Learning to Listen

Proverbs 18:13, “He who answers before listening—that is his folly and his shame.”

The other day as my husband and I were talking, he pointed out that I frequently interrupt him. In my own defense, the reason I often interrupt is a condition called “mommy brain.” This condition results from numerous brain cells being lost due to multiple pregnancies, exacerbated by years of raising children. Mommy brain causes a formerly sane, reasonably intelligent woman to no longer be able to hold a thought in her head for longer than a few seconds. So, when a thought occurs to me, I blurt it out quickly before it is lost forever in the recesses of my brain. This is what my husband was referring to as interrupting. I call it communicating effectively.

As we talked about my propensity to interrupt, I thought of an Anne Lamott quote. She said, “There is talking, and there is waiting to talk.” In other words, no one really listens. We all simply want to be heard. And yet, there is such value in really listening. As women, we have the opportunity to listen to lots of people in our lives. Sometimes the voices seem to come at us from all directions! And yet, there is so much to learn from these voices.

When we listen to our children, we are taught what it means to have a childlike faith, accepting God at His word without adding all the stuff that maturity and human wisdom try to add. We can learn how to be simplistic, yet ask very theologically sound questions. More importantly, we can learn how to accept the answers at face value. Often my children have uttered some very simple statement with resounding spiritual impact. By listening to my children, I grow closer to the heart of God, and gain insight into what He treasures. Matthew 19:14, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”

When we listen to our husbands, we find a point of view we don’t possess. If you don’t know that God made men and women different, just get married! In a marriage, you have the benefit of seeing a whole different side of things by asking the one God gave you for his perspective. As a rule (and I know there are exceptions), men tend to cut to the heart of things and are oftentimes able to give a more black and white answer. I know I tend to over-emotionalize things, while my husband can wade through all that muck and mire and get straight to the point. Most times I may not like his point of view, or even agree with it at first; but I have learned time and again to listen to him, because he has been proven right. I benefit from asking for his opinion and then listening to his counsel. Ephesians 5:33, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

When we listen to our parents, we receive the benefits of life experience. We can receive tips on childrearing and discipline—listening not just to what they did, but to what they wish they would have done. We can learn from their mistakes and benefit from their hindsight. This is good stuff! Wisdom is often learned through years and years of hands-on experience, which those who have gone before us have. My mom recently shared with me that she was talking to a group of her friends who were all grandmothers, and they were all sharing how this generation doesn’t want advice from them—they want to read it in a book or google it on the internet. And while we do live in the information age, we can also benefit from listening to the wisdom of the aged. How sad that we are missing the gift of allowing our parents to give us counsel, instead of just writing them off as “out of touch” and getting our answers from the “experts.” Job 12:12, “Is not wisdom found among the aged? Does not long life bring understanding?”

When we listen to our friends, we gain wisdom we might not find anywhere else. Many times a friend has said something to me that has resonated with me for days or weeks afterwards. Friends are placed in our lives to come alongside us and offer encouragement and support. Many times they can offer a fresh perspective or a shared experience, but sometimes we just need them to listen while we vent. A good friendship is built on the times of just listening to each other. Sometimes we don’t need to say anymore than, “Girl, I have so been there and I will pray for you as you walk through this.” We need friends in our lives that we know will listen, and we need to be a friend that will listen in return. Proverbs 17:17, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

Finally, when we listen to God, we learn Truth from the very One who made us. While we can’t hear Him audibly speak to us, we can learn to listen to Him through His word and through the way that He stirs our hearts to move on His behalf. By spending time with Him in prayer, we can communicate with Him. Instead of merely listing off our desires, we can learn to sit silently before Him. If we listen closely, we will feel His love washing over our souls and know these words are true: “My beloved you are my holy and dearly loved creation. I think you are beautiful.” Sometimes a word from God is all I need to hear, and yet His voice is the first voice to get crowded out in the midst of all the noise in my life. John 10:27, “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.”

In the end, I am learning that I am a better person when I shut up and listen. The world doesn’t need anymore of my wisdom anyway! I am so grateful for those people who pour into my life their passion and their experience. I am all the better for the time I spend just listening.