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When my stress level is rising, I am not the only one who is feeling it. But I’ve learned how empathizing with my children helps us all feel better.
Walking in Size 2 Shoes
A little empathy goes a long way
Some days, the one thing harder than being a parent is being a kid.
The world can be a frightening, frustrating place. Adults can seem cruel and controlling. Everything can feel unfair. And the worst part is when no one understands….
We don’t set out to forget what it was like to be a child. Parents have untold amounts of pressure. I can’t even begin to list the stresses and worries I have in my life right now, and I know I am lucky in comparison to many parents.
But when we get lost in how we feel, how our world is stressing us, we sometimes forget that our kids may be enduring just as much, if not more, in their worlds.
Not only are kids struggling with problems of their own, but when we project our stress on to our kids, it can become overwhelming.
When I stop and empathize with my children, when I take the focus off how I am feeling and try to understand how they are feeling, a radical change happens for all of us. All of a sudden, I am more patient, more loving, and less angry. This is the parent I long to be.
It isn’t always easy to empathize, to slip into their tiny shoes and walk a few miles to feel their pain. But when I am practicing empathy towards my children, they know that they are not alone. They know I care and I am trying my best to understand how they feel.
It doesn’t take away all of the pain and the stress. But it allows us to work through it together.
YOUR TURN: What about you? Have you noticed that your stress level affects your children? How do you help reduce the stress in your life and your children’s lives?
Written by Janice.
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Kate says
This is so true. When my mum or dad were really uptight and stressed I remember a dark descending over all of us. And as kids you feel powerless to do anything about it or even understand it sometimes.
The trouble is when your stressed it can be difficult to see past it.
Tarasview says
yes, my kiddos definitely take on my stress… which makes me feel even more stressed. Bad cycle. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety for ages and I KNOW it affects my kids but often feel powerless to completely fix it. It is such a moment by moment thing. I’ve wondered how much better my special needs kid would do if only I wasn’t such a basket case all the time.
Ah mommy-guilt… such a familiar feeling.
BUT I hope my kids, like yours, know that I love them more than life itself and that we are all struggling through this life together.
Jennifer says
I couldn’t agree more! Off to read more @ Guideposts, thanks for sharing & reminding me that I need to slow down and take their feelings into consideration as well!
Jen
http://www.thedaysillremember.com
Angela says
oh absolutely my stress affects my kids. now that I’m getting the help I need, we are ALL happier for it. Their behavior is much better too as a result.
Susie's Homemade says
Absolutely! I am lucky because my daughter has my eyes. When I look into them, I see me.
Deb says
A friend of my mother’s had a sign hanging in her kitchen that said, “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy”. That pretty much says it all!
Laura J. says
I certainly agree with you. I have been very stressed lately with my 2 year old’s sleep habits. It has been a knock down drag out fight every day this week to get her to sleep all night in her room. Yesterday I hit my limit, and I was so tired I couldn’t fight anymore…that’s when I discovered something…fighting will get us nowhere! So I implemented a new plan and yesterday we have “Loving Day”, which is a day where we give each other as many hugs and kisses as possible. We tell each other that we love one another as much as possible, and at bedtime we sit in the rocking chair, read stories, say our prayers and go to bed. To my surprise she went to bed without a hitch. (NOTE: It was on the floor of my room, but I will accept the small victory of my 2 year old going to sleep on her own…sleeping all night long…with no potty accident.) It appears that LOVE is what we needed to dial down the stress level in our house. We are ALL happier because of it.