Comments on: Positively Speaking — Family Boundaries Part 2

By: Pass the Torch

Pass the Torch — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 03:11:49 +0000

Great responses to this post, everyone. Thanks so much for chiming in. It’s such an important discussion.

By: Michele McHenry

Michele McHenry — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 17:06:39 +0000

Oh, gosh. I chat way too much.
Sorry!

By: Michele McHenry

Michele McHenry — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 17:06:05 +0000

Great advice for all parents to educate themselves with! Thank you!

My favorite thing is to make them think. “Convince me why this is a good idea or a good reason to have this, go there, or act in a particular manner” I would ask questions to get their minds learning.

It always seemed to make them stop and rationalize with me. (My son is now king of debates) And my kids would go to great lengths to find out the answers, especially when they wanted to prove me wrong.

Like for instance, I told my son about scabies being a STD. He disagreed vehemently. Can you prove me wrong? So he learned not only that it is, but, he found out all kinds of information on the subject just trying to answer that one question. So, now he knows that just necking..can cause all kinds of problems you won’t want.

Then you ask, is this the outcome you want to have happen?”

I wanted them learned how to know what the consequences are before they jumped into the water or did not brush thier teeth. It is only a couple minutes of your time. Sometimes depending on the subject, a day or too…but, it saves those uncomfortable couple minutes or days you would most likely end up fighting and arguing about anyway.

There are times, now that they are older…when they come to me with a problems and I start to ask questions on how their “problems” got started and what are the ways to fix it. They get mad sometimes. They say they just want me to comfort them and feel for them…not try to come up with the solutions!

My daughter was so upset about something one day, and I was going through all the ways it could be fixed and she cried and said “can’t you just feel bad for my situation and not try to solve it at the moment! I just want my MOM!” So…I guess I have to be sensitive and not alwasy “fix or find a solution” that moment or ask any questions…just love and comfort them like moms do, and worry about solving the problem later when they are ready. She actually said “can you stop being a business woman for two minutes and be a mom!” I felt horrible. But, she asked me the question that lead me to the consequence I wanted to have, and that was..I wanted to be the mom who loves and comforts above any thing else, first..then we can work together to fix it.

so, now I make sure they are ready for the questions and finding out the answers and consequences before I just jump in with a question.

This tecnique, that my mom taught me and brought me up with, teaches not only the kids…but, the parents as well.

By: Jill T. (The Well-Read Child)

Jill T. (The Well-Read Child) — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 03:30:16 +0000

Wow…great post with very useful information. My daughter is still a baby, so we haven’t reached this stage yet. However, I’ve heard great things about Parenting with Love and Logic and know that I’ll probably be needing to use it sooner than I think. I used to be a teacher and found that many of these same techniques worked with my students. Turning negatives into positives, giving kids choices, and treating them with respect is much more effective and builds confidence.

By: Janice (5 Minutes for Mom)

Janice (5 Minutes for Mom) — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 02:30:38 +0000

Great ideas Kelly – thank you! I love Parenting with Love and Logic – it is fantastic!

By: Holly Schwendiman

Holly Schwendiman — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 00:33:01 +0000

I wish it were easier to remember to say yes over no more of the time but it definitely makes a difference for me when I focus on doing that. I also noticed behaviors in my daughter that I know are a reflection of how she feels she is treated by mom and dad. Sometimes that’s a big “Ouch” pill to swallow but worth working on as well.

Hugs,
Holly

By: Pass The Torch » Positively Speaking - Family Boundaries

Pass The Torch » Positively Speaking - Family Boundaries — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 22:15:15 +0000

[...] Positively Speaking column for December has been published at 5 Minutes for Mom. It’s part two in a discussion about [...]

By: Susan

Susan — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 20:31:37 +0000

I can’t say enough great things about “Parenting With Love and Logic”. Several months ago Kelly wrote about this book and I purchased it and the Love and Logic one for toddlers. I love them both so much!!!

Thank you Kelly!!!!!

By: Sara

Sara — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 18:39:10 +0000

Great advice…I love the alternatives that you use! I’ll be incorporating them around here! Thanks!

By: Kathryn

Kathryn — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 16:06:50 +0000

The positive statements thing is something I need to work on. Ironic considering how much I stress the power of words to my children, but I still catch myself being negative in my responses. “I will talk with you when your voice sounds like mine” is great in theory. But we have a drama family, and I’m liable to get a mock instead of a tone change .

By: melody is slurping life

melody is slurping life — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 15:18:03 +0000

Good post. I pretty much handle parenting this way, and I like the “find a way to say yes” statements you’ve posted.

By: Sue

Sue — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 12:02:47 +0000

Great advice and input, thanks!!!

Sue

By: kajun36 » Positively Speaking — Family Boundaries Part 2

kajun36 » Positively Speaking — Family Boundaries Part 2 — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 09:37:33 +0000

[...] Check it out! While looking through the blogosphere we stumbled on an interesting post today.Here’s a quick excerptPositively Speaking — Family Boundaries Part 2Written by Kelly [IMG Kelly Curtis - Professional speaker, writer and counselor]*** Monthly Feature Column *** Positively Speaking Building Assets in your Kids November – Asset #11, Family Boundaries by Kelly Curtis from Pass the Torch In last month’s Positively Speaking column I introduced a discussion about family boundaries and the impact they can play in child behavior. I regularly have the opportunity to witness master teachers at work, s [...]