Robot Cinderella

“For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father” (Romans 8:15).

When I was ten years old, my school put on a play called “Robot Cinderella.” The storyline of this production is pretty clear from the title. I tried out for the beautiful robot Cinderella but was, of course, chosen to be the loud and very funny Fairy God-Robot.

The production developed pretty much how you would expect. Rehearsals were right after Language Arts and were chock full of fifth-grade drama. I really felt that some of the blocking should be different, but Mrs. Keeler was pretty adamant that she, as the director, should make those decisions.

The big night arrived. I nervously dressed in a peach taffeta gown and a metallic crown as I wondered if anyone would come to our show. The cast performed to a full house (full, uh, gymnasium?), and everything went smoothly. The audience laughed at the right moments. No one forgot any lines. We all felt triumphant as the curtain fell to the applause of our families.

But not the applause of my family. It turned out that my parents had left before the performance was over so they could find the car and we could leave as quickly as possible. Their feedback? “You rushed your lines…not really the best you have done, Jess.” I remember running to keep up with my family, clutching the bag that held my peach dress. It crunched against my legs.

“Yeah, I see what you mean,” I said, realizing how many mistakes I must have made in my debut. I understood now that Robot Cinderella was not something to be excited about…but rather something to be embarrassed about. I was silent the whole way home as I reviewed all the ways I had failed that night.

I am still reviewing my failures each night. Instead of offering up my day to the Lord, I am making a mental list in my head of all the ways I should have done a better job. Part of me expects that He will look down from His throne at my life and say, “Not the best job you could have done, Jess…Not good enough.” I know intellectually that God doesn’t view me that way, but my heart struggles to believe the truth that who I am is enough - simply because I am His child.

I am learning to open wide the door to my heart and invite the Holy Spirit come in. To heal me from the pain of being rejected over and over as a child and instead to understand that I am now His child. It is difficult for me at times because I get frustrated at myself and how slowly I am changing. But I hear His voice speak to my heart and ask me to come and sit and listen.

So I sit and read His Word and meditate on the truth that He is delighted with me, that He didn’t think I rushed my lines, that He thinks I am wonderful just because I am His daughter. He whispers He loves all of me and I whisper back that He is my Abba Father.

And I am healed and made whole in His Presence.

God, I thank you that You are my Father and that you really, really love me and think that I am wonderful. I love meditating on your love for me. You are so good to me. Thank you for redeeming my life, Lord. In the name of your Son, Amen.