Testing Time

James 1:2-4, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

The past few weeks have been testing time around our house. Last week my oldest son spent each day in his end-of-grade testing at school. It was a grueling week, and I knew that he was concerned about his performance. Our other kids aren’t exempt from testing just because they are homeschooled. In our state, an end of the year test is required for homeschooled students age seven or older. This affected three of my children. So for several days they also had to be taken to “Miss Sharon’s” house to be tested. Though we try not to put undue stress on them about the tests, inevitably it creeps in. They worry about the embarrassment of scoring below their grade level. They worry about not knowing the answers and wonder what we will think of them. No matter how much I reassure them of our unconditional love, I can see the anxiousness lurking behind their eyes.

Yesterday was the last test for the year. It was my seven-year-old daughter’s turn to test for the first time, and she was a bundle of nerves. As we pulled into the driveway of the test administrator’s home—a sweet, gentle woman who has been testing my children for years—I asked her if she would like me to pray for her before she went in. We spent a few moments with heads bowed as I tried to bolster her with God’s strength and presence. When I opened my eyes again, I could see the tears she had tried so bravely to hide. Though I knew that she would do great—and even enjoy herself— but she could not know that as we walked the long walk up that sidewalk to the front door. How I wished I could face this test for her, but I knew that this was the first of many times in her young life that I could not. I had to send her into that testing time with full knowledge that God would go where I could not.

How many times do we face tests in our lives, and the lives of those we love? How many seasons do we walk through that feel like a testing time—a test of our faith, our resolve, our strength, our convictions? During these testing times, how much more do we find we need to do what my daughter and I did—to bow before God and simply ask Him to show up as we face certain tests? A test makes us aware that we must rely on His strength and His wisdom because we know that our own is not sufficient.

Testing times are typically filled with stress, anxiety and lingering doubt. No matter how much someone assures us that we shouldn’t be worried, we find ourselves wrestling with the “what ifs” of a situation. Many times, just the thoughts that invade our minds make us feel guilty for not having enough faith. We know that a “good Christian” should not struggle with these issues, and yet the very nature of a test seems to invite these thought patterns. What must God think of us for doubting?

When I worry about my response to a stressful time, I remember the verse, “Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (I Samuel 16:7) I know that God sees my shortcomings and failures and loves me anyway. He created my doubting, hurting heart. He sees me very much as I saw my daughter that morning. He looks into my anxious heart and—instead of being filled with anger and condemnation—He ministers to me, allowing His Spirit to fill me up and comfort me when my own words fail me. He loves me not because I respond perfectly and never struggle, but simply because I am His child. He watches me walk into the tests of life like a proud father—knowing I am doing the very best I can. He hears my heart’s cry: “Help me Daddy, I need You today.”

Are you facing a testing time today? Have you been worried about God being disappointed in you for the way you are handling things? Spend today allowing your Abba Father—your Heavenly Daddy— to minister to you and comfort you. He sees what you are walking through and He knows the weight on your hurting heart. He knows the other side of the test, and how you will emerge from it with strength of character you did not possess before. For this reason, He may not choose to deliver you from facing the test, but He does love you enough to come alongside you while you face it. He sees you just the way I saw my daughter—as a little child bravely walking into her fears. His arms can reach where yours cannot and His grace will wrap you in love if you will only let Him.