 years since my mother passed away from breast cancer at age 48. She never got to meet her grandchildren while on this earth but I have a feeling she knows them anyway! Mother’s Day is extremely hard for me even though I am blessed to be a mom myself. It helps to know I’m not alone in these thoughts!
Kristi D says
What a heartfelt post – I too, can relate, unfortunately. My mom passed when she was 62, and the next month I got pregnant with my first child. I miss her terribly. Every mother’s day i plant my garden as we used to. This will be my 11th mother’s day without her. On our last mother’s day together I told her I was pregnant (with twins), but shortly after that miscarried. I wish she was here to experience my children and my life with me.
Bonnie says
It has been 7years for me since I lost my Mom to pancreatic cancer. I was pregnant with her first grandchild at the time so she never got to meet him but I still say she was a Grandmother and I call her that whenever I speak to my children.
We talk about her alot and that she is in Heaven with Jesus. Mother’s Day, her birthday and Christmas are when I miss her most. Memories flood my brain and I don’t hold them in but I share them with my children for to me it is healing for all of us and they get to know her.
Thank you for this post.
My thoughts will be with you on Sunday.
saly says
This made me cry. I’m lucky enough to still have my mother, but my husband lost his mother last year on July 26th. Although I am looking forward to spending Mother’s day with my children and my own mother, it will be bittersweet because we (especially he) will be missing her.
Thank you for writing this.
Christine S. says
My heart is full and relates to what you have written here. I know what it is you feel come each Mother’s Day. I will bow my head in a simple prayer for you this Mother’s Day and know that I know – she is looking down from the heavens and smiles upon you and your family.
I lost my mother when I was 11. 35 years ago – yet it seems like it was yesterday. I think of her always, I miss her even more. But I know in my heart of hearts that she too smiles from the Heaven above upon my family and I.
I love the quote by Robert Fulghum…. priceless
Happy Mother’s Day
sheila says
Beautiful! I still have my mom. But I dread the day. Wonderful post. And…I believe too.
Trudy says
My mom went home to heaven 19 years ago. You are right there is never a time when we are ready to give up our moms. I miss her very much like you miss your mom. My thoughts will be with you this mother’s day.