OPINION, August 20 /Christian Newswire/ — “Do you know the fine for using
someone else’s handicapped parking permit is $300?” “That parking spot is
saved for the disabled! You should be ashamed of yourself!” Nearly everyone
with an invisible illness has been told, “You don’t look disabled to me!”
One of my friends replied, “Well, you don’t look stupid to me.” I just bite
my lip to try to prevent the tears from forming, broken-hearted that I
appear to be deceptive, when I would do anything to give back this parking
perk that I use on a rare occasion.
As I circle the parking lot a fourth time on this day I hope for a spot to
open up within two-hundred yards of the store, but there is nothing remotely
close at this bustling superstore where I need to buy my prescriptions and
milk for my toddler. My rheumatoid arthritis is flaring badly, causing extra
fluid in my knees to dislocate pieces of loose bones. Every step is painful
and unpredictable.
Finally I sigh in resignation and pull into the farthest “blue parking
spot.” I reach for the placard–the one that has a bold white symbol of a
wheelchair– and no, I don’t have a wheelchair– yet. So after fifteen years
of having this “privilege” at my disposal I still warily scan the area
before reluctantly dangling the placard from the rear view mirror. Is there
anyone watching, wondering, or waiting, ready to confront me?
I’ve had scathing notes left on my windshield and many people, empowered by
television exposés, have approached me with their opinions. Judgmental
expressions and whispers sting just as much. My husband and I adopted a baby
and when I would get my child of the car I would avoid eye contact with
onlookers because I could hear their whispers of, “She’s not disabled!
Or–if she is–she has no right to have a child!”
Nearly 1 in 2 Americans (133 million) live with a chronic illness. It could
be diabetes, cancer, cystic fibrosis, fibromyalgia or even chronic back
pain. Many illnesses make walking long distances impossible because of
limited lung capacity, physical pain, or unpredictable numbness in the legs.
According to statistics provided by the U.S. Census Bureau, about 96% of
these illnesses are invisible. There is no sign of the illness existing, nor
the use of an assistive device like a cane or a wheelchair.
I began National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week in 2002, which is
held this year Sept 10-16, 2007, after witnessing thousands of people who
had frustrations, fears, loneliness, and bitterness, about feeling
invalidated. One’s illness, age, diagnosis, or level of disease
degeneration, doesn’t change the emotional pain.
Strangers and loved ones alike doubt the severity of our illness or even the
diagnosis. We’ve heard, “You look so good! You must be feeling better.” But
we don’t feel better. We just bought some fake tan in a bottle and pasted on
a smile.
National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week is a time to acknowledge
that invisible illness is more prevalent than we’d imagine and
everyone–both those who are healthy and ill–can make a difference by
encouraging someone with an invisible illness, rather than tearing someone
down.
Are those parking spots painted blue because they give so many people the
blues? That small area of square footage is a breeding ground for many
frustrations as we are forced to defend our illness and character to total
strangers. I’d gladly trade in my placard indefinitely for just a week of
having my old body back when I could run, sit on the floor, or even hold a
fork without tendons popping out of place.
I anticipate the day when a nationally designated system is formed. Texas
law states that blue placards are for those who use assistive devices; red
permits are for people with a “condition that impairs mobility.” In other
states, red symbolizes six months of disability and blue is permanent. It’s
confusing! And for one with invisible illness, the wheelchair symbol
discredits both our physical pain and–in the eyes of others–our
reputation. Until then, we rely on Invisible Illness Week bumper stickers.
The next time you see a healthy looking man loading groceries into his
car–parked in the “blue spot”–don’t glare. Stop and offer to help him, or
just smile nicely, giving him the benefit of the doubt. Seventy percent of
suicides have uncontrollable physical pain as a factor. Your smile may save
his life. At the least, it will astonish him, perhaps providing him with
genuine encouragement he hasn’t felt for months.
Lisa Copen is the founder of National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness
Week www.invisibleillness.com
What a good reminder. I think we’ve all been guilty of doing that. But, not anymore. I really have no right to look at others and think I know anything about them. Thanks so much for such an honest and truthful post.
Glad to know I am not alone. I have juvenile onset rheumatoid arthritis and, though I have managed to keep it under control completely with lifestyle changes and supplements and so do not have a blue sign, I occasionally find myself avoiding explanations, avoiding using crutches when it flares up (because people ASK), and trying to pretend there is nothing wrong. I get sick of explaining why I do this or that or avoid this other thing.
I also run into this with my mom who has a liver disease that will eventually require a transplant as well as severe arthritis–she looks fine so people assume she is. ven my dad, her ex-husband, refused to believe it was that bad, even when the doctors explained it to him. Sigh.
Thank you for sharing that. My father in Law has a placard for his health, and he has an ‘invisible Illness’. I’m going to FWD this to him. Thank you! ((hugs))
Sisterlisa
Thank you, thank you, thank you for this!! I cried reading it. My husband and I both (him more so than me) suffer from invisible illnesses. Everything you said was so true. We look fine on the outside and suffer so much on the inside. We don’t use the handicap spaces, though there are days I wish I could, and I know my husband does, too.
Is there a way to help spread awareness about this? A button I could put up or something? I’ll definitely mention it on my blog. Thanks again.
Thank you so much for creating National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness & I can’t wait to participate in the awareness week! I look forward to sharing this information with my Mom whom has fibromyalgia. Suffering from invisible illnesses is very hard, and we thank God daily for the strength He gives to carry on! I’d like to know as well (blondeblogger) — do you have a button to put up or something to help spread the information?
I have a severely disabled daughter and although I don’t take her out much, when I do I park in the handicapped spot. I know people have watched me, wondering why I am using the spot, until they see her stroller. Just this week I followed my husband to Starbucks. He ran in for the coffees while I stayed in my car, in the handicapped spot, with my daughter. I hopped out of the car to grab my coffee from him and a man watched me the whole time. I have a pretty good feeling what he was thinking. Even though my daughter’s illness isn’t completely invisible I can totally understand. Thanks for your committment to this cause.
I have a co-worker with Rheumatoid Arthritis. She’s only 24 years old, and has 2 young children. It’s obvious to me how much pain she’s in on some days, even though on other days she’s feeling better. Her husband said to her recently, after she asked him to watch the kids for a few hours because she needed a nap, “Really, don’t you think you’re taking this thing a bit too far? You don’t look sick, you’re not swelled up or disfigured, and I just saw you holding the baby. You can’t possibly NEED a nap in the middle of the day–you’re just using this diagnosis as a crutch”.
I feel so sorry for her, and for others in a similar position. I would never dare criticize someone for parking in a handicap spot, no matter how not disabled they look. Ever.
Thank you all for your comments regarding your personal experiences with “invisible illnesses”. I am sure Lisa Copen would be touched by all of your responses. Please take time to visit her website at www.invisibleillness.com to find our how you can support her efforts. Lisa is unavailable at the moment due to working on the Invisible Illness Awareness Week coming up soon. On her behalf, Thank You again for your comments and support.
S.Hunt, Health Moderator
Thank you!! Apparently, you hit the nail on the head here. I have a blue placard too. In my case, some of what’s wrong with me is quite visible. I’m fat. That is not all that’s a problem. However, I get the stares as well since it “appears” that is the only problem. I guess I get as many of that type of stare as you might with looking good. I have knee and back problems. It is so difficult to walk from the car to the store. Once in the store, I use the carts to hold me up. I have a cane but it’s unhandy when I have a cart. At this point in time, I am still refusing to use the electric carts available.
This is an important post and should get wide attention. My suggestion is that the people who read this post also blog about it and link back. I think I will do just that. Again, thanks.
I am one of those people with an invisable disability. I too, try to park away from a store entrance when I can, to help other disabled people who need it even more than I do. But, there are days when I just cant walk easily. Maybe I can walk ok at first, but after awhile, the pain is so bad, I have to stop, rest and walk again. My wife does most of the driving. I visibly look good to go, but inside, Im in pain all the time.Oh, by the way this all started when I was only 50 years old! So please, dont be so quick to critisize what you cant see. Thank You
Here is the post I put up on this same subject and the linkback to you! Hope it helps.
http://shopper.purrfectdomains.com/2007/09/02/shopping-and-handicap-parking/