I am always giving and turning my hurts over and then try to take them back because I think I can do better??? All this week I am going to consciously not keep anything!!

Thanks Heather this was awesome.

Yes, I am working on giving this up to God and trusting him for the Rest.

And give yourself a little break. You accomplished an awful lot last week, especially at Emma’s school.

i am weary. i am weak.

BUT when we are weak - HE IS STRONG. so, i guess i am in a very good place, indeed!

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest”
-Matthew 11:28In what areas of your life is your faith weak and your heart weary? How does this scripture apply to those areas and how can you put this promise into action …

Faith and Fear
One of the things that use to really confuse my about my recovery is when people thinking they were helping me would come to me and say. Sonja you can not be afraid, Fear and Faith have no place with each other. You cannot Love and Trust God and have Fear still in your heart.
Let me tell you, for someone who is just stepping in recovery, that knows now that they absolutely Love the Lord, but still struggles because not all the darkness has left them. Well hearing things like that from people can really confuse an already tender and shaky heart and mind.
Just think about it a heart in recovery, well it has just been broken completely. Ripped in every direction it really needs to be in order to repair properly. So it is like a new born babies heart, tender and soft, and vuneralbe for remolding and building a new foundation. That right there is a scary thing for anyone.
So fear in my opinion is just a factor in all the new emotions that will be coming to that new heart as it travels down the road to recovery. I am not saying a good emotion given to us by God, more of an human emotion given to us by those in this world oppressed from God. As I am learning thru reading the bible for the first time. I just got to say really quick on that subject, Wow, I did not know there were so many amazing stories. I am reading back and forth from 2 Chronicles, and Isaiah.
There were Kings who gave it all to God, still had there scary moments. Kings who lead in horror worshiping idols, killing sons, doing witchcraft, you know they had almost 24/7 in scary moments.
So this is what I am seeing now for the first time it is becoming clear to me. Faith may be choosing like me to believe God even when your heart and soul is being overwhelmed with Fear. So perhaps Faith is tested by; What We do with Fear, and not whether or not we have it. Titles of People and even there own heritage means nothing if the King of their Hearts desire is not God. That is why I felt like nothing for so many years. Because my own parents were oppressed from God, made us think of them for our King, and to worship and obey only them , instead of what our own young hearts desires were wanting, God himself.
Don’t get me wrong we need our parents, we need to be loved by them, but it is their responsibility to mold us in God’s image not theirs. Satan can not force us to go where he leads, we have to freely choose to go their. When we do that as parents we not only show God how we live in the face of fear, but we also show our children the paths to Satan not to God. So while I do get less fearful each day, when fear does come to me now I will not let Fear say I am a defeated Child of God, I will just say God I am going to show You how I now will deal with this Fear creature, it is by your wisdoms, and you spirit in me that I will deal with Fear now, and only that way.