God help me…I’m angry!

I woke up this morning at 4:30 and I was happy! If I happen to wake up that early it means I get 2 hours of uninterrupted time at my computer. I can read my devotions, blog, or do digital scrapbooking all in the stillness of morning hours before the rest of the clan awakes.

But at 4:50 I heard a bedroom door open. My sleepy-eyed six year old, Ellie, came down the stairs asking me what I was doing up. Ignoring her question I told her to go back to bed.

“I can’t” she whined.

“You are tired, go back to bed.”

“I have been trying but I can’t.”

Being the good mother that I am, I suggested she pop in a video at 5:00 in the morning so that I could continue with my own interests and pursuits. Ellie was stunned and quickly ran into the media room before the mom who reigns over this house during business hours appeared and made her turn off the TV. Five minutes later she came back out.

“I’m scared.”

“There’s nothing to be scared of. Watch a movie or go back to bed.”

“Can I get some stuffed animals to watch the movie with me?”

“Yes, but don’t wake up your sister.”

I heard her shuffle into her room and then I heard the sound of whispers. I quickly bounded up the stairs knowing full well that if Ellie woke up her 4 year old sister, any chance of peace this morning was over.

“Stop trying to wake her up and get out here right now!” I hissed.

“But I wanted to see if she wanted to watch a movie with me.”

“No she doesn’t. She wants to sleep.”

“But…”

“No. Go watch your movie.” At this point my teeth were clenched but I made my way back downstairs determined to have some time to myself.

Again, I heard a door open. Urrgg! Now I was starting to get irritated.

“There’s a moth!” Ellie whimpered.

“The moth is not going to hurt you and I can’t catch it, so either go watch your movie or go back to bed.”

“But I’m scared.”

“You need sleep. Go to bed.”

“I can’t.”

“Look, this is my quiet time, I need you to go do something on your own.”

Silence again took over my corner of the house but I couldn’t concentrate as there was continually shuffling on the stairs. “What is going on up there?” I said in that faux-mommy voice that reflected my desire to try to remain restrained.

“There’s a moth.”

I won’t give you a complete play-by-play because if you have kids you can imagine how this conversation progressed. You can also probably imagine how my mom’s mood-o-meter rose. Was I entitled to be angry? Should I have given up my quiet time for my daughter? I don’t know, but I know I was angry. The Bible recognizes that we all get angry. Both David and Paul address that believers will be angry in Psalms 4:4 and Ephesians 4:26 and both passages instruct us in how to handle that anger, “In your anger do not sin.”

Those words are so simple yet following their mandate can be such a struggle. I know I can not manage my temper on my own, so in times of anger, I have to turn to God. I have to pray. If I can’t get the words together to pray, I repeat the words of James 1:19. “be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” Sometimes I pray these words over and over knowing that the Spirit will intercede and that the prayers that I can’t get out on my tongue will be heard from my heart.

Dear Father,

Thank you so much for always being there when we call. As Christian mothers, we want so much to please you and to make you proud; but we struggle. We am human and we often fall short of your expectations. We let anger and selfish desires get in the way of doing what you call us to do. It is in those times that we need your hands on us. We need your spirit to fill us with your presence so that we can act in a way that brings honor to your name. Lord, as we go through out our days today and we are hit by little irritating things that can build into anger, help us to remember your words. Help us to remember to be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. In your name we pray.

Amen.