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Dirt
Posted By Jessica
Last week a good friend of mine called me. Our children are in school together and from the minute I met her, I loved her. Not only is she funny and sincere, but she also always makes me feel better about myself. “Jess,” she said, “It’s so good to talk to you. You are so great.”
This is the point at which I should have hung up the phone.
A few minutes later, she started talking to me about a mutual friend of ours. Our friend, it turns out, is… um…”not doing well.” Instead of listening politely to what she was sharing, I started probing. It was as though a malicious little glint came in my eye as I started to ask:
“Well… what happened…?”
“Are you serious?……Unbelievable.”
“Mmmm (tone of concern)… yeah, I see what you mean.”
The more she shared, the worse I felt. Not only was I gossiping, but I was helping my friend gossip.
Why did I do this? I didn’t need to know any of the information my friend was sharing. None of it. I didn’t respond with a desire to pray for this woman, I just wanted to find out more dirt on her.
How nasty of me. Seriously.
Gossip isn’t something I have struggled with much of my life. Maybe I was too busy surviving life to have a large circle of friends - I’m not sure. But having a fairly large network of women in my life is something new for me. And as I have more friends, I have more and more opportunities to speak critically, to slander, and to tear down with my words.
Lately I’ve noticed myself starting to dip into these dangerous waters. And, like any sin issue that involves my tongue, I know I need to get control of it pretty quickly before I drown.
This morning I repented. “God,” I said, after turning on my iPod and pulling up my blanket around my legs in my prayer chair, “I am really, really sorry.” I asked Him for His forgiveness and the strength to use my tongue for life and not death in all my relationships. “Give me a soft heart in this, Lord,” I pleaded, “I don’t want to gossip anymore.”
Then I opened up my One-Year Bible. My reading from Psalms today said:
“LORD, who can dwell in Your tent?
Who can live on Your holy mountain?
The one who lives honestly, practices righteousness,
and acknowledges the truth in his heart -
who does not slander with his tongue,
who does not harm his friend
or discredit his neighbor…” (Psalm 15:1-3).
I want to dwell with Him. I want to live on His holy mountain. I want to be characterized by honesty, righteousness, and truth. I won’t have any of those things if I chose to slander. And as good as it feels in the moment to get the “inside scoop” on someone, dwelling with the Lord is better. As fun as it is to know a juicy tidbit, He is worth more than that.
So I will surrender my tongue to the Lord. And I will ask Him to speak through me.
Lord, everything I have is yours. Even my mouth - though some days I wonder if you want it! Redeem my words, God. Give me a heart that realizes that “life and death are in the power of the tongue” (Proverbs 18:21). I want to choose life in what I speak, Lord! With your help, I can. In the name of your Son, Amen.
Feb 15th, 2008
Very very touching post and it’s so hard as mothers when we are in mom’s groups or at school functions or any event that involves a group of people to remember that even in James, we are reminded that the tongue can cut worse than the sword. ” With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness.” (James 3:8)
This reminds me of this proverb,”Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing. Proverbs 12:18 NLT
We, not only as mothers who find ourselves with other womens or groups, but as Christians, need to remember to use our tongues for healing and bringing light to other people’s lives and not to tear their lives down. This brings a bad witness to not only our faith but to our Heavenly Father.
“If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. (James 1:26)
This is a very wonderful and mindful post and I’m so sorry about the situation that you were placed in! It’s so easy to get caught up in the moment, and I feel that God understands that if we truly regret it and make the active effort to change….He will forgive us but will remind us to be gentle with the tongue and easy with the heart.
This was so great. I know I am not alone. I have the same problem with my tongue, only my issues are with my kids and the things I say that might tear them down, instead of building them up. Isn’t it amazing how God can give you just the right verse at just the right time. He is a sovereign God! It is so great to know that He knows our hearts and is willing to change them into what He needs them to be.
Thanks for letting me know that there is someone else out there that has had struggles with this. I love how we can go to the Father with our sins and know that we can still be cleansed and forgiven. It was neat that He lead you to that verse not only to reinforce what you knew was a sin, but to show you that He can give you strength to refrain from that again. God is so awesome!!!
A great lessons for all of us to learn! We want to dwell with Him, so we need to live holy lives! I pray that God guards my heart against Gossip! Thanks for the reminder!
Thanks for being vulnerable enough to share this. This is such a difficult area. I sometimes find that as Christian women we have to really watch our hearts in this area. It is so easy to get caught up into the subltle trap of sharing way too much info about someone else under the guise of asking for prayer for them. Thanks for the reminder to watch our hearts and tongues in this area!