Negative Feedback

Proverbs 25:11, “A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.”

I mentioned last week that we have our house on the market. This has been a big decision for us for lots of reasons—mostly because of the headache it will cause us to have to keep the place in “showing condition” with six little people running around. We have put off doing this for about two years—and only recently took the plunge by sticking the sign in the yard. I thought I was prepared when we did so. But I didn’t realize one little part of the deal that would end up bothering me more than I anticipated.

Our internet-savvy realtor has provided us with a service that allows us to see the feedback she gets after people come and look at our house. When she first mentioned this to me, I shrugged it off as “no big deal.” I figured we would only get glowing endorsements of how lovely our little home was, after all. I had no idea that our very first showing would result in feedback that bashed this place we call home. The realtor who showed the house had nothing nice to say. He said our carpets “felt funny.” (They were wet after being professionally cleaned that afternoon.) And he said some other negative things that hurt my feelings, to be honest.

I sat back in shock, thinking of all the guests we had entertained who had remarked that they loved our home and felt welcomed here. I thought of all the hard work I had put into getting the house ready to sell, and how much effort we have poured into updating the place in the last several years. None of that was mentioned. Of course, reason told me that this realtor was probably just grumpy and couldn’t possibly know that I would read his unkind words—or how much those words had hurt. I was frustrated and could feel myself growing grumpier by the minute after I read the email containing this unexpected piece of negative feedback.

I showed my husband, expecting him to jump in the pit with me, but he only shrugged his shoulders. “You’re not going to please everyone,” he said. But I couldn’t leave it alone. I wanted compassion, not criticism. I wanted strokes, not strikes. I wanted, like everyone, to be appreciated and acknowledged. The email had sucked the wind right out of my sails and it took days before I could once again be positive about the prospect of selling our house. I allowed the opinion of one person to determine my own outlook.

In the days to come, I realized how many times I have let this happen in lots of areas in my life. I take what one person says and let that person’s words and opinion carry too much weight. I hear their words over and over and don’t hold up what they have said to the truth. Whether it is my feelings about myself, my abilities, or my home, I am so easily swayed by other people’s words.

I can’t let negative feedback affect my outlook. I can’t allow other people to have that much power over me. When I start to feel sad or depressed about something someone has said to me, that is an indicator that I must make time to talk to God about it. I must ask God to help me find the truth. And I must focus on what He shows me. I can’t go on what I feel or what anyone else feels, as feelings are often misleading and unreliable. Feelings change, truth does not. I must filter what others say to me through what God has promised me. This, I am learning, is key.