The Merry-Go-Round Effect

“Return unto thy rest, O my soul; for the LORD hath dealt bountifully with thee.” PSALM 116:7

I jumped off the merry-go-round a few days ago.

Just…jumped.

For weeks the hurry and scurry of schedules, papers, exams, motherhood, writing, studying, advising (see motherhood), nurturing (see motherhood), papers, helping with car repairs (see motherhood), and everything else that was somehow sandwiched in between had me spinning…

Faster and faster I spun, with no concrete destination, no end in sight, and with growing panic squeezing my insides with each subsequent turn. Finally my proverbial vision was so blurred and all sense of what was up, down, right or left, right or wrong, had successfully evaded me. My internal scheduler went on the blink, my ability to reason and rationalize went on the fritz, and - can I just be real here? - I became one irritable human being.

After several days of feeling faint twinges of annoyance at even the most simple of conversations, the most minute of inconveniences, I began to feel the effects of spinning way too fast for way too long. It took a while but I finally caught the hint that all of the conflicting issues that were suddenly popping up and banging on the front door of my mind must be stemming from…ME.

That is a tough fact to admit. As moms, we’re programmed to believe that we need to bring our ‘A Game’ to the table each and every day. On those days when life’s craziness begins to spin us like a top, we tend to view ourselves as ‘less than’ or somehow inadequate.

The simple truth is that we’re tired. When this happens it’s time to pull back in our activities, become quiet in our spirit, and find rest and rejuvenation in our God. Once I became still enough, I could then feel and sense His presence. He had never moved; I, on the other hand, had been spinning too fast to notice.

I slowly felt my soul begin to refuel. Where I’d felt parched and dry before, new rivers of joy and inspiration began to - little by little - forge their way through me until I felt like myself again. All I had needed was to relax in the knowledge that my life is totally in the hands of the only One who knows my past, directs my present, and is already preparing me for my future.

So even though I’m now back on the merry-go-round that is called Life, my soul is quiet and rested. Once again, I feel that tingle of excitement as the spinning commences. The thrill is back, the sheer exhilaration of freedom making me want to throw my head back, close my eyes, and enjoy the ride.

The ride of a life lived in Him.