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How Tame is Your Tongue?
Posted By Janice
If anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion is worthless. James 1:26
My tongue is trouble!
Whether it was as a little girl constantly having my desk moved away from the other girls because I talked too much, or as an adult having my tongue whip out words ahead of my brain, I just haven’t been able to tame my tongue! You know the verse, “My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…” (James 1:19) Unfortunately that verse has gone in my ears – but hasn’t quite made it to my tongue!
But besides chattering away at dangerous speeds or letting my temper toss out angry words, lately I have noticed that I need to tame my tongue most when I am talking to my husband. In my tired, frazzled state, I far too often lose my “please and thank you’s” and slip into nagging, demanding or grumbling. To my son and to the rest of the world, I try to still put out cheer and politeness, but to my husband I just let my exhaustion and frustration show. I let my tongue loose.
Late last night as I stumbled into our bedroom, worn out from a long day, my husband and I had a short discourse. It wasn’t an argument per se, but it wasn’t a loving way to talk to one another. With both of us feeling overwhelmed with work and household duties, we were snappy and short with each other. We weren’t minding our manners let alone showing gratitude to one another for each other’s efforts.
As I crawled into bed, I thought about Jackson. What if I heard him talking to us or someone else the way Phil and I were talking to each other? (We weren’t cursing or yelling – we just had a lack of love, respect and gratitude. Our voices were snappy and rude.) I wouldn’t stand for Jackson talking like that – and yet that is how my husband and I are treating one another. It is shameful! Not only am I sinning, disrespecting my husband and my God with my words, but also how do I expect to teach my son to speak respectfully if I am not!
Last Sunday our pastor spoke on “Taming the Tongue.” And of course I sat there squirming as I have for the last two and a half decades when I have to face those familiar verses from James:
When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and creatures of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be. Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? My brothers, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. (James 3:3-12)
There are so many ways we can allow our tongue to destroy us, as well as those around us. We can cut someone down, gossip, curse, be disrespectful, grumble, lie – and in all of it we deny our Lord and our relationship with Him.
I am sure I will always struggle with taming my tongue. My impulsive nature is to speak first, think later. I have a temper that bursts through in less than a second if I don’t keep it chained down. And I far too often forget to be polite and respectful to those in my “inner circle,” allowing complaining and frustrations to take over instead of grace and gratitude.
According to the Bible, our tongue is a dangerous thing. It can betray us and reveal a bitter heart. It can wound others and destroy relationships. But I can’t despair and give into my weaknesses. I have the Holy Spirit’s power to tame my beast of a tongue (and heal the heart that it reveals.) I am going to fail – many times a day! But I need to persevere and continue to fight the battle against sin.
Just like I try to train Jackson to talk lovingly and treat other with respect, I need to “train” myself. I have gotten sloppy lately and allowed my weariness to win. But I am not going to give in. I am going to put that “bit” in my mouth and allow God to control me.
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up. (James 4:7-10)
How about you? Have you been able to “tame your tongue?” (I am sure you are doing better than I am!) In what way do you sin through your words? What has worked for you in your quest to conquer your tongue?
Apr 21st, 2007
Ok. God’s not being subtle with me today. Two devotionals on taming the tongue and what I do with my speech. LOL. I am a very quiet person, in person, but I can be very pointed and sarcastic. I do not always build up with my words. I am very critical, and am able to point out flaws with very few words. I need to practice building up the good with my words, rather than tearing down.
Thanks for the post! Have a blessed weekend!
Ouch, ouch, ouch. God has very much been dealing with me about this very thing. The way I speak with my hubby. And like you said we would not let our children talk that way or talk that way to others. It is a state of not having manners with each other and the Lord has been speaking to me about taming that tongue. Thanks for the reminder of that last scripture for it starts with that first step of submiting myself to God. Great post!
janice, another great devotional - perfect for me. I’m the one you wrote back to, after my comment about being depressed and not “loving” being a mom. thank you so much for caring about me to write back. I’m doing much better (this week)
- I’m very hormonally driven! but the Word of God, and websites like this help more! thank you for giving of yourself when you have so much going on. how’s the baby? Love, amy
Janice, like you I’ve struggled since school with taming the flow of words, and also like you I have been working on the intent and tone of my words lately. No, I haven’t tamed it, but I’m always thankful when the sound of those words are awful to me and that I can repent, apologize and move on (trying not to repeat the habit).
Wow. This is definitely written for me also. I just wrote last night on my blog that my memory verse this week is Luke 6:45 and that it is no coincidence.
Now your devotional just confirms that for me even more.
Thanks for sharing this. I find the same thing happens to me. I am patient and loving with my words towards people I don’t even know then let it roll out however it chooses with my family. Definitely something I am going to ask God to help me with starting today.
Love, Michelle
OHHH Boy!
Well I can say first hand that I have spoken to Janice and KNOW how fast she talks - WOW! 
I too have a problem with this, and what’s worse is my “circle” involves my kids - I can get short with them, and snap, again not like yelling or screaming - but just being short, not being polite or acting the way I should!
I need to work on this BIG time - thanks for the devotional Janice - it’s time I remembered!
Truthfully, my bigger struggle is with the content of my words than with the tone. There are far more things (should I just be honest and say people?) that don’t need to be the topic of my conversation than I ever thought.
It’s going to take a miracle to get me where I need to be in this area. Thankfully, that’s possible!
I have struggled with this as well. In fact my husband and I have had that conversation of realizing our short and snippy attitudes. And so true I would never let my daughter “use that tone with me”.
When I grew up curse words were used in my home, as my sister and i fought to break that habit we realized we do not have a problem with it when the preacher is around! Unfortunately those we are closest to are the ones who tend to get our “uglies”. And I am guilty of being able to have a bad attitude for days and change it instantly when we go somewhere, especially to church.
(Come on we are ALL guilty!)
God has been showing that to me these days, it is not just the words that we speak but even further the heart motive (attitude) in which we speak them!
Great Post! BTW- Don’t check my “heart motive” when I am pregnant, k?
I have to say that my tongue is one of those things that can get me in trouble, too! I work retail in a small mom and pop art gallery. I admit that when I encounter moments of needing to tame my tongue, I think of Rick Warren in the Purpose Driven Life– EGR — Extra Grace Required! (I would site page numbers for you, but my book just went out on loan.) I will pray behind the counter as I wait on the sometimes EXTREMELY demanding folk, and occasionally chew on the side of my tongue (literally) to keep from saying something that won’t “further the Kingdom.” (Thanks Boo Mama!) I have to remind myself that their day may have been less than fantastic and perhaps they just don’t realize that they are taking it out on me!
this is the 2nd time in a few days that this has popped up and smacked me! I think it’s a sign!
thanks for the reminder!
wow, great topic! i’ve always known to be tactless. i’ll just blurt out without thinking. & often i’ll tend to hurt somebody’s feeling. worst, if it’s my kids who got hurt. yesterday, while ‘bz’ on my pc, my 5 yr old boy came & bugged me a few times abt something. of coz i wasnt listening coz i was too consumed with what i was doing when i just told him to ‘leave mommy alone & get out!’. it was only when he left that this sense of guilt suddenly hit me. came out from my room & looked for him. he sat in the corner & was trying to fix up his toy transformer. i could not forgive myself for what i just did. i went over to him & gave him a hug.*sigh*
God has been working with me on the same thing. I have found that, since trying to conceive, I have been a lot snippier with my husband, mother, and son…mostly poor hubby & mom. After I realize how I sounded or came across, I usually end up in tears and apologizing. You are so right when you say “It is shameful! Not only am I sinning, disrespecting my husband and my God with my words, but also how do I expect to teach my son to speak respectfully if I am not!” I am in the SAME boat, sister! My son had gotten somewhat “sassy” recently and I couldn’t figure what had come over him… then I heard myself being rather sarcastic and short tempered with my husband in front of him and felt so ashamed … I got up from where I was sitting and hugged my husband and apologized to him right there in front of my son. He is very intuitive for a 3 year old and he picked up on the fact that I realized that I had been WRONG in my words and actions and apologized to his daddy for being that way. It made me feel better knowing that he had witnessed my error in judgement AND the apology, so that he could see that EVERYONE messes up sometimes. And that it’s important that you realize your actions and take control and ask for forgiveness when you know you’ve messed up…. But, God help me, I still am working on that tongue.
ahhhh
good word sister janice. amen. xo
Wonderful post! Not long ago…I just posted the same topic on my blog. I shared about a tip that may help us tame our tongue. If you’re interested, please visit http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/servingtheKingofkings/.
Ouch, this is such a problem for me and I so appreciate you sharing this with us!
Thank you!!
Love,
Jennelle
I don’t even know I’m being disrespectful! Until, someone says something to me. Sometimes I think it is the other person. I have an issue I try to discuss it, they have an attitude I think.. that person has an attitude. Then later, when I confront and attempt to make the solution they tell me I was speaking with a snide tounge. Or my boyfriend who is getting fed up with my “bad attitude” when I didn’t even relieze it. I feel frustrated but I’m trying to be professional or loving. I don’t know how to get control of this.