Comments on: How do I help my preschooler beat separation anxiety?

By: Melanie

Melanie — Mon, 07 May 2012 14:32:45 +0000

I am facing the exact issues as you Susan. But I can’t remember if I had the same seperation anxiety as a child. My daughter is 4 years and 4 months old. We have never been seperated since birth. She is not only afraid to be by herself in school but she is afraid of all people in general especially younger children. No one can talk or approach her including her grandparents and relatives. I am sitting down here now writing while she is screaming and wailing in the classroom. It hurts so bad. I pray that she can one day overcome her fear once and for all. She will be going to kindergarten in September and it scares me.

By: Mary

Mary — Thu, 13 May 2010 14:48:20 +0000

My 2.5 year old girl has changed for the worse since i put her into pre-school 1 month ago. She used to be so sociable and confident but since pre-school she has become extra clingy and very emotional. She won’t let me leave her sight and cries if i leave to go to the bathroom. She has grown attached to one of the teachers and just follows her around all day instead of playing with the other kids. I really hope she starts enjoying school soon because it breaks my heart to see her so upset. She only goes 1 day per week. How long does it usually take for kids to start enjoying pre-school.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Sat, 17 Apr 2010 05:56:04 +0000

I agree with the first commenter that not all 3-yr-old’s are ready for preschool. I have twin boys, and one of them started his separation anxiety at 10 mos old and it didn’t let up until he was 4 years old. I couldn’t even leave him at Sunday School. It started out as crying attacks when he was younger, then just extreme anxiety when he got a little older. After he turned 4 it was like he flipped a switch and now he is fine. I have been taking them to Sunday School and classes at our children’s museum and he is doing absolutely great. I know he is now ready for kindergarten in the fall. The main thing is that I don’t think I did anything to help him get over it. Making him go definitely did not help him get over it…he went when he was ready.

By: april

april — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 20:09:30 +0000

I need help! I do not know what to do. We have a 27 mos old daughter who has never been without me or her father since she was born, besides my mother and my in-laws. We tried to put our daughter into a pre-school type setting in november at 24 mos, so that she could socilize with children her age and learn to be without me. We started out 2 days a week for 2 hours. The first week was a disaster. She screamed the entire time and wanted to be held by the teacher. The teachers assured me this was normal for a child who has never been without his or her parents. Okay the second week..Worse! and so on. It did not get better. Her entire personality changed. She started crying every second I would leave the room and would not go to anyone! My husband insisted she not go back and of course I agreed. We recently have hired a Nanny agency and finally after several interview and try-outs found someone who we trust and feel that is a great fit for our daughter. I had her come to our home and meet our daughter and play with her when I was in the home. My daughter would not go for that. The Nanny came back the next day and she thought it was a good idea if my husband and I left the home for a few hours to see how she would do. She cried herself to sleep, and when we returned to started crying. We have to make a decision on whether to hire this nanny while I work fo my husband 25 hours a week. I do not know what to do!!! Am I making a mistake by not letting her get used to someone else??? Can anyone relate??

By: hannah

hannah — Sun, 21 Mar 2010 02:44:26 +0000

my child had too seperation isuues growing up but the teacher reassured me after i left she was fine……now she is 11 years old. she still gets very tense somtimes but it is about different things….homework,tests,grades..i try to telll her thet it is important to be sereouse about those kinds of things but not to get too worked up….what can i do to help her?

By: leigh

leigh — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 19:57:11 +0000

Iam having a serious problem letting go of my 31/2 year old girl. we are in the process of moving and she will be starting junior kindergarden Sept 2010, She has always been with me or the father and grandparents, i have never needed to enrol her in daycare! I have been trying to talk about school with her, about all the fun stuff she be doing and she’s fine with it once iam there. when i tell her school is for kids and mommy is too big, but i’ll be there to pick you up in a little while she starts to cry and say she doesnt want to go to school. She is so bright, she knows all the colours you can think of, shapes counts and know the alphabet . i even do adding and subtracting with her at home, but the thought of school and me leaving her causes so much crying that it gives me anxiety?? pls help

By: Mely

Mely — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 21:30:44 +0000

It breaks my heart to hear about Julia’s anxiety. Some things to try are giving her a picture of yourself so that she can look at it when she misses you. Reading “The Kissing Hand” will also help her anxiety. Another thing to try is not allow her to see you sad when you leave her in school. The last sentence is the most difficult one to do, but if all fails, then keep her from school for another year. It’s true that sometimes children are just not developmentally ready for school. But it seems like Julia is beginning to overcome that obstacle. Congratulations Julia!

By: Javier

Javier — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 02:20:08 +0000

What I want to know is what the proffesionals say we as parents should do to deal with our children’s severe separation anxiety. I’m a single father and my daughter is 2 years old, will be turning 3 in April and I have the same fear of “torturing” her when she enters kindergarten. her separation anxiety is so extreme that at church she will not go to the kids’ playroom unless I go with her and sit there all day long. I have tried leaving the room and she starts crying uncontrolably and no one is able to calm her down until I walk in the room again.

By: Carmen

Carmen — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 18:57:08 +0000

Dana:
I’m going through the same thing. My daughter threw up today. She has been with my mother all day long since she was born. Her anxiaty started about 4 weeks ago on night I went out with her father. All the sudden she does not want to stay with her sis who she adores and now she cryes for me even with my mother. i’m desperate, It hurts to see my child going thru this emotions…she is fine when i’m around. What is going on???

By: Dana

Dana — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 16:55:58 +0000

I just removed my daughter from preschool (or rather, the preschool strongly suggested I remove her) for the exact same problem. She loved to go for the first two weeks, and I thought I was finally going to get that tiny little break I’ve been dying for. Preschool seemed like a godsend. Then for no apparent reason, she started having anxiety when I left. It escalated to the point that she threw up and stood by the door retching until I came back to get her. I tried going for a week with her and staying the whole time, and she was just fine – engaged with the kids, participated in the activities. But when I tried to leave her again, same thing with the throwing up and screaming, only worse. I tried leaving for just a minute at a time to work up to being gone longer, but she immediately freaked out when I even stood up to go so we couldn’t ever get to that point. I finally had to pull her out.

She has been going to a nanny one day a week so I can work, and now she’s having that same reaction when I drop her off at the nanny’s. This is a person she’s known all her life and someone she absolutely adores. A couple of weeks ago when she went to bed, she asked for the nanny! But now all of a sudden, she’s freaking out when I leave her there too.

I don’t mean to sound like a bad mother, but I desperately NEEEEED a minute to myself so I can get things done. She has been such a needy child all her life that I literally have a hard time even getting housework done. I manage my husband’s dental office (from home, which isn’t an easy task) AND I run my own business from home as well. I’d love to say that it’s an option to just hire other people to do that stuff, but it’s not. I’m doing them out of sheer necessity and without it, we can’t survive financially. My parents keep insisting I find a daycare, but how would a daycare be any different from preschool or any better than one-on-one with a nanny?

So, so frustrated – sitting here in tears after just dropping Ella off at the nanny’s and listening to her scream for me as I left.