5 Minutes for Books: What Happy Parents Do
“Big trouble,” I say to Terry raising my eyebrows.
He grins, “Yeah, I know,” he acknowledges.
Terry had left the garage door open on a night that was below freezing (because of the way we park our cars, we have to close it once he’s already in the house). Not only does that make our morning commute a little chilly as we wait for our cars to heat up, but as we had learned from my unfortunate mistake earlier that month, it can freeze the pipes to our kitchen that run through the garage.
See — I am the designated mistake-maker in the house. You know, the one who forgets to pay the bill that’s due. Or runs out of checks so that no one can pay any bills until we receive our rush-delivery re-order. The one who dings up the cars, and the one who leaves the garage open and freezes the pipes.
However, because I am a stay-at-home mom, I’m also the one who deals with these problems: putting space heaters in the (now-closed) garage to thaw out the pipes, taking the car to the shop for repairs, and delivering last-minute payments.
Terry is very understanding and supportive, but the difference in our personalities gets to him sometimes when my careless errors happen in close proximity, or if he just happens to be in a bad mood. It makes me feel like the bad teenager.
On the rare occasions when Terry made the kind of mistake that resulted in a financial or time inconvenience for us, I would remain calm as I reminded him, “You know, if I had done the same thing, I would be in big trouble.” Now years later, the code has gotten shortened to those two words. Either of us can utter “big trouble,” and it diffuses any frustration that either of us might be feeling.
Using humor, and specifically code words to remind us of certain situations, is one of our “loving rituals” that keeps us close and connected.
What Happy Parents Do by Carol Bruess and Anna Kudak is full of “The Loving Rituals of a Child-Proof Marriage.”
When I first received it, I thought I thought it was like a little greeting card shop sort of book — pretty, colorful, but sort of fluffy. As I read it, I found out I was wrong. Yes, it’s pretty, with a colorful cover and interior pages as well. Yes, it comes with a yellow ribbon bookmark, perfect for marking your place as you page through it, and yes, it would make a perfect little gift, but I did not find it fluffy at all.
In fact, it’s not the sort of thing that I could read in one sitting. This book contains 50 ideas and stories from 50 parents about that little something that keeps them focused on their marriage in the midst of raising their children. Then the authors make an application from that story that each of us can use in our marriages.
For example, one couple shares that they both share a love of fine coffee, and whenever they are indulging (less frequently than in pre-kid days), the wife will think “We’re real people again. I’m drinking coffee with a grown-up that I’m married to!” Then the authors challenge us to make an effort to do the little things that make us feel good, that will then cause the goodness to spill back out to our children.
As I said, this would make a great new baby gift, for parents of a first or a fourth child. It’s the kind of book that would look great on a bedside table, or even in the baby’s room — allowing you and your partner to read and discuss an idea or two anytime you have a few minutes.
The beauty of this book is not in the originality of the ideas, but in the sense of community that it engenders. Once we become parents, we often lose our sense of couple-ness, but reading these stories reminds us of others who are as overwhelmed and disconnected as we are, or who are fighting that inevitability as hard as they can!
Would you like to win one of three copies of What Happy Parents Do? Leave a comment here. If you’d like, tell us one of your loving little rituals.
The first 5 Minutes for Books newsletter is coming out this week. Don’t miss it. Sign up now.
The five winners of last week’s book, Taking Care of Your Girls, are:
#77 Heather C.
#31 Michael Capp
#37 Denise
#9 Green Jello
#25 Jenn S.
122 Comments
Sounds like a good read for me.
I would love to win this book! DH and I try to have a weekly night to ourselves to watch a movie and indulge in a delicious dessert together after our toddler is in bed.
we exercise together
Sounds like a such a neat book- with lots of ideas! You can never have too many inspiring ideas:)
We try to surprise each other. I plan dinners to surround my husband with the people he loves. He thoughtfully selects books for me and has them delivered to the house.
would love this book! Always need more ideas!
Love it. Thanx for telling us about it.
We’ve never had a baby sitter and I find it very hard for my husband and I to be “connected adults”. Everything around me relates to kids. We tried having date nights at home after the kids went to bed. That was ok, but frankly, I was the one putting effort into it and my husband reaps the reward.
A few years ago, my husband and I went away for the weekend while his parents came to visit and kept the kids. I cried and cried the last day because I didn’t want it to end.
I miss the connection we had pre-kids. Things have changed. They aren’t bad. They just aren’t as spontaneously fun.
I’m interested in the book. I have no helpful ideas at the moment.
We could definitely use help in the trying to be married as well as parents department! Sign me up!
We do lots as a family but don’t do a lot for each other lately…with two already, another on on the way and two full time jobs…its hard to set aside time for the two of us. Sure looks like a good book to help us get there!
I’d like to check this one out!
Great giveaway. Hubby and I could use some tips.
I think that my relationship with my husband would really benefit from reading this book.
I love the topic of this book. It is something that would be of great benefit in our home right now. Thanks for the chance to win.
My parents taught is their girls me included that is important to spend time togther and do little things for each other…
This sounds like a great book that I could snatch some good ideas out of. My husband and I love to go to his old college’s football games. He went to a pretty big school…so it’s a fun atmosphere that helps us feel “young” again and get that old college feeling. : )
Looks like a great book, thank!
Well, my husband and I have this secret addiction to kid cereals. You know, the really “bad” ones, but our all-time favorite is Cocoa Krispies. If one of us has had a really bad day, the other might show up with a box of cereal. Yes, I know..food…stress…all that together is bad. But for us, a box of chocolate cereal is way better than any ole flowers could ever be!
Our ritual is to have an in-house Date Night each Week. It’s on our schedules, after the kids are in bed, a good cup of coffee and dessert together. Sometimes we read together, sometimes we talk, usually we snuggle, sometimes we watch something together. We both look forward to it all weekend (it’s on Monday) and all day long. Saves us money, but we still get our time together each week. Thanks for entering me!!
love to win a copy of this
My marriage could greatly benefit from this!
Please pick me. It sounds like this is a book I could really use.
The hubby and I like to play games. Usually just a hand of cards, though sometimes we get wild and break out the Wii. It always makes us laugh, which is our favorite thing to do together.
I can’t think of anything, so I probably need to read this book soon!
What an awesome idea! After much “life” in a short amount of time, my brain is lacking creativity when it comes to ideas on how to spend time nurturing my marriage! Wahoo! Thanks for a great resource!
We lie (lay?) in bed and cuddle and talk in the morning, it is sometimes the only time we have to ourselves the whole day.
I for sure need this book! Thank you for the chance to win!
Thursday night is our “tv-date” night. After we put our baby to bed at 8 p.m., we snuggle on the couch and watch our two favorite TV shows together.
We send text messages to connect during the day.
My husband always makes mocha lattes for us to enjoy on Sat. and Sun. mornings. It is a wonderful treat and we enjoy that time together
heatherlbrandt (at) verizon (dot) net
would love to read these and get some ideas
- we have date night at night- picnics in the lr
Sounds like a good read
My husband calls me on his breaks just to see how our son and I are doing. My husband and I could definitely use this book. Thanks for the chance.
Sounds like a great book.
Seems to be a great book. Would love to win.
i’d be nice if i could become a happy parent
Love to win!
We always kiss each other good bye in the morning and hello at the end of the day.
Our marriage is sort of dry at the moment. I don’t know if we do any of these things together. Uh oh!
I’m not a parent, but I would love to give this to a friend!
Great Blog! We enjoy What Happy Couples Do website and mention them often in our own Caffection blog (now also a website for happily ‘caffected’ couples) You have a super blog, keep up the good work.
Caffectionately yours, Mariah & Byron
I would love to read this book.
we bake together every week and i read to lily every night
I would love to win these books! After 2 children my husband and I have lost any alone time for each other and I would love to read up on how to get it back without feeling guilty.
I snuggle up with my twin boys on the couch.
This would be perfect for my family! We have been trying to reunite as a couple for months now and the progress is good but I want to keep it up! Thanks!
any ideas are great ideas!
We find funny things to read to each other.
We read before bedtime.
This sounds like a great book! Thanks!!
I’d love to win this. One of my loving rituals is before I leave my children we always say “I love you high as the sky, and as deep as the ocean.” If I’m busy and I forget my son always tells me, “Mommy, what about the ocean?” It reminds me to stop a minute.