Positively Speaking
Building Assets in your Kids

by Kelly Curtis, M.S. from Pass the Torch

Caring kids are everywhere – and we know who they are. It’s the boy that opens the door for his mom when she carries groceries in. It’s the girl that digs under the car seat to look for change for the bellringers. It’s the child that notices his classmate’s shoes are worn and don’t fit, so he asks his mom if there’s any way they could help.

Search Institute has identified Caring as one of the 40 Developmental Assets. Research shows these are characteristics of healthy, caring, resilient kids. The more assets youth have, the more likely they’ll resist risky behaviors in the future.

While we hear a lot about the entitled nature of our society, we also know there is a caring majority, and children are the often the best role models for this. In this economy, there’s no shortage of need, and there’s plenty of opportunity for kids and families to show they care.

Most charities will really appreciate your donations at this time of year, and your kids can get in on the giving with their own allowance or fundraising through chores or neighborhood jobs. But if financial donations are not possible for you, try these ideas:

Model the caring – As with all things, your kids are most likely to learn from what you demonstrate in your daily life. Communicate with your kids about caring acts that are important to you.

Give your time – Visit someone at a nursing home, ring a Salvation Army bell, help your aging parent decorate the tree, or bake for your extra-curricular fundraiser. Bring your kids along to help. They’ll experience the joy of giving beside you.

Find family opportunities to serve – Churches often offer community suppers or charity carnivals this time of year. Contact the organizers to find out if there’s some way your family can help.

Listen for opportunities – If your child is inspired to help someone, figure out a way to help him or her do it. It might not be the way your child originally thought it would happen, but he or she will learn a lot by thinking about solutions to a problem.

No act of kindness is too small! – Make it a family challenge – how many random acts of kindness can we do today? Celebrate when you reach your family goal.

How do you teach your kids to care?

Thanks for joining in to build assets in your kids! I look forward to seeing you again next month for Positively Speaking.

Kelly Curtis is a Wisconsin school counselor and author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things. To read more about Kelly, please visit her Weblog, Pass the Torch or follow her on Twitter.

Positively Speaking
Building Assets in your Kids by Kelly Curtis, M.S., author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things.

This month, students in third-tenth graders throughout Wisconsin take the Wisconsin Knowledge and Concepts Examination. The test results for the elementary through high school students give us data about the achievement and ability of students at each school throughout the state, and also compare performance between schools. Most states have some type of standardized testing system.

Search Institute has identified Academic achievement as one of the 40 Developmental Assets. Research shows these are characteristics of healthy, caring, resilient kids. The more assets youth have, the more likely they’ll resist risky behaviors in the future.

Like with other tests, there are ways students can help themselves be better prepared for the test, and these strategies can benefit students in future test-taking as well. Here are some test taking tips:

• Get at 8-10 hours of sleep the night before the test. Big tests require a lot of energy and stamina to remained focused for several hours.

• Eat a nutritious breakfast, including complex carbohydrates and protein, to make your energy last as long as possible. Foods like eggs, cereal and whole-wheat toast energize your brain to think more clearly and much longer.

• Have fun the night before the test, rather than cramming. Watch a movie, play a board game or participate in a sports activity, to help your mind and emotions stay relaxed during the time leading up to the test.

• What if I break my pencil?? Address “what if” questions prior to the test day, to put your mind at ease. Most test-day problems are minor and are nothing to worry about.

• Find your “happy thought.” Visualize something that puts a smile on your face, and use this when you’re feeling anxious before or during the test.

Of course, the best preparation for standardized tests an others is done in the weeks, months and years leading up to he test. Excellent attendance and the learning students do every day is the best preparation.

What do you do to help your kids prepare for tests?

Thanks for joining in to build assets in your kids! I look forward to seeing you again next month for Positively Speaking.

Kelly Curtis is a Wisconsin school counselor and author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things. To read more about Kelly, please visit her Weblog, Pass the Torch or follow her on Twitter.

Positively Speaking
Building Assets in your Kids by Kelly Curtis, M.S., author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things.
 
 
 
Red Ribbon Week is a national celebration which focuses on alternative activities to help prevent alcohol, tobacco and other drug use by our youth. This year the national celebration will happen the week of October 25, and while it has had various messages over the years, the focus has always been somehow related to the decision to stay drug-free. As a school counselor, my focus is teaching drug prevention and the importance of making healthy choices.

Search Institute has identified Resistance skills as one of the 40 Developmental Assets. Research shows these are characteristics of healthy, caring, resilient kids. The more assets youth have, the more likely they’ll resist risky behaviors in the future.

How do we build resistance skills in our kids?

Give choices. One way is to learn for ourselves the power of choice. The more choices we give our kids along their path to independence, the more confidence they’ll have in their own ability to make positive choices for themselves.

Educate. We can’t expect our kids to make smart choices for themselves if we don’t help them to become smart about the decisions they’re making. We need to educate our kids about the dangers of drugs and other risks, and they’re developmentally prepared to learn about these things at an earlier age than we’re sometimes aware.

Listen. The more we make ourselves available to hear about the stressors our kids face, the more likely they’ll continue to share when the decisions get difficult. If we want to be a sounding board for the tough stuff as teenagers, we need to listen to the idle chit-chat in elementary school as well.

For more information about helping your kids say “Yes” to positive choices, please visit the following articles:
http://kidshealth.org/kid/stay_healthy/index.html
http://www.mcgruff.org/
http://www.dare.com/kids/index_3.htm
http://www.teachkidshow.com/teach-your-child-how-to-make-good-choices/

How do you teach your kids to make positive choices?

Thanks for joining in to build assets in your kids! I look forward to seeing you again next month for Positively Speaking.

Kelly Curtis is a Wisconsin school counselor and author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things. To read more about Kelly, please visit her Weblog, Pass the Torch or follow her on Twitter.

Positively Speaking
Building Assets in your Kids by Kelly Curtis, M.S., author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things.
 
 
 

Search Institute has identified School Boundaries and Family Boundaries as two of the 40 Developmental Assets. Research shows these are characteristics of healthy, caring, resilient kids. The more assets youth have, the more likely they’ll resist risky behaviors in the future.

As we begin the school year, our staff and students have adopted three “Rules for Success”:
Be Respectful
Be Responsible
Be Safe.

While these aren’t necessarily clever or original rules, they do cover almost every expectation we have for students. And they work in the home as well. We consistently remind students of these expectations, because just like reading or math, rules and expectations need to be regularly taught as well.

What family boundaries have you set in your home?

Thanks for joining in to build assets in your kids! I look forward to seeing you again next month for Positively Speaking.

Kelly Curtis is a Wisconsin school counselor and author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things. To read more about Kelly, please visit her Weblog, Pass the Torch or follow her on Twitter.

Those of us who watched from afar remember only the images, but the people here in New Orleans have not forgotten the experience of living through hurricane Katrina. And driving through this beautiful city, I have seen that there are still many, many reminders.

New construction sits next to ruins. Water lines bear a stark reminder of the flooding that forced families to leave homes they had lived in for generations. Once densely populated, many of New Orleans’ oldest neighborhoods are sparse.

But what is clearly not missing? The heart and spirit. This is my first trip to New Orleans. I’ve heard so much about the spirit of the residents, but I wasn’t sure if perhaps that might have been exaggerated for the purpose of television and drama.

It wasn’t.

The people of New Orleans are truly and genuinely sweet natured, kind, grateful and filled with hope. Despite the hardships of the last five years, they have picked themselves up and, through the kindness and generosity of so may others, they are dusting themselves off and rebuilding their city.

I was brought down here by Rebuilding Together and Sears to take part in a commemorative celebration event, remembering Katrina, five years later, and pushing to revitalise one of the harder hit neighborhoods still blighted by the flooding that roared through the city after the hurricane weakened the levees.

The Gentilly neighborhood is fraught with evidence that the work in New Orleans is yet to be completed. Built in the ’60′s and ’70′s, Gentilly holds sentimentality and memory for many of it’s residents. The homes are often multi-generational, passed down for years, and their walls are filled with memories and tradition. Since Katrina, however, many families have been unable to move back. Many of the homes sit abandoned, the ominous black X marking the spot where the flood waters finally peaked. Under the X is the number of bodies that were found in the home. Thankfully, many said 0, but on occasion, the number was higher than 0 and it was a sickening feeling to be standing in a spot where such horror occurred.

Rebuilding Together and Sears have come together to form a mighty partnership to rebuild the city of New Orleans. Through sponsorships, funding drives and donations from loyal customers, they have raised millions of dollars to put toward rebuiliding homes, families and lives. This past week, they organized Fifty for Five, a five day drive to rehabilitate fifty homes and finally bring families back together.

It was a broad effort that required a lot of volunteers, and the end result was not disappointing. “We are so grateful for our volunteers,” said Gary Officer, President and CEO of Rebuilding Together. “Rebuilding Together gives hope and advocates for the right for everyone to return to a healthy, safe and affordable property. We could not do it without the volunteers who are so willing to give their time and efforts to the cause of others.”

While not all of the work they hoped to finish was completed in five days due to weather and a massive logistical scope, much of it was pushed forward, bringing Rebuilding Together one step closer to successfully rehabilitating 800 homes in the five years since the hurricane.

I spoke with several of the families who were receiving Rebuiliding Together’s services this weekend and all of them echoed the same sentiment of gratefulness and pride. I was honored to see my countrymen come together to help their own. Volunteers travelled from every corner of the country (and a few from across the ocean) to help commemorate this five year mark. In the scorching Louisiana sun, they built fences, painted houses, laid hung dry wall, built decks and all together worked in unison to make the homes livable, affordable and safe for those who are still displaced.

And the effort wasn’t lost on families like that of Ms. Lula and Lois Ruffin who have been waiting for five years to return to their family home. They are currently living in an apartment and, within just a few short weeks, will return home for the first time since August 29, 2005. Lois Ruffin bought that house in 1998. She wanted to show her kids that life could be different outside of the “ghetto” as she put it. And she wanted to give her aging mother, Lula, her very first opportunity to live in a home. When the floods roared through their home, Lois thought they had lost it forever. But Rebuilding Together has stepped up to make sure that the Ruffin family comes back home.

It was truly inspiring to be in the company of so many hard working, giving and fine people that were represented by the selfless volunteers. And it was even more inspiring to talk with those affected. I look forward to sharing their personal stories with you in the coming week and hope that you will be encouraged not to give up on this great city. Don’t forget the need and always remember that the giving of your own time and resources to those who are in need is an act that will never return to you void.

Five years later, we have not forgotten New Orleans. It’s growing back stronger, and prouder thanks to their indelible spirit and the spirit of those who have left their imprint behind.

Thanks to Sears and Rebuilding Together for sponsoring this trip.

Written by 5 Minutes for Mom Contributing Editor, Kelli Stuart

Positively Speaking
Building Assets in your Kids by Kelly Curtis, M.S., author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things.
 
 
 

Most families are gearing up for the start of the school year this month, and sometimes the stress reaches beyond the long lines to purchase school supplies. For younger children, separation anxiety might be a concern, for older kids, it might be the uncertainty of a new teacher or different level of school. Still others worry about starting in another district, after a family move. In each of these scenarios, however, a parent’s involvement in his or her child’s education can make a difference in this significant transition in a young person’s life.

Search Institute has identified Parent Involvement in Education as one of the 40 Developmental Assets. Research shows these are characteristics of healthy, caring, resilient kids. The more assets youth have, the more likely they’ll resist risky behaviors in the future.

Parent involvement can mean a lot of different things, which means that no matter what your other commitments, you can still remain engaged in your child’s education. I’ve seen both sides of the education street – that of educator and parent – and I know how much easier it is to meet the needs of students when parents are meaningfully engaged in a partnership with teachers and other school personnel.

Here are a few tips for making this year’s transition to school easier:

1. Introduce yourself to your child’s teacher in person, during a time when he or she is not directly teaching. Most schools offer open houses, conferences or other planned events. Take a school tour, if it’s a new one for your child.

2. Maintain regular communication that keeps the teacher in the loop regarding changes in your child’s life. The advent of email has made this profoundly easier. Be persistent, but patient in waiting for a response to voice or e-mail messages.

3. Make kid connections – in your neighborhood, church or 4-H group. Hosting a few play dates prior to the start of school will help your child to know some faces in a new school.

4. Meet the school counselor. He or she may have new student support groups, or student mentors who can help to acclimate your child to a new environment. Even a simple introduction to the school counselor will help your child to recognize an important resource person in the school.

5. Encourage your child to join a sport or club. There is probably a related organization for almost any interest your child might have. And in the elementary and middle school years, the social involvement is more valuable than the skill level obtained.

6. Talk with your child about concerns and fears. Keep a matter-of-fact tone to the conversation, and discuss issues candidly. Help your child to identify the school resource people who could help answer questions you don’t feel equipped to field.

7. Have fun with your child, as you help him prepare for the start of school. Let him pick out his own supplies, using the school-provided list.

Together, you, school personnel and community connections will be better able to meet your child’s needs. And your attention to the transition to the school year may start it off on just the right note!

What is your key to a smooth start to the school year?

Thanks for joining in to build assets in your kids! I look forward to seeing you again next month for Positively Speaking.

Kelly Curtis is a Wisconsin school counselor and author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things. To read more about Kelly, please visit her Weblog, Pass the Torch or follow her on Twitter.

Positively Speaking
Building Assets in your Kids by Kelly Curtis, M.S., author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things.
 
 
 

No family escapes periodic bickering binges, especially during the transition to summer vacation, when siblings who have spent much of their days apart now find themselves in the same house all day long. But with focus, summertime can offer an opportunity to build on positive family communication as well.

Search Institute has identified Positive Family Communication as one of the 40 Developmental Assets. Research shows these are characteristics of healthy, caring, resilient kids. The more assets youth have, the more likely they’ll resist risky behaviors in the future.

We do quite a bit of family travel, and a byproduct of this for us has been siblings with a pretty strong relationship. It isn’t without effort, though, because communication can go downhill pretty quickly on a long roadtrip in tight quarters. Whether or not your family time includes travel, though, some basic tips might help you strengthen the ties that bind your kids this summer.

Set firm guidelines – I expect that our kids use respect even when they argue, and I enforce that expectation. I understand they won’t always see eye to eye, but they know I want them to work things out in a way that they can still have a relationship.

Include kids in the family decisions – Whether they are fun or serious decisions, kids who are included in family discussions about issues and choices are more likely to engage in the family’s activities and decisions.

Carve out exclusive family time – We move to the cabin in the summer, which makes this pretty easy. The logistical difficulty of seeing peers every day forces the members of our family to know each other very well. But no matter where you live, there can be special times set aside for kids and parents to be fully engaged with each other – whether it’s dinnertime, Sunday worship, days at the park or game nights.

Arrange for time apart – Just like time together is important, so is time apart. Whether this time includes regular playdates with a friend, hanging out at the park with peers, or curling up with a good book, kids need to have time to be something other than a sibling, son, or daughter. Extended opportunities for this (a weekend away or Canada fishing trip with Dad) will often rejuvenate tired relationships upon return.

Limit electronics – Since the advent of all-things electronic, it seems our society as a whole has disconnected in some ways, while connecting in others. It can help us as parents to connect with our kids by friending them on Facebook, and playing Wii together may quell sibling squabbling for a bit, but limiting use of Playstation, Ipods, instant messaging, Facebook and texting is absolutely essential.

Explain your goal – I’m very upfront with my kids about how important it is to me that we all have strong relationships with each other, so when I outline my expectations or invite a discussion about these points, I explain my goal in doing so. Kids want strong relationships too – they just don’t always know how to go about having them.

What is your recipe for strong and positive family communication?

Thanks for joining in to build assets in your kids! I look forward to seeing you again next month for Positively Speaking.

Kelly Curtis is a Wisconsin school counselor and author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things. To read more about Kelly, please visit her Weblog, Pass the Torch or follow her on Twitter.

Positively Speaking
Building Assets in your Kids by Kelly Curtis, M.S., author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things.
 
 
 

Last month, Prudential Financial and the National Association of Secondary School Principals recognized 102 top youth volunteers from across the country. From May 1-4, 102 student honorees from across the nation participated in the Prudential Spirit of Community Awards program in Washington DC. Selected from more than 21,000 applicants, for outstanding service to community, these middle school and high school students were each awarded $1,000, and treated to the experience of a lifetime. They were personally congratulated by former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and Olympic snowboarding champion Seth Wescott at a gala dinner reception at the Smithsonian’s National Museum of Natural History. In addition, honorees and their parents visited DC monuments and museums, and dined at the US Chamber of Commerce, as well as the Spirit of Mount Vernon cruise ship.

I’m proud to say my daughter was one of the youth honored in the Prudential Spirit of Community Award program, and I was so impressed by the other youth we met at the DC festivities, as well as the quality of the four-day programming itself. For a recap on our incredible weekend in DC, please visit my blog.

Search Institute has identified Service to others as one of the 40 Developmental Assets. Research shows these are characteristics of healthy, caring, resilient kids. The more assets youth have, the more likely they’ll resist risky behaviors in the future.

“Service” comes in all shapes and sizes, and more important than what the service looks like, is what the service feels like to the person doing the serving. If you can help a young person find his or her spark in service, the rest will likely grow on its own. And there are many reasons to volunteer besides making a difference and feeling good about yourself. People also volunteer to develop skills, prepare for college or explore careers, and have fun working with friends.

Prudential suggests several avenues to those trying to “catch the spirit” to help make their communities better places to live.

VOLUNTEERING POSSIBILITIES:

Healthcare – helping out at the blood bank, nursing home, or raising money for research.

Animals – consider working a the local animal shelter, raising a guide dog or fundraise for a wildlife refuge.

Reading – help out at the library, read to children at Head Start, or start your own neighborhood book club.

Sports! – coach T-ball, start a neighborhood kickball game or help organize the Special Olympics.

Environment – start a school recycling program, plant a rain garden or raise awareness about the wetlands in your area.

Poverty – host a food drive, sponsor a child through Compassion International, or raise money for a local homeless shelter by spending a night in a cardboard shanty.

The opportunities are endless – what’s your passion?

Thanks for joining in to build assets in your kids! I look forward to seeing you again next month for Positively Speaking.

Kelly Curtis is a Wisconsin school counselor and author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things. To read more about Kelly, please visit her Weblog, Pass the Torch or follow her on Twitter.

Positively Speaking
Building Assets in your Kids by Kelly Curtis, M.S., author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things.

Have you ever met a young person who has a “spark” for entrepreneurship? Do you know a child with creative ideas that could actually sell – who can think of the many steps needed to make an idea turn into a product? If you know of a child like this, you probably understand this is most likely a future business person. There are many ways to encourage that child in his or her entrepreneurial pursuits, including the nation-wide event called, Lemonade Stand Day.

Search Institute has identified Empowerment as one of the 40 Developmental Asset categories. Research shows these are characteristics of healthy, caring, resilient kids. The more assets youth have, the more likely they’ll resist risky behaviors in the future.

Lemonade Stand Day is an event where kids can learn to set goals, develop a business plan, establish a budget, seek investors, provide customer service, and give back to the community. The nation-wide event is Sunday, May 2nd, 2010, but children can use the process and ideas anytime. Youth of all ages can participate, with adult supervision and Lemonade Day directly affects the participants, but it also affects the entire community. Kids that have lemonade stands need adult supervision, sponsors, investors, employees, and customers.

My daughter learned about Lemonade Stand Day when she spoke at the Healthy Communities/Healthy Youth Conference in Cincinnati last year, and she’s already started plans to host a Lemonade Stand this summer with her neighborhood book club. The intent is for the young entrepreneurs to keep everything they earn. In the spirit of a true business, they are encouraged to open a savings account, pay back investors and make a further investment in their community by donating a portion of their profits to a charity of their choice. For more information about Lemonade Day, please visit www.lemonadeday.org.

There are some other ways to encourage the entrepreneurial spirit in your kids:

Host a garage sale
Kids generally love to participate in the “cashier” part of a garage sale, but consider enlisting their help with the pricing, setup, and marketing as well. Each aspect of a garage sale serves as an excellent introduction to business. Your child can also organize a bake sale or beverages to go with your garage sale, determine costs and price accordingly. As a family you can decide where the proceeds will go – whether to bills, charity, or a family vacation!

Offer an investment opportunity
My husband recently found a great deal on a fishing boat, and he offered the kids “shares” in the investment. He would plan to resell the boat right away, and according to his research, after expenses incurred in the purchase, he estimated a significant profit. Both the kids considered the offer and chose not to buy any shares. Although the shares in the boat would have netted a profit, it also posed risk. However, both kids were willing to loan us their savings at 5% interest, when we bought a motor home last week. They felt more comfortable investing as “lenders” in the motor home, and we all get to enjoy the investment.

Take advantage of resources
In addition to Lemonade Stand Day, there is another excellent resource for helping young entrepreneurs to get a good start. Girls Going Places Entrepreneurship Award Program is hosted by Guardian Life Insurance and their regional conferences give girls a fun and informational look at what it means to be a woman in business. My daughter attended this outstanding conference at the University of St Thomas in Minneapolis last month and I wrote about it here.

Start a business!
As your children get older, there are numerous opportunities to start a business. Your child will need your guidance in determining a price to charge for services, such as babysitting, lawn mowing, dog walking or creating jewelry. Business owners must consider time spent, cost for materials and transportation, general logistics and enjoyment of the activity. Parents need to help the child understand safety rules as they pertain to their business as well. If your child asks you for a loan for startup costs, treat your child like a bank would. Ask for a business plan.

How will you encourage your child’s business sense this summer?

Thanks for joining in to build assets in your kids! I look forward to seeing you again next month for Positively Speaking.

Kelly Curtis is a Wisconsin school counselor and author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things. To read more about Kelly, please visit her Weblog, Pass the Torch or follow her on Twitter.

Positively Speaking
Building Assets in your Kids

by Kelly Curtis, M.S., author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things.

On April 22, 1970, our world celebrated its first Earth Day, after the tireless efforts of a forward-thinking US Senator from Wisconsin, Gaylord Nelson. Forty years later, with continual growth in global stewardship and eco-friendly initiatives, our planet is on the mend.

Search Institute has identified Service to Others and Responsibility as two of the 40 Developmental Assets. Research shows these are characteristics of healthy, caring, resilient kids. The more assets youth have, the more likely they’ll resist risky behaviors in the future.

There are many ways we can get our kids involved in the excitement of Earth Day.

• Pick 5 for the Environment at the EPA.
• Make a compost bin – here are instructions for several projects.
• Work with your school or community agency to host a paper drive.
• Establish a “coat swap” at your school or church, to hand down used winter clothing, and swap to the next size up.
• Plant trees! The Arbor Day Foundation explains the proper way to do so.
• Pick up litter at the park or register your family to participate in the Great American Cleanup.

Even young children can learn about stewardship through earth-friendly craft ideas. Here are a few good places to start:

• Kaboose
• Planet pals
• MailJust4Me Playground
• DLTK’s Crafts for Kids

What will you do for Earth Day?

Thanks for joining in to build assets in your kids! I look forward to seeing you again next month for Positively Speaking.

Kelly Curtis is a Wisconsin school counselor and author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things. To read more about Kelly, please visit her Weblog, Pass the Torch or follow her on Twitter.

Positively Speaking
Building Assets in your Kids

by Kelly Curtis, M.S., author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things.

When you ask your kids, “How was your day today?” do you often get stuck with a one-word answer? Ahhh, the joys of parenthood!

Search Institute has identified Positive family communication as one of the 40 Developmental Assets. Research shows these are characteristics of healthy, caring, resilient kids. The more assets youth have, the more likely they’ll resist risky behaviors in the future.

Here are some ideas for using active listening skills when your child is sharing their day with you.

• Paraphrase – restate what your child tells you in your own words, without a judging tone;
• Ask clarifying questions using how, what, when, why and where;
• Reflect feelings – guess at feelings your child has about the event he or she is talking about
• Use minimal encouragers – simple responses, or nodding your head to encourage your child to keep talking are often more effective than anything else. Often what you don’t say is more important than what you do say.

Remember that sometimes the best time to talk is when your child initiates the conversation. This may not happen immediately after school. When your child strikes up a conversation, try to stop and take a moment to pay attention.

Sometimes side-by-side activities that you do together tend to be ripe for beginning conversation – driving the car, raking leaves, washing dishes, cleaning a room, or going for a walk.

How do you keep open communication with your kids?

Thanks for joining in to build assets in your kids! I look forward to seeing you again next month for Positively Speaking.

Kelly Curtis is a Wisconsin school counselor and author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things. To read more about Kelly, please visit her Weblog, Pass the Torch or follow her on Twitter.

Positively Speaking
Building Assets in your Kids

by Kelly Curtis, M.S., author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things.

We see many rites of passage as our children grow: first playdate, first day of school, first slumber party away from home. I think you get the picture. In our family, our most recent transition has been first Facebook account and much discussion and planning occurred before our 13-year-old finally gained access to the wonderful world of Facebook, including a written contract.

You can read our Facebook contract for parents of teenagers here.

Search Institute has identified Family Boundaries as one of the 40 Developmental Assets. Research shows these are characteristics of healthy, caring, resilient kids. The more assets youth have, the more likely they’ll resist risky behaviors in the future.

As our children get older, we believe we will use written contracts quite often – our kids want something, and parents want a certain behavior. It’s a perfect combination, and facilitates communication.

While preteens and teenagers may nod their heads respectfully when we communicate expectations verbally, a written contract eliminates any misunderstandings. Confusing language can be addressed and changed prior to signing the contract, so both parties start from the same point.

TIPS FOR WRITING CONTRACTS

Use positive language – focusing on what to do, rather than what not to do is a more effective way of communicating in general. Our minds naturally focus on the action word, so we often ignore the “no” or “not” that’s in front of it.

Decide what you really want – trying to meet too many goals in a contract will doom it to fail. For our contract, the overall goal was “safety”, so we tried to focus most of our language toward that end.

Collaborate with your child – asking your child to help write the contract will make it more feasible for him or her to be successful, while still maintaining the integrity of it.

Establish consequences – make it clear that if your child doesn’t uphold the contract, the consequences will be enforced. Typically the consequence is simply removing the privilege the contract allows.

Provide feedback while the contract is in force – ongoing conversation about responsibility related to the privilege is key in helping kids to maintain excellent behavior. Mention it, when you notice they’re making good choices, and gently refer to the contract if you see something that makes you think they might be struggling with it.

My daughter has been using her new Facebook account for more than two months now, enjoys it a lot and stays within the boundaries we set together. Her ability to show us responsibility in the realm of Facebook gives us confidence that she’ll also be successful with the next contract we create with her – for whatever reason we need one.

How will you use written contracts with your kids? What works for you?

Thanks for joining in to build assets in your kids! I look forward to seeing you again next month for Positively Speaking.

Kelly Curtis is a Wisconsin school counselor and author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things. To read more about Kelly, please visit her Weblog, Pass the Torch or follow her on Twitter.

Positively Speaking
Building Assets in your Kids

by Kelly Curtis, M.S., author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things.

It’s that time of year again — time for New Year’s Resolutions!

Whether your resolutions are related to healthy eating, getting in shape, better communication or safer driving, the concept was always the same – setting goals.

But goals shouldn’t be set by Mom and Dad alone. There are many reasons to involve kids in the process as well.

Search Institute has identified Personal power as one of the 40 Developmental Assets. Research shows these are characteristics of healthy, caring, resilient kids. The more assets youth have, the more likely they’ll resist risky behaviors in the future.

Setting small goals — and achieving them — can go a long way toward building important assets like self-esteem, and planning and decision-making. But personal power resonates with me because of the way it empowers the child.

My family leads a very hectic life, and every year I set my own goals related to making our family function to the best of its ability. I share my personal goals with my kids and ask them to think of resolutions they might set for themselves, as well as what they could do to help me reach my goals.

This year, I’m resolving to be more intentional with discipline, so I’ll encourage my children to also set goals that will align with my resolve.

The Challenge
Share your goals with your kids. Then ask them what goals they have for themselves. Encourage them to brainstorm what they need to do to reach the goal, and how you can help.

Then, if you would, please come back and tell us your results!

Thanks for joining in to build assets in your kids! I look forward to seeing you again next month for Positively Speaking.

Kelly Curtis is a Wisconsin school counselor and author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things. To read more about Kelly, please visit her Weblog, Pass the Torch or follow her on Twitter.

Positively Speaking
Building Assets in your Kids

by Kelly Curtis, M.S., author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things.

It’s the season of giving and there’s no better time to include your children in kind and caring acts. Food drives and non-profit fundraising abound during the holidays, but there are also virtually limitless ways to give that won’t cost your family a cent.

Search Institute has identified Caring as one of the 40 Developmental Assets. Research shows these are characteristics of healthy, caring, resilient kids. The more assets youth have, the more likely they’ll resist risky behaviors in the future.

No matter which way your family chooses to give this holiday season, there are many ways to offer a caring hand in your community. Most giving can be done in a way that empowers children to take a part.

TIME
While some families wince at the idea of committing one more minute of the holiday season, others may find that giving their time is the most heartwarming way to do so.

My husband and son served as bell-ringers for the Salvation Army this year, and I’m certain they’ll do it again. My son thanked a man who put money in his kettle, and the man said, “No, thank you for standing out here in the cold ringing the bell.” We all have a part to play in charity.

Here are a few more ways your family can give the gift of time:

• Help sort toys for the Secret Santa program. The Salvation Army is usually a good place to start.
• Work at the food pantry, clothing station or community Christmas meal.
• Partner with the school or community agency to help sponsor a coat drive, food drive, or hat and mitten tree.
• Commit to click! “Click to donate” sites just require a mouse and some screen time.
• Many organizations help to partner volunteers with those in need,. The Smart Givers Network is one Website that can point young volunteers in the right direction.

TALENTS
Perhaps you have a unique ability that can be put to use this holiday season. Christmas offers plenty of opportunities for showcasing your talents for the good of others.

Consider these avenues for giving your talents:

• Bake goodies to give to the local soup kitchen, military troops, or fundraiser.
• Read stories to children at the homeless shelter, or help kids make gifts for their parents at a holiday bazaar for low-income families.
• Form a choir and sing Christmas carols at the nursing home or hospital.
• Donate artwork or photography to a silent auction benefiting a cause you believe in.
• Help an elderly neighbor to decorate her Christmas tree.
• Wrap gifts at a craft fair to raise money for a charity you care about.
• Consider other talents that don’t relate to the holidays. Tutoring or coaching young athletes may be a way for your family can give back to the community year-round.

TREASURE
Sometimes the easiest way to give is to donate your treasure (if you have some to spare!) There are ways to make meaningful giving a family affair.

Give your stuff.
GoodWill and local second-hand shops always welcome your tax-deductible castaway items, but you may also consider earmarking a few items for someone specific you’ve met at on a missionary trip, or when you visited the homeless shelter. Disaster relief drives and homeless shelters are usually looking for gently-used clothing as well.

Buy a toy.
The benefit of Toys for Tots or Secret Santa is that children get to shop for a child in need. This kind of giving offers a very tangible option that appeals to children. Families can find ways for children to participate in the purchase of the items as well, using chores or allowance.

Stretch your dollar.
As a family, you can decide how much money you’d like to give, and determine how the kids can contribute to that amount. The family can agree on one charity, or split the donation. And look for “matching gift” drives to stretch your donation. These are often offered through employers or during a telethon. Charities like Heifer International focus on sustainability as well, which is a good lesson for kids.

Spread the giving throughout the year.
Perhaps you tithe with your church, or sponsor a child through Compassion International. Whether or not it’s a written contract, your family can choose to make a goal for sharing your financial treasures every month. Consider your county’s animal shelter, wildlife refuge and church missions as well.

No matter how you contribute, your family’s charitable giving will pay dividends down the road, in ways we may not even know. With so many ways to give this holiday season, which will your family choose?

Thanks for joining in to build assets in your kids! I look forward to seeing you again next month for Positively Speaking.

Kelly Curtis is a Wisconsin school counselor and author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things. To read more about Kelly, please visit her Weblog, Pass the Torch or follow her on Twitter.

Positively Speaking
Building Assets in your Kids

by Kelly Curtis, M.S., author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things.

(Book giveaway guidelines at the end of article.)

Can you identify what sparks interest in your child? Do you know what activity “lights him up?” In the teenage years, sparks are often related to creative arts, athletics and academics. As children, the interests may be simple, but the passion can last for years. My son started collecting agates at about age five, and his rockhound ways are still going strong.

Peter Benson’s inspiring book, Sparks: How Parents Can Ignite the Hidden Strengths of Teenagers explains ways to nurture sparks in young people. A survey shared in the book described the percentage of kids who say their parents nurture their spark.

• 91% of 10-12 year olds
• 67% of 13-15-year olds
• 47% of 16-18 year olds

It seems we consistently nurture preteen sparks, but fade away as they get older. Some of this decline is probably due to the fact kids reach out to other sources of encouragement as they get older. But this is an alarming statistic, if we haven’t help our kids to cultivate other adult spark champions in their lives.

Search Institute has identified Other adult relationships and Sense of purpose as two of the 40 Developmental Assets. Research shows these are characteristics of healthy, caring, resilient kids. The more assets youth have, the more likely they’ll resist risky behaviors in the future.

HELP IDENTIFY THE SPARKS YOU SEE

Simple, open-ended questions in normal conversation encourage kids to recognize the things in life that inspire them. For my son, this was simply the act of listening to him while he showed us the ten incredible rocks he just found on the shoreline.

Try this:

• “Tell me more about that.”
• “I’ve never heard of that – how does it work?” or
• “Where did you learn about it? Where could we learn more?”

Paving the way for what sparks your child’s interest can lead to inspiring outcomes. That’s how Bookworm Wednesday was born, and promoting this project has become a significant and positive part of my daughter’s life. Last week, she spoke about this spark at the Healthy Communities/Healthy Youth conference in Cincinnati.

ESTABLISH OTHER ADULT SPARK CHAMPIONS

You can’t be the expert at everything that ignites your child’s interest, but you can help her find a person who is. Spark champions can be coaches, teachers, church youth group mentors, neighbors or extended family members. Simple comments tell your child you’re listening and get him thinking about other people what might be great resources to pursue a spark.

Try this:

• “Have you ever thought about taking guitar lessons?”
• “Basketball signup is due next week. Are you going to join this year?”
• “Uncle Eric has a rock cutter. Maybe we should go visit him!”

In an ideal world, while someone else is nurturing your child’s spark, you’re nurturing another’s.

OVERCOME SPARK ROADBLOCKS

When you know your child’s interests, and it seems like the “spark’s gone dark”, talk to her about it. You might be able to help her work around a small obstacle. My son loved serving as crossing guard and one day he told me he’d quit. When I asked him what happened, he wanted to “blow it off” at first. Finally he explained there were only two vests and the other guards were getting them first. In his non-confrontational nature, he just bowed out.

I mentioned it to the paraprofessional in charge of the crossing guards and she was glad I’d told her – she thought he just didn’t want to do it anymore. They found a third vest and he’s been on-duty ever since. (This woman has since become a significant “spark champion” for my son in all leadership pursuits in school.)

PURSUE YOUR OWN SPARKS

Whether your passion is knitting or writing or riding horses, it’s healthy for your kids to witness you pursuing what’s important to you. What I enjoy most at this time in my life is my kids and their passions, but I also love photography, so I make sure my kids see me making time for it as well.

THE CHALLENGE

Every child has a spark, but it’s not always easy to identify. My challenge to you is to start this conversation. My daughter’s sparks are reading, writing, public speaking and leadership. My son’s sparks are rocks, math, chess and service to others. You can even visit @15.com to use an online tool to help your teenager identify his or her sparks.

I will be giving away one copy of Sparks: How Parents Can Ignite the Hidden Strengths of Teenagers to a reader here, selected randomly on Friday evening, November 13. Just answer this question in comments: What are your child’s sparks?

Thanks for joining in to build assets in your kids! I look forward to seeing you again next month for Positively Speaking.

UPDATE: Random.org generated comment #2 as the winner. Congratulations Margaret! Please send me your address and I’ll ship the book to you!

Kelly Curtis is a Wisconsin school counselor and author of Empowering Youth: How to Encourage Young Leaders to Do Great Things. To read more about Kelly, please visit her Weblog, Pass the Torch or follow her on Twitter.