“3 Forward 2 Back”
A Blogger to Learn From

Her story will change you. You will be shocked. You will be inspired. You will be challenged. And you will grow.

As a child, her step-father molested her for more than five years and her mother abused her, but the Lord faithfully continued to call out to her, to divinely orchestrate her salvation and to free her from the horrors of her past and the selfishness of her present.

But the road to salvation was not quick or easy.

Through her inspired talent, Rena recants her life story as it weaves its way through anguish, failures and redemption in her healing blog EireneMaker.

But EireneMaker is not where I first met Rena.

Rena, otherwise known as MugwumpMom, pens a wonderful blog called 3 Forward 2 Back. Here I have gotten to know and respect Rena through this honest and encouraging blog.

So when I began to pray about what blog I should feature for this first interview, I was not surprised that Rena came to mind. Her life story is a lesson in God’s faithfulness and our primal need for God.

My Interview with Rena:

Janice: Thank you so much Rena for joining us here today at Faith Lifts. You did an incredible job recording your life story at your blog EireneMaker. I encourage everyone to go and read it – starting from the first post in May. But briefly here can you tell us a bit about yourself and your upbringing?

Rena: I am a wife of 23 years and a mother to a 19 yr old daughter and 17 yr son, and a child of God. Not too long ago I would have thrown in details about my career as well because there was a time that it defined me, but not anymore.

My journey has been long and at times, very hard, and from this perspective today, I see a thread woven by God’s hand through the entire thing. What is so absolutely bizarre, is I’ve come to a place where I honestly say to myself, “If this is what I had to experience in order to come to this peaceful place of knowing God as Father that I do today, then I wouldn’t change a thing”.

Some people might balk at that, but today’s peace is so worth yesterday’s turmoil. As for my upbringing? In a nutshell, my wonder years, from age 4 - 12 were equal parts violence, abuse, abandonment and neglect, and equal parts wonder, fun, hope and love.

Janice: After such horrific abuse, you write that you have forgiven and even pray for the man that repeatedly molested you throughout your childhood. Forgiveness is hard for all of us, but to forgive a man like that is mind-blowing. How have you been able to do it?

Rena: God, God, and only God! And His Word. After I returned to the Lord in 1998, I ate up His Word.

One night while reading and praying His Word, I came across “the Love chapter” for the first time. (1 Cor 13: 4 - 7 NLT) The verses that wacked me upside the head that night were “love keeps no record of when it has been wronged” and “endures through every circumstance”…not some circumstances, but every circumstance! God is love, so this is how He loves.

Having been a robot up till then, I wanted more than anything to learn how to love like that. Be careful what you ask for! Eventually, through prayer and His Word, God taught me that loving the way He loves includes forgiving the way He forgives. So I began praying for the ability to forgive and also praying for the man, even when I didn’t feel like it.

Eventually the forgiveness simply came. God’s real heart work takes time.

Janice: One of the most powerful parts of your story is God’s constant beckoning to you. He was so faithful to you, never forgetting you or casting you away. What encouragement can you offer for the times when we feel we are beyond God’s love or forgiveness, or when we feel God just doesn’t care about us?

Rena: I sound like a broken record, but when in doubt of God’s love or forgiveness, or any other part of His character or promises, read and pray His Word! For example, are you doubting He loves you? Take Ephesians 4: 17 and make it yours. This is why He gave us His word! Pray it thusly…

“And I pray that You, Lord Jesus, will be more and more at home in my heart as I trust in You. May my roots go down deep into the soil of Your marvelous love, and may I have the power to understand how wide, how long, how high and how deep Your love for me really is. May I experience Your love, Lord, though it is so great I will never fully understand it. Then I will be filled with the fullness of life and power that comes from You.”

It is God’s living Word that brings His life into us. He tells us over and over in His Word how much He loves each of us, forgives each of us, has a plan for each of us, and as you begin to read the Word with the understanding that these promises were meant for YOU, your faith, hope and love will increase.

Janice: Your story includes fantastic spiritual highs, desperate lows, and a quiet presence of God. How do we know God is with us when we can’t feel Him? What can we do in those times?

Rena: Rest and relax, cease striving. Don’t run around trying to figure out where He went and what you have to do to get Him back, because He hasn’t gone anywhere. This is yet another truth we need to get cemented into our hearts, and which only comes by faith through hearing the Word of God.

This sounds so trite, but once my daughter said she couldn’t feel God, and it was making her desperate, angry even. It was also depressing her. One day while she lamented, I said “Well, at least you care that you don’t feel Him…can you imagine if you didn’t care?” And we both got slapped upside the head.

When we can’t feel Him, and find ourselves desperate in our longing to feel Him, rejoice!! Because at least you care. Most people in the world couldn’t care less, and it’s that apathetic or lukewarm heart that Jesus said He would spit out.

In those times when we least feel Him, be thankful for the longing, and press on, persevere. Continue in prayer, even when they bounce off ceilings. Continue in the Word, even when it becomes hard to take.

I can recall many times where I threw my Bible across the room because it all seemed like just so many rules that I was obeying and yet He still seemed so far away. When I actually started telling Him all these fears and doubts, instead of the things that I thought He wanted to hear, I began to hear Him again. We will not always feel Him but we will definitely always hear Him when we remain still and listen.

Janice: What words of advice or encouragement can you share for victims of abuse? On your healing site EireneMaker you talk about Abba 12 steps. What is that and are you continuing to walk readers through it?

Rena: My encouragement to any one who was abused in anyway, physical, emotionally or spiritually, is “shalom to you”.

Shalom means more than peace, and is a word that encompasses all of what God is doing in the world and in His church today. He is all about reconciling and restoring everything back to its original, intended design and purpose.

So with that in mind, I would encourage everyone who had their original design interrupted by the enemy’s attempt to sabotage it through childhood circumstances, to read Psalm 139 over and over again until it becomes the truth that sets you free. Get it in your heart.

YOU were fearfully and wonderfully made; He saw YOU before you were born; each of YOUR days were recorded and laid out for His purpose; His thoughts about YOU are precious and innumerable, they out number the grains of sand. He is continually and always thinking about YOU and the plan He has for you! Now, in light of that, read Romans 8:28- 29.

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them. For God knew His people in advance and He chose them to become like His Son”.

God is restoring YOU back to His original and intended design and purpose, the one He had in mind for you, long before He even made the world! He promises to complete the good work He started in YOU, and that is shalom.

The Abba 12 steps takes the same AA 12 steps, only clearly recognizing that God our Father is the “higher power” referred to, and applies them for spiritual and emotional healing. There is a real emphasis on awareness of our need for Father, surrender to Him, confession and repentance of the ungodly beliefs and attitudes that we have come to rely on, amends where necessary, and continued “inventory taking”.

It is not a program, formula or system. It is quite literally a lifestyle where we learn how to live as children of a loving Daddy, hence the name, Abba. And it is my hope to continue to use Eirenemaker to facilitate healing through 12 step and am seeking Him on how to actually do that, so for now, I’ll simply continue to post the characteristics typical of people who grew up “winging it” the best they could, instead of being taught by godly example.

Janice: Thank you so much Rena for all you are doing. You have already taught me so much and I will be continue to glean all I can from you at your blogs 3 Forward 2 Back and EireneMaker.

Rena: Thank you! This was such an honour. This journey is by no means done, and no way have I arrived. In fact, the more time I spend in the Word or with Father, the more I see crap in my heart which is why I named my blog what I did. I can get so smug and prideful about my growth… that’s the 3 steps forward… only to be knocked 2 steps back by more self and junk that needs to be brought to His throne of grace. So doing this reminded me again that it’s all God and only God!