Thankful For The Bumps - Faith Builders

Thank you, dear God
For all You have given me,
For all You have taken away from me,
For all You have left me.

I am going to post an archived writing from my blog today. Many of you have already read it, but it displays the quote above so very well.

A friend and I were talking earlier today about life and how everyone has expectations. It was a really deep conversation that has left me thinking all day long.

I believe strongly that as humans we are owed nothing. This has played a pivitol role in my coping with my daughters illness. Thru out the years we have been told so many things by other believers. That God would heal her if our faith was strong enough, that if we prayed hard enough and put the oil on her for head “just so”… If we walked under banners or laid hands on her.. God will heal her.

He hasnt.

For along time, I battled with that. I battled with my faith and my “will” regarding what was best for her. I couldnt fathom that Christ would take this child from me, from her father and siblings. I couldnt fathom that loving caring savior would take my child away from me. So I began to reason with Him. If he would heal her, I would do x. In the end, here we are.

I realize now that there doesnt have to be a big miracle for this to have meaning. He doesnt have to heal her to give her beautiful life meaning.

I can expect it all I want to… it wont make it happen.

My father told me a few years ago, when I was really struggling with the reality of her disease:
“Heather, we all must die… there is no getting out of that. Emma will be healed, it just may not be on this side of heaven.”

Now, being a few more years out of the initial diagnosis I have grown quite a bit. I have realized that in the end, none of us “deserve” the grace we have been given. We can expect it, but it was never promised to us.

I dont doubt that my savior loves my daughter even more than I do. I dont doubt that her precious life has huge meaning, and that He is fully aware of what the future holds for her. It is hard for me to give up those reigns sometimes. It is hard to fully put her into His hands, but honeslty, that is where she is safest… and when he decides to keep her there permanently, He will grant me the grace to deal with the heartache.

Ive been listening to our Christian station today while working around the house…. and this song came on the radio… I sat and cried and realized that the only thing that any of us are promised is that He will never leave us. Everything else is a gift.
—————————————–
Natalie Grant - Held
Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.

Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair.

Chorus:
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was

When everything fell
We’d be held.

This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was

When everything fell
We’d be held.

Bridge:
If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was

When everything fell
We’d be held.

This post probably doesnt make a whole lot of sense. It has just been an “aha” moment for me…. We always expect things to go as we planned them… and Christ already has it planned out and is willing to hold us thru the heartache…

Im thankful for that.

Discussion:
In what area(s) of your life have you been brought to your knees in humility? When was the last time you Thanked your savior for the rough spots- for the bumps in the road- and for the fact that He always holds you through them?

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