Today (Monday) marks the 5th anniversary of my daughters heart transplant. Five years ago today, I kissed my 4 month old child on the forhead and watched her little body as it was wheeled into the operating room. My heart was so very heavy, and my soul was so very worn. I wondered what the purpose of all of this was.
I knew somewhere there was a mother mourning the death of her child. I knew that even with the miracle of my daughters second chance, there was the tragedy of a mothers heart breaking. I still have a very hard time making sense of it all.
I sat in the same hospital again this last week with Emma. This time, I visited the NICU where she spent the first 5 months of her life- it had been years since I had been there. As soon as the doors opened, the overwhelming emotions hit me. The smell of the soap and oxygen mixture. The sound of ventilators buzzing and machines beeping. The silence of mothers sitting by their babies beds. I walked to the very spot where Emma’s crib was placed 5 years ago. I cried for what seemed like hours not because of the 5 years my daughter has struggled to stay alive, but for the mother who lost her child 5 years ago.
Its a hard balance the joy of today with the sorrow. Its hard to realize that Gods plan and purpose for my daughters life included the death of another child. Its hard to not to weep for the life that was lost so that my child could live. I know that Christ’s plan is a perfect plan, and I know that he predestined her steps, but today I remember the little girl who gave my daughter the gift of life. We know little about her, but we as a family gave her a name. We named her Joy- because she has brought so much joy into our home through our daughter, Emma Grace.
There is a Purpose in the heartache, and there is healing in the open sorrow we feel today.
Dear Sweet Joy, your precious life will never be forgotten, your gift will be cherished, and your life held so much meaning. I picture you running up and down the streets of gold, watching over my precious child. Thank you. I cant express how much you are loved, even if we are complete strangers. Your short life held so much Purpose. Your heart beats within the body of an amazing little girl, if she could form the words, she would thank you for the moments she has spent with her family. She would share with you her love for Barney, and lollipops. Thank you for giving us 5 wonderful years.
In what situation has the Lord moved in a way that you struggle with. How did that circumstance bring you closer to Him?
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Thanks for giving me an impetus and a prompt. I’ve been wanting to write these experiences for a while.
I am so glad your Emma is doing well. She’s had quite the journey.
I wrote a post last night for the new week and then read your post and realized mine went rather well for the Monday Meme.
It must be so heartwrenching to think of little “Joy.” But what a wonderful image to think of her dancing in Heaven. She is safe and healed there.
Give Emma Grace a big hug for me!!
What a good idea to give her a name, and a more perfect name you couldn’t have found… “Joy”
It is so painful to think of any child suffering and of a mother losing her child. It is a complicated blessing.
Life can be so hard to understand.
Thank you for sharing!
Blessed be the Lord our God, who does…if we speak the honest truth…cause His word to come to us in just this way: (Isaiah 8:11) like a strong hand reaching out for us to take hold of firmly, and to take hold of us.
I reach for your hand, feel your firm grip…and I lean my weight against you now.
This was beautiful, Heather.. thank you so much for sharing. It doesn’t seem like it has been 5 years. Thank you, Lord.
Wow, Heather. Thanks for “making” me think about and express some of what has built my faith. I read stories like yours, and hear about ongoing struggles, but my friend whose son was born with a congenital heart defect once told me, “Everyone’s mountain is their mountain.” Meaning, what may seem big to someone else, is surmountable with God’s help to the person experiencing it. Additionally, even though my current mountain may seem small to others undergoing “bigger” problems, it is my mountain.
I don’t have time to read the other links now, but I am looking forward to it later.
I love this topic, though I am in the middle of some hard things right now, I can see where God is in control. I don’t look at trials any more as testing my faith, it is a part of life and no one is exzempt from them.
What I have learned is I have the trials, so the only thing I can do is walk through them and rely on the Lord, its all I can do. You take what your given and its the way we handle them that glorifies the Lord. I am a firm believer that bad things do happen to great people but we can get through one way or another.It is just so much easier to get through dependant on the Lord.
it really is so true that God uses suffering for good and that when he closes a door he really does open a window!
I just learned about 5minutesformom today by email. I posted on today’s question. I am still trying to figure out how to add the tag directly in my post…be patient with me and I will figure that part of it out!
I loved reading your testimony! It brought tears to my eyes!
Many blessings to you!
Oops! Forgot to add my website! Sorry!
Thank you for this lovely opportunity to share how God has manifested His strength in and through my life. It was quite lovely to receive this ‘invite’ in my mail ;). Mrs. K
This was a very moving story that brought tears to my eyes.
Your story brought me to tears (which have been flowing freely lately). I have one prayer that Joy’s parents are believers in Jesus. I can’t imagine anything else getting me through that.
What a great site! I am thrilled to have received your email and have joined in with the monday meme. I would love to join the blogroll and webring also. God Bless…
I really loved reading your thoughts today Heather. What a bittersweet time to remember the sacrifice that was given for your daughter’s life. Praise God for the family who was willing to donate their child’s heart . . . greater love hath no man than to lay down his life for another. They could’ve buried little “Joy” with all her parts in tact but the gift they gave enabled your family to have so much joy. What a true blessing! Perhaps someday Ray Boltz’s song that says, “Thank you for giving to the Lord . . . I am a life that was changed,” will echo throughout Heaven and little Joy will see the impact she had on others through the gift of life that was passed on. That little girl fulfilled her “purpose” for life and so will your Emma Grace. As another post mentioned, I sure hope her parents know the Lord too. If not, I pray they will so they will reap an eternal reward for the sacrifice they made.